IT’S BEEN A WHILE…

SORRY…I DROPPED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH! (LOL–U’LL GET IT LATER!) BEEN INCREDIBLY BUSY, & IT’S GETTING WORSE, NOT BETTER!

THERE HAVE BEEN BIG THINGS GOING ON SINCE EASTER: I GOT A NEW COMPUTER (& HAVE BEEN GETTING ACQUIANTED, & HAVE BEEN TRANSFERRING STUFF), GOT A NEW ASSISSTANT/CAREGIVER, ANGIE, “THE MORMON CHANNEL” (http://mormonchannel.org/ ), CAME 2 FILM ME, BOTH MK & I HAVE BEEN 2 THE HOSPITAL, ETC..

AS 4 MK’S HOSPITAL TRIP: USUALLY, MK BEING ILL MAKES ME FEEL EXTRA HELPLESS, BECUZ THE WORLD STOPS WHEN MK IS SICK, & I CAN’T KEEP IT TURNING, LIKE I USED TO DO. I WANT HIM 2 REST, BUT I ALSO WANT LIFE 2 CONTINUE,TAKE THE KIDS PLACES, RUN ERRANDS, ETC.! & WHLE IT WASN’T A 1ST TIME WHEN MK WAS ILL, BUT IT WAS THE FIRST TIME WHERE IT WAS AMAZING & MIRACULOUS HOW CALM I FELT!

BUT A WHILE AGO, I MADE A “CARING 4 JENNY” BINDER 4 STUFF EVENTS THIS, SO ANY1 COULD HELP ME. BUT SINCE CARA JUST LEFT , I HAD RECENTLY UPDATED IT 4 A NEW CAREGIVER WITH SCEDULES, INSTRUCTIONS 4 THINGS LIKE HOW 2 USE THE LIFT 2 HELP ME POTTY, HOW 2 HELP ME EXERCISE, HOW 2 TURN ME AT NIGHT (IF NEEDED –I HARDLY EVER TURN NOW, BUT IT NEVER FAILS THAT I NEED 2 TURN WHEN MK REALLY NEEDS 2 SLEEP!), HOW 2 PUT ME IN THE CAR, ETC.

W/MY “CARING 4 JENNY” BINDER UP-2-DATE, & W/FAITH IT WOULD ALL BE FINE SOMEHOW (MAYBE NOT HOW I WANT IT, BUT IT WOULD BE OK–I THINK I LEARNED THAT W/MY STROKE, BECUZ OBVIOUSLY, I DON’T WANT 2 BE THE “HELPLESS GIRL IN A WHEELCHAIR”, BUT THINGS ARE FINE…), I WAS EXTREMELY, SURPRISENLY CALM THE ENTIRE TIME…. ESP. WEIRD, SINCE MILES–MY ASSISSTANT/CAREGIVER, ANGIE’S, BABY–WAS SICK…

AS 4 MY HOSPITAL TRIP: THE 1ST WEEKEND OF JUNE, WE WERE ON A FAMILY VACATION IN PADRE ISLAND, TEXAS…

THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO READ THE BIBLE, & WONDER ABOUT IF WE STILL HAVE MIRACLES 2DAY. NO1 PARTS THE RED SEA, BUT W/100% SURETY, I CAN SHOUT, “YES , WE HAVE MIRACLES 2DAY!” IF WE DIDN’T, I WOULDN’T BE WRITING THIS POST 2DAY! AFTER MY STROKE, I HAVE WITNESSED MIRACLE AFTER MIRACLE, & SAT. I WAS PART OF A HUGE MIRACLE! THERE IS NO QUESTION–I KNOW I WITNESSED A MIRACLE, GOD’S LOVE, GOD’S MERCY, & GOD’S PROTECTION, & AT THE RISK OF FEELING STUPID, I FEEL COMPELLED TO SHARE THIS STORY W/U:

