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THE LONGEST POST EVER!

I HAVE BEEN TRYING 2 PUT FAMILY 1ST. I HAVE NOT FOUND THE PROPER BALANCE: I AM 1 WHO NEEDS LOTS OF “ME” TIME (I LIKE BEING ALONE & EMAILING PEOPLE & JOURNALLING).

BUT IN SEARCHING 4 THIS BALANCE, I TRY 2 NOT USE THE COMPUTER WHEN THE KIDS ARE THERE, UNLESS THEY USE IT, WE USE IT 2GETHER, OR THEY WATCH TV. I’VE LEARNED THAT WHAT I’VE MISSED IS STUFF LIKE THE SMALL TALK THAT OCCURS WHEN U DRIVE AROUND, COOK TOGETHER, PLAY A PING PONG GAME, ETC. THE TIMES THAT I JUST SIT THERE & LISTEN (SINCE I CAN’T CHIME IN VOCALLY), SO I USED TO “DISAPPEAR.” SO, WHILE I’VE STARTED ABOUT 4-6 POSTS, I NEVER FINISH THEM! LOL (BUT I RECENTLY HAD LOTS OF “ME” TIME, SO I AM PUTTING THESE ALL 2GETHER, & THIS POST WILL BE SUPER LONG!

SINCE I’M AROUND MORE, I HAVE BEEN HELPING MORE W/HOMEWORK (IT’S GREAT THAT MY DOUBLE VISION CAN NOW BE CONTROLLED WELL ENOUGH 2 READ SOME SMALLER FONTS—IT’S HARD, & TAKES TIME & PATIENCE, BUT IT CAN BE DONE!)

I’VE ALSO BEEN ATTENDING A LOT OF THINGS THAT I WOULD NORMALLY NOT DO. I HAVE CONTINUED 2 BE SUPER UPSET BY PEOPLE “TEMPORARILY” PARKING IN THE HANDICAPPED AREAS (PEOPLE JUST DO NOT LEARN, & I SWEAR I’M GOING 2 DIE 1 DAY WHILE I WAIT IN THE STREET 2 GET IN MY VAN!) BUT I’M HAPPY 2 SAY THAT MY MINISTER (BISHOP) WILL BE PUTTING UP PLAQUES THAT SAY “RESERVED FOR THE DISABLED & THEIR FAMILIES.” (PERSONALLY, I’D LIKE IT IF EVERY LDS WARD CHURCH BUILDING IN THE UNITED STATES HAD THIS PLAQUE!)

ANYWAY, ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT I’VE ATTENDED, & NORMALLY WOULDN’T ATTEND, WAS SOPHIE’S SCHOOL CARNIVAL. LUCKILY, PLACES ARE USUALLY FORCED 2 BE SOMEWHAT ACCESSIBLE, BUT I HAVE GONE 2 THINGS LIKE THIS WHERE IT’S ALMOST PAINFUL 2 GO, BECUZ I FEEL LIKE I HOLD MY FAMILY BACK: THEY CAN’T GO SHORTER WAYS (DUE 2 CURBS), I DON’T DO WELL IN CROWDS, ETC…

BUT JUST AS I WAS DOUBTING THIS NEW PHILOSOPHY OF “FAMILY 1ST” AS MK & SOPH WERE BUSY, & I SAT THERE ALONE WONDERING WHAT I WAS DOING, SOPH FOUND ME, & THANKED ME 4 COMING!

HOW COULD I 4GET? AS THE KIDS GET OLDER, THEY EXPRESS IT LESS, BUT IN THE LAST 7 ½ YEARS, SEVERAL TIMES I’VE EXPEIRIENCED HOW MY KIDS DON’T CARE WHAT I CAN/CAN’T DO, OR HOW THEY SACRIFICE THINGS 4 ME, BUT JUST THAT I’M THERE!

