THIS LAST MONTH, BESIDES A “GOOD DAY” HERE & THERE, I’D BEEN HAVING A HARD TIME SPEAKING …NOT SURE IF IT’S A “BAD SPEAKING PHASE,” OR IF I’M TOO WORN OUT, BUT 1 THING IS CLEAR: PRACTICE MATTERS! I DID THIS VIDEO 2 PREPARE A GIFT, & AS I DID, I STARTED OUT EXHAUSTED BY A TINY BIT, THEN GOT STRONGER & NOW THAT I’M IN A “SPEAKING PHASE,” I AM ABLE 2 SPEAK MORE, & MY PRACTICE HAS HELPED ME LEARN THINGS TO MAKE ME CLEARER.
WHAT I DID:
ZACH HEARD ME GRUNTING, & WONDERED WHAT I WAS DOING. I WAS USING A SPEECH PROGRAM CALLED “SENTENCE SHAPER 2.” & THE PROGRAM USES PICTURES & MY VOICE TO MAKE A “WORKBOOK.” I HAVE PICTURES WITH SENTENCES TYPED ABOVE THE PICTURES. EACH PICTURE IS A PAGE IN THE WORKBOOK, AND I TRY TO SAY EACH TYPED SENTENCE. HOWEVER, IT IS OVERWHELMING FOR ME TO THINK THAT I NEED TO SAY THAT ENTIRE SENTENCE, SO I START SMALL. I SAY A WORD SEVERAL TIMES & RECORD THE “SNIP-ITS,” THEN CHOOSE A “SNIP-IT” (WORD) 2 KEEP. THOSE GRUNTS ARE WORDS THAT FORM A SENTENCE. I PUT THE “SNIP-IT’S” IN ORDER SO I SOUND LIKE I’M SAYING A SENTENCE, & THEN THEY ARE COMBINED TO MAKE A “BEAN.” EVENTUALLY, I CAN HAVE SENTENCES BE “SNIP-ITS” THAT CAN BE COMBINED 2 FORM PHARAGRAPHS (“BEANS”).
THEN I EXPORTED IT, & I HAVE UPLOADED IT TO MY ITUNES & MY IPAD. THEN, I TURNED THE WORKBOOK INTO A VIDEO. THAT IS WHAT U SEE.
YOU HEAR THE EXPORTED BEANS, SEE THE PICTURES, & SEE THE TYPE THAT SAYS WHAT I SAY.
I HAVE BEEN TRYING 2 PUT FAMILY 1ST. I HAVE NOT FOUND THE PROPER BALANCE: I AM 1 WHO NEEDS LOTS OF “ME” TIME (I LIKE BEING ALONE & EMAILING PEOPLE & JOURNALLING).
BUT IN SEARCHING 4 THIS BALANCE, I TRY 2 NOT USE THE COMPUTER WHEN THE KIDS ARE THERE, UNLESS THEY USE IT, WE USE IT 2GETHER, OR THEY WATCH TV. I’VE LEARNED THAT WHAT I’VE MISSED IS STUFF LIKE THE SMALL TALK THAT OCCURS WHEN U DRIVE AROUND, COOK TOGETHER, PLAY A PING PONG GAME, ETC. THE TIMES THAT I JUST SIT THERE & LISTEN (SINCE I CAN’T CHIME IN VOCALLY), SO I USED TO “DISAPPEAR.” SO, WHILE I’VE STARTED ABOUT 4-6 POSTS, I NEVER FINISH THEM! LOL (BUT I RECENTLY HAD LOTS OF “ME” TIME, SO I AM PUTTING THESE ALL 2GETHER, & THIS POST WILL BE SUPER LONG!
SINCE I’M AROUND MORE, I HAVE BEEN HELPING MORE W/HOMEWORK (IT’S GREAT THAT MY DOUBLE VISION CAN NOW BE CONTROLLED WELL ENOUGH 2 READ SOME SMALLER FONTS—IT’S HARD, & TAKES TIME & PATIENCE, BUT IT CAN BE DONE!)
I’VE ALSO BEEN ATTENDING A LOT OF THINGS THAT I WOULD NORMALLY NOT DO. I HAVE CONTINUED 2 BE SUPER UPSET BY PEOPLE “TEMPORARILY” PARKING IN THE HANDICAPPED AREAS (PEOPLE JUST DO NOT LEARN, & I SWEAR I’M GOING 2 DIE 1 DAY WHILE I WAIT IN THE STREET 2 GET IN MY VAN!) BUT I’M HAPPY 2 SAY THAT MY MINISTER (BISHOP) WILL BE PUTTING UP PLAQUES THAT SAY “RESERVED FOR THE DISABLED & THEIR FAMILIES.” (PERSONALLY, I’D LIKE IT IF EVERY LDS WARD CHURCH BUILDING IN THE UNITED STATES HAD THIS PLAQUE!)