SAT., JUNE 2, I WAS IN A STORE, & FELT FRUSTRATED (BUT W/MY PBA, WEN I’M FRUSTRATED EVEN A TINY BIT, I CRY & MAKE A HORRIBLE SCENE…) THEN WELL MEANING PEOPLE ASK ME QUESTIONS I CAN’T ANSWER & OFFER SYMPATHY (& SYMPATHY ONLY MAKES MY PBA WORSE), OR, SINCE MK IS THERE, HE IS UNFAIRLY JUDGED 2 BE “EVIL,” SO IN ORDER 2 AVOID MAKING A SCENE, I LEFT THE STORE ALONE (WHICH I NEVER DO, & NEVER WILL AGAIN!) I JUST MADE AN EVEN BIGGER SCENE. IMMEDIATELY OUTSIDE OF THE FRONT DOOR, THERE WAS A VERY SMALL LANDING, W/NO WARNING LINES, & I, OF COURSE, SAW 2 SIDEWALKS TO MAKE A BIGGER LANDING, & I AIMED FOR THE 2ND SIDEWALK (WHICH DIDN’T EXIST), WHERE I’D WAIT OUTSIDE OF THE STORE MY FAMILY. BAD CHOICE. UNFORTUNATELY,THE SIDEWALK I SAW, WAS A CURB. SO, I WENT OFF THE CURB & FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR, LANDING ON MY KNEES & FACE, IN THE PARKING LOT…I DON’T RECALL FALLING, BUT I KNEW WHEN I HIT, & WHEN I SAW A POOL OF BLOOD FORMING, I CRIED AS LOUD AS I COULD—NOT BECUZ I WAS HURT, BUT SO SOME1 WOULD COME.

MY W/C TEETERED ON THE CURB EDGE, &, CALL IT VANITY OR PRIDE, BUT I WON’T WEAR A SEAT BELT IN MY W/C. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT IF I HAD BEEN, MY WHEELCHAIR WOULD’VE TOPPLED ON TOP OF ME, CRUSHING OR KILLING ME!

W/IN SECONDS, SOME1 CAME & FLIPPED ME OVER. THEY SAID TO CALL 911, & W/IN ANOTHER FEW SECONDS, MK WAS THERE, MK HELD & LOOKED AT ME W/SUCH LOVE & I IMMEDIATELY WAS COMFORTED, & KNEW THAT I’D BE OK. BUT I KNEW HEAD WOUNDS BLED LOTS, & I KNEW I LOOKED TONS WORSE THAN I FELT, SO I WORRIED DEARLY ABOUT MY FAMILY! I COULD HEAR THE KIDS CRYING, SO MY PBA KICKED IN & I SOBBED–BUT NOT BECUZ I WAS HURT…SO I SIGNED, “PBA,” HOPING THEY’D CATCH ON THAT I WAS OK, & THE TEARS WERE PBA TEARS.

911 WAS AGAIN SUGGESTED, WHICH FELT UNNECESSARY, BUT I DIDN’T PROTEST—I RECALLED THAT WHEN I HAD MY STROKE & ALMOST DIED, I DID PROTEST TO 911 BEING CALLED (HA!), & I FIGURED IT DIDN’T HURT 2 CHECK 4 INTERNAL BLEEDING, & LET MY LOVED 1S SEE THAT I WAS OK! BUT AS I WAS PUT ON THE AMBULANCE, I WORRIED THAT IT MAY TURN UP OLD MEMORIES 4 MY FAMILY OF ME GOING ON AN AMBULANCE 8 YEARS AGO…

I WAS THROUGHLY SCANNED/X-RAYED AT THE HOSPITAL, & I’M OK! I BROKE MY NOSE & HAVE SOME SCRAPES AND CUTS, BUT I FEEL THAT THE IT IS A MIRACLE HOW MINOR MY INJURIES ARE. I MOSTLY JUST FEEL STUPID!

OH, & I’M TICKED AT THE HOSPITAL. THEY ACTUALLY ADDED 2 MY INJURIES: 1ST, I WAS A HUMAN PINCUSHION, & 2ND, MY TAILBONE GOT BRUISED. I CAME TO THE HOSPITAL TO BE HELPED, BUT I WAS HURT AS BAD AS WHEN I FELL! BUT THIS IS NOT THE ONLY HOSPITAL W/THESE PROBLEMS! EVERY HOSPITAL HAS IT’S PROBLEMS, & STROKE SURVIVORS ALL OVER THE WORLD CAN SHARE EQUAL OR WORSE HOSPITAL STORIES.

