I’VE DECIDED I’M MY BEST THERAPIST, & MY OWN WORST ENEMY… I’M MY BEST THERAPIST BECAUSE I INSIST 2 ACCOMPLISH A FEAT, & REFUSE 2 ASK 4 HELP. BUT I’M MY OWN WORST ENEMY BECAUSE I DO APPRECIATE THE HELP THAT’S OFFERED, & ONCE I DO SOMETHING. IT’S ASSUMED THAT I CAN ALWAYS EASILY DO IT! NOT SO.

I LIKE THE CHALLENGE, & THE FEELING OF ACCOMPLISHMENT THAT FOLLOWS, IF I CAN DO IT…& SINCE I’M STUBBORN, THE QUES. IS NOT “CAN” I DO IT, BUT “WHEN.” IT JUST MAY NEED TIME &/OR CREATIVITY. PRAYER WORKS WONDERS 4 ME…I PRAY ABOUT MOST OF WHAT I DO, & SUDDENLY GET STRONGER, OR HAVE AN IDEA ABOUT HOW 2 DO SOMETHING.

I.E., IN THE CASE OF RAISING MY ARM (WHICH IS HIGHER LAYING DOWN, VS. SITTING), MANY ATTEMPTS FAIL–THAT’S WHY I PRACTICE!

MANY ITCHES R ALSO NEVER SCRATCHED—I KNOW MK WOULD SCRATCH, & I DO ASK 4 HELP IF THE ITCH PERSISTS, BUT MANY R UNREACHABLE & OVER B4 I CAN SPELL 2 ITCH IT!

IN ADDITION, I’VE BEEN TOLD THAT I ALSO COMPENSATE WELL 4 MY EYES (DOUBLE VISION)–EVEN MY CAREGIVER 4GETS SOMETIMES THAT I HAVE POOR VISION. BUT THERE’S THINGS I DO, AS MY THERAPIST, 2 MAKE MY VISION BETTER—EVEN SITTING IN CHURCH & TRYING 2 FOCUS ON STUFF THAT IS FAR AWAY, DIGI. SCRAP., PLAYING SODUKP OR SPIDER SOLATAIRE, IS 2 BETTER MY VISION. & BET I TRY 2 ACCOMPLISH WAY MORE THAN I SHOULD, WHEN I NEED SO MUCH HELP—WHICH MIGHT EXPLAIN MY STRESS LEVEL…

STILL, I CERTAINLY BELIEVE THAT U NEED 2 DO THE MOST W/WHAT U R GIVEN. BECAUSE OF IT, BEING MY OWN WORST ENEMY IS HELPING ME 2 CHALLENGE MYSELF 2 IMPROVE, SLOWLY, BUT SURELY.

AS TIME GOES BY, I REALIZE I’M STILL RECOVERING, IN WAYS THAT CAN’T BE SEEN: SURE, THERE’S NOTICABLE JUMPS, LIKE WALKING, FEEDING MYSELF, OR TYPING LONGER POSTS. THERE’S SMALLER JUMPS, LIKE GETTING MORE TONE IN MY FACE, & SUCH, SO I CAN C GLIMMERS OF ME PRE-STROKE, & OTHERS MIGHT RECOGNIZE ME IN A PIC. OR VIDEO.

BUT U CAN’T C THAT VERY SLOWLY, PARTS OF MY PERSONALITY IS RETURNING.

4 EX: I LOVE KIDS. AS TIME GOES BY, I FIND WAYS 2 INTERACT &/OR PLAY W/THEM AGAIN. I HAD FUN W/A 7 MO. OLD NEPHEW…HE WAS IN A WALKER, FOLLOWING ME WHEEL AROUND. AFTER ALL, WE’RE THE COOL KIDS ON SEATS W/WHEELS! EVERY FEW FEET, I TURNED & STUCK OUT MY TONGUE (WHICH I COULDN’T DO B4, & TRIED IN SPEECH THERAPY SEVERAL YRS. AGO. BUT HAVE LEARNED, 2 FIA’S DELIGHT). BUT THE BEST PART WAS THAT HE WOULD DO IT BACK!