ANYWAY, ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT I’VE ATTENDED, & NORMALLY WOULDN’T ATTEND, WAS SOPHIE’S SCHOOL CARNIVAL. LUCKILY, PLACES ARE USUALLY FORCED 2 BE SOMEWHAT ACCESSIBLE, BUT I HAVE GONE 2 THINGS LIKE THIS WHERE IT’S ALMOST PAINFUL 2 GO, BECUZ I FEEL LIKE I HOLD MY FAMILY BACK: THEY CAN’T GO SHORTER WAYS (DUE 2 CURBS), I DON’T DO WELL IN CROWDS, ETC…
BUT JUST AS I WAS DOUBTING THIS NEW PHILOSOPHY OF “FAMILY 1ST” AS MK & SOPH WERE BUSY, & I SAT THERE ALONE WONDERING WHAT I WAS DOING, SOPH FOUND ME, & THANKED ME 4 COMING!
HOW COULD I 4GET? AS THE KIDS GET OLDER, THEY EXPRESS IT LESS, BUT IN THE LAST 7 ½ YEARS, SEVERAL TIMES I’VE EXPEIRIENCED HOW MY KIDS DON’T CARE WHAT I CAN/CAN’T DO, OR HOW THEY SACRIFICE THINGS 4 ME, BUT JUST THAT I’M THERE!
THIS SHOULD NOT BE SO HARD 4 ME 2 COMPREHEND: MY SOCIAL SIDE USUALLY INVOLVES PEOPLE JUST BEING NEAR ME, & HANGING OUT (ISN’T THAT THE SAME? OUR CAT, TIGER USED 2 PROVIDE THIS COMPANIONSHIP, BY SITTING BY ME ALL DAY, BUT HE’S GONE NOW–& I REALLY MISS HIM!). SO, LATELY, I HAVE BEEN TEACHING MY DAUGHTER, SOPH, TO DIGITAL SCRAPBOOK—I NOTICED SHE WAS MAKING LOTS OF POWERPOINT PROGRAMS IN A WAY THAT’S A LOT LIKE DIGITAL SCRAPBOOKING. IT’S CHALLENGING TO TEACH SOPH (THERE’S SOME NEW TERMS), BUT WHEN SHE GETS IT, SHE CATCHES ON FAST, SO IT’S FUN.
KIDS THESE DAYS JUST INSTINCTIVELY PICK UP ON TECHNOLOGY, & I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE COMPANY (ISHE USES A LAPTOP IN THE SAME ROOM, SO WE CAN HANG OUT IN THE SAME ROOM, LISTENING TO MUSIC, W/AN OCCASIONAL JOKE/CONVERSATION).
SOME ARE AWARE THAT MY HUSBAND WAS RECENTLY ASKED TO BE AN EARLY MORNING SEMINARY TEACHER AT CHURCH (HE TEACHES THE 14 & 15 YEAR OLDS ABOUT THE SCRIPTURES AT 6 AM). MANY HAVE ASKED ME HOW IT’S GOING, SO RATHER THAN TYPING THE RESPONSE AGAIN & AGAIN, I DECIDED 2 ANSWER THE QUESTION HERE:
SEMINARY MORNINGS GO REAL WELL. MK ENJOYS TEACHING THE YOUTH, & HE’S GOOD AT IT. ZACH IS IN MK’S CLASS, & I HOPE MK TEACHES ALL MY KIDS! (ONCE THE GIRL’S ARE 12 YEARS OLD, I START TEACHING THEM TOO, SO THE GIRL’S MAY GET “DOUBLE DUTY!” LOL)
JESS IS PRETTY SELF-SUFFICIENT IN THE MORNINGS. BUT JESS CLAIMS THAT SOPH WOULD BE LOST W/O ME! I DON’T DO MUCH, BESIDES REMIND SOPH OF THE TIME, & KEEP HER ON TASK. HERE’S THE LIST I MADE 4 SOPHIE’S MORNING ROUTINE(THE ACTUAL LIST IS MUCH “PRETTIER!”):
6:00-6:30-WAKE AND SHOWER (HANG UP TOWEL)
OR, IF YOU SHOWERED THE NIGHT BEFORE
6:30-6:40—(WAKE AND) GET DRESSED AND PUT CLOTHES IN THE HAMPER OR IN YOUR DRESSER DRAWER
6:40-6:50—CLEAN YOUR ROOM AND CLOSET AND GET YOUR SHOES ON
DAY OF THE WEEK areas of focus
MONDAY–clean the corner under your bookshelf, pick up your clothes
TUESDAY–clean the top of your desk, organize your books, pick up your clothes
WEDNESDAY–clean your closet, pick up your clothes
THURSDAY–clean the bunk bed stairs, general pick-up where needed, pick up your clothes
FRIDAY—clean inside your desk, pick up your clothes
SATURDAY–clean under your window, pick up your clothes, do laundry (sort into piles of white, light, & dark colors first)
6:50-7:00–BRUSH HAIR
7:00-7: 15 –EAT (if you are 10-15 minutes ahead of schedule, you may cook eggs)
7:15-7:20- GET YOUR SCHOOL SNACK AND GATHER YOUR SCHOOL STUFF
7:20-7:30—CLEAN KICHEN, BRUSH TEETH, AND HAVE FAMILY PRAYER (remember to bless those who can’t be there!)
