THERE’S OFTEN QUES. ABOUT MY SIGHT…IT’S ACTUALLY A LOADED QUES., INVOLVING MANY FACTORS, & CONSTANTLY CHANGINGAS I ADAPT 2 IT, BUT, ESSENTIALLY, YES, I C U. I C ALARMINGLY WELL. NOT AT ALL “NORMAL,” BUT I C W/DOUBLE VISION. I DON’T C 2 OF U, MY PUPILS JUST DON’T LINE UP. I TEND 2 C THINGS DISTORTED…IF I’M TIRED, SICK, WEAKER, ETC., MY EYE MUSCLES R WEAKER, & IT’S TOUGHER 2 C, BUT I STILL C U.

I C AS IF I’M ON A CRUISE SHIP ALL DAY: MY EYES BOUNCE…MY LEFT EYE SEES BETTER, BUT IS WAY MORE LIGHT SENSITIVE (DAYLIGHT MAKES IT CLOSE) & REALLY WIGGLES. MY RT. EYE WIGGLES 2, BUT I TRY 2 WAIT 4 THE SPLIT SEC. THEY WIGGLE 2GETHER, OR MAKE THE IMAGE THAT I C W/MY RT. EYE, BE THE MORE DOMINANT IMAGE, SINCE IT’S STEADIER—WHICH ONLY WORKS, IF I LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD.

I DON’T HAVE MUCH HORIZONTAL EYE MOVT. (VERY LITTLE IN MY RT. EYE), & MY HEAD CAN’T TURN VERY FAR 2 THE RT., SO, OFTEN, I IDENTIFY PEOPLE BY THE SOUND OF THEIR VOICE, CLOTHES I KNOW U R WEARING, OR BY HAIR (JESS WANTS SHORT HAIR, BUT HAS OPTED 2 KEEP IT LONG, SO I CAN EASILY FIND HER–THOUGH I’VE TOLD HER THAT SHE & ZACH STAND OUT, REGARDLESS OF HAIR LENGTH, SINCE THEIR HAIR IS SO LIGHT).

ANYWAY, IT’S NOT THAT I CAN’T READ SMALL FONT, IT’S THAT IT’S EXTREMELY HARDER (ESP. IF IT’S LONG) & TAKES TONS LONGER, BECAUSE MY EYES JUMP ALL OVER, SO I HAVE 2 KEEP FINDING MY PLACE…W/A LARGER LETTER, MY EYES JUMP, & I STAY SORTA’ IN PLACE. AFTER READING A FEW LETTERS, I GUESS THE WORD (AS MOST DO WHEN I FINGERSPELL, I GUESS THE WORD I’M READING).

TYPING CAN BE ROUGH, AS I’VE NEEDED 2 MEMORIZE THE KEYBOARD SOMEWHAT, & REALLY CONCENTRATE ON THE KEYS, SINCE I CAN’T GLANCE AT A KEY.

HOWEVER, UNLESS IT IS LARGE&/OR CLOSE, OFTEN I CAN’T C FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, UNLESS I KNOW U WELL ENOUGH 4 MY VISUAL MEMORY 2 “FILL IN” A GUESSED FACIAL EXPRESSION. IF I’M AT THE LAST PEW, IN THE CHAPEL AT CHURCH, I CAN C MY PEW. FARTHER AHEAD, THE PULPIT, I C SOME1 IS THERE. IF I KNOW THEM, CHANCES R THAT I CAN IDENTIFY THEM BY THEIR VOICE, CLOTHES, &/OR HAIR. THEN, AMAZING THINGS CAN HAPPEN…MY VISUAL MEMORY RECALLS THEM, & I CAN BE “TRICKED” 2 C THEM!

OBVIOUSLY, THIS VISUAL MEMORY HELPS ME ALSO READ, NAVIGATE THE INTERNET, & FILL IN ANY GAPS W/THINGS THAT I C UP CLOSE. THIS MAKES FAMILY FASTER 2 C, BECAUSE OF VISUAL MEMORY…ALSO EXPLAINS WHY I COULD C SOMETHING A MILLION TIMES IN A CROWD, BUT HAVE NO CLUE IT’S THERE, IF I HAVEN’T SEEN IT CLOSE, & MADE A VISUAL MEMORY OF IT.

THE ONLY TIME I”M UNSURE WHAT I C, DEPENDS ON LIGHTING…LIKE A CAMERA, IF LIGHT IS BEHIND U, U GET DARK. MORE LIGHT, MAKES U DARKER. I C U THERE–U R JUST DARK!

