ADDING INSULT TO INJURY

I AM UPSET LATELY ABOUT THE INTENTIONAL WAYS THAT PEOPLE SHOW AN UNINTENTIONAL LACK OF RESPECT 2 THE DISABLED. 2 MY FACE, THEY ARE NICE & OPEN DOORS & HELP ME, BUT IF I’M NOT IN EYESIGHT, THEY “TEMPORARILY” USE THE HANDICAPED PARKING SPOTS, SIT IN DESIGNATED HANDICAP SEATING, ETC. IF I’M NOT WITH MARK, HE DOES NOT SIT IN HANDICAPPED SEATING, AND DOES NOT EVER PARK IN HANDICAPPED SPOTS (EVEN THOUGH HE COULD MAYBE GET AWAY WITH IT WITH MY DISABILITY PLATES).

SUNDAY, I HAD SEVERAL THINGS OCCUR THAT WERE ALL MINOR ANNOYANCES, BUT ALL TOGETHER, THEY SEEM 2 TELL ME THAT I’M NOT WELCOME HERE…HOWEVER, I WAS TRYING 2 INSTEAD FOCUS ON WHAT WAS DONE 2 MAKE THE DISABLED WELCOME (THOUGH I WANT 2 SHARE A PET PEEVE: IF U ARE LDS, THE MEDIUM-SIZED BENCH IN THE BACK ROW THAT IS SHORTER ON BOTH ENDS IS NOT 4 A MEDIUM-SIZED FAMILY OR 4 AN INFANT CARRIER, OR 4 A BABY 2 PLAY ON A BLANKET…BUT IT IS 4 WHEELCHAIRS & NON-COLLAPSING WALKERS! I THINK WE NEED SIGNS THAT SAY THAT IT’S RESERVED 4 THE HANDICAPPED!)

MONDAY TOOK THE CAKE! I WENT 2 WATCH SOPH’S DANCE CLASS AT PAIYH (PUT ART IN YOUR HEART) DANCE STUDIO, AND SOME1 WAS PARKED ILLEGALLY IN THE HANDICAPPED SPOT…THERE ARE ONLY 2 SPOTS, & 1 WAS BEING USED BY A CAR WITH THE RIGHT DISABILITY PARKING TAGS.4 SOME REASON, PEOPLE THINK IT’S OK 2 “TEMPORARILY” PARK IN THE HANDICAPPED PARKING IF THEY FEEL IT WILL ONLY BE A SECOND, & THE CAR IS STILL RUNNING. THIS IS SO NOT FAIR, AND NOT TRUE: THEY CAN PARK ANYWHERE! I HAVE MINIMAL CHOICES, & IF BOTH ARE FULL, MARK HAS 2 LET ME OUT/IN ON THE STREET, OR I DON’T GO!

MON., MARK TRIED HONKING & WAITING, BUT HAD 2 END UP GOING AROUND THE BLOCK, AND I HAD 2 GET OUT BEHIND THE BUILDING & “WALK” AROUND. HE USUALLY HAS TO KNOCK ON A WINDOW TO GET PEOPLE’S ATTENTION BUT THERE WAS TRAFFIC THAT DAY. 4 SOME REASON, I HAVE FOUND THAT DANCE STUDIOS ARE REALLY BAD ABOUT THIS: GUESS BECUZ THE DISABLED ARE NOT EXPECTED 2 GO THERE! BUT I’VE HAD TROUBLE AT SCHOOLS, CHURCH, DRY CLEANERS, AND OTHER SMALL BUSINESSES…U NAME IT! ARE AMERICANS UNGRATEFUL WITH THEIR ABILITY 2 WALK, AND 2 LAZY 2 WALK A FEW FEET EXTRA?

AS A WOMAN WHO ENJOYED MANY FORMS OF DANCE ALL HER LIFE, AND EVEN DANCED ON MY COLLEGE BALLROOM DANCE TEAM, IT IS PAINFUL TO SEE ABLE BODIED PEOPLE PARK IN THE “PREMIUM” HANDICAPPED PARKING SPACES IN FRONT OF THE DANCE STUDIO. DO THEY NOT REALIZE HOW BLESSED THEY ARE TO BE PHYSICALLY ABLE TO BE DOING SOMETHING THAT THEY LOVE? NOT SAYING THIS OCCURED, BUT IT IS BAD ENOUGH WHEN SOME1 W/DISABILITY TAGS USES A SPOT IF THEY DON’T NEED IT (I THINK THERE IS A TENDENCY 2 THINK THEY “HAVE THE RIGHT,” OR THAT IT’S JUST EMPTY…BUT THAT IS ALWAYS WHEN THE WHEELCHAIRS COME, IT SEEMS), BUT 2 ADD A PERFECTLY HEALTHY, ABLED BODY TAKING DISABLED PARKING, SEATS, ETC… THE FAMILIAR STATEMENT “ADDING INSULT TO INJURY” RINGS PRETTY TRUE IN THIS CASE.