THERE IS NO COMPUTER OR TV. ONCE YOU ARE READY, IF U HAVE ASKED FOR PERMISSION, YOU MAY BE ABLE TO DO COMPUTER, IF THE TIME PERMITS IT.
I LET SOPH TRY 2 GET HERSELF UP, BUT BY 6:15, I MAKE SURE SHE GETS UP, & THEN SHE’S PRETTY SELF-SUFFICIANT FROM THERE ON OUT, NOW. (IT HELPS THAT MK IS NOT LIKE THE “USUAL MOM,” SO THE KIDS HAVE BEEN GETTING UP & GETTING READY ALONE 4 YEARS!) DIFFERENCE IS THAT SOPH SHOWERS, & IS READY ON TIME OR EARLY NOW, INSTEAD OF LATE! (BECUZ I KEEP ON TOP OF HER, & REMIND HER OF THE TIME, & ASK IF SHE’S THERE ON THE LIST.) BUT B4 I MADE THE LIST, I OBSERVED HER FOR 2 DAYS, SO I COULD ESTIMATE HOW MUCH TIME SHE NEEDED, IN ORDER 2 COMPLETE A TASK. USUALLY, AFTER SHE FINISHES A TASK, SHE REPORTS 2 ME (LIKE I SMELL HER BREATH, SEE HER HAIR BRUSHED, ETC.–I EAT W/HER–I CAN USUALLY FEED MYSELF MEALS, IF FOOD IS READY 4 ME, & KEEP HER ON TASK, SO SHE DOESN’T STARE IN THE FRIDGE FOR 5 MIN.)
IN ADDITION, I AM TRYING 2 TALK, NOT SIGN, IN THE MORNINGS (AT TIMES, I IMAGINE MY HANDS ARE CUT OFF!), BECUZ SIGNING SERIOUSLY SLOWS THINGS DOWN! SOPHIE IS AMAZING AT UNDERSTANDING ME! THERE ARE SEVERAL CONSONANTS I JUST CAN’T SAY, YET SHE MANAGES 2 STILL FIGURE ME OUT!
UNFORTUNATELY, I SEEM 2 HAVE “SPEAKING CYCLES/PHASES.” SO SOME DAYS ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS—1 DAY, I’M AT ABOUT A “7,” ON A 10 POINT SCALE, BUT BY NEXT WEEK, I COULD BE AT A “3.” IT’S SCARY 2 GO 2 BED AT NIGHT, ESP. AFTER A “GOOD TALKING DAY,” BECUZ I NEVER KNOW IF I’LL BE ABLE 2 TALK THE SAME THE NEXT DAY! & IT’S SO FRUSTRATING, BECUZ WHEN OTHERS HAVE SEEN ME ON A GOOD DAY, I FEEL EXPECTED 2 ALWAYS TALK WELL, & I JUST CAN’T ON A “BAD” DAY!
IT TENDS 2 BE HARDER WHEN, (AMIDST OTHER REASONS) I’M TIRED–& I HAVEN’T BEEN SLEEPING WELL. BUT MOSTLY, I REALLY NEED 2 BE AROUND OTHERS, INVOLVED IN CASUAL CONVERSATIONS, ON OCCASION, WHERE THERE’S NO PRESSURE 2 TALK, BUT IT GETS ME TALKING! YET INTERESTINLY, SINCE THE LAST CALLING B4 MY STROKE WAS AS THE PRIMARY CHORISTER, THE PRIMARY SONGS ARE THE EASIEST 4 ME 2 “SING” ALONG TO, HERE & THERE, & IS A GREAT PRACTICE 4 MY SPEECH, THOUGH NOTHING BEATS JUST BEING WITH OTHERS, & TALKING!
