Recovery

IT’S REALLY ME!

BEEN MEANING 2 WRITE 2 U 4EVER & RESPOND 2 YOUR LAST EMAIL. JUST BEEN CRAZY, BECAUUSE I’M ON THE COMP. A WHOLE LOT LESS NOW…IT’S A GOOD THING, JUST HARDER 2 DO WHAT I SET OUT 2 DO IN A DAY, SINCE I MAY NOT HAVE A CHANCE 2 RESPOND 2 EMAILS, ETC. DOESN’T HELP 2 BE SOOO SLOW!

I’VE HIT A NEW PHASE IN MY RECOVERY: I CRAVE FAMILY TIME. & W/THE KIDS GETTING BIGGER, NOT ONLY CAN I SIGN MORE, & BE UNDERSTOOD, 2 A DEGREE, BY MY ENTIRE FAM., BUT THE KIDS R MORE ABLE 2 HELP ME W/THE SIMPLE TASKS THAT MY CAREGIVER USUALLY DOES, MAKING FAMILY TIME US MORE POSS. 4 ME.

BUT, MY PREVIOUS STAGE WAS ISOLATION, SO I BUILT UP HOW I DO THINGS & RESPOND VIA EMAIL, ETC. I HAD A ROUTINE. IT’S TOUGH 2 FIND A NEW BALANCE, & I’M STILL TRYING 2 MAKE UP FOR 2 LOST YRS. AFTER MY STROKE. BUT I’VE TRIED 2 SIMPLIFY, 2 WHAT MATTERS MOST, SO I CAN AFFORD FAMILY TIMES & TRIPS. THE TRICK IS 2 LEAVE APPROPRIATE TIME 4 MYSELF (IE. AN HOUR ALONE SEEMS GOOD, BUT JUST GIVES ME TIME 2 READ EMAILS SENT 2 ME—THE EQUIVALENT OF ANY1 ELSE GETTING THE MESSAGES OFF THEIR ANSWERING MACHINE…BUT, IT OFTEN DOESN’T GIVE ME TIME 2 ANSWER THOSE EMAILS/CALLS. IT CAN MAKE ME VERY HARD 2 GET A HOLD OF, I CAN PLAN LESS 4 THINGS, ETC. BUT WITHOUT TIME 4 ME, I RISK DEPRESSION.

IT HELPS THAT I CUT MY HAIR (I HANDLE OUTSIDE BETTER–IT GAVE ME MORE FEEDOM) & THAT I CAN SIGN MORE (EVEN FIA GETS SMALL WORDS, & SHORT SENTENCES). IT HELPS TONS 2 HAVE LESS 2 TYPE.

I START MY DAY OFFICIALLY AT ABOUT 8/9 AM, ON THE AVERAGE (NOT COUNTING GETTING READY, ETC.). I CONSIDER MY TYPING DAY DONE AT 3 PM (2DAY IT WAS UNTIL 1 PM, SINCE I HAD THERAPY), 2 BE THE KID’S MOM. NOT THAT I WASN’T B4, BUT I’M MORE INVOLVED. SOME DAYS, I GET EXTRA TIME AFTER 5 PM, BUT IT’S A BONUS IF I TYPE AFTER 3. IT’S VERY DECEPTIVE, THOUGH, BECAUSE I TYPE 2 DISCIPLINE, TYPE STORIES THAT FIA DICTATES, INSTANT MESSAGE OR EMAIL THEM, ETC. IT’S OBVIOUS IF I HELP THEM CLEAN, READ W/THEM, OR PLAY OUTSIDE. BUT, I NEVER KNOW WHEN I’LL NEED 2 PUT ASIDE MY TYPING, IN ORDER 2 RESOLVE A SIBLING ARGUEMENT, OR SPEND TIME AS A FAM., SO MY EMAILS R VERY SPORADIC & IT MAKES ME VERY BUSY!

MY BODY

I USE A LOT OF HUMOR 2 DEAL W/THINGS, SO HERE’S SOMETHING U MAY ENJOY:

MY KIDS & I WERE PLAYING A GAME (“APPLES 2 APPLES”) A LONG TIME AGO. IT WAS MY TURN 2 SHARE A WORD. THEIR JOB WAS 2 DEFINE THE WORD THE BEST THEY COULD, W/THE CARDS IN HAND (THE CARDS HAD WORDS), BUT THE TRICK WAS 2 DEFINE IT, SO I WOULD PICK THEIR DEFINITION. MY WORD WAS “BODY.” MOST WOULD BE HORRIFIED BY HOW MY SON CHOSE 2 DEFINE IT: “USELESS.” BUT I DOUBLED OVER LAUGHING & PICKED HIS DEFINITION!

