THOUGHT U MIGHT GET A KICK FROM THIS:

LATELY, MY KIDS HAVE SHOWN SIGNS OF “WEAR” W/MY SIGNING. IT GETS OLD 4 ME 2 (AT LEAST THEY HAVE BREAKS AS THEY TALK 2 EACH OTHER, BUT I NEVER HAVE A BREAK FROM FINGERSPELLING OR TYPING THINGS W/1 FINGER–NO MATTER HOW I SPEAK, IT’S LETTER BY LETTER, IN ORDER 2 FORM A WORD. BECAUSE OF IT, OFTEN, I WEIGH IF IT’S EVEN WORTH THE EFFORT 2 SAY ANYTHING). BUT, I DON’T BLAME ANY1. IN FACT, I APPLAUD THEM: IT’S TAKEN ABOUT 5 YRS., TO GET 2 A POINT WHERE THEY C MY HAND, & SAY “NEVER MIND” OR “4GET IT,” & IT’S EXHAUSTING.

ANYWAY, JESS CRACKED ME UP 2 MON. AGO. EVERY DAY, AS PART OF THE GIRLS HOMEWORK, THEY READ 2 ME. 4 SOME ODD REASON (POSSIBLY “APRAZIA”), SOMETIMES I CAN’T VOCALIZE UNTIL SOME1 SINGS “OLD MCDONALD” & I EFFORTLESSLY SING “EIEIO”… SO 2 MON. AGO, JESS CHOSE A BOOK TITLED “OLD MCDONALD,” & PAUSED 2 HEAR ME REPEAT EVERY “EIEIO”…

I BELIEVE SHE DID THIS BECAUSE, THOUGH I TALK LIKE A BABY (WHERE THE IMMEDIATE FAMILY UNDERSTANDS THE BABY MORE), THERE IS A JOY THAT ARISES FROM ME ANSWERING A QUESTION, W/O THEM NEEDING 2 LOOK AT ME. OR ME CALLING SOME1’S BLUFF–FIA SAYS THAT ONE OF THE THINGS THAT I SAY BEST IS “I LOVE YOU” (IT SOUNDS MORE LIKE “I O U”), & MY NEXT BEST WORD THAT I VOCALIZE IS “LIAR!” 🙂

THE GIRLS SAY STUFF LIKE, “MOM’S FUN, I JUST WISH SHE COULD TALK,” ALL THE TIME JESS AMAZES ME W/ A GIFT, 2 READ MY ASL FAST, & PICK UP ON NEW ASL WORDS. FIA AMAZES ME THAT SHE CAN EVEN READ MY ASL, AT HER AGE! NOT ONLY IS THERE READING, BUT SPELLING! (ZACH IS AMAZING 2, BECAUSE I ALMOST ALWAYS CAN TALK 2 HIM, EVEN IF HE’S “WORN OUT.”) BUT EVEN SO, THE 1 THING I’VE ALWAYS WANTED BACK IS 2 TALK. I’M HAUNTED BY BEING TOLD I CAN’T TALK, BUT I BELIEVE I CAN.

“Every great endeavor starts small, sometimes as little more than a dream… But even small beginnings, after all of the roadblocks and the dead ends, can lead to great things when they ride on the wheels of a dream.”
“Music and the Spoken Word,” from “Big Dreams on a Small Island”: (http://www.musicandthespokenword.com/messages/)

WHAT TALKING I DO, IS NOT A “HIDDEN TALENT,” OR “SECRET.” IT JUST DOESN’T COME UP IN CONVERSATION, OR I DO IT, & AM NOT NOTICED (AS I’M “THE GIRL WHO CAN’T TALK”), OR I HAVE A DELAYED REACTION (I’VE KNOWN MY MOM & MUSIC THERAPIST 2 STAND IN AN OPEN DOORWAY, & WAIT LIKE 5 MIN. 4 ME 2 SAY BYE!), OR IT’S UNRECOGNIZABLE (IT HAS TAKEN FIA 2 YEARS 2 RECOGNIZE THAT I SAY HER NAME), OR I WAS SIMPLY WAS 2 QUIET.

IT’S OFTEN INVOLUNTARY & I CAN HAVE A “GOOD SPEAKING DAY,” OR A “BAD SPEAKING DAY.” I DON’T KNOW IF IT’S A GOOD OR BAD DAY UNTIL I TRY, BUT IT DOESN’T MEAN NO TALKING ON A BAD DAY. A BAD DAY IS JUST HARDER, QUIETER, LESS CLEAR, PEOPLE R MOVING 2 FAST 4 ME 2 TRY, OR I TRY & CAN SAY LESS (OFTEN, I SIT W/MY MOUTH OPEN & TRY 2 PUSH OUT ANY SOUND AT ALL, & GET NO SOUND OUT). THOSE R THE DAYS I FOCUS ON BREATHING BIGGER & DEEPER.

I USE A LOT OF HUMOR 2 DEAL W/THINGS, SO HERE’S SOMETHING U MAY ENJOY:

MY KIDS & I WERE PLAYING A GAME (“APPLES 2 APPLES”) A LONG TIME AGO. IT WAS MY TURN 2 SHARE A WORD. THEIR JOB WAS 2 DEFINE THE WORD THE BEST THEY COULD, W/THE CARDS IN HAND (THE CARDS HAD WORDS), BUT THE TRICK WAS 2 DEFINE IT, SO I WOULD PICK THEIR DEFINITION. MY WORD WAS “BODY.” MOST WOULD BE HORRIFIED BY HOW MY SON CHOSE 2 DEFINE IT: “USELESS.” BUT I DOUBLED OVER LAUGHING & PICKED HIS DEFINITION!