MY “TIRED HOUR” IS 3 PM, & I FALL DOWNHILL. & I’M NOT SURE WHY, BUT MY HARDEST IS IF I LEAVE MY HOUSE. I’M GETTING BETTER AT MY MOM’S, & SOMETIMES MY CHURCH–BECUZ I’M AT THEM THE MOST– BUT I’M QUIET OR SILENT ELSEWHERE.
BACK IN JAN., I HAD A SPEECH THERAPIST COME & INTRODUCE A PROGRAM THAT REALLY HELPED, BUT SOON AFTER, SHE HAD A FAMILY CRISIS. SHE TRIED 2 STILL COME, BUT COULDN’T, SO I GOT SOME COMPUTER SPEECH PROGRAMS (FROM BUNGALOW), WHICH HAVE REALLY HELPED! (HOWEVER, WHEN MY COMPUTER CRASHED, I BROKE MY PRACTICE ROUTINE, & I CAN’T GET BACK INTO THE HABIT, ESP. WHEN IT TAKES AWAY FROM THE “ME” OR FAMILY TIME!) I NO LONGER HAVE A LIST OF WORDS I CAN SAY: I JUST TRY 2 SAY ANYTHING, WHENEVER I CAN, & IF IT SOUNDS BAD, I SIGN IT. BUT IF I LIMIT TO “YES,” “NO,” & 5 WORDS OR LESS PHRASES, I CAN VOCALLY SPEAK AN ENTIRE CONVERSATION, IF IT’S A “GOOD” DAY. I CAN’T EXPLAIN THE JOY I FEEL WHEN OUT OF NO WHERE, I ASK 4 HELP, & SOME1 COMES, OR I ASK 4 WATER, & I GET IT, OR I ENTER A ROOM & HAVE 2 BE ACKNOWLEDGED, BECUZ I SAID “GOOD MORNING!”
WHILE THERE’S 1000’S OF THINGS THAT I SAY, NOT ALWAYS CARING IF I’M UNDERSTOOD. IF I DO CARE, YET I WASN’T UNDERSTOOD, I SIGN OR WRITE IT OUT (I PRACTICE MY HANDWRITING SO MUCH, I USE MOTOR MEMORY & CAN EVEN WRITE W/O SEEING!). BUT I TALK A LOT 2 MYSELF! 4 EX., B4 I COULD TALK MORE, I SEEMED SO PATIENT AS I STARED AT MY COMPUTER & WAITED! NOW, I VOCALIZE WHAT I WAS ALWAYS THINKING: “ANY DAY NOW!” I DON’T CARE IF I’M UNDERSTOOD WHEN I SAY IT, & I DON’T WANT 2 SPELL IT AFTERWARDS—BECUZ IF MY VOCALIZING THINGS LIKE THAT NEED ME 2 SIGN WHAT I JUST THOUGHT B4, THEN IT TAKES UP TIME (THAT I DON’T WANT TO USE UP), CAUSING ME 2 NOT TRY SAYING THINGS (& I LIKE TRYING STUFF–SOMETIMES IT SURPRISES ME WHAT WORKS!) SO I JUST WAVE MY HAND AS IF 2 SAY “NEVER MIND,” OR PEOPLE ASK IF I NEED 2 TELL THEM IT.
THOUGH I DON’T HAVE A SPEECH THERAPIST, SOPH OFTEN IS MY BEST SPEECH THERAPIST, W/O KNOWING IT. SHE OFTEN EXPECTS ME 2 REPEAT THINGS SHE SAYS, MAKES LISTS OF NONSENSE WORDS 4 ME 2 SAY, THAT FOCUS ON LETTERS THAT I NEED 2 PRACTICE, SINGS W/ME (HARD 2 BELIEVE THAT IT STARTED W/ME SINGING “OLD MCDONALD” IN MUSIC THERAPY: I SANG “EIEIO” & “MOO”), & STRETCHES MY VOCAL CHORDS, BY ALWAYS MAKING ME LAUGH. OR SOMETIMES WE PLAY A GAME: SOPHIE HAS HAD ME SAYING NUMBERS & COLORS IN A GAME, & SHE CLOSED HER EYES, & I DIDN’T MOVE UNTIL SHE GUESSED IT, OR ONCE WE PLAYED CANDY LAND,I WOULD DRAW A CARD, & HAD 2 SAY THE COLORS. & AS I POINTED OUT, WE HAVE FOUND THAT SINGING PRIMARY SONGS IS A GREAT WAY FOR ME TO WORK ON MY SPEECH, SO SOPH HAS ME SING W/HER!