OTHER STUFF I DO 2 INTERACT &/OR PLAY W/KIDS AGAIN:
• SOOTHE A CRYING INFANT, IN A BABY CARRIER
• RETURN A CHILD’S JABBER-TALK, W/MY OWN JABBER-TALK (FIA ESP. LOVES THIS)
• SING (“EIEIO” IS A FAV.)
• HIDE N SEEK
• RED ROVER
• BASEBALL
• LISTEN 2 STORIES
• ETC—YES, THERE’S MORE!

ANOTHER EX: MUSIC IS A HUGE PART OF MY LIFE, & IT’S COMING BACK. I’VE SHYED AWAY FROM IT, AS IT EVOKES 2 MANY FEELINGS, & CAN MAKE MY PBA UNCONTROLLABLE…BUT ABOUT A YR. AGO, I WENT THROUGH A PHASE & TOOK CHARGE OF LIKE 20-30 FAV. CDS, SO I HAD THE POWER 2 LISTEN WHEN I WANTED 2. I TOOK UP GUITAR—SOMETHING I’VE ALWAYS WANTED 2 LEARN. I HAD RE-NEWED ENERGY 2 LEARN PIANO, 1-HANDED…I RECALL A DAY WHEN I WELCOMED BACK THE MUSICAL PART OF ME.

ANOTHER EX: I USED 2 TEACH TRADITIONAL SCRAPBOOK. HOW I FEARED THAT RETURNING, 4 FEAR OF PRIDE LOST, BECAUSE IT’D BEEN SO LONG. BUT THE TEACHER IN ME (EL. ED. MAJOR) & SCRAPBOOKER CAME CHARGING BACK, & FELT SO GOOD. I THRIVE TEACHING OTHERS 2 DIGITAL SCRAP., & RECENTLY TAUGHT MY GIRLS TRADITIONAL SCRAP.

YET 1 LAST EX: I LOVE 2 TEASE. FIGURE, IF I HAVE 2 SPELL, SO I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE FUN DOING IT! INSTEAD OF SAYING “AFRAID OF SPIDERS,” 2 THOSE WHO R VERY CONFIDENT OF THEIR “JENNY-ESE,” I MIGHT SPELL THAT”I HAVE “ARACNAPHOBIA”– BUT IT’S RARE 2 C MY HUMOR, BECAUSE I THINK FUNNY STUFF MORE THAN I SIGN IT! HENCE, I MAY “THINK SOMETHING HUNNY IN MY HEAD,” & LAUGH ALONE, OUT OF THE BLUE.

MY NEWEST PHASE IS SPENDING TIME W/FAM. & OTHERS (SO NO APOLOGIES W/MY TYPING).

I AM SOMEE1 WHO NEEDS ALONE TIME, BUT I HATE ISOLATION, THOUGH IT OFTEN, UNDERSTANDABLY, COMES W/THE TERRITORY. SEEMS I DID FINE W/LESS COMP. TIME A FEW YRS. AGO…

DESPITE THAT I TYPE W/1 FINGER, & I ALSO TALK W/IT, & TRY 2 DO SOME THINGS THE SAME AS B4 (& I WAS ALWAYS A BUSY MOM B4!). SO SEEMS I SHOULD BE OK W/LESS COMP. TIME NOW, IF A DAY WORKS OUT THAT WAY. I’VE FOUND I BENEFIT, AT TIMES, 2 TEAR MYSELF AWAY & ENJOY “QUALITY TIME.”

MY IDENTITY IS COMING BACK. I CUT & HIGHLIGHTED MY HAIR. PHYSICALLY, THERE’S A CHANGE—I’M BLONDER & HAVE SHORTER HAIR. BUT THERE’S CHANGES JUST AS BIG, GOING ON INSIDE OF ME.

THERE’S OFTEN QUES. ABOUT MY SIGHT…IT’S ACTUALLY A LOADED QUES., INVOLVING MANY FACTORS, & CONSTANTLY CHANGINGAS I ADAPT 2 IT, BUT, ESSENTIALLY, YES, I C U. I C ALARMINGLY WELL. NOT AT ALL “NORMAL,” BUT I C W/DOUBLE VISION. I DON’T C 2 OF U, MY PUPILS JUST DON’T LINE UP. I TEND 2 C THINGS DISTORTED…IF I’M TIRED, SICK, WEAKER, ETC., MY EYE MUSCLES R WEAKER, & IT’S TOUGHER 2 C, BUT I STILL C U.