BUT I DIGRESS… A FEW WEEKS AGO, MK WAS IMPRESSED 2 ASK ME IF I WANTED TO STOP TAKING MY BLOOD THINNER MEDS (SOMETHING NO DOCTOR WOULD SUGGEST DOING, BUT THEY ALSO CAN’T SAY 4 SURE WHY I HAD A STROKE & NEED IT), SO I RESEARCHED & SINCE I HAD NO OBJECTIONS, & SINCE I’M ON A HEALTH FOOD KICK THAT SEEMS A BAD MIX WITH MY BLOOD THINNER MEDS, I STOPPED TAKING THEM. GOOD THING TOO–OR I WOULDN’T BE WRITING THIS! IN FACT, MY DR. MADE IT SOUND LIKE THERE WAS NOT GREAT EVIDENCE FOR THE NEED FOR ME TO TAKE BLOOD THINNERS AND IT MOST LIKELY PREVENTED INTERNAL BLEEDING BY NOT BEING ON IT.

IT IS A MIRACLE THAT SOMETHING THAT COULD’VE KILLED ME, ONLY ENDED UP W/A BROKEN NOSE (WHICH GAVE ME 2 BLACK EYES), & SOME CUTS ON MY FACE, KNEES, & 3 FINGERS ON MY RIGHT HAND! ONLY GOD COULD’VE PROTECTED ME SO WELL! SIMPLY AMAZING THAT MY TEETH ARE FINE, MY RIGHT HAND ISN’T BROKEN, I GOT NO STITCHES, & MY SKULL WASN’T CRUSHED! WHAT MERCY & LOVE I FEEL!

I’M AMAZED HOW GOD FINDS WAYS 2 TURN BAD SITUATIONS INTO GOOD. I KNOW HUNDREDS OF WAYS THAT MY STROKE HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A BLESSING. THIS WAS NO DIFFERENT: I HAVE WANTED A NEUROLGIST 4 QUITE SOMETIME (ODDLY, MOSTLY SO I MAY TRY THE NEW MEDS 4 PBA!), & THE HOSPITAL WE WENT TO WAS ONE OF THE FEW THAT SPECIALIZE IN STROKE NEUROLOGY. MY DR. (WHO SEEMED 2 LIGHT-UP AT MEETING AN 8 YR. BRAIN-STEM STROKE SURVIVOR, SINCE THE MORTALITY RATE IS SO LOW, & WE USUALLY SURVIVE ONLY 1 YEAR) WAS A HUGE PART IN SETTTING UP THE STROKE UNIT. SHE GAVE ME A REFERRAL TO SEE A GUY NEARBY TO ADDRESS SOME THINGS THAT MAY BENEFIT ME IN THE LONG RUN.

WHEN MK WAS SICK, THINGS WERE VERY TOUGH W/THE KIDS (TEENS ARE NOT MY FORTE…HENCE, I TAUGHT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!), BUT MY ACCIDENT SEEMS 2 HAVE REMINDED US ALL–INCLUDING ME–HOW MUCH WE LOVE & CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER.

SOMETHING I LOVE ABOUT MY FAMILY IS HOW THEY FIND HUMOR IN EVERY SITUATION…& THEY SAY LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE! MAYBE I WAS LOOPY AT THE TIME MK SAID IT, BUT I LAUGHED SOOO HARD WHEN HE MENTIONED THAT HE HAD MY WHEELCHAIR 4 ME 2 LEAVE THE HOSPITAL, & THAT HE WAS TRYING 2 THINK OF HOW HE COULD HELP ME RE-COVER, WHEN HE ALREADY POTTIES ME, SHOWERS ME, DRESSES ME, & FEEDS ME! THEN THE KIDS (WHO HAD PREVIOUSLY COMPARED MY SUNBURN 2 A TOMATO) COMMENTED HOW I NOW LOOKED LIKE A TOMATO THAT HAD BEEN CHEWED ONCE (SO IT WAS DAMAGED, BUT STILL A COMPLETE TOMATO) LOL

I HAVE WITNESSED MIRACLE AFTER MIRACLE, & IT’S NOT OVER YET: I AM THE WORLD’S SLOWEST HEALER, BUT WHEN I WOKE UP 2DAY, & IT’S AMAZING HOW FAST I’M HEALING!