SPEAKING OF SINGING, I DO HAVE A MUSIC THERAPIST. WE HAVE FOCUSED ON MY SIGNING & BREATHING. ODDLY, LAYING DOWN, I CAN SOMEHOW KEEP AIR FROM ESCAPING OUT OF MY NOSE, & SAY LETTERS LIKE “K,” “F,” & “S.” BUT IF I HAVE EVEN THE SMALLEST INCLINE & FIGHT GRAVITY, OR “SQUISH” MY DIAPHRAGM, I CAN ONLY SAY THOSE LETTERS IF I PLUG MY NOSE!
THEN A WHILE AGO, I WAS VISITING AT MY SISTER’S HOUSE, & I WAS ALONE (THE PEOPLE THERE WERE IN ANOTHER ROOM & BUSY), SO I OPENED UP A ZIPLOC BAG, TOOK OUT A ROLL TO EAT, & RESEALED THE ZIPLOC, REMOVING THE AIR! DON’T KNOW IF I CAN REPEAT THAT 1 (I HAVE TRIED BEFORE 2 OPEN ZIPLOCS WITH MY TEETH & MY HAND, BUT I USUALLY SLOBBER TOO MUCH! LOL)
I DID SO WELL, I DECIDED 2 SEE IF I COULD UNSCREW THE CAP ON A TUB OF PRETZELS & GET AT THE PRETZELS…I DIDN’T WANT ANY PRETZELS, BUT IF I HAD WANTED ANY, I COULD’VE HAD 1!
THEN, ON OCT. 4TH THERE WAS A KNIFE & A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN MY REACH, & MY CLOTHING WAS ALREADY PROTECTED (I’D HAD SOME BREAD, BUT WANTED MORE, BUT NO1 WAS THERE). BUT KNIVES TOTALLY FREAK ME OUT, SO THOUGH I HAVE FIGURED (FOR A WHILE NOW) THAT I COULD CUT MYSELF A PIECE OF BANANA BREAD, I’VE NEVER DONE IT… BUT THIS TIME I DID IT, W/O CUTTING MYSELF! IT WASN’T A GREAT CUT, BUT I WAS SURPRISED AT HOW WELL I DID, & NO MATTER HOW IT’S CUT, IT TASTES THE SAME!
EITHER FOOD MOTIVATES ME, OR THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT BEING ALONE…I’LL GO WITH THE LATER, SINCE I RECENTLY LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT, BUT WAS STILL MOTIVATED & DOING NEW THINGS!
SOMETIMES I AM TOO CONFIDENT IN MY ABILITIES (SINCE I COULD DO IT B4, I ACTUALLY ENVISION MYSELF STILL DOING IT!), & SOMETIMES I AM NOT AWARE OF WHAT I’M CAPABLE OF…BUT MK INSTILLS FAITH IN ME THEN, BECUZ HE KNOWS THE MOST OF WHAT I’M CAPABLE OF (OBVIOUSLY), & ENCOURAGES ME 2 DO IT. I THINK MK REALIZES I CAN DO STUFF, BUT NOT ALWAYS 2 THE DEGREE THAT I DO SOME THINGS. PLUS, I SEEM 2 WORK AT A HIGHER LEVEL WHEN ALONE…MAYBE IT’S “SURVIVAL MODE?” OR MAYBE I’VE HAD MORE CHANCES 2 PRACTICE, LIKE IN THERAPY, & NOT REALIZED THAT I’VE BEEN CAPABLE QUITE A WHILE…? THEN, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHOSE REACTIONS INSPIRE ME 2 DO MORE/TRY AGAIN!
I BELIEVE AS I BECOME MORE CAPABLE, MK LEAVES ME ALONE MORE (EVEN IF IT’S JUST DIFFERENT FLOORS OF THE HOUSE, WHERE HE’S JUST A RING AWAY—I HAVE A DOORBELL ON MY CHAIR, WHERE THE # OF RINGS, CALLS CERTAIN PEOPLE). & BEING ALONE MEANS I AM PROVIDED W/MORE OPPORTUNITIES 2 BE MORE SELF-SUFFICIENT. IT’S EASY 2 LET OTHERS DO STUFF, & SOMETIMES I END UP NEEDING HELP (THOUGH I’M 2 STUBBORN 2 ASK 4 HELP), BUT WHEN I’M ALONE, I’M FORCED 2 FIND NEW WAYS 2 ACCOMPLISH A TASK, IF THERE’S A POSSIBILITY (LIKE I CAN’T EVEN TRY 2 WALK YET, & THAT IS NOT A CURRENT POSSIBILITY, SO OTHERS HELP W/THE STEPS I NEED 2 MAKE IT A POSSIBILITY, & 4 NOW, MOVE ME). BUT THERE’S SOME THINGS MK JUST EXPECTS ME 2 DO, & IT MOTIVATES MY PERSONAL FAITH & CONFIDENCE, & I DO IT (LIKE WHEN I STARTED OPENING DOORS A WHILE AGO, IT ALL STARTED WHEN MK HAD LOCKED HIMSELF OUT OF THE FRONT DOOR, & THOUGH THAT DOOR IS HEAVIER, HE HAD NO DOUBT THAT I’D LET HIM IN, WHICH I DID!)