THIS SHOULD NOT BE SO HARD 4 ME 2 COMPREHEND: MY SOCIAL SIDE USUALLY INVOLVES PEOPLE JUST BEING NEAR ME, & HANGING OUT (ISN’T THAT THE SAME? OUR CAT, TIGER USED 2 PROVIDE THIS COMPANIONSHIP, BY SITTING BY ME ALL DAY, BUT HE’S GONE NOW–& I REALLY MISS HIM!). SO, LATELY, I HAVE BEEN TEACHING MY DAUGHTER, SOPH, TO DIGITAL SCRAPBOOK—I NOTICED SHE WAS MAKING LOTS OF POWERPOINT PROGRAMS IN A WAY THAT’S A LOT LIKE DIGITAL SCRAPBOOKING. IT’S CHALLENGING TO TEACH SOPH (THERE’S SOME NEW TERMS), BUT WHEN SHE GETS IT, SHE CATCHES ON FAST, SO IT’S FUN.

KIDS THESE DAYS JUST INSTINCTIVELY PICK UP ON TECHNOLOGY, & I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE COMPANY (ISHE USES A LAPTOP IN THE SAME ROOM, SO WE CAN HANG OUT IN THE SAME ROOM, LISTENING TO MUSIC, W/AN OCCASIONAL JOKE/CONVERSATION).

SOME ARE AWARE THAT MY HUSBAND WAS RECENTLY ASKED TO BE AN EARLY MORNING SEMINARY TEACHER AT CHURCH (HE TEACHES THE 14 & 15 YEAR OLDS ABOUT THE SCRIPTURES AT 6 AM). MANY HAVE ASKED ME HOW IT’S GOING, SO RATHER THAN TYPING THE RESPONSE AGAIN & AGAIN, I DECIDED 2 ANSWER THE QUESTION HERE:

SEMINARY MORNINGS GO REAL WELL. MK ENJOYS TEACHING THE YOUTH, & HE’S GOOD AT IT. ZACH IS IN MK’S CLASS, & I HOPE MK TEACHES ALL MY KIDS! (ONCE THE GIRL’S ARE 12 YEARS OLD, I START TEACHING THEM TOO, SO THE GIRL’S MAY GET “DOUBLE DUTY!” LOL)

JESS IS PRETTY SELF-SUFFICIENT IN THE MORNINGS. BUT JESS CLAIMS THAT SOPH WOULD BE LOST W/O ME! I DON’T DO MUCH, BESIDES REMIND SOPH OF THE TIME, & KEEP HER ON TASK. HERE’S THE LIST I MADE 4 SOPHIE’S MORNING ROUTINE(THE ACTUAL LIST IS MUCH “PRETTIER!”):

6:00-6:30-WAKE AND SHOWER (HANG UP TOWEL)
OR, IF YOU SHOWERED THE NIGHT BEFORE
6:30-6:40—(WAKE AND) GET DRESSED AND PUT CLOTHES IN THE HAMPER OR IN YOUR DRESSER DRAWER
6:40-6:50—CLEAN YOUR ROOM AND CLOSET AND GET YOUR SHOES ON
DAY OF THE WEEK areas of focus
MONDAY–clean the corner under your bookshelf, pick up your clothes
TUESDAY–clean the top of your desk, organize your books, pick up your clothes
WEDNESDAY–clean your closet, pick up your clothes
THURSDAY–clean the bunk bed stairs, general pick-up where needed, pick up your clothes
FRIDAY—clean inside your desk, pick up your clothes
SATURDAY–clean under your window, pick up your clothes, do laundry (sort into piles of white, light, & dark colors first)
6:50-7:00–BRUSH HAIR
7:00-7: 15 –EAT (if you are 10-15 minutes ahead of schedule, you may cook eggs)
7:15-7:20- GET YOUR SCHOOL SNACK AND GATHER YOUR SCHOOL STUFF
7:20-7:30—CLEAN KICHEN, BRUSH TEETH, AND HAVE FAMILY PRAYER (remember to bless those who can’t be there!)
THERE IS NO COMPUTER OR TV. ONCE YOU ARE READY, IF U HAVE ASKED FOR PERMISSION, YOU MAY BE ABLE TO DO COMPUTER, IF THE TIME PERMITS IT.