EASTER MY WAY

I’M A LITTLE LATE, BUT ON EASTER,THIS WAS ON MY CHURCH’S WEBSITE:

I HAVE ALWAYS FELT THE LORD’S MERCY BECUZ HE HAS SEEN FIT 2 RESTORE THE RIGHT SIDE OF MY BODY AS MUCH AS HE HAS. THIS HAS ALLOWED ME 2 PARTICIPATE IN RELIGIOUS ACTIVITIES, & FOR YEARS NOW, I HAVE BEEN ABLE 2 REACH MY MOUTH, & GIVE MYSELF THE BREAD IN THE LDS SACRAMENT (COMMUNION?).

2 WEEKS AGO I TRIED 2 ALSO GIVE MYSELF THE WATER, & I MADE A MESS! (MY PBA HAD ME LAUGHING LOUDLY, WHEN I SHOULD BE QUIET–BUT IT’S AMAZING HOW MUCH WATER IS IN THESE THIMBLE-SIZE CUPS, & I HAD WATER EVERYWHERE! IT WAS FUNNY, & I CAN’T GIGGLE!) LAST WEEK I DID IT, & AGAIN I DID IT THIS WEEK! IT SEEMED SO APPROPRIATE 2 REMEMBER CHRIST IN THAT WAY ON EASTER DAY!

TODAY IS MY STROKE-AVERSARY

TODAY IS MY STROKE-AVERSARY–8 YEARS AGO I HAD A MASSIVE STROKE W/SEVERE DAMAGE 2 MY BRAINSTEM. I BELIEVE DOCTORS ARE TRAINED TO POSE U W/A “WORST-CASE SENARIO,” & MY FAMILY WAS TOLD THAT I HAD 24 HRS. TO LIVE, & IF I LIVED, I WOULDN’T MOVE, JUST BLINK.

HOW WRONG THE DOCTORS WERE! THEY COULDN’T HAVE FANTHOMED WHAT THE FUTURE HELD FOR ME, BUT MY FAMILY HAD 2 SERIOUSLY CONSIDER IF THEY COULD DEAL WITH THE WORST POSSIBLE OUTCOME & THE PICTURE THAT THE DOCTOR’S PAINTED FOR ME. & WHILE I AM IN A WHEELCHAIR W/DOUBLE VISION, AN INABILITY 2 TALK OR MOVE MY LEFT SIDE, THERE ARE ALSO MANY THINGS I HAVE REGAINED, THAT SUPPOSEDLY I WOULD NEVER DO AGAIN.

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE LAST 8 POST-STROKE YEARS

1. I’M ALIVE, AFTER A NEARLY FATAL STROKE IN MARCH 2004.

2. IN SEPT. 2004 & IN OCT. 2008, THE LDS PROPHET, PRESIDENT MONSON WROTE TO ME.

3. BY DEC,2004, I HAD GOTTEN RID OF MY TRACHE, FEEDING TUBE, & CATHETER.

4. IN NOV. 2005, I MADE AN APPLE, ICE CREAM, & PUMPKIN PIE FROM SCRATH!

5. IN MAY 2007, I MET THE HOPEFUL PRESIDENTIAL CANIDATE, MITT ROMNEY.

6. IN OCT. 2007, I “SPOKE” OUT AT AN INTERNATIONAL DOCTOR CONFERENCE IN CLEVELAND, OH.

7. IN THE WINTER OF 2007, I WAS PUBLISHED IN THE ENSIGN, A CHURCH MAGAZINE.

8. IN SEPT. 2008, I WAS PUBLISHED IN A DIGITAL SCRAPBOOK MAGAZINE BY SIMPLE SCRAPBOOKS.

9. IN DEC. 2008 & IN DEC. 2010, I PERFORMED IN A CHURCH PLAY, AS THE ANGEL WHO ANNOUNCES CHRIST’S BIRTH.

10. IN NOV. 2009, I WAS ASKED TO MONTHLY TEACH THE 12-18 YEAR OLD GIRLS AT CHURCH, & IN JUNE 2010, I SPOKE TO THE 12-18 YEAR OLD GIRLS AT THE LDS CHURCH GIRLS’ CAMP.

