Family

We are all different

My old iPad would randomly turn off whenever it wanted to, & I’d lose whatever I was typing unless it was in the cloud.  At 1st, this was very irritating: typing is hard enough as it is, & to lose a huge text that I was typing was infuriating! But in time, I learned to type all my texts on the notes app.  I made a folder called “finish texts too…” & it actually helped me with another problem I was having, where I’d forget to text people back!  This was a welcome solution & it solved my issues for quite a while, but when I tried to copy & paste it into another app & it didn’t work, I  again wanted a new iPad.

I thought getting a new iPad would solve all my issues.  But it didn’t.  My new iPad just has different quirks & is a new kind of annoying!  HaHa!  I realized that every iPad I have owned has something different to get used to, & some are easier to adapt to than others.  There’s no “perfect iPad!”  (as nice as it would be!) 

People can be that way.  We are all different, with different quirks to get used too. 

On October 23rd the Bee Cave ward (12001 Bee Caves Rd.) will have its primary program at 10:30.  This is a wonderful opportunity to hear the children’s testimonies through word & song & let them share what they have learned this year – all are invited!  I was fortunate to assemble the program this year.  I won’t lie – it stressed me out.  But when I wrote the program last year, I learned that I like to involve the children in the process by asking them questions.  So I did that again this year, & it was very uplifting to read their responses. If u would like to hear it, but can’t come, even though the sound quality will be better in person, it will be available on zoom:

https://zoom.us/j/92517950378?pwd=Vjd4aUZVUVlhOFMwQ2hCNFZITm5jUT09

Passcode: 632442

Scan the QR code for the bulletin

Life is moving too fast

A quick recap of the last 3 or 4 months:

1. Sophia married Davis Wycherly in October in the Jordan River Temple (though it mostly just meant more travel – my awesome S-I-L, Margot-Mark’s “big” sister–by 1 year, was the most awesome wedding planner!)

2. I had my first primary program in October, & I have now been the primary president for a year. Being the primary president at church is crazy busy from September (when I finish writing the primary program) until January (when I’m finished organizing for the new year).  But I love it! It makes me so happy to feel like I still have something to contribute!

3.  We went on a cruise during thanksgiving. It was great if u are vaccinated & go w/o the kids. They have the non-vaccinated & vaccinated sections, so u can go w/o a mask sometimes. It was also very uncrowded. 

4. Jessie just got engaged & will be married in June in the Timpanogus temple to Kyle Van Roosendaal. All 3 of my kids married within TWO years…crazy!

5. Zach, & his wife, Maddie, had my first grandbaby, James, in December, & they just moved to Texas! (Yes, I’m a grandma!  I’m not a fan of the word “grandma” though … my mom is “grandma” & she’s really old! Haha – love u mom!) 

Prior to my stroke, I was a “Pintrest mom”.  I threw amazing birthday parties (I’d taken a cake decorating class so my cakes would be amazing, & I went all out, like making Superman shirts w/capes, or balloon light sabers), made file folder games (thanks to my Elementary Education background), etc. 

After my stroke, I had a really hard time re-defining the word “mother”. If u know the enneagram, I’m a 3, & I define that word by what I do. All of my “best mom” identity was stripped away with my stroke.  It was so tough for me, but Mark says my stroke made me a better mom…the kids didn’t care about all of that!  they were happier just having me there to cover with stickers, watch a puppet show, or to play our improvised version of hide-&-go-seek! 

I don’t think I learned from it though, cuz I’m facing the same issues as a grandma!   I think I’m facing the “Pintrest grandma”. I seem to define that word by what I do, as well, & my OCD-personality only makes it worse, because I don’t “do” what I “think” I should do. To me, a grandma helps mom, possibly by take care of the kids, & does stuff like bake cookies. I do neither. So, I’m working on re-defining that word now.  In the beginning last time, I felt so useless until I discovered unique ways to still be a mom.  Hopefully I’ll learn faster this time!  I’m sure it will help having him live closer!

