22 years is a long time…

The last few weeks have had some rough days where I’ve had to remind myself that “I signed up for this being human thing!”  I don’t usually get sick, but when I do, it can wipe me out!  This last one seemed to cry out: “You’re old!”  Sadly, I am! 

March 16, 2026 was my 22nd stroke-aversary. 22 years…that’s a long time!   (My son, who was in first grade when I had my stroke, is now close to the same age I was when I had my stroke – & now he helps with the upkeep on my blog & lives nearby with his family – my 2 grandkids.  See, I’m old!) 

Speaking of my grandkids, we recently went on a trip with them. We had so much fun!   

Back in February, my grandson, James, & I had our first “real” conversation: 

James noticed I had a band-aid on my hand, & asked, “Grandma, what happened?”  I said I got an owie & he asked whaț kind of owìe. I tried to say, “burn,” & he said, “A what?” & he looked at me while I slowly said “burn”.. not thinking he’d understand. But he said, “oh, a burn”.  This conversation blew my mind (it seemed too “old” for his age), but it has led to some fun interactions with James in the following weeks.  He’s able to understand me like 80% of the time, so I can interact & tease him.  Back when my girls were this age, I couldn’t speak at all, so this is new territory for me, & very exciting! 

A few weeks ago, I was preparing to teach a lesson about goals in Young Women’s (11-17 year old girls at church), & I had ChatGPT research my website, & help me write about my “speech goal.” Here’s what was written: 

“In 2004, after my brainstem stroke, I was told I would never speak again. 

At the time, that seemed believable. I had a trach and couldn’t control my breathing. Sound wasn’t something I could choose to make, and speaking felt like an impossible long-term goal.  But I was determined to do it! 

What changed everything was learning to break that goal into small, reachable steps. 

My first goals had nothing to do with words—they were about breathing: 
controlling my breath, making simple sounds, and coordinating breath with voice. Later, those goals became saying a word, then a short phrase, and eventually several words on one breath. 

Each small goal is built on the last. 

Today, I can speak well enough to teach this lesson. I’m still hard to understand and still need a translator—but I can speak. Because of that, I consider my original long-term goal achieved. 

Now I have a new goal: to speak clearly enough that I don’t need a translator. My first step is learning to speak even when I get emotional and cry.  Sometimes I can do it.  Most of the time, I can’t! 

My life has taught me this: 
Big goals don’t happen all at once. They happen one small step at a time—especially when the finish line feels impossible.” 

Ironically, I shared this with my AI voice (because it reads faster than I read).  I don’t think I’ve said much about my AI voice, so here it goes: A year before my stroke, I recorded some books onto cassette tapes for my kids to listen to while I was gone. I was so insistent that it needed to be done that I did it after everyone went to bed, the night before I flew with my mom to see my sister in London. Fast forward 20+ years. My youngest daughter& her husband converted them to digital & made a unique AI voice with the recordings of my voice & added a Chicago accent (I grew up there). It’s pretty robotic if I type, so Sophie reads (what I write) with my AI voice to add voice inflections.  It’s pretty cool to have the child who remembers my voice the least sound like me! 

 
When I did my fireside last summer, I used my AI voice for 80-90% of the speaking. For the rest, I spoke…but since I talk so quiet (& I still sign when I get emotional), I asked my friend/helper, Angie, to repeat everything I said (if u wondered, yes, my fireside was recorded & is on my YouTube channel).   

Later, I shared a condensed version of my fireside for a Young Women’s lesson at church.   Mark told Angie to NOT repeat me during my YW lesson, so that was my first lesson teaching semi-alone (since my stroke)!  A few months later, I shared the above message (written with help from Chat GPT), & soon after, I was asked to teach the 14-15-year-old girls (Young Women) at church!  If I was told 22 years ago about all that my future held for me, I wouldn’t have believed it – it’s hard enough to believe right now while it’s happening! 

Me, busy?!

I have no excuse for not writing sooner – people say I’m busy, but I’m not sure why I’m so busy! Ha! I’ve been taking a writing course, working on my mental health, traveling – but there’s been downtime in between…I guess I’ve been doing more therapy with my increased downtime, however, I wanted to post about Halloween.

We just had our ward trunk or treat on Oct. 30, & I was excited that I could go off on my own this year, & talk to people without anyone with me…& this time, I did very little writing (only a few times, cuz there was loud music). I was shocked by how well several people did with figuring me out! This happens more frequently now (people being able to talk to me), but it is always exciting for me (10+ years of not being able to speak might be the reason why! Haha). As for my costume, I wore what I wore to my SILs Halloween party… I will share a video, but basically I was abducted by aliens (shout out to Ron for the awesome idea, & to Angie who made the UFO that was above me, with a light shining down on me, & there were iridescent streamers around me to simulate being beamed up).