I’M A MORMON

THIS SAT. & SUN. (IN OCTOBER) OUR CHURCH HAS “GENERAL CONFERENCE,” WHERE IN OUR HOMES (ON CABLE, IN SOME AREAS) OR IN CHURCH BUILDINGS THERE IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO HEAR A LIVING PROPHET SPEAK. (I OFTEN POST QUOTES FROM OUR LIVING & DEAD PROPHETS.) IT’S FILMED IN UTAH.

BUT IN OUR AREA, STARTING OCT. 1ST, MY CHURCH WILL CURRENTLY BE DOING THE “I’M A MORMON” CAMPAIGN, SO PEOPLE CAN DISPEL MYTHS & MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT US THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS), & LEARN ABOUT OUR CHURCH & OUR BELIEF IN CHRIST. I’M SO EXCITED THAT I CAN DO THE “I’M A MORMON” CAMPAIGN. I’M PROBABLY MORE EXCITED THAN THE AVERAGE PERSON ABOUT THIS CAMPAIGN, BECAUSE IT REQUIRES NO TALKING, & I CAN DO IT! AS IS, I DO WHAT I CAN: I’M NOT ASHAMED 2 SHARE MY BELIEFS ON MY BLOG! THEY ARE A BIG PART OF ME!

HOPEFULLY, ON OCT. 1ST MY PROFILE WILL APPEAR IN A SEARCH ON MORMON.ORG (IT’S DONE, BUT DOESN’T SHOW UP YET), I ENCOURAGE U 2 VISIT MORMON.ORG, & READ MY PROFILE. MK WILL ALSO BE ON THERE. SOON, I’LL ADD A LINK 2 MOROMON.ORG/MY PROFILE ON MY BLOG.

AUGUST

AT THE START OF AUGUST, OUR FAMILY TOOK A GREAT VACATION—DARE I SAY THE BEST VACATION SINCE MY STROKE—TO DESTIN, FL. MK RENTED A BEACH W/C, & NOT ONLY DID I GO ON THE BEACH, BUT I GOT IN THE OCEAN TWICE (WITH NO W/C–JUST A LIFE VEST–& STOOD, BALANCING AGAINST THE WAVES, SO KUDOS 2 MK WHO DID IT THE SECOND TIME, EVEN WHEN HE HAD HURT HIS ARM!)

SO, AFTER SUCH A HIGH, OF COURSE THERE WAS A LOW (DO U REALIZE THAT IN MY LAST JOURNAL ENTRY B4 MY STROKE, I WROTE ABOUT HOW LUCKY I WAS? SO THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS, IT SEEMS…) WITHIN DAYS OF GETTING HOME FROM OUR VACATION, MY COMPUTER GOT A SUPER BAD VIRUS…ALL I DID WAS OPEN AN EMAIL—I DID NOT GO ON THE LINK IT HAD, OR DOWNLOAD ANYTHING, & I DELETED THE EMAIL, BUT THE DAMAGE WAS DONE…ODDLY, I WAS OK WITH IT. I ACTUALLY HAD BEEN PROMPTED & KNEW TO NOT OPEN THE EMAIL, BUT DID IT ANYWAY, THINKING THAT I HAD GOOD REASONS 2 OPEN IT…& I DID, BUT GOD HAD EVEN BETTER REASONS, & KNEW BETTER, & TRIED 2 WARN ME…BUT SINCE I CHOSE 2 NOT OBEY, I WAS FINE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES THAT I HAD GIVEN MYSELF.

THE CONSEQUENCE WAS THAT MY COMPUTER HAD 2 BE WIPED CLEAN & WINDOWS RE-INSTALLED. THE WORST PART OF THAT CONSEQUENCE WAS SEEING HOW IT AFFECTED OTHERS, & FEELING & SEEING HOW I WAS STILL SO DEPENDENT AGAIN! BUT I DECIDED 2 “JUST KEEP SWIMMING,” AS DORY ON FINDING NEMO SAYS. I BELIEVE GOD WON’T GIVE US ANYTHING WE CAN’T DEAL WITH, WE JUST HAVE 2 FIND THE POSSIBLE IN IMPOSSIBLE!