11. IN DEC. 2010, AT DISNEY WORLD, RIDING THE AEROSMITH ROCKIN’ ROLLERCOASTER.

12. IN DEC. 2010, AT DISNEY WORLD, RIDING THE TOWER OF TERROR.

13. STARTING IN JAN. 2011, I STARTED SPEAKING MORE INTELLIGIBLE SENTENCES! I CAN NOW SAY MOST OF THE ALPHABET, MANY WORDS, & SEVERAL PHRASES.

14. IN FEB. 2011, WHILE CASUALLY READING AN EMAIL FROM MY YAHOO STROKE GROUP, I FIND THAT I WAS PUBLISHED IN A BRITISH MEDICAL JOURNAL! ( I WAS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW ATTITUDE CAN AFFECT US, & THAT THERE IS LIFE AFTER STROKE)

15. IN AUG. 2011, I WENT IN THE OCEAN ON A FAMILY VACATION TO DESTIN, FLORIDA.

16. IN OCT. 2011, I WAS WRITTEN ABOUT IN AN OBSERVATION BY A MAN I GREATLY ADMIRE. (http://www.observationsbyjack.blogspot.com/)

17. IN 2011, I HAVE STARTED FEEDING MYSELF MOST MEALS (I CAN MAKE A MESS, BUT I DO IT!) I PREFER MY FINGERS, BUT I CAN USE UTENSILS, CHEW & BITE SOME FOODS THAT I FEED MYSELF!

18. SOMEWHERE IN THERE, I STARTED SMILING WITH THE MUSCLES ON THE LEFT SIDE OF MY MOUTH!

“THE ONLY THING IMPOSSIBLE, IS IMPOSSIBILTY. “ –PHINEUS & FERB

NOW, A MINUTE TO BRAG ON MY FAMILY:

I RECENTLY READ A BOOK WHERE A MOM WAS ON BEDREST FOR 2 MONTHS. SHE WROTE:

“When I was 1st put on bed rest, I used the intercom button on our phone to beep them if I needed something. Each time I did it, someone would come running: “Are you okay?” “Do you need anything?” Two weeks later, I would beep, and if there was no response, I’d beep again. Still, nobody would show up. Then I’d beep continuously. No matter how many times I beeped, nobody would come and check on me! NOBODY! They got tired of helping me with all the little things I could no longer do.” –Brenda Warner, One Call Away

I COULD TOTALLY RELATE TO THIS! I USE A WIRELESS DOORBELL & THE # OF RINGS CALLS CERTAIN PEOPLE:

1 RING IS THE KIDS,

2 RINGS IS MK, &

3 RINGS IS FOR MY “HELPER”/PERSONAL ASISSTANT)/CAREGIVER. (BTW, THIS WEEK ALSO MARKS THE END OF A CAREGIVER, WHO HAS HELPED ME SINCE I MOVED HERE IN 2005, FROM INDIANA (REALLY, SHE WAS A PERSONAL ASISSTANT, WITH SOME CAREGIVER DUTIES ON 2 DAYS OF THE WEEK…BECUZ MK REALLY IS MY CAREGIVER).

ANYWAY, AT 1ST, IF I RANG, PEOPLE CAME HURRIDLY 2 MY SIDE, & MY FRIENDS COMMENTED HOW THEY NEEDED 1 OF THOSE! BUT NOW, IF I RING FOR MY KIDS, I TOO CAN HAVE DAYS WHERE I CONSTANTLY RING B4 I GET AN ANSWER…BUT THEY DO COME! & 8 YEARS IS A LOT LONGER THAN 2 WEEKS!

BUT KUDOS TO MY HUSBAND MK…HE ALWAYS COMES, & IF I HAVE TOO WAIT, HE TELLS ME. MORE THAN ONCE, I HAVE GOTTEN NO ANSWER FROM THE KIDS, SO I’VE RUNG 4 MK, OR I JUST GET SUPER DETERMINED 2 FIND A WAY 2 DO IT MYSELF, IF IT’S NOT SOMETHING HEAVY OR BREAKABLE.