LASTLY, I AM VERY FORTUNATE . SOMETIMES, MK’S TALENTS SEEM LIKE THEY WERE GOD GIVEN 2 DO WHAT HE NEEDS 2 DO, 4 ME AS WELL. JUST A FEW EXAMPLES:
HE’S A VERY TALENTED WOODWORKER, WHICH HAS HELPED HIM MAKE THINGS PERSONALLY ADAPTED 2 ME, & HELPED ME ACCOMPLISH MORE, & BE MORE INDEPENDENT. THINGS CAN BE A HALLOWEEN COSTUME, MY KEYGUARD, MY COMPUTER DESK…U NAME IT!
HE’S VERY ARTISTIC, CREATIVE, ETC. HE MAKES AMAZING BIRTHDAY CAKES (I USED 2 DECORATE CAKES, & I’D BE DISAPPOINTED IF THIS STOPPED), HELPS W/SCHOOL PROJECTS (STUFF I THOUGHT I’D DO), HE ALSO MAKES MOVIES 4 ME . IN AUGUST, MY HUSBAND MADE THIS VIDEO TO INTRODUCE ME TO ALL THE NEW TEENAGE GIRLS I WOULD TEACH AT CHURCH. IT HAS PICTURES OF ME, ME SINGING AT BYU (I AM THE SOPRANO/HIGH VOICE THE FIRST 3 VERSES, & THE MELODY/SOLO ON THE FOURTH VERSE), & I INTRODUCE MYSELF (FROM A RECORDING I MADE AT 11 YEARS OLD. I THOUGHT U MAY ENJOY IT:
AT THE START OF AUGUST, OUR FAMILY TOOK A GREAT VACATION—DARE I SAY THE BEST VACATION SINCE MY STROKE—TO DESTIN, FL. MK RENTED A BEACH W/C, & NOT ONLY DID I GO ON THE BEACH, BUT I GOT IN THE OCEAN TWICE (WITH NO W/C–JUST A LIFE VEST–& STOOD, BALANCING AGAINST THE WAVES, SO KUDOS 2 MK WHO DID IT THE SECOND TIME, EVEN WHEN HE HAD HURT HIS ARM!)
SO, AFTER SUCH A HIGH, OF COURSE THERE WAS A LOW (DO U REALIZE THAT IN MY LAST JOURNAL ENTRY B4 MY STROKE, I WROTE ABOUT HOW LUCKY I WAS? SO THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS, IT SEEMS…) WITHIN DAYS OF GETTING HOME FROM OUR VACATION, MY COMPUTER GOT A SUPER BAD VIRUS…ALL I DID WAS OPEN AN EMAIL—I DID NOT GO ON THE LINK IT HAD, OR DOWNLOAD ANYTHING, & I DELETED THE EMAIL, BUT THE DAMAGE WAS DONE…ODDLY, I WAS OK WITH IT. I ACTUALLY HAD BEEN PROMPTED & KNEW TO NOT OPEN THE EMAIL, BUT DID IT ANYWAY, THINKING THAT I HAD GOOD REASONS 2 OPEN IT…& I DID, BUT GOD HAD EVEN BETTER REASONS, & KNEW BETTER, & TRIED 2 WARN ME…BUT SINCE I CHOSE 2 NOT OBEY, I WAS FINE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES THAT I HAD GIVEN MYSELF.
THE CONSEQUENCE WAS THAT MY COMPUTER HAD 2 BE WIPED CLEAN & WINDOWS RE-INSTALLED. THE WORST PART OF THAT CONSEQUENCE WAS SEEING HOW IT AFFECTED OTHERS, & FEELING & SEEING HOW I WAS STILL SO DEPENDENT AGAIN! BUT I DECIDED 2 “JUST KEEP SWIMMING,” AS DORY ON FINDING NEMO SAYS. I BELIEVE GOD WON’T GIVE US ANYTHING WE CAN’T DEAL WITH, WE JUST HAVE 2 FIND THE POSSIBLE IN IMPOSSIBLE!
