I’VE GOTTEN 2 THE POINT WHERE IF I WAS TALKING WELL THE PREVIOUS DAY, I WAKE UP WONDERING IF I STILL HAVE MY VOICE! LOL FOR EXAMPLE, I WAS VERY VOCAL TUES. NIGHT, & WOKE WED. MORNING , WONDERING IF I STILL “HAD IT!”

BUT THE LONGER I AM QUIET, THE HARDER IT IS 2 “START UP” AGAIN (IN ADDITION 2 BEDTIME, CHURCH IS 3 HOURS LONG, SO IT KILLS ME—IT IS 1 HOUR FOR 3 DIFFERENT MEETINGS). & I AM STILL QUIETER WHEN I’M AWAY FROM HOME…ACTUALLY, SOMETIMES I THINK I’M JUST AS LOUD, BUT WHERE I AM IS SO LOUD, IT MAKES ME SEEM QUIET (JUST LIKE HOW IN THE QUIET OF THE NIGHT, A TINY NOISE SOUNDS VERY LOUD). & IF I GET UPSET, SOMETIMES IT’S REAL HARD 2 VOCALIZE. HOWEVER, THE COOL THING IS THAT EVEN IF IT’S “GONE,” IT COMES & GOES: SEEING MY KIDS, ESP. SOPH (FIA), DRAWS IT OUT OF ME.

COOL STUFF:

MON. NIGHT, MY NEPHEW CRIED FROM HIS BABY CARRIER ON THE FLOOR…I WAS ABLE 2 POSITION MYSELF SO I COULD LEAN WAY OVER, GRAB HIS PACIFIER, & PUT HIS PACIFIER IN HIS MOUTH, ALLOWING ME 2 SOOTHE A CRYING BABY (I COULD ALSO ROCK THE BABY CARRIER WITH THE HANDLE). IT WAS A SMALL CONTRIBUTION IN MY ENORMOUS FAMILY, THAT MEANT THE WORLD 2 ME!

TUES. NIGHT I SAW A FRIEND AT CHURCH, & AS I THOUGHT IT, & WITHOUT HESITATION , THE PHRASE “HOW ARE U?” JUST “POPPED” OUT, SO CLEARLY–IT JUST SEEMED PERFECTLY NATURAL COMING OUT. THE ONLY OTHER PERSON WHO HAS HEARD ME THAT WAY, IS SOPH, WHEN I MENTIONED SINGING THE “ANNIE” SONG! & JUST LIKE THAT, I THINK IT SHOCKED HER & ME! &, I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN CONSCIOUSLY DO IT AGAIN, BUT IT MUST BE THERE, IF I DID IT ONCE!

SAT., I HAD A TERRIBLE SPEAKING DAY, BUT I WAS STILL ABLE 2 STOP THE KIDS AT OUR TABLE BY SAYING, “THAT’S ENOUGH!” & BY POINTING AT LEFTOVER PIZZA, ZACH FIGURED OUT THAT I WAS MUMBLING, “PUT THE PIZZA AWAY!” (CONTEXT CLUES, NON-VERBAL ACTIONS, & STARTING 2 SIGN THE WORD HELPS OTHERS UNDERSTAND ME!)

SUN. MORN., WHEN I WENT 2 WAKE UP THE GIRLS, AFTER SAYING “GOOD MORNING,” I TRIED SAYING, I NEED HELP.” I USUALLY WAKE THE KIDS SUN. MORN., & THIS WAS NOT A GOOD “TALKING MORNING,” SO I WASN’T SURE HOW THIS’D TURN OUT…THE GIRLS KEPT ACKNOWLEDGING ME, BUT BY THE 3RD TRY, JESS GOT WHAT I WAS SAYING, & CAME 2 HELP ME! EXCITING, SINCE I WASN’T TALKING WELL, & SHE COULDN’T SEE ME!

LATELY, IF I TRY 2 SPEAK, IT COMES & GOES. SOMETIMES IT’S EASY, & SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I’M HITTING A BRICK WALL, & I CAN’T COORDINATE MY BREATH & VOCAL CHORDS.

THE SINGING THING–I WASN’T EVEN TRYING. I WAS TYPING AN EMAIL, NOT THINKING, & JUST SINGING ALONG. I SWEAR MY MUSIC THERAPIST STRETCHED MY VOCAL CHORDS EARLIER THAT DAY! I KEEP TRYING 2 DUPLICATE IT, BUT I SOUND AWFUL, & CAN’T EVEN HIT THE NOTE AGAIN! IF I HADN’T WRITTEN IT DOWN, I’D THINK THAT I WAS IMAGINING IT! LOL I GUESS THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THIS SHOWS ME THAT IT IS ALL THERE, I JUST HAVE TO FIND IT.