MY STROKE IS A BLESSING & A CURSE. I THINK MANY C THE CURSE, BUT FEW C THE BLESSING. I EVEN HAD A CHOICE IN HOW I SAW IT.

IT’S LIKE WHEN U SEND A CHILD 2 COLLEGE & LOOK BACK AT YRS. GONE BY. SURE, U MISS “THE GOOD OL’ DAYS.” BUT U R GRATEFUL 4 THE EXPERIENCES U HAD IN “THE GOOD OL’ DAYS.”

LATER, THAT CHILD BLESSES U W/GRANDKIDS, & U R AGAIN GRATEFUL 4 “THE GOOD OL’ DAYS.” U R ALSO GRATEFUL 4 WHAT KNOWLEDGE U HAVE OF “THE GOOD OL’ DAYS”-IT MAKES U APPRECIATE THE CHILDREN MORE, & U HAVE LEARNED 2 TREASURE SMALL THINGS, LIKE A CHILD ON YOUR LAP 4 STORIES, & U SLOW DOWN & TRULY PLAY–U GET DRESSED UP & HAVE A TEA PARTY.

IT IS LIKE THAT: SURE, I MISS “THE GOOD OL’ DAYS.” BUT, NEVER AGAIN WILL I UNDER-APPRECIATE SIMPLE THINGS LIKE TALKING (I AM LEARNING), OR THE SIMPLE TASK OF TURNING ON A LIGHT SWITCH. MY BODY “LEFT 4 COLLEGE,” IF U WILL, & IN A SEASON, I BELIEVE IT WILL RETURN. IN THE MEANTIME, I HAVE HAD A CHANCE THAT MANY YOUNG MOM’S MAY NEVER HAVE: I CHERISH THE TIMES THEY SIT ON MY LAP & READ 2 ME, WE PLAY ON THE COMP. 2GETHER, I ROCK AT PLAYING THE GAME “RED ROVER”, RIDE BIKES (I COME FULLY EQUIPPED), GIVE WAGON RIDES, PLAY BASEBALL, DRESS UP, , HAVE “TEA” PARTIES, & MORE. NOTHING, OF COURSE, IS HOW “TRADITIONAL” MOMS DO IT, & I MAY NEED HELP (LIKE MY HUSBAND, MK, FIGURED OUT HOW 2 ATTACH A WAGON 2 ME), BUT I’VE HEARD MY KIDS SAY, DESPITE EVERYTHING, “I’M GLAD I HAVE A MOM” & “AT LEAST (U) CAN STILL DO FUN STUFF.”

MY BODY IS A GIFT. SURE, WE LAUGH ABOUT HOW I “DIDN’T NEED THAT (BODY PART) ANYWAY,” BUT MY BODY IS SLOWLY “COMING BACK FROM COLLEGE.” & JUST AS OTHERS CAN MORE FULLY APPRECIATE THEIR GRANDKIDS, I CAN MORE FULLY APPRECIATE HAVING A BODY, BEING A YOUNG MOM, & THE EFFORTS THAT GO INTO SIMPLE TASKS, LIKE TURNING ON A LIGHT SWITCH.

ALMOST 4 YRS. AGO, NOTHING OF WHAT I CURRENTLY DO SEEMED POSSIBLE. I AM THANKFUL 4 WHAT FEW THINGS THE LORD HAS SEEN FIT 2 LET ME RE-GAIN.

MY CHURCH ARTICLE IN THE ENSIGN, ISN’T IN TEXAS OR IN AUDIO YET ON THE CHURCH WEBSITE, BUT MY COMPLIMENTARY COPY ARRIVED. ODD 2 C EVERY1 ILLUSTRATED, BUT I WAS MORE EXCITED 2 C MK & THE KIDS DRAWN, THAN MYSELF! THE KIDS WERE DELIGHTED 2 BE DRAWN (FIA WANTS 2 TAKE IT 2 SHOW & TELL), & ZACH RELISHES THAT HE’S THE ONLY 1 THAT I NAME IN THE ENSIGN ARTICLE!

2 ANSWER SOME QUES.:

1. OF COURSE I REMEMBER PEOPLE IN INDY, & I HOPE MY ARTICLE IS SHARED W/ALL WHO WERE IN THE PRI. WHEN I TAUGHT, AS THEY WERE SOME OF MY INSPIRATION.

2. I AM WRITING A BOOK. IT’S BEEN ALMOST 4Y EARS SINCE I STARTED, & WASN’T SURE HOW 2 END, UNTIL RECENTLY. BUT I AM NOT A GREAT WRITER, DESPITE WHAT IS BEING PUBLISHED! (MANY WERE INVOLVED HERE, & IT’S VERY HUMBLING 2BE IN THE ENSIGN, ESP. WHEN U TYPE AS I DO!). BESIDES, I LACK THE SAME DRIVE 2 WORK ON MY BOOK. I SEEM 2 GO THROUGH SPURTS IF I GIVE MYSELF A DEADLINE. BUT AT THE RATE I’M GOING, IT WILL BE YEARS, IF I EVER FINISH!