I LET SOPH TRY 2 GET HERSELF UP, BUT BY 6:15, I MAKE SURE SHE GETS UP, & THEN SHE’S PRETTY SELF-SUFFICIANT FROM THERE ON OUT, NOW. (IT HELPS THAT MK IS NOT LIKE THE “USUAL MOM,” SO THE KIDS HAVE BEEN GETTING UP & GETTING READY ALONE 4 YEARS!) DIFFERENCE IS THAT SOPH SHOWERS, & IS READY ON TIME OR EARLY NOW, INSTEAD OF LATE! (BECUZ I KEEP ON TOP OF HER, & REMIND HER OF THE TIME, & ASK IF SHE’S THERE ON THE LIST.) BUT B4 I MADE THE LIST, I OBSERVED HER FOR 2 DAYS, SO I COULD ESTIMATE HOW MUCH TIME SHE NEEDED, IN ORDER 2 COMPLETE A TASK. USUALLY, AFTER SHE FINISHES A TASK, SHE REPORTS 2 ME (LIKE I SMELL HER BREATH, SEE HER HAIR BRUSHED, ETC.–I EAT W/HER–I CAN USUALLY FEED MYSELF MEALS, IF FOOD IS READY 4 ME, & KEEP HER ON TASK, SO SHE DOESN’T STARE IN THE FRIDGE FOR 5 MIN.)

IN ADDITION, I AM TRYING 2 TALK, NOT SIGN, IN THE MORNINGS (AT TIMES, I IMAGINE MY HANDS ARE CUT OFF!), BECUZ SIGNING SERIOUSLY SLOWS THINGS DOWN! SOPHIE IS AMAZING AT UNDERSTANDING ME! THERE ARE SEVERAL CONSONANTS I JUST CAN’T SAY, YET SHE MANAGES 2 STILL FIGURE ME OUT!

UNFORTUNATELY, I SEEM 2 HAVE “SPEAKING CYCLES/PHASES.” SO SOME DAYS ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS—1 DAY, I’M AT ABOUT A “7,” ON A 10 POINT SCALE, BUT BY NEXT WEEK, I COULD BE AT A “3.” IT’S SCARY 2 GO 2 BED AT NIGHT, ESP. AFTER A “GOOD TALKING DAY,” BECUZ I NEVER KNOW IF I’LL BE ABLE 2 TALK THE SAME THE NEXT DAY! & IT’S SO FRUSTRATING, BECUZ WHEN OTHERS HAVE SEEN ME ON A GOOD DAY, I FEEL EXPECTED 2 ALWAYS TALK WELL, & I JUST CAN’T ON A “BAD” DAY!

IT TENDS 2 BE HARDER WHEN, (AMIDST OTHER REASONS) I’M TIRED–& I HAVEN’T BEEN SLEEPING WELL. BUT MOSTLY, I REALLY NEED 2 BE AROUND OTHERS, INVOLVED IN CASUAL CONVERSATIONS, ON OCCASION, WHERE THERE’S NO PRESSURE 2 TALK, BUT IT GETS ME TALKING! YET INTERESTINLY, SINCE THE LAST CALLING B4 MY STROKE WAS AS THE PRIMARY CHORISTER, THE PRIMARY SONGS ARE THE EASIEST 4 ME 2 “SING” ALONG TO, HERE & THERE, & IS A GREAT PRACTICE 4 MY SPEECH, THOUGH NOTHING BEATS JUST BEING WITH OTHERS, & TALKING!

MY “TIRED HOUR” IS 3 PM, & I FALL DOWNHILL. & I’M NOT SURE WHY, BUT MY HARDEST IS IF I LEAVE MY HOUSE. I’M GETTING BETTER AT MY MOM’S, & SOMETIMES MY CHURCH–BECUZ I’M AT THEM THE MOST– BUT I’M QUIET OR SILENT ELSEWHERE.