SO THE BIGGEST HIGHLIGHT & BLESSING HAS BEEN HAVING A SUPPORTIVE FAMILY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’D DO W/O THEM!

I’M SO EXCITED!

Isn’t it incredible what 26 little letters in our alphabet can do?” –Jack Rushton

I HAVE A NEW APPRECIATION 4 THE ALPHABET! MY WORLD CHANGED WHEN I STARTED 2 BLINK SPELL IN THE HOSPITAL, & AGAIN WHEN I STARTED 2 FINGERSPELL, & HAS CONTINUED CHANGING AS I HAVE RE-LEARNED HOW 2 WRITE, & AS I RE-LEARN HOW 2 SAY EVERY LETTER IN THE ALPHABET.

I AM SO EXCITED! 4 SOME REASON, IF I’M COMPLETELY FLAT IN BED, I CAN SAY LETTERS THAT I CAN’T SAY WHILE I SIT (LIKE “S,” “K,” “F,” “G” & MORE). IN ORDER 2 PRACTICE THESE LETTERS, I RECLINE MY BACK, BUT SINCE I’M NOT PERFECTLY FLAT, I HAVE 2 PLUG MY NOSE…WHICH SEEMS RIDICULOUS, SINCE I’M NOT PLUGGING MY NOSE EVERY TIME I TALK! HOWEVER, RECENTLY, I WAS ABLE 2 RECLINE, & SAY LETTERS “S” & “F” W/O PLUGGING MY NOSE! I CAN ONLY ASSUME THAT PRACTICE & AN INCREASE IN MY BREATH SUPPORT IS MAKING IT HAPPEN, & THE OTHER LETTERS WILL COME IN TIME.

IT HAS ALWAYS FRUSTRATED ME THAT I CAN’T SAY MY SON’S NAME, THOUGH. LAYING DOWN, I CAN SAY “SOPHIA” WITH AN “S,” “MARK” WITH A “K,” & OCASSIONALLY I CAN SAY THE “J” IN “JENNY” & “JESSICA.” BUT I CAN’T SAY “Z.” “Z” & “K” ARE SO HARD TO SAY IN A SITTING POSITION, SO HIS NAME IS THE “A” SOUND. LOL I HATE HOW IT SOUNDS. BUT I SWEAR GOD INSPIRED US 2 NAME HIM ZACHARY…WHY ELSE WOULD I TRY SO HARD 2 LEARN HOW 2 SAY THE LETTER “Z”?!?

THURSDAY, MARCH 8, I WAS LAYING IN BED & I SAID “ZACH (ZAK)”!

I AM OVERDUE 2 WRITE. THINGS HAVE BEEN SO BUSY, BUT I NEEDED 2 TAKE A MOMENT 2 SHARE THIS! I USUALLY CHEER MYSELF ON, BY THINKING, “I DID IT!”, BUT THIS TIME I WANTED 2 SHARE!

How do you overcome boredom?

IMAGERY IS MY MOST EFFECTIVE TOOL. I ENVISION SCRAPBOOK PAGES IN MY MIND, WRITE EMAILS & JOURNAL ENTERIES (THOUGH SOME ARE NEVER WRITTEN), TRY TO RECALL THINGS I HAVE MADE (LIKE THE POWERPOINT FOR A CHURCH YOUNG WOMAN LESSON, SO I CAN PONDER/MEMORIZE).

I ALSO DO A LOT OF PRAYING & PONDERING. & I LOVE THERAPIES THAT I CAN DO ALONE, LIKE TRACKING W/MY EYES, EXERCISES TO STRENGTHEN MY ARM, VOCALIZING, & IF I CAN ACCESS IT, PRACTICING MY WRITING ON MY BOOGIE BOARD FROM BROOKSTONE!

BUT I’M OFTEN SO BUSY MOST DAYS THAT I DON’T HAVE TIME TO BE BORED! IT TOOK ME ALMOST 8 YEARS POST-STROKE B4 I FELT BORED, & WHEN I FELT BOREDOM, IT WAS NOT BECUZ OF MY SITUATION, OR THAT I LACKED THINGS 2 DO, BUT BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING THAT I WAS SUPPOSED 2 DO! THE BOREDOM I FELT COULD HAVE HAPPENED 2 ANY1!