We also went to a trunk or treat with my son, DIL, & grandkids, where I went as my teenage self – minus my big hair & hoop earrings. Haha

As for my travels, the “Lynn Family reunion” (my kids, their spouses, & my grandkids) went to Wyoming. We take turns planning reunions, & this year was Sophie & Davis Sophie went all out, complete with goody bags, signs on the doors in the house, games she’d made, etc. A favorite “tradition” is taking a family picture- & this year we added my granddaughter, Winnie (Rowynn)!

Mark, Mark’s sister, Margot, Margot ‘s husband, Jasen, & I also took a cruise to Italy, Greece, & Turkey. I thrive in small groups & had a great time with just the 4 of us! I have always enjoyed Margot’s company, & I was so comfortable with she & Jasen – it probably helped by how well both Margot & Jasen did with understanding me!

So I am in the alumni life story writing class (for the writing class I took) & I was on my cruise during the last class, so I was watching the replay & realized I was doing other stuff as I “listened.” The thought came to me to just pick one, so I can put my heart into it. So I just listened to the re-play, but I should probably always do that. Is that why I’m considered busy? But how can I do just one of those things?! I try to rotate & be present with whatever I try to do, though I struggle when I’m listening & not doing.

Update

I have tried for years to speak in church, but I always either freeze up, or get too emotional to speak.  But I finally succeeded & I spoke at my fireside!  I am so excited! I have NEVER felt so comfortable in front of such a large group!  I know there were prayers & a comfort blessing that helped.  I felt like I was just talking to friends & it helped me to release any tension through laughter. I’m actually grateful for all the tech & help we had, since it helped me relax & reminded me of my focus –to have faith in Him!  It also helped that the topic required little thinking (as it was about my life & much of it was recorded on AI:  Speaking of AI, I meant to say that the AI voice was made with recordings of my pre-stroke voice, but I forgot!  Cool, huh?)  The AI voice sounds very robotic if I type it, so my daughter, Sophie read with my AI voice to provide voice inflection!  (Sophie was only 2 when I had my stroke, & has no recollection of my voice, but ironically sounds a lot like me!)     

Anyway, if u watched my fireside on a recording or on zoom, I’m not sure if u could hear me, but those in the chapel could (hear me)!  It was soooo cool! I spoke so well & so clearly …I can’t believe how clear I was (for me anyway – haha!)!  Shout out to Red Arena/horse therapy & to my music therapist for all the speech help & building core strength!  

Today I read something that was written by Carrie Newsom in an article from “The Mighty”   

“Sometimes what we consider our greatest “faults” or “weaknesses” are actually our most incredible gifts if we reframe them in a positive way and learn about what they can do for us.”  I totally agree & have seen my “weaknesses” become strengths as I rely on Christ.     

Sorry for another long break: I took a 12-week writing class (called Journey to Legacy) to help me write “my story.”  It has been a struggle emotionally, but I’m so grateful for what I learned & for the help I received!   

In other news, my first grandaughter was born!  (Rowynn, but her nickname is Winnie)  I now have grandkidS!  Originally, I was called “grandma” by default (since I hadn’t picked a grandparent name, & my husband wanted to be called Grandpa). I said I wanted to be called what my grandson called me, so I was called “grandma” until my grandson, James, called me “maymaw” (spelled phonetically, but we spelled it “mamaw”)   Soon after, James could say “grandma.”  Now he calls me both names, but my kids are trying to make “mamaw” stick.  (What’s funny is that he was learning to say “pumpkin” when he was learning “Grandpa,” so my husband- who wanted to be “grandpa” is “Pum-pum” – my husband ended up being named by our grandson & I did not!)  We’ll see what Winnie calls us…At first, I was very opposed to grandma, but it is endearing now, & I’m now old enough to be called “grandma,” so I don’t mind both names!  HaHa!    

Youth Fireside

I will post more later, but I wanted to share that this Sunday I will be giving a youth fireside at a church in Kyle, Texas.  (A youth fireside is a spiritual and social meeting held outside of regular Sunday worship, designed to provide instruction, inspiration, and fellowship for LDS youth).  It will be live-streamed.  Here’s the zoom link: https://zoom.us/j/94080251012?pwd=TmQ0dythNVZINU5vVHZBMW1IRUJKZz09  

password: Christ

My 21st stroke-aversary

I figured I should make an appearance, since my 21st stroke-aversary is on March 16.  So much has gone on, though, that I don’t know where to start, & I feel so overwhelmed by just the idea of writing…so I keep procrastinating.   Procrastination usually involves eating, gaining weight, & then a class/challenge/goal to lose weight.  (I’m in that class now!  Haha)  I also procrastinate by watching more TV & YouTube, & distracting myself in numerous ways (like writing about how I can be distracted!  HaHa)