BACK IN JAN., I HAD A SPEECH THERAPIST COME & INTRODUCE A PROGRAM THAT REALLY HELPED, BUT SOON AFTER, SHE HAD A FAMILY CRISIS. SHE TRIED 2 STILL COME, BUT COULDN’T, SO I GOT SOME COMPUTER SPEECH PROGRAMS (FROM BUNGALOW), WHICH HAVE REALLY HELPED! (HOWEVER, WHEN MY COMPUTER CRASHED, I BROKE MY PRACTICE ROUTINE, & I CAN’T GET BACK INTO THE HABIT, ESP. WHEN IT TAKES AWAY FROM THE “ME” OR FAMILY TIME!) I NO LONGER HAVE A LIST OF WORDS I CAN SAY: I JUST TRY 2 SAY ANYTHING, WHENEVER I CAN, & IF IT SOUNDS BAD, I SIGN IT. BUT IF I LIMIT TO “YES,” “NO,” & 5 WORDS OR LESS PHRASES, I CAN VOCALLY SPEAK AN ENTIRE CONVERSATION, IF IT’S A “GOOD” DAY. I CAN’T EXPLAIN THE JOY I FEEL WHEN OUT OF NO WHERE, I ASK 4 HELP, & SOME1 COMES, OR I ASK 4 WATER, & I GET IT, OR I ENTER A ROOM & HAVE 2 BE ACKNOWLEDGED, BECUZ I SAID “GOOD MORNING!”

WHILE THERE’S 1000’S OF THINGS THAT I SAY, NOT ALWAYS CARING IF I’M UNDERSTOOD. IF I DO CARE, YET I WASN’T UNDERSTOOD, I SIGN OR WRITE IT OUT (I PRACTICE MY HANDWRITING SO MUCH, I USE MOTOR MEMORY & CAN EVEN WRITE W/O SEEING!). BUT I TALK A LOT 2 MYSELF! 4 EX., B4 I COULD TALK MORE, I SEEMED SO PATIENT AS I STARED AT MY COMPUTER & WAITED! NOW, I VOCALIZE WHAT I WAS ALWAYS THINKING: “ANY DAY NOW!” I DON’T CARE IF I’M UNDERSTOOD WHEN I SAY IT, & I DON’T WANT 2 SPELL IT AFTERWARDS—BECUZ IF MY VOCALIZING THINGS LIKE THAT NEED ME 2 SIGN WHAT I JUST THOUGHT B4, THEN IT TAKES UP TIME (THAT I DON’T WANT TO USE UP), CAUSING ME 2 NOT TRY SAYING THINGS (& I LIKE TRYING STUFF–SOMETIMES IT SURPRISES ME WHAT WORKS!) SO I JUST WAVE MY HAND AS IF 2 SAY “NEVER MIND,” OR PEOPLE ASK IF I NEED 2 TELL THEM IT.

THOUGH I DON’T HAVE A SPEECH THERAPIST, SOPH OFTEN IS MY BEST SPEECH THERAPIST, W/O KNOWING IT. SHE OFTEN EXPECTS ME 2 REPEAT THINGS SHE SAYS, MAKES LISTS OF NONSENSE WORDS 4 ME 2 SAY, THAT FOCUS ON LETTERS THAT I NEED 2 PRACTICE, SINGS W/ME (HARD 2 BELIEVE THAT IT STARTED W/ME SINGING “OLD MCDONALD” IN MUSIC THERAPY: I SANG “EIEIO” & “MOO”), & STRETCHES MY VOCAL CHORDS, BY ALWAYS MAKING ME LAUGH. OR SOMETIMES WE PLAY A GAME: SOPHIE HAS HAD ME SAYING NUMBERS & COLORS IN A GAME, & SHE CLOSED HER EYES, & I DIDN’T MOVE UNTIL SHE GUESSED IT, OR ONCE WE PLAYED CANDY LAND,I WOULD DRAW A CARD, & HAD 2 SAY THE COLORS. & AS I POINTED OUT, WE HAVE FOUND THAT SINGING PRIMARY SONGS IS A GREAT WAY FOR ME TO WORK ON MY SPEECH, SO SOPH HAS ME SING W/HER!
SPEAKING OF SINGING, I DO HAVE A MUSIC THERAPIST. WE HAVE FOCUSED ON MY SIGNING & BREATHING. ODDLY, LAYING DOWN, I CAN SOMEHOW KEEP AIR FROM ESCAPING OUT OF MY NOSE, & SAY LETTERS LIKE “K,” “F,” & “S.” BUT IF I HAVE EVEN THE SMALLEST INCLINE & FIGHT GRAVITY, OR “SQUISH” MY DIAPHRAGM, I CAN ONLY SAY THOSE LETTERS IF I PLUG MY NOSE!

