TheDemon in the Phone

Back around 2006 or 2007 (before I could talk), I started using a phone.  We had caller ID, so I only answered when my husband or kids called, cuz they knew “the system”: 1 beep on any button meant “hi, this is mom.”  Then the “fun” began (I’m being sarcastic, if u can’t tell)—whoever called played 20 questions with me (usually, the 1st question was to see if someone was there who could read my ASL,  & I would answer them with 1 beep for yes, 2 beeps for no).

Then, I got a cell phone in 2016.  This seemed silly, since I couldn’t use a phone yet, really…the phone was more to hold on to my son’s phone #, during his mission (which I “stole” because I’d been texting from it those 2 years, so my son was nice & let me keep my texting #.)

Last year (2018) my son called me & asked me to return his call…& when I went to return his call, I had like a 15 minute panic attack before calling him back—“what if he didn’t understand me & I was all alone, & there was no one to translate me?”  It had been 15 years since I held a conversation on a phone….I was kinda’ out of practice…”what do I say/ask to keep a conversation going?”  “Was this a good time for him?”

I told my music therapist about this experience, & she encouraged me to start having more phone conversations with more open-ended questions, & to also have people call me.  I started small with just immediate family & 1 friend, until I got the nerve to post about it (but to those kind friends who responded  & said to call, I STILL haven’t had the nerve to call them!)  However, my sister & I set up a weekly time to talk.  I still can be hesitant to call her  if I don’t think my speech is good that day, but now it’s not my “usual” anxiety as much as it is just knowing how much energy I  need to  have to speak,& if  talking is hard that day, it takes lots of energy to speak!

Monday, my missionary (daughter) called me—& for the 1st time ever, I wasn’t even phased when I heard my phone ring, I just answered it, not even caring that I was alone!  She seemed to understand me just fine, & I enjoyed our talk! I felt  like Supergirl when we were done because I had conquered a demon!  I am sure it has helped to talk to my sister (thanks Missy!), because I’m ok if my family calls now…someday I’ll get to where I feel comfortable answering any call(instead of getting nervous & hanging up on telemarketers! Ha! Ha!)

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