Where have I been?

It has been too long since I posted.  I think I’ve over-extended myself. When I do, the 1st thing to go is taking care of myself, so I’m re-gaining all the weight I lost the last 3 months, I’m doing less therapy, etc.  The 2nd thing I do is put my church calling (a volunteer job) before my friends & family … hence, I rarely text or call my kids, I isolate myself a lot, & as u have noticed, I haven’t been posting. Sometimes I realize it & spend time w/Mark, or text one of my kids.

In my last post, I mentioned how I liked being an empty nester, & over Christmas, my youngest, Sophia, mentioned how when she hears how we like being empty nesters, & she feels like we are saying that we are glad she is gone — but that simply is not true!  With the birth of EACH child, my marriage has changed—not in a bad way, but Mark had to share the spotlight. & I had to give up parts of me…& when I had my stroke, I lost a LOT of me—all but the “mom part”.  So, I’m getting to know “the new me”, & that spotlight is back to Mark.   I like having the chance to get to know me, & re-acquaint w/Mark (prior to my stroke, I prided myself on my multi-tasking abilities, & it made me so proud to know that when I was in the hospital, it took 5 women to do what I did alone…but now, I can only focus on one thing at a time, & finally that one thing is Mark!)   

So that’s what I’ve been doing.  There’s no feeling of “oh, good…he/she/the kids are gone”.  I will always love & miss my kids, but it’s a nice change to have more time for myself & Mark!

Through the years I’ve re-gained parts (like having a church calling), so the time I spend for myself has been devoted a lot to my church calling.  Our church has a program called “primary”.  The church handbook describes it as: “a home-centered, Church-supported (children’s) organization. It is for children ages 18 months to 11 years. At home, parents teach children the gospel. At church, Primary leaders and teachers support parents through lessons, music, and activities.”  The last few years I have voluntarily served as the primary secretary.  Recently, I was asked to be the Primary President…yes, me!  It was exciting & simultaneously scary in so many ways! 

So, lately I spend a lot of time being a primary president. I love doing it & having more time to be with Mark!  I just need to find a better balance!

Happy Halloween!

I have this document where I paste “clips” from other things I have typed, for ideas of future posts on my blog/website.  It saves me tons of time, so I’m not slowly re-typing something I told to someone already, & I don’t have to decide what to talk about–a BIG deal for me (I never liked having to choose what to eat or wear, so I always made Mark cook, & now he chooses what I wear, too!  Haha)

Anyway, while I haven’t posted in FOREVER, I have been keeping these “clips,” & now I’m so overwhelmed by them, I never post!  I will try to remedy that now…

The last time I posted, I shared a link that has scrapbook pages I’ve done (which I still add to, btw, so check it out—I add about 4 or more pages a month).  Since  I post my scrapbook pages, I’ve had several people ask why I scrapbook.  Often I answer that I scrapbook because I find it therapeutic by reframing my thoughts, but I have other reasons as well:

—it is a way to express myself artistically

—it is a way to “hold on” to my past self

—it is a way to re-live former experiences

—it is a way to share my life w/posterity, & show that life can still be enjoyed admits trial

—it can be empowering to see my accomplishments

—it helps me find & feel gratitude (which I need daily!)

—it can help me to see God’s hand in my life

So to update everyone, this COVID-lifestyle has been good to me (of course I can find negatives, but u know I don’t like to think about those, so here are the positives):

–I always can potty now

-people have more free time to help me

-restaurants now have tables spaced so I can get around—& stores have more room too

–while masks are annoying, they can also keep me warm (when I’m cold in bed, I essentially do the same thing, by pulling the sheets over my nose, so my own breath keeps me warm)

–being a “homebody” is what I like to do anyway

–I can get food delivered from ANYWHERE now…

I am now an empty nester (& under 50 years old!)  It had a rough start for me—since poor Mark only has me now, I got all depressed thinking about how his life was so different with only me here, & I had to reface issues from 16 years ago, as this was not how I’d envisioned life after my kids grew up!  I always planned to go back to elementary school once all my kids left.