I USE CARBONITE.COM 4 AN ONLINE BACK-UP SERVICE, BUT LONG STORY SHORT, I WAS AFRAID THAT THE LAPTOP I WAS USING HAD A VIRUS & WIPED OUT MY BACK-UP AT CARBONITE! PLUS, I HAD NEVER USED IT, SO WHEN I THOUGHT I’D LOST EVERYTHING, I WAS NERVOUS ABOUT HOW THIS MAY AFFECT OTHERS, SO I HAD THE GEEK SQUAD AT BEST BUY 1ST BACK-UP WHAT WAS LEFT & MOST IMPORTANT.

IT FELT AS THOUGH THE LAST 8 YEARS OF MY LIFE WAS GONE IN AN INSTANT, & I WAS STRIPPED 2 THE BASICS (WHICH I AM VERY FAMILIAR WITH). HAVING HAD WORSE (WHERE NOT EVEN MY BODY WOULD MOVE) I DIDN’T BAT AN EYE AT THIS NEWS, & IN A WAY, I WAS RELIEVED—I HAVE BEEN TRYING 2 SIMPLIFY MY LIFE (MAY SOUND FUNNY, BUT JUST AS B4 MY STROKE, I DO TOO MUCH, EVEN NOW), & LIFE WAS SIMPLIFIED 4 ME!

WHAT MATTERED: FAMILY. (I DON’T KNOW HOW THE BIBLICAL FIGURE, JOB, SURVIVED W/O FAMILY!) I WAS SAD AT ALL THE TIME SPENT ON THE COMPUTER, INSTEAD OF W/THEM…THEY HAD GROWN UP, & I HAD MISSED TOO MUCH. SURE, I’D MADE COOL THINGS, ETC., & I’VE FOUND A WAY 2 PUT SIGNIFACANCE 2 THE THINGS I DO, BUT IF I DIED AS FAST AS MY COMPUTER DID, WOULD IT MATTER? IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE, I’D LOST THINGS AS NEAT AS JOURNALS & SCRAPBOOK PGS. HOURS & $100S OF DOLLARS GONE.

STILL, IF I WANTED THEM, I FIGURED THAT MANY DOCUMENTS COULD BE RECOVERED…IT WOULDN’T BE EASY, BUT POSSIBLE: I’VE BECOME HUGE ON PRINTING STUFF OUT, BURNING CDS, MY CAREGIVER/PERSONAL ASST. HAS PLENTY SHE HAS TYPED 4 ME, & I EVEN COULD USE MY BLOG, & OTHER WEBSITES 2 REGAIN SOME THINGS. BUT I DIDN’T WANT 2 GO BACK 2 WHERE I WAS BEFORE…

WHEN I REALIZED THAT CARBONITE COULD RESTORE ALMOST EVERYTHING, I WAS OVERWHELMED! I LIKED THAT IT HAD BEEN CHOSEN 4 ME HOW 2 SIMPLIFY MY LIFE! BUT I HAVE A CONFESSION: SOMETIMES THE RESTORATION IS SUCH A HASSLE (BECUZ BEST BUY PUT THINGS IN DIFFERENTLY), THAT I’M TEMPTED 2 WIPE THINGS CLEAN, & TRY AGAIN, OR ONLY WITH WHAT MATTERED!! LOL

I’M NOW FACING A NEW CHALLENGE, IN DELETING THINGS, BEING PICKY ABOUT WHAT I RE-LOAD, ETC. & I’M TRYING 2 FIGURE OUT MY NEW BALANCE. IT ISN’T THAT GREAT YET (OLD HABITS DIE HARD, & THIS POST WILL HOPEFULLY KEEP REMINDING ME), BUT IT MAY MAKE MY POSTS LESS FREQUENT.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2 ME

A WHILE BACK, I MENTIONED HOW I RELATE 2 TODDLERS, & HAVE A NEW UNDERSTANDING 4 BABIES & TODDLERS. I JUST HAD MY B-DAY ON 8-8 (& AFTER 2 YRS. OF BEING ABLE 2 BLOW OUT A CANDLE, MY EXTENDED FAMILY FINALLY WITNESSED ME BLOWING OUT A CANDLE—GUESS I’M AGAIN AGING!), & I FEEL NO OLDER (THOUGH I NOW HAVE A HIGH SCHOOLER, & THIS FALL, I WILL HAVE A FRESHMAN IN HIGH SCHOOL, A 6TH GRADER IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, & A 4TH GRADER IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL…3 KIDS IN 3 SCHOOLS!) TIME SURE HAS FLOWN IN 14 YEARS! ZACH WAS ONLY 6 YEARS OLD WHEN I HAD MY STROKE…& HE’LL LEAVE HOME BY ANOTHER 6 OR SO YEARS! AAAH!