LAST FRI. NIGHT, THE BOYS WERE CAMPING AT THE WARD (OUR CHURCH’S CONGREGATION) 4 THE FATHER/SON CAMPOUT, & I TRADITIONALLY HAVE A GIRLS’ NIGHT, & THE GIRLS CAN CHOOSE 2 SLEEP W/ME. JESS HAD A BIG DAY, & HAD CRASHED, SO SOPH SLEPT W/ME…SHE WOKE 2 ME PRACTICING SAYING LETTER “S,” & I SAID “SOPHIA”–NOT THE USUAL “OPHIA SHE WAS THRILLED & FLATTERED THAT MY 1ST “REAL”” WORD WAS HER NAME (I DON’T KNOW IF IT IS, BUT I FIGURE IT’S ONLY FAIR, SINCE SHE’S MY HONORARY SPEECH THERAPIST!)

SHE THEN GAVE ME A BUNCH OF “S” WORDS 2 SAY, LIKE SEE, SUE, SING…WE ENDED W/A SENTENCE: “SOPHIA, SAY SALT.” I CAN’T SAY ANY OF THESE WORDS WHEN I SIT, BUT IF I COULD JUST LEARN HOW…

I HAD TROUBLE TALKING MOST OF THE REST OFF THAT DAY, W/1 EXCEPTION: I WAS BUCKLED IN MY VAN, W/MY BACK 2 THE KIDS, WAITING 4 MK, & THE KIDS STARTED FIGHTING. USUALLY IF THIS HAPPENS, I EITHER SAY UNINTELLIGABLE NOISES, UNTIL A KID ALLOWS ME 2 TALK, OR I JUST SIT THERE. THIS TIME I SAID, “BE NICE!”, WHICH SOPHIA UNDERSTOOD, & L8R I SAID, “NO MORE TALKING!”, WHICH JESS UNDERSTOOD, & I ACTUALLY ENDED A FIGHT! IT FELT SO GOOD!

YESTERDAY, I LEARNED HOW 2 USE 1 OF MY SPEECH PROGRAMS 2 RECORD ME SAYING EACH WORD ALONE & MAKE A SENTENCE (OR I COULD DO PHRASES 2 MAKE A PHARAGRAPH, BUT FOR SOME REASON, SINGLE WORDS ARE CLEARER). I WAS NEVER SUPPOSED 2 TALK AGAIN, SO I HAD FUN FREAKING OUT SOME FAMILY, E-MAILING AUDIO MESSAGES! (TOO BAD I CAN’T LAY DOWN AT MY COMPUTER, & SAY “SOPHIA, SAY SALT!”, & FIGURE OUT HOW 2 POST IT ON HERE! LOL)

I USED 2 SING ALL THE TIME, & I TOOK YEARS OF VOICE LESSONS. I WAS EVEN IN THE ALL-STATE HS CHOIR, TRAVELLING W/THE TOP PERCENT 2 SING IN THE EUROPEAN CATHEDRALS, & LATER I WAS IN THE BYU WOMEN’S CHORUS, ETC.

MY GIRLS HAVE A 2-WEEK SUMMER CAMP 4 THE MUSICAL ANNIE COMING UP, SO THEY PLAY THE MUSIC A LOT & SING ALONG…THE OTHER DAY, I WAS “SINGING” 2, & AT THE END OF THE SONG “TOMORROW” I SHOCKED MYSELF & SOPH, BY BEAUTIFULLY MATCHING THE HIGH PITCH & SAYING THE LAST WORD, “AWAY.” IT WAS CLEAR AS A BELL, & EXCITING! SOPH WAS SO SHOCKED, FLIPPED 2 FACE ME, & YELLED, “MOM!”

I KEEP TRYING 2 DO IT AGAIN, BUT I CAN’T DO IT!

RIGHT NOW, I’M NOT DOING SPEECH THERAPY, BUT I DO A LOT OF VOCALIZING IN MUSIC THERAPY, & I STILL TRY 2 PRACTICE SPEECH DAILY–SOMETIMES W/THE VIDEO I MADE IN A THERAPY SESSION (IT’S ON MY COMP.), SOMETIMES W/THE COMPUTER PROGRAMS I HAVE, OFTEN JUST WHEN I CAN (LIKE I COUNT EXERCISES SOMETIMES), & OFTEN WHILE I WAIT 4 OTHER PEOPLE.