MY STROKE IS A BLESSING & A CURSE. I THINK MANY C THE CURSE, BUT FEW C THE BLESSING. I EVEN HAD A CHOICE IN HOW I SAW IT.

IT’S LIKE WHEN U SEND A CHILD 2 COLLEGE & LOOK BACK AT YRS. GONE BY. SURE, U MISS “THE GOOD OL’ DAYS.” BUT U R GRATEFUL 4 THE EXPERIENCES U HAD IN “THE GOOD OL’ DAYS.”

LATER, THAT CHILD BLESSES U W/GRANDKIDS, & U R AGAIN GRATEFUL 4 “THE GOOD OL’ DAYS.” U R ALSO GRATEFUL 4 WHAT KNOWLEDGE U HAVE OF “THE GOOD OL’ DAYS”-IT MAKES U APPRECIATE THE CHILDREN MORE, & U HAVE LEARNED 2 TREASURE SMALL THINGS, LIKE A CHILD ON YOUR LAP 4 STORIES, & U SLOW DOWN & TRULY PLAY–U GET DRESSED UP & HAVE A TEA PARTY.

IT IS LIKE THAT: SURE, I MISS “THE GOOD OL’ DAYS.” BUT, NEVER AGAIN WILL I UNDER-APPRECIATE SIMPLE THINGS LIKE TALKING (I AM LEARNING), OR THE SIMPLE TASK OF TURNING ON A LIGHT SWITCH. MY BODY “LEFT 4 COLLEGE,” IF U WILL, & IN A SEASON, I BELIEVE IT WILL RETURN. IN THE MEANTIME, I HAVE HAD A CHANCE THAT MANY YOUNG MOM’S MAY NEVER HAVE: I CHERISH THE TIMES THEY SIT ON MY LAP & READ 2 ME, WE PLAY ON THE COMP. 2GETHER, I ROCK AT PLAYING THE GAME “RED ROVER”, RIDE BIKES (I COME FULLY EQUIPPED), GIVE WAGON RIDES, PLAY BASEBALL, DRESS UP, , HAVE “TEA” PARTIES, & MORE. NOTHING, OF COURSE, IS HOW “TRADITIONAL” MOMS DO IT, & I MAY NEED HELP (LIKE MY HUSBAND, MK, FIGURED OUT HOW 2 ATTACH A WAGON 2 ME), BUT I’VE HEARD MY KIDS SAY, DESPITE EVERYTHING, “I’M GLAD I HAVE A MOM” & “AT LEAST (U) CAN STILL DO FUN STUFF.”

MY BODY IS A GIFT. SURE, WE LAUGH ABOUT HOW I “DIDN’T NEED THAT (BODY PART) ANYWAY,” BUT MY BODY IS SLOWLY “COMING BACK FROM COLLEGE.” & JUST AS OTHERS CAN MORE FULLY APPRECIATE THEIR GRANDKIDS, I CAN MORE FULLY APPRECIATE HAVING A BODY, BEING A YOUNG MOM, & THE EFFORTS THAT GO INTO SIMPLE TASKS, LIKE TURNING ON A LIGHT SWITCH.

ALMOST 4 YRS. AGO, NOTHING OF WHAT I CURRENTLY DO SEEMED POSSIBLE. I AM THANKFUL 4 WHAT FEW THINGS THE LORD HAS SEEN FIT 2 LET ME RE-GAIN.

MY CHURCH ARTICLE IN THE ENSIGN

MY CHURCH ARTICLE IN THE ENSIGN, ISN’T IN TEXAS OR IN AUDIO YET ON THE CHURCH WEBSITE, BUT MY COMPLIMENTARY COPY ARRIVED. ODD 2 C EVERY1 ILLUSTRATED, BUT I WAS MORE EXCITED 2 C MK & THE KIDS DRAWN, THAN MYSELF! THE KIDS WERE DELIGHTED 2 BE DRAWN (FIA WANTS 2 TAKE IT 2 SHOW & TELL), & ZACH RELISHES THAT HE’S THE ONLY 1 THAT I NAME IN THE ENSIGN ARTICLE!

2 ANSWER SOME QUES.:

1. OF COURSE I REMEMBER PEOPLE IN INDY, & I HOPE MY ARTICLE IS SHARED W/ALL WHO WERE IN THE PRI. WHEN I TAUGHT, AS THEY WERE SOME OF MY INSPIRATION.