I C AS IF I’M ON A CRUISE SHIP ALL DAY: MY EYES BOUNCE…MY LEFT EYE SEES BETTER, BUT IS WAY MORE LIGHT SENSITIVE (DAYLIGHT MAKES IT CLOSE) & REALLY WIGGLES. MY RT. EYE WIGGLES 2, BUT I TRY 2 WAIT 4 THE SPLIT SEC. THEY WIGGLE 2GETHER, OR MAKE THE IMAGE THAT I C W/MY RT. EYE, BE THE MORE DOMINANT IMAGE, SINCE IT’S STEADIER—WHICH ONLY WORKS, IF I LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD.

I DON’T HAVE MUCH HORIZONTAL EYE MOVT. (VERY LITTLE IN MY RT. EYE), & MY HEAD CAN’T TURN VERY FAR 2 THE RT., SO, OFTEN, I IDENTIFY PEOPLE BY THE SOUND OF THEIR VOICE, CLOTHES I KNOW U R WEARING, OR BY HAIR (JESS WANTS SHORT HAIR, BUT HAS OPTED 2 KEEP IT LONG, SO I CAN EASILY FIND HER–THOUGH I’VE TOLD HER THAT SHE & ZACH STAND OUT, REGARDLESS OF HAIR LENGTH, SINCE THEIR HAIR IS SO LIGHT).

ANYWAY, IT’S NOT THAT I CAN’T READ SMALL FONT, IT’S THAT IT’S EXTREMELY HARDER (ESP. IF IT’S LONG) & TAKES TONS LONGER, BECAUSE MY EYES JUMP ALL OVER, SO I HAVE 2 KEEP FINDING MY PLACE…W/A LARGER LETTER, MY EYES JUMP, & I STAY SORTA’ IN PLACE. AFTER READING A FEW LETTERS, I GUESS THE WORD (AS MOST DO WHEN I FINGERSPELL, I GUESS THE WORD I’M READING).

TYPING CAN BE ROUGH, AS I’VE NEEDED 2 MEMORIZE THE KEYBOARD SOMEWHAT, & REALLY CONCENTRATE ON THE KEYS, SINCE I CAN’T GLANCE AT A KEY.

HOWEVER, UNLESS IT IS LARGE&/OR CLOSE, OFTEN I CAN’T C FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, UNLESS I KNOW U WELL ENOUGH 4 MY VISUAL MEMORY 2 “FILL IN” A GUESSED FACIAL EXPRESSION. IF I’M AT THE LAST PEW, IN THE CHAPEL AT CHURCH, I CAN C MY PEW. FARTHER AHEAD, THE PULPIT, I C SOME1 IS THERE. IF I KNOW THEM, CHANCES R THAT I CAN IDENTIFY THEM BY THEIR VOICE, CLOTHES, &/OR HAIR. THEN, AMAZING THINGS CAN HAPPEN…MY VISUAL MEMORY RECALLS THEM, & I CAN BE “TRICKED” 2 C THEM!

OBVIOUSLY, THIS VISUAL MEMORY HELPS ME ALSO READ, NAVIGATE THE INTERNET, & FILL IN ANY GAPS W/THINGS THAT I C UP CLOSE. THIS MAKES FAMILY FASTER 2 C, BECAUSE OF VISUAL MEMORY…ALSO EXPLAINS WHY I COULD C SOMETHING A MILLION TIMES IN A CROWD, BUT HAVE NO CLUE IT’S THERE, IF I HAVEN’T SEEN IT CLOSE, & MADE A VISUAL MEMORY OF IT.

THE ONLY TIME I”M UNSURE WHAT I C, DEPENDS ON LIGHTING…LIKE A CAMERA, IF LIGHT IS BEHIND U, U GET DARK. MORE LIGHT, MAKES U DARKER. I C U THERE–U R JUST DARK!