So, I started thinking about how I wished I was different…for me, for Mark…But in talking to a friend, I realized that I had to change my focus–I realized that I know better than to dwell on what we can’t do–I get so depressed when I think that way about myself, so why would this be different???

So, I started thinking different.  & while I didn’t miss disciplining whiny, moody kids, I did miss the fun (as any mom does–each child– even my new daughter-in-law, who spent the summer here–brings something unique…in fact, the 1st time I heard a recording of Sophie singing, I bawled!)  So with all of the kids gone, the house became eerily quiet

But now I LOVE being an empty nester, & I LOVE all the time I have with Mark again!  It is so nice to see Mark more the way I saw him 26 years ago, & for me to t feel as anxious all the time (part of that is oddly a thanks to COVID)!  Plus, I think I was someone’s mom for long enough to forget who I am—or maybe I never took the time after my stroke to figure out who the “new me” was.

I had a plan all laid out, & while I thought 23 years ago that I’d be a teacher now, God had another plan…& because He has a sense of humor, he brought school to me: for a while, my helpers’ kids came here w/them, so one day there was a kindergarten class in my craft room, & the next day there was a 2nd grade class in my craft room… haha

With all my new “free time”, I signed up for a nutrition/weight-loss class that focused more on my mind & changing my habits & thoughts.  It’s a 10-week course that focuses on these 6 “pillars.” In “Target 100,” I like how she does more with re-wiring the brain, & has a focus on emotional eating (which I do).  Since I’m learning how to change some thoughts & habits, I’m hoping that some of the stuff I learn will seep into my OCD-personality, as my recent focus has been on managing that & my anxiety better (it wouldn’t hurt if I lost weight, too)!

But I was having a hard time managing my new phase of life, & I realized that a lot of my thoughts get in my way, so I got a “time coach” (a life coach, who specializes in time management).  Seemed a bit crazy to start this (of all things!) when I was already busy, but our course doesn’t even start until my other class has 1 week left, & I sorta’ get “bonus help” in the meantime.  Already he’s challenged some thoughts & helped me to take ownership or something with things I already knew from Mark. 

I have more things I could talk about, but this post is long enough…Oh!  No costume this year.  So sad!  I love to dress up, (it’s a whole new ballgame now, in a wheelchair!) but we celebrate our Halloween by going to our ward’s trunk or treat (which was different this year), but since I had no kids wanting to go, I stayed warm at home!

Update

From March 15-May 21, I hadn’t been out of my house, but I got to do horse therapy again this last week (June 1-4, I was fortunate to have a ride each evening)! Yea! I was super impressed w/all the precautions taken…they’ve really thought things out! & My body really needed it—I slept so hard all week, & often didn’t want to get up! & my tummy muscles have been sore! (I love that feeling now – it is so satisfying to know my body was working hard!). Plus, I don’t get very many opportunities to enjoy the outdoors, so between the fresh air & the opportunity to enjoy the company of others, it was almost like an emotional therapy as well!

All 3 kids are headed to college in the fall (yes, my baby, Sophie, graduated this year—she wanted the “senior experience,” & got a very memorable one!). COVD-19 has been a blessing in disguise in some ways since it has worked out to have all my adult children here for a while (& it’s not like a regular visit where they basically just sleep here! Haha). It has also allowed family & friends to find unique ways to show others their love & support, as everyone has chipped in to give Sophie a memorable senior year! I have wished I could do more for her, but it has made my heart so full to witness how the Lord has provided what I could not!

One more thought: As I was getting my haircut yesterday, I was feeling so very grateful that for the past year being a kind of “preparation” of what was going to occur, because there I was wearing a mask & covering my mouth, but still able to talk to my hairdresser (who primarily speaks Spanish)!