I USE CARBONITE.COM 4 AN ONLINE BACK-UP SERVICE, BUT LONG STORY SHORT, I WAS AFRAID THAT THE LAPTOP I WAS USING HAD A VIRUS & WIPED OUT MY BACK-UP AT CARBONITE! PLUS, I HAD NEVER USED IT, SO WHEN I THOUGHT I’D LOST EVERYTHING, I WAS NERVOUS ABOUT HOW THIS MAY AFFECT OTHERS, SO I HAD THE GEEK SQUAD AT BEST BUY 1ST BACK-UP WHAT WAS LEFT & MOST IMPORTANT.
IT FELT AS THOUGH THE LAST 8 YEARS OF MY LIFE WAS GONE IN AN INSTANT, & I WAS STRIPPED 2 THE BASICS (WHICH I AM VERY FAMILIAR WITH). HAVING HAD WORSE (WHERE NOT EVEN MY BODY WOULD MOVE) I DIDN’T BAT AN EYE AT THIS NEWS, & IN A WAY, I WAS RELIEVED—I HAVE BEEN TRYING 2 SIMPLIFY MY LIFE (MAY SOUND FUNNY, BUT JUST AS B4 MY STROKE, I DO TOO MUCH, EVEN NOW), & LIFE WAS SIMPLIFIED 4 ME!
WHAT MATTERED: FAMILY. (I DON’T KNOW HOW THE BIBLICAL FIGURE, JOB, SURVIVED W/O FAMILY!) I WAS SAD AT ALL THE TIME SPENT ON THE COMPUTER, INSTEAD OF W/THEM…THEY HAD GROWN UP, & I HAD MISSED TOO MUCH. SURE, I’D MADE COOL THINGS, ETC., & I’VE FOUND A WAY 2 PUT SIGNIFACANCE 2 THE THINGS I DO, BUT IF I DIED AS FAST AS MY COMPUTER DID, WOULD IT MATTER? IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE, I’D LOST THINGS AS NEAT AS JOURNALS & SCRAPBOOK PGS. HOURS & $100S OF DOLLARS GONE.
STILL, IF I WANTED THEM, I FIGURED THAT MANY DOCUMENTS COULD BE RECOVERED…IT WOULDN’T BE EASY, BUT POSSIBLE: I’VE BECOME HUGE ON PRINTING STUFF OUT, BURNING CDS, MY CAREGIVER/PERSONAL ASST. HAS PLENTY SHE HAS TYPED 4 ME, & I EVEN COULD USE MY BLOG, & OTHER WEBSITES 2 REGAIN SOME THINGS. BUT I DIDN’T WANT 2 GO BACK 2 WHERE I WAS BEFORE…
WHEN I REALIZED THAT CARBONITE COULD RESTORE ALMOST EVERYTHING, I WAS OVERWHELMED! I LIKED THAT IT HAD BEEN CHOSEN 4 ME HOW 2 SIMPLIFY MY LIFE! BUT I HAVE A CONFESSION: SOMETIMES THE RESTORATION IS SUCH A HASSLE (BECUZ BEST BUY PUT THINGS IN DIFFERENTLY), THAT I’M TEMPTED 2 WIPE THINGS CLEAN, & TRY AGAIN, OR ONLY WITH WHAT MATTERED!! LOL
I’M NOW FACING A NEW CHALLENGE, IN DELETING THINGS, BEING PICKY ABOUT WHAT I RE-LOAD, ETC. & I’M TRYING 2 FIGURE OUT MY NEW BALANCE. IT ISN’T THAT GREAT YET (OLD HABITS DIE HARD, & THIS POST WILL HOPEFULLY KEEP REMINDING ME), BUT IT MAY MAKE MY POSTS LESS FREQUENT.
A WHILE BACK, I MENTIONED HOW I RELATE 2 TODDLERS, & HAVE A NEW UNDERSTANDING 4 BABIES & TODDLERS. I JUST HAD MY B-DAY ON 8-8 (& AFTER 2 YRS. OF BEING ABLE 2 BLOW OUT A CANDLE, MY EXTENDED FAMILY FINALLY WITNESSED ME BLOWING OUT A CANDLE—GUESS I’M AGAIN AGING!), & I FEEL NO OLDER (THOUGH I NOW HAVE A HIGH SCHOOLER, & THIS FALL, I WILL HAVE A FRESHMAN IN HIGH SCHOOL, A 6TH GRADER IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, & A 4TH GRADER IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL…3 KIDS IN 3 SCHOOLS!) TIME SURE HAS FLOWN IN 14 YEARS! ZACH WAS ONLY 6 YEARS OLD WHEN I HAD MY STROKE…& HE’LL LEAVE HOME BY ANOTHER 6 OR SO YEARS! AAAH!