THEN A WHILE AGO, I WAS VISITING AT MY SISTER’S HOUSE, & I WAS ALONE (THE PEOPLE THERE WERE IN ANOTHER ROOM & BUSY), SO I OPENED UP A ZIPLOC BAG, TOOK OUT A ROLL TO EAT, & RESEALED THE ZIPLOC, REMOVING THE AIR! DON’T KNOW IF I CAN REPEAT THAT 1 (I HAVE TRIED BEFORE 2 OPEN ZIPLOCS WITH MY TEETH & MY HAND, BUT I USUALLY SLOBBER TOO MUCH! LOL)

I DID SO WELL, I DECIDED 2 SEE IF I COULD UNSCREW THE CAP ON A TUB OF PRETZELS & GET AT THE PRETZELS…I DIDN’T WANT ANY PRETZELS, BUT IF I HAD WANTED ANY, I COULD’VE HAD 1!

THEN, ON OCT. 4TH THERE WAS A KNIFE & A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN MY REACH, & MY CLOTHING WAS ALREADY PROTECTED (I’D HAD SOME BREAD, BUT WANTED MORE, BUT NO1 WAS THERE). BUT KNIVES TOTALLY FREAK ME OUT, SO THOUGH I HAVE FIGURED (FOR A WHILE NOW) THAT I COULD CUT MYSELF A PIECE OF BANANA BREAD, I’VE NEVER DONE IT… BUT THIS TIME I DID IT, W/O CUTTING MYSELF! IT WASN’T A GREAT CUT, BUT I WAS SURPRISED AT HOW WELL I DID, & NO MATTER HOW IT’S CUT, IT TASTES THE SAME!

EITHER FOOD MOTIVATES ME, OR THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT BEING ALONE…I’LL GO WITH THE LATER, SINCE I RECENTLY LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT, BUT WAS STILL MOTIVATED & DOING NEW THINGS!

SOMETIMES I AM TOO CONFIDENT IN MY ABILITIES (SINCE I COULD DO IT B4, I ACTUALLY ENVISION MYSELF STILL DOING IT!), & SOMETIMES I AM NOT AWARE OF WHAT I’M CAPABLE OF…BUT MK INSTILLS FAITH IN ME THEN, BECUZ HE KNOWS THE MOST OF WHAT I’M CAPABLE OF (OBVIOUSLY), & ENCOURAGES ME 2 DO IT. I THINK MK REALIZES I CAN DO STUFF, BUT NOT ALWAYS 2 THE DEGREE THAT I DO SOME THINGS. PLUS, I SEEM 2 WORK AT A HIGHER LEVEL WHEN ALONE…MAYBE IT’S “SURVIVAL MODE?” OR MAYBE I’VE HAD MORE CHANCES 2 PRACTICE, LIKE IN THERAPY, & NOT REALIZED THAT I’VE BEEN CAPABLE QUITE A WHILE…? THEN, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHOSE REACTIONS INSPIRE ME 2 DO MORE/TRY AGAIN!

