AUGUST

AT THE START OF AUGUST, OUR FAMILY TOOK A GREAT VACATION—DARE I SAY THE BEST VACATION SINCE MY STROKE—TO DESTIN, FL. MK RENTED A BEACH W/C, & NOT ONLY DID I GO ON THE BEACH, BUT I GOT IN THE OCEAN TWICE (WITH NO W/C–JUST A LIFE VEST–& STOOD, BALANCING AGAINST THE WAVES, SO KUDOS 2 MK WHO DID IT THE SECOND TIME, EVEN WHEN HE HAD HURT HIS ARM!)

SO, AFTER SUCH A HIGH, OF COURSE THERE WAS A LOW (DO U REALIZE THAT IN MY LAST JOURNAL ENTRY B4 MY STROKE, I WROTE ABOUT HOW LUCKY I WAS? SO THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS, IT SEEMS…) WITHIN DAYS OF GETTING HOME FROM OUR VACATION, MY COMPUTER GOT A SUPER BAD VIRUS…ALL I DID WAS OPEN AN EMAIL—I DID NOT GO ON THE LINK IT HAD, OR DOWNLOAD ANYTHING, & I DELETED THE EMAIL, BUT THE DAMAGE WAS DONE…ODDLY, I WAS OK WITH IT. I ACTUALLY HAD BEEN PROMPTED & KNEW TO NOT OPEN THE EMAIL, BUT DID IT ANYWAY, THINKING THAT I HAD GOOD REASONS 2 OPEN IT…& I DID, BUT GOD HAD EVEN BETTER REASONS, & KNEW BETTER, & TRIED 2 WARN ME…BUT SINCE I CHOSE 2 NOT OBEY, I WAS FINE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES THAT I HAD GIVEN MYSELF.

THE CONSEQUENCE WAS THAT MY COMPUTER HAD 2 BE WIPED CLEAN & WINDOWS RE-INSTALLED. THE WORST PART OF THAT CONSEQUENCE WAS SEEING HOW IT AFFECTED OTHERS, & FEELING & SEEING HOW I WAS STILL SO DEPENDENT AGAIN! BUT I DECIDED 2 “JUST KEEP SWIMMING,” AS DORY ON FINDING NEMO SAYS. I BELIEVE GOD WON’T GIVE US ANYTHING WE CAN’T DEAL WITH, WE JUST HAVE 2 FIND THE POSSIBLE IN IMPOSSIBLE!

I USE CARBONITE.COM 4 AN ONLINE BACK-UP SERVICE, BUT LONG STORY SHORT, I WAS AFRAID THAT THE LAPTOP I WAS USING HAD A VIRUS & WIPED OUT MY BACK-UP AT CARBONITE! PLUS, I HAD NEVER USED IT, SO WHEN I THOUGHT I’D LOST EVERYTHING, I WAS NERVOUS ABOUT HOW THIS MAY AFFECT OTHERS, SO I HAD THE GEEK SQUAD AT BEST BUY 1ST BACK-UP WHAT WAS LEFT & MOST IMPORTANT.

IT FELT AS THOUGH THE LAST 8 YEARS OF MY LIFE WAS GONE IN AN INSTANT, & I WAS STRIPPED 2 THE BASICS (WHICH I AM VERY FAMILIAR WITH). HAVING HAD WORSE (WHERE NOT EVEN MY BODY WOULD MOVE) I DIDN’T BAT AN EYE AT THIS NEWS, & IN A WAY, I WAS RELIEVED—I HAVE BEEN TRYING 2 SIMPLIFY MY LIFE (MAY SOUND FUNNY, BUT JUST AS B4 MY STROKE, I DO TOO MUCH, EVEN NOW), & LIFE WAS SIMPLIFIED 4 ME!

WHAT MATTERED: FAMILY. (I DON’T KNOW HOW THE BIBLICAL FIGURE, JOB, SURVIVED W/O FAMILY!) I WAS SAD AT ALL THE TIME SPENT ON THE COMPUTER, INSTEAD OF W/THEM…THEY HAD GROWN UP, & I HAD MISSED TOO MUCH. SURE, I’D MADE COOL THINGS, ETC., & I’VE FOUND A WAY 2 PUT SIGNIFACANCE 2 THE THINGS I DO, BUT IF I DIED AS FAST AS MY COMPUTER DID, WOULD IT MATTER? IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE, I’D LOST THINGS AS NEAT AS JOURNALS & SCRAPBOOK PGS. HOURS & $100S OF DOLLARS GONE.

STILL, IF I WANTED THEM, I FIGURED THAT MANY DOCUMENTS COULD BE RECOVERED…IT WOULDN’T BE EASY, BUT POSSIBLE: I’VE BECOME HUGE ON PRINTING STUFF OUT, BURNING CDS, MY CAREGIVER/PERSONAL ASST. HAS PLENTY SHE HAS TYPED 4 ME, & I EVEN COULD USE MY BLOG, & OTHER WEBSITES 2 REGAIN SOME THINGS. BUT I DIDN’T WANT 2 GO BACK 2 WHERE I WAS BEFORE…

WHEN I REALIZED THAT CARBONITE COULD RESTORE ALMOST EVERYTHING, I WAS OVERWHELMED! I LIKED THAT IT HAD BEEN CHOSEN 4 ME HOW 2 SIMPLIFY MY LIFE! BUT I HAVE A CONFESSION: SOMETIMES THE RESTORATION IS SUCH A HASSLE (BECUZ BEST BUY PUT THINGS IN DIFFERENTLY), THAT I’M TEMPTED 2 WIPE THINGS CLEAN, & TRY AGAIN, OR ONLY WITH WHAT MATTERED!! LOL

I’M NOW FACING A NEW CHALLENGE, IN DELETING THINGS, BEING PICKY ABOUT WHAT I RE-LOAD, ETC. & I’M TRYING 2 FIGURE OUT MY NEW BALANCE. IT ISN’T THAT GREAT YET (OLD HABITS DIE HARD, & THIS POST WILL HOPEFULLY KEEP REMINDING ME), BUT IT MAY MAKE MY POSTS LESS FREQUENT.

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