June 3, 2004

Jenny had her first Dr appt away from home today. The idea was to go to the ENT who saw her at the hospital and get the trache removed. For a while, Jenny has been doing everything that seems to be recomended prior to decannualtion (trache removal). As for our experinece, the Dr said that she was not going to remove the trache, despite the fact that Jenny is doing what she needs to do, and the Dr did not even look at Jenny before she said this. In her mind, a person with a stroke like Jenny’s has a time limit to fullfill. Trache removal is a huge step for Jenny. It is a major moral boost. It is something that assures she is getting better. It is one less open wound or source of infection. The trache is a major source that requires frequent care. It gets bumped frequently, which is painful, and its placement hinds head movement to her right side without causing discomfort. Any pain or discomfort is what throws Jenny into a cycle of painful spasms.

I want to feel that this Dr has some credibility and that in some way Jenny is being spared from possible harm, but the whole experience with setting dates of 6-12 months and stating Jenny is not ready prior to examination tells me she is not the type of person Jenny needs. Jenny more than agrees. If anything, Jenny is so set on working harder than ever before to prove everyone wrong who said she could not do- well, anthing. She is going to everything she use to do and there is no stopping her now. I’m not sure if I liked the old Jenny who fought rehab therapy and wanted to lay in bed, or the new one who demands constant therapy. I think the new one is pretty good.

The trip to Jenny’s appt did demonstrate her ability to go places. Jenny should be returning to church soon, which has been something she really wanted. She is reluctant to go into public, such as places like the malls and stores.

The whole med concern with Jenny’s involantary muscle movements that cause pain seem to be coming under control. Her doctor changed the meds to address neurological pain again. Jenny initially stated pain was not an issue, but I don’t think she realized the neurological pain was causing most of her discomfort.

June 2, 2004

We were able to get a mini-van for Jenny today! IT has an in-floor ramp that slides out, and it is the same basic model of van we already have. We took Jenny for a ride arond the block (and through the McDonalds drive thru) to see if she could do well in motion. She did great. Tomorrow is her first appointment away from home, so I think all will go well.

Jenny is slowly having fewer spasms in her muscles that make her tense up in painful positions. It seems to be part of a vicious cycle of tensing muscles because she is in pain and being in pain because of the muslces that are tensed up. Jenny did ask for real food again. She lacks confidence in her eating, but it is so good. Jenny rarely tries to eat, but she does tons better each time she tries. Today was tapioca pudding and angel hair pasta in alfredo sauce. Since her perspective has changed a bit, she is kind of a “eat dessert first” kind of girl.

May 31, 2004

Last night was a quite different experinece for two things. First of all, Jenny seemed to sleep a little at last. Second, we had a tornado and severe thunderstorm warning so I had to carry Jenny down to the basement. I think Jenny liked it since she had not seen the basement since coming home.

Jenny has been making small movements still. I know it is something significant because Jenny is now agreeing that she is making good progress. Her meds are still being worked out to regulate spasms and contractures that cause pain and twisting of her body. Her head is turning to the left side again, which makes head control more difficult. I am most encouraged by her respitory health. We have been plugging her trache to allow her to breathe completely through her mouth and nose. She does well considering that her airway is obstructed with a tube. It is pretty much like breathing through a straw. This just means she is getting closer to having the trache removed.

May 28, 2004

Every day seems to be better than the next. Jenny has been less resistant to therapies- even though she knows they will hurt. I am seeing more movements in her whole body and they get ever so slightly better each day. I guess the millimeters add up over a long enough period of time. Jenny had spagetti w/red sauce and Neopaliton ice cream for dessert. The noodles were NOT pureed, but chopped. Jenny is willing to give pasta a try even though her tongue movements are lacking at the moment. She still reports that she is sleeping rarely at nights. Jenny also let me know that she has not slept in the last 48 hours. It sounds like the old Jenny, but without the activity to go with it. We are trying a new med to help her sleep. I wonder what she could do with a whole night’s sleep.

May 27, 2004

We have had a great day with Jenny. Sophia has been asking to sit on Jenny’s lap, so we gave her a chance while they watched tv and Jenny had her hair brushed. The kids love to climb in bed with Mom and they get excited when they see her body move. Jenny asks for the kids to come hug her and she loves the contact. On the flip side, it is difficult to hear the kids get hurt and the instinctive reponse is to call for Mom. Jenny wants to comfort them so bad. The kids are sometimes allowing us to bring them to Jenny when they are hurt- especially when they just need hugs.

Jenny complains about not being able to sleep much. She does not appear to be sleeping ever. She states that she has not slept more than 1-2 hours at a time since her stroke. She also reports that she tends to not sleep at nights. She doesn’t sleep days, so I’m not sure what is going on. Her muscle spasms are still gone. I really think the Botox shots were wonderful. We worked on head movements today and Jenny was able to lift her head back and forward, left to right, and truning left to right. I held the back of her head for minimal support. She gave more than slight movement. I let go several times and she could move completely by herself! I get all teary eyed when these things happen. Jenny still is not pleased with her progress, but I think she feels good deep down.