ANYWAY, WHEN I WAS IN EITHER 5TH OR 6TH GRADE, WE WERE COVERINGTHE REQUIREMENTS 4 THE BABYSITTING MERIT BADGE IN GIRL SCOUTS. I HAVE SEVERAL GOOD STORIES, SINCE MY MOM WAS THE LEADER, BUT 1 THING WE DID WAS A BABY FOOD TEST. I LEARNED THAT BANANAS WERE AWESOME, & I COULD TOLERATE THE OTHER FRUIT, BUT VEGETABLES WERE NASTY!

I NEVER DREAMED THAT I’D USE THIS KNOWLEDGE L8R IN LIFE, BUT I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE SQUEEZE BOTTLES OF APPLESAUCE, YOGURT, & BANANA BABY FOOD, AS WELL AS MANY TODDLER BABY FINGER FOODS (MY GIRLS LOVE MY DRIED YOGURT BITES 4 TODDLERS, & I’M OK WITH THEM “STEALING” IT FROM ME!). SO MUCH FOR GETTING OLDER!

MONDAY

“IF SOMEONE SAYS YOU CAN’T DO SOMETHING, SAY, ‘YES I CAN, BECAUSE I’M DOING IT RIGHT NOW!’ ”
DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS

IT’S INTERESTING HOW I CAN HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH PEOPLE JUST BY THEM TALKING, & ME NODDING. HOWEVER, I CAN’T EXPRESS HOW MUCH MY LEVEL OF COMMUNICATION IMPROVED WHEN I WENT FROM BLINK-SPELLING 2 FINGERSPELLING, THOUGH IT’S ACTUALLY THE MINORITY WHO CAN SIGN. IF THEY DON’T SIGN, BUT IF WE E-MAIL, QUITE OFTEN, THOSE WHO DON’T SIGN ARE ABLE 2 GUESS MY NON-VERBALIZED THOUGHTS. MY LEVEL OF COMMUNICATION AGAIN INCREASED WHEN, A WHILE AGO, MY HANDWRITING BECAME FAR MORE LEGIBLE, THROUGH PRACTICE & BY DEVELOPING MY FINE MOTOR SKILLS. IT HAS HELPED ME SEEM MORE APPROACHABLE, IF I KEEP MY BOOGIE BOARD (FROM BROOKSTONE) VISIBLE.

NOW, MY LEVEL OF COMMUNICATION CONTINUES 2 INCREASE. I HAVE BEEN TRYING 2 SAY MANY THINGS AT HOME, B4 I SIGN, NOD, ETC. (THOUGH SOMETIMES THE VERBAL RESPONSE TIME IS SO SLOW, THAT IT COMES AFTER I SIGN OR NOD (THAT’S ALWAYS INTERESTING!)

MY MUSIC THERAPIST IS NUMBERED AMONG THOSE WHO DON’T SIGN. SHE WAS FINE W/ME NOT TALKING, BUT ME BEING ABLE 2 WRITE HAS HELPED INCREASE MY PROGRESS IN THERAPY. MONDAY, THOUGH, WE WERE ABLE 2 HAVE A VERBAL CONVERSATION WITH HER STILL DOING MOST THE TALKING BUT I WAS ABLE 2 SAY “HI,” “I’M GOOD,” ”ELEVEN,” “NEW YORK”, “NO WAY,” & A FEW OTHER SINGLE WORDS.IT’S ALWAYS EXCITING WHEN A NON-FAMILY MEMBER UNDERSTANDS ME, THOUGH THEY TEND 2 BE AT MY HOUSE (I’M GETTING BETTER AT MY PARENTS’ HOUSE & SOMETIMES AT CHURCH, BECUZ I’M THERE A LOT) BUT RARELY DOES A SENTENCE COME OUT WELL ENOUGH, SINCE I CAN’T SAY MUCH WITHOUT SLURRING, & I ONLY CAN SAY ABOUT ½ OF THE CONSONANTS.. (I CAN SAY ALL VOWELS, & THE FOLLOWING CONSONANTS: B, D, L, M, N, V, W, & SOMETIMES C, K, G, P, R—USUALLY, I NEED 2 LAY DOWNTO DO SOME OF THESE! LOL)

SO, IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN I POINTED & SAID, “THE MIRROR IS OVER THERE”, & SHE UNDERSTOOD (GOOD THING 2, BECUZ IF I GET A, “HUH?” & TRY 2 REPEAT IT, IT IS NEVER AS CLEAR AS THE SPONTANEOUS RESPONSE)!