ANYWAY, WHEN I WAS IN EITHER 5TH OR 6TH GRADE, WE WERE COVERINGTHE REQUIREMENTS 4 THE BABYSITTING MERIT BADGE IN GIRL SCOUTS. I HAVE SEVERAL GOOD STORIES, SINCE MY MOM WAS THE LEADER, BUT 1 THING WE DID WAS A BABY FOOD TEST. I LEARNED THAT BANANAS WERE AWESOME, & I COULD TOLERATE THE OTHER FRUIT, BUT VEGETABLES WERE NASTY!
I NEVER DREAMED THAT I’D USE THIS KNOWLEDGE L8R IN LIFE, BUT I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE SQUEEZE BOTTLES OF APPLESAUCE, YOGURT, & BANANA BABY FOOD, AS WELL AS MANY TODDLER BABY FINGER FOODS (MY GIRLS LOVE MY DRIED YOGURT BITES 4 TODDLERS, & I’M OK WITH THEM “STEALING” IT FROM ME!). SO MUCH FOR GETTING OLDER!
“IF SOMEONE SAYS YOU CAN’T DO SOMETHING, SAY, ‘YES I CAN, BECAUSE I’M DOING IT RIGHT NOW!’ ” DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS
IT’S INTERESTING HOW I CAN HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH PEOPLE JUST BY THEM TALKING, & ME NODDING. HOWEVER, I CAN’T EXPRESS HOW MUCH MY LEVEL OF COMMUNICATION IMPROVED WHEN I WENT FROM BLINK-SPELLING 2 FINGERSPELLING, THOUGH IT’S ACTUALLY THE MINORITY WHO CAN SIGN. IF THEY DON’T SIGN, BUT IF WE E-MAIL, QUITE OFTEN, THOSE WHO DON’T SIGN ARE ABLE 2 GUESS MY NON-VERBALIZED THOUGHTS. MY LEVEL OF COMMUNICATION AGAIN INCREASED WHEN, A WHILE AGO, MY HANDWRITING BECAME FAR MORE LEGIBLE, THROUGH PRACTICE & BY DEVELOPING MY FINE MOTOR SKILLS. IT HAS HELPED ME SEEM MORE APPROACHABLE, IF I KEEP MY BOOGIE BOARD (FROM BROOKSTONE) VISIBLE.
NOW, MY LEVEL OF COMMUNICATION CONTINUES 2 INCREASE. I HAVE BEEN TRYING 2 SAY MANY THINGS AT HOME, B4 I SIGN, NOD, ETC. (THOUGH SOMETIMES THE VERBAL RESPONSE TIME IS SO SLOW, THAT IT COMES AFTER I SIGN OR NOD (THAT’S ALWAYS INTERESTING!)
MY MUSIC THERAPIST IS NUMBERED AMONG THOSE WHO DON’T SIGN. SHE WAS FINE W/ME NOT TALKING, BUT ME BEING ABLE 2 WRITE HAS HELPED INCREASE MY PROGRESS IN THERAPY. MONDAY, THOUGH, WE WERE ABLE 2 HAVE A VERBAL CONVERSATION WITH HER STILL DOING MOST THE TALKING BUT I WAS ABLE 2 SAY “HI,” “I’M GOOD,” ”ELEVEN,” “NEW YORK”, “NO WAY,” & A FEW OTHER SINGLE WORDS.IT’S ALWAYS EXCITING WHEN A NON-FAMILY MEMBER UNDERSTANDS ME, THOUGH THEY TEND 2 BE AT MY HOUSE (I’M GETTING BETTER AT MY PARENTS’ HOUSE & SOMETIMES AT CHURCH, BECUZ I’M THERE A LOT) BUT RARELY DOES A SENTENCE COME OUT WELL ENOUGH, SINCE I CAN’T SAY MUCH WITHOUT SLURRING, & I ONLY CAN SAY ABOUT ½ OF THE CONSONANTS.. (I CAN SAY ALL VOWELS, & THE FOLLOWING CONSONANTS: B, D, L, M, N, V, W, & SOMETIMES C, K, G, P, R—USUALLY, I NEED 2 LAY DOWNTO DO SOME OF THESE! LOL)
SO, IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN I POINTED & SAID, “THE MIRROR IS OVER THERE”, & SHE UNDERSTOOD (GOOD THING 2, BECUZ IF I GET A, “HUH?” & TRY 2 REPEAT IT, IT IS NEVER AS CLEAR AS THE SPONTANEOUS RESPONSE)!
JENNY LYNN'S NEWS 