I BELIEVE AS I BECOME MORE CAPABLE, MK LEAVES ME ALONE MORE (EVEN IF IT’S JUST DIFFERENT FLOORS OF THE HOUSE, WHERE HE’S JUST A RING AWAY—I HAVE A DOORBELL ON MY CHAIR, WHERE THE # OF RINGS, CALLS CERTAIN PEOPLE). & BEING ALONE MEANS I AM PROVIDED W/MORE OPPORTUNITIES 2 BE MORE SELF-SUFFICIENT. IT’S EASY 2 LET OTHERS DO STUFF, & SOMETIMES I END UP NEEDING HELP (THOUGH I’M 2 STUBBORN 2 ASK 4 HELP), BUT WHEN I’M ALONE, I’M FORCED 2 FIND NEW WAYS 2 ACCOMPLISH A TASK, IF THERE’S A POSSIBILITY (LIKE I CAN’T EVEN TRY 2 WALK YET, & THAT IS NOT A CURRENT POSSIBILITY, SO OTHERS HELP W/THE STEPS I NEED 2 MAKE IT A POSSIBILITY, & 4 NOW, MOVE ME). BUT THERE’S SOME THINGS MK JUST EXPECTS ME 2 DO, & IT MOTIVATES MY PERSONAL FAITH & CONFIDENCE, & I DO IT (LIKE WHEN I STARTED OPENING DOORS A WHILE AGO, IT ALL STARTED WHEN MK HAD LOCKED HIMSELF OUT OF THE FRONT DOOR, & THOUGH THAT DOOR IS HEAVIER, HE HAD NO DOUBT THAT I’D LET HIM IN, WHICH I DID!)

LASTLY, I AM VERY FORTUNATE . SOMETIMES, MK’S TALENTS SEEM LIKE THEY WERE GOD GIVEN 2 DO WHAT HE NEEDS 2 DO, 4 ME AS WELL. JUST A FEW EXAMPLES:

HE’S A VERY TALENTED WOODWORKER, WHICH HAS HELPED HIM MAKE THINGS PERSONALLY ADAPTED 2 ME, & HELPED ME ACCOMPLISH MORE, & BE MORE INDEPENDENT. THINGS CAN BE A HALLOWEEN COSTUME, MY KEYGUARD, MY COMPUTER DESK…U NAME IT!
HE’S VERY ARTISTIC, CREATIVE, ETC. HE MAKES AMAZING BIRTHDAY CAKES (I USED 2 DECORATE CAKES, & I’D BE DISAPPOINTED IF THIS STOPPED), HELPS W/SCHOOL PROJECTS (STUFF I THOUGHT I’D DO), HE ALSO MAKES MOVIES 4 ME . IN AUGUST, MY HUSBAND MADE THIS VIDEO TO INTRODUCE ME TO ALL THE NEW TEENAGE GIRLS I WOULD TEACH AT CHURCH. IT HAS PICTURES OF ME, ME SINGING AT BYU (I AM THE SOPRANO/HIGH VOICE THE FIRST 3 VERSES, & THE MELODY/SOLO ON THE FOURTH VERSE), & I INTRODUCE MYSELF (FROM A RECORDING I MADE AT 11 YEARS OLD. I THOUGHT U MAY ENJOY IT:

I’M A MORMON

THIS SAT. & SUN. (IN OCTOBER) OUR CHURCH HAS “GENERAL CONFERENCE,” WHERE IN OUR HOMES (ON CABLE, IN SOME AREAS) OR IN CHURCH BUILDINGS THERE IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO HEAR A LIVING PROPHET SPEAK. (I OFTEN POST QUOTES FROM OUR LIVING & DEAD PROPHETS.) IT’S FILMED IN UTAH.

BUT IN OUR AREA, STARTING OCT. 1ST, MY CHURCH WILL CURRENTLY BE DOING THE “I’M A MORMON” CAMPAIGN, SO PEOPLE CAN DISPEL MYTHS & MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT US THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS), & LEARN ABOUT OUR CHURCH & OUR BELIEF IN CHRIST. I’M SO EXCITED THAT I CAN DO THE “I’M A MORMON” CAMPAIGN. I’M PROBABLY MORE EXCITED THAN THE AVERAGE PERSON ABOUT THIS CAMPAIGN, BECAUSE IT REQUIRES NO TALKING, & I CAN DO IT! AS IS, I DO WHAT I CAN: I’M NOT ASHAMED 2 SHARE MY BELIEFS ON MY BLOG! THEY ARE A BIG PART OF ME!