I started to write a blog post last fall, but that time of year would get really busy with my primary calling (so I used to not travel much between September-the first Sunday in January, & I let my husband – who loves to travel – go places with a friend/family member) It was just too much for me to leave during that time, & I stayed home…which allowed me time to write a blog post.  However, I was in my 5th year as primary president & I’d been trying to find a new balance in my life, which meant trying to do more with my family.  & Since my husband loves to travel, that meant I have been traveling more!  So sorry I’ve been MIA for so long!  Since I last wrote I’ve been to Iceland, Utah, Scotland, London, Belgium, & DisneyWorld. “& I’m proud to say that with all these flights I remain “Faceplant free since 2023”- Thanks goes to Red Arena, where I do my horse therapy). 

So here’s a quick re-cap:

-July:Iceland was a fun family reunion, but very inaccessible (I don’t recommend going unless someone strong can carry u, & u can stand while they shower u!)

-October: We went to AMCAP (The Association of Latter-day Saint Counselors and Psychotherapists)in Utah.  It’s really for my husband, but spouses are invited & I like the intellectual Stimulation…

-December: Scotland/London/Belgium-this was an early Christmas/30th wedding anniversary for my husband & I.  It started off rocky because British Airways was totally discriminating against those with disabilities, & they destroyed my beautiful new travel wheelchair!  But I saw my childhood crush, Donny Osmond, perform in “Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” in Scotland, & in London (probably the most accessible place) I saw “Harry Potter 1 & 2” & “Phantom of the Opera” (which we saw on our honeymoon, & for my wedding gift, my husband made me a music box that plays “All I Ask of U” — & he made a “more advanced” music box for our 25th anniversary).  We took a train ride from London to Belgium for a day trip.  Europe has some really cool Christmas markets at that time of year!  It’s just really cold, & I don’t do well in the cold!  But I discovered the magic of hand warmers, & I felt invincible as long as I had a hand warmer!

-January: Then came Disney. My husband, daughter Sophie, & SIL, Davis ran a half-marathon.  The flight landing was crap & we bounced, but even with that I remain faceplant free & I even reached up & pulled down the sun visor in the Ivan we rented (1st time in 20 years!  I often try & finally did it – Go me!  Some day I’ll put a visor back up in a car! HaHa) I felt as proud as if I’d finished my own half marathon! 

Back in October, Mark asked me what my perfect day was  & asked if I wanted to go somewhere…I thought about it: Disney & London are probably the most accessible places I’ve been, I enjoy family cruises,  & I love beaches (Destin, FL is pretty & doesn’t require a long flight), but nothing allows me more freedom/independence & less stress/anxiety as staying home.  So I told him I’d stay home if I had a perfect day.  Seems crazy, but nothing appealed to me more than having as much independence as possible & as little anxiety as possible!  (Plus, most of the places I go, I don’t feel very welcome – I think because usually they aren’t accessible – even finding a bathroom is hard & I basically sit alone do much better with one-on-one).

 Mark & I have zero desire to travel right now (during our spring break), &my helper, Angie , is gone all week, so we are trying my “perfect week, where I’m home & can be more independent, feel less stress, & stay warm.  I’m having a “staycation” this week  Hahaha

One more thing.  In January, the church boundaries were re-arranged for my congregation, so I’m no longer the primary president. I now work with the 11-18 year old girls (YW/young women). It’s far less involved, so maybe I can get back to things I have stopped doing.

Speaking of the YW I work with, last week I sent this text on our YW text group, & wanted to share it today on here:

“At the end of class today I had a comment when we discussed “does Christ REALLY know how I feel?” (ie having a period & bleeding all over the place in public) But I talk slow  & am hard to understand, so I rarely share comments in class, but this comment I wanted to take the time to share, & this text group is a great place for me to share! (We missed those who couldn’t be there!)

This question (does Christ REALLY know how I feel) is something I have really struggled with, & I wanted to share what I have learned & know to be true.  On March 16 I will ”celebrate” my  21st stroke-aversary.  I know the atonement isn’t only for our sins, but also for so Christ could “succor (to aid & show relief) His people”. But how does that help him understand the past TWENTY -ONE years of my life ?  It’s not like He has ever had a 21-year-long stroke!  But He has endured the emotions I have felt in those 21 years. So, while He has never physically had a period, He does understand the feelings that come with it  (embarrassment, shame, disappointment, etc)  

The first year after my stroke was insanely hard in every way, as all I could do was blink my eyes. But as I learn to yoke myself with my Savior, my burdens are lighter & as a result I have had some years that weren’t AS hard, even though I have dealt with things that probably have been as hard as that first year, if I tried to do them on my own.”