2. I AM WRITING A BOOK. IT’S BEEN ALMOST 4Y EARS SINCE I STARTED, & WASN’T SURE HOW 2 END, UNTIL RECENTLY. BUT I AM NOT A GREAT WRITER, DESPITE WHAT IS BEING PUBLISHED! (MANY WERE INVOLVED HERE, & IT’S VERY HUMBLING 2BE IN THE ENSIGN, ESP. WHEN U TYPE AS I DO!). BESIDES, I LACK THE SAME DRIVE 2 WORK ON MY BOOK. I SEEM 2 GO THROUGH SPURTS IF I GIVE MYSELF A DEADLINE. BUT AT THE RATE I’M GOING, IT WILL BE YEARS, IF I EVER FINISH!

U MAY ENJOY THIS

U MAY ENJOY THIS: I DO “GRUNT” ON COMMAND A LOT, 2 GET HELP OR ATTENTION OR TO HAVE THE KIDS CLEAN. UNFORTUNATELY, IF I NEED 2 COMPETE W/ANY OTHER NOISE, IN ORDER 2 BE LOUD ENOUGH 4 OTHERS 2 HEAR, & 2 GET THE AIR I NEED, I HAVE 2 MAKE MYSELF CRY! BUT, THERE REALLY ISN’T TONE, SO THEY ALL SOUND PRETTY SIMILAR…

YET, MY YOUNGEST MAY NEED RE-DIRECTIN, WHILE CLEANING. IF SHE DOES, I GRUNT & POINT 2 THE MESS. KNOW WHAT SHE SAYS? “I KNOW MOM! STOP YELLING AT ME & SAYING (SHE IMATATES MY GRUNT).” SHE SOMEHOW KNOWS MY GRUNTS, THOUGH THEY SOUND VERY FAMILIAR!

I’M MY BEST THERAPIST

I’VE DECIDED I’M MY BEST THERAPIST, & MY OWN WORST ENEMY… I’M MY BEST THERAPIST BECAUSE I INSIST 2 ACCOMPLISH A FEAT, & REFUSE 2 ASK 4 HELP. BUT I’M MY OWN WORST ENEMY BECAUSE I DO APPRECIATE THE HELP THAT’S OFFERED, & ONCE I DO SOMETHING. IT’S ASSUMED THAT I CAN ALWAYS EASILY DO IT! NOT SO.

I LIKE THE CHALLENGE, & THE FEELING OF ACCOMPLISHMENT THAT FOLLOWS, IF I CAN DO IT…& SINCE I’M STUBBORN, THE QUES. IS NOT “CAN” I DO IT, BUT “WHEN.” IT JUST MAY NEED TIME &/OR CREATIVITY. PRAYER WORKS WONDERS 4 ME…I PRAY ABOUT MOST OF WHAT I DO, & SUDDENLY GET STRONGER, OR HAVE AN IDEA ABOUT HOW 2 DO SOMETHING.

I.E., IN THE CASE OF RAISING MY ARM (WHICH IS HIGHER LAYING DOWN, VS. SITTING), MANY ATTEMPTS FAIL–THAT’S WHY I PRACTICE!

MANY ITCHES R ALSO NEVER SCRATCHED—I KNOW MK WOULD SCRATCH, & I DO ASK 4 HELP IF THE ITCH PERSISTS, BUT MANY R UNREACHABLE & OVER B4 I CAN SPELL 2 ITCH IT!

IN ADDITION, I’VE BEEN TOLD THAT I ALSO COMPENSATE WELL 4 MY EYES (DOUBLE VISION)–EVEN MY CAREGIVER 4GETS SOMETIMES THAT I HAVE POOR VISION. BUT THERE’S THINGS I DO, AS MY THERAPIST, 2 MAKE MY VISION BETTER—EVEN SITTING IN CHURCH & TRYING 2 FOCUS ON STUFF THAT IS FAR AWAY, DIGI. SCRAP., PLAYING SODUKP OR SPIDER SOLATAIRE, IS 2 BETTER MY VISION. & BET I TRY 2 ACCOMPLISH WAY MORE THAN I SHOULD, WHEN I NEED SO MUCH HELP—WHICH MIGHT EXPLAIN MY STRESS LEVEL…

STILL, I CERTAINLY BELIEVE THAT U NEED 2 DO THE MOST W/WHAT U R GIVEN. BECAUSE OF IT, BEING MY OWN WORST ENEMY IS HELPING ME 2 CHALLENGE MYSELF 2 IMPROVE, SLOWLY, BUT SURELY.