JUST A NOTE, BECCAUSE I DID 1 OF THE COOLEST THINGS EVER, ON WED. NIGHT—USING MY ARM SUPPORT & FINGER FOODS FROM ARBY'S, I FED MYSELF DINNER! BUT WAIT! THAT'S NOT ALL! I DRANK WATER 2, USING MY NEW CUP W/A STRAW! HOW COOL IS THAT?!?

GRANTED, I HAVEN'T MASTERED THE STRAW, & CAN CHOLE IF I GET A BIG GULP, ESP. SINCE I TILT MY CHAIR, ESP. 4 FLUIDS, BUT HEY, IT'S A START!

SO EXCITED!

IT'S MY 4TH STROKE-AVERSARY: IN OTHER WORDS, IT'S BEEN 4 YRS. SINCE I STROKED. I WAS RECENTLY REMINDED OF THE 1ST YEAR AFTER I STROKED— BY FAR, THAT 1ST YEAR IS REALLY A STRUGGLE, 4 EVERY1—NOT JUST ME. GLAD IT IS FAR PAST, & THAT I'VE SURVIVED LONG ENOUGH 2 OUTLIVE THE NIGHTMARE I WAS DAILY LIVING—

AFTER MY STROKE, I REALIZED THAT, .LIKE IT OR NOT, I WAS HERE THIS WAY, & MADE THE CHOICE 2 TRY 2 MOVE FWD & MAKE THE BEST OF IT. EVEN NOW, THERE R TOUGH DAYS, BUT NOW MY LIFE SEEMS WORTHWHILE & IT GIVES ME A WILL 2 KEEP LIVING (MOST LOCKED-IN DIE W/IN A YEAR OR 2—I BELIEVE FROM THE LACK OF FEELING THEIR LIFE IS WORTHWHILE. AS A WIFE & YOUNG MOTHER, & DUE 2 MY RELIGIOUS BELIEFS, I WAS CONSTANTLY REMINDED OF MY WORTH. NOW, I’M 4 YEARS POST-STROKE, SO I'VE HAD A CHANCE 2 CHANGE MY VIEWPOINT!)

MY FAITH HELPED TONS 2 CHANGE MY VIEWPOINT, SINCE FAMILIES R CONSIDERED SO IMPORTANT, & I BELIEVE THAT SOMEDAY THERE WILL BE A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL, & MY BODY WILL AGAIN WORK. I MAY HAVE 2 DIE B4 THAT HAPPENS, & MY BODY WILL AGAIN WORK, BUT LIFE IS SHORT & I BELEIVE IT’S POSSIBLE, THROUGH CHRIST…THAT MAKES ME KEEP CHUGGING ALONG.

IN OCT., I “SPOKE" AT AN INTERNATIONAL DRS. CONFERENCE. A BIG QUES. WAS IF THEY SHOULD PULL THE PLUG 4 OTHERS LIKE ME…TOUGH 2 ANSWER, BECAUSE EVERY SITUATION IS SO DIFFERENT. I’VE NEVER EVER WANTED LIFE SUPPORT, BUT WHEN I STROKED, I WANTED THEM 2 DO ALL THEY COULD, AT THAT MOMENT.

THE 1ST 3 MONTHS, I COULD MOVE NOTHING, BUT MY EYELIDS, & LAID IN A BED. MY HUSBAND REALLY WAS A STRONG ADVOCATE & FOUGHT 4 ME & KNEW ME WELL ENOUGH 2 THINK, “JENNY WOULDN’T STAND 4 THAT!”

STILL, I HAD DAYS. IT CAN BE TOUGH PHYSICALLY & EMOTIONALLY. THOSE WHO CARE 4 ME, HAD 2 MAKE THE CHOICE WHETHER OR NOT I LIVED, BECAUSE IT ALSO MUST BE WEIGHED HOW MUCH U R WILLING 2 GIVE UP 4 THAT PERSON, IF THEY LIVE. NO DOCTOR CAN MAKE THAT CHOICE. THE STROKEE CAN'T MAKE THAT CHOICE. (BESIDES, THE ROAD IS SO ROCKY, I’M GLAD I DIDN’T DECIDE, OR, DEPENDING ON THE DAY, I WOULD’VE ANSWERED DIFFERENT!) I TOLD THE DOCTOR’S 2 LET FAMILY DECIDE, SINCE THEY NEED 2 WEIGH HOW THEIR LIVES WILL SERIOUSLY CHANGE.