CERTAIN PEOPLE SEEM 2 “PULL IT OUT” OF ME–LIKE MY LITTLE 2 YEAR OLD NEPHEW VISITING FROM NYC–HE SHOWS ME STUFF, THEN WAITS 2 HEAR ME SAY SOMETHING LIKE, “OH WOW!” THEN HE GETS SOOO EXCITED!

I HAVE NEW WORDS “POPPING OUT” ALL THE TIME NOW! I CAN BE TOTALLY QUIET, THEN SUDDENLY SAY SOMETHING, AS SOME1 TALKS W/ME…BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES I CAN’T SAY THEM AGAIN (LIKE A SECOND TIME) AS CLEARLY.

SUNDAY, I WAS SO EXCITED, BECAUSE I WAS DRIVING MY W/C IN THE CHURCH HALL, A TEEN GIRL ASKED A QUESTION (“WHAT CLASS ARE U GOING TO?”, I ANSWERED (“MIA-MAIDS”), & SHE UNDERSTOOD! I HAVE SAID “HI” AS I DROVE, BUT THIS WAS EXCITING BECAUSE SHE REALLY UNDERSTOOD (GRANTED, THE LETTER “M” IS ONE OF MY BEST CONSONANTS), & I DIDN’T HAVE TO STOP DRIVING, SO I COULD ANSWER HER!

ALSO ON SUN., I TOOK A STEP ON DRY LAND WITH MY RIGHT LEG—BUT MK HOLDS ME “JUST RIGHT” BECZ MY TORSO ISN’T VERY STRONG (I CAN IN A POOL, 4 SWIM THERAPY, BUT COULDN’T LIFT MY TOES, SO GRAVITY WON ON DRY LAND) MY LEFT LEG WANTED 2 WALK 2, BUT I COULDN’T MAKE MY KNEE BEND…

I ALSO GOT A NEW W/C THIS MONTH (I LOVE THE HEADLIGHTS, HORN, & TURN SIGNALS—GREAT, SINCE I CAN’T TALK! WELL YET) I NOW HAVE 5 W/C’S. SO, I NAMED MY 5 W/C’S (I’VE NEVER BEEN ONE 2 NAME INATIMATE OBJECTS, & DOUBT I’LL USE THE NAMES MUCH, BUT THE NAMES JUST “HAPPENED”):

1. FORD –THE NEW 1 (IT LOOKS LIKE A CAR)
2. BUCKING BRONCO –THE POWER TRAVEL CHAIR (WHICH CAN UNEXPECTEDLY JUMP 4WARD, WHEN U START)
3. LEMON-LIME –MY OLD, GREEN POWER CHAIR, THAT ALWAYS BROKE
4. BIG WHEEL –MY FOLDING MANUAL CHAIR, THAT I CAN MANUEVER (MY KIDS ARE IN IT, FOR THE “I WANNA BE LIKE U”) SCRAP. PG.)
5. DINA (SHORT 4 DINOSAUR) –MY 1ST, GREEN, MANUAL CHAIR

APPARENTLY, IN MY SLEEP LAST NIGHT, I WAS PRACTICING & MAKING PERFECT LETTER “S” SOUNDS.

WHEN I WOKE UP, I SAID “GOOD MORNING” 2 MY SON, & I SURPRISED MYSELF WITH HOW CLEAR I HEARD IT, & BY ACTUALLY QUIETLY SAYING THE LETTER “G.” (IT WAS SO QUIET, I MAY BE THE ONLY 1 WHO HEARD IT!) I ACTUALLY THOUGHT I HEARD WRONG, SO I’VE TRIED AGAIN, BUT CAN’T DO IT!

WHILE THERE IS NO PROOF THAT I MADE THE LETTER “G” SOUND, I REMAIN POSITIVE THAT IT WAS THERE! SO THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT I CAN DO IT!

ALSO, LAST NIGHT, I REACHED UP & CLOSED THE MIRROR ON MY CAR’S SUNVISOR, & PROCEEDED 2 PARTLY CLOSE IT…ALL THE WHILE, REPEATEDLY THINKING “ALMOST THERE MOM!” SOMEDAY…