HOPEFULLY, ON OCT. 1ST MY PROFILE WILL APPEAR IN A SEARCH ON MORMON.ORG (IT’S DONE, BUT DOESN’T SHOW UP YET), I ENCOURAGE U 2 VISIT MORMON.ORG, & READ MY PROFILE. MK WILL ALSO BE ON THERE. SOON, I’LL ADD A LINK 2 MOROMON.ORG/MY PROFILE ON MY BLOG.

GRATITUDE

IN OCT. 2010, THE LDS PROPHET, PRES. MONSON SAID, “My brothers and sisters, do we remember to give thanks for the blessings we receive? Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, but it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God’s love.”

I RECENTLY TOLD THE TEENAGE GIRLS AT CHURCH THAT SHORTLY AFTER REGAINING THE ABILITY TO JOURNAL ON MY COMPUTER, MY FIRST FEW ENTRIES WERE MOSTLY NEGATIVE AND FOCUSED ON WHAT I COULD NOT DO AND ALL THE THINGS THAT MADE MY LIFE SO TERRIBLE. NEEDLESS TO SAY, THOSE ENTRIES WERE NOT EXAMPLES OF OPTIMISM AND GRATITUDE. AFTER LETTING MY HUSBAND READ THESE JOURNAL ENTRIES, HE SUGGESTED SOMETHING I HAVE MENTIONED B4: THAT I COMPILE A LIST OF THE THINGS I WAS GRATEFUL FOR. WHEN ALMOST EVERYTHING THAT I HAD WAS TAKEN AWAY, IT WAS HARD TO THINK THAT THERE WAS ANYTHING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR.
IT WAS A VERY DIFFICULT CHALLENGE FOR ME. IT WAS SO HARD TO THINK OF THE GOOD, AND NOT ABOUT THE BAD. I HAD TO START SMALL. VERY SMALL. AT FIRST IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT TO THINK ONLY ABOUT THE GOOD, AND DIS-REGARD THE NEGATIVE. HOWEVER, I RECOGNIZED THE BLESSINGS OF THE LDS PRIESTHOOD AND A LOVING FAMILY. ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS THAT WAS NOT AFFECTED WAS MY HEARING, SO I WAS BLESSED TO BE ABLE TO STILL ENJOY LISTENING TO MUSIC AND HEARING MY CHILDREN SING. I WAS WRITING THIS LIST ON MY OWN, SO I RECOGNIZED THAT I HAD REGAINED INDEPENDENCE THAT I WAS TOLD THAT I WOULD NEVER REGAIN. I GET GREAT PARKING NOW. I FEEL LIKE A QUEEN SINCE PEOPLE DO ALL THE MUNDANE TASKS FOR ME- LIKE FEEDING ME. IF I GET RUNS IN THE BACK OF MY NYLONS, PEOPLE CANNOT TELL SINCE THE WHEELCHAIR HIDES IT. I WAS GRATEFUL THAT I COULD USE SIGN LANGUAGE AND NOT HAVE TO BLINK TO COMMUNICATE ANYMORE (BUT I WAS THANKFUL FOR THE ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE BY BLINKING WHEN THAT WAS MY ONLY OPTION). I COULD STILL HELP MY KIDS WITH HOMEWORK. I GIVE THE BEST HUGS WHEN SOPHIA GETS HURT. PEOPLE TELL ME COOL SECRETS BECAUSE THEY THINK I WILL NOT AND CANNOT TELL ANYONE. I WAS GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE.
MY LIST GREW AS I BECAME MORE AWARE OF THE MANY, MANY BLESSINGS THAT EVEN A PERSON IN MY SITUATION HAD, AND I WAS SURPRISED TO FIND THAT I EASILY WROTE ABOUT 20 BLESSINGS THE FIRST ATTEMPT. IN TIME, IF THERE WAS SOMETHING I HATED, I SEARCHED FOR WHY THAT WAS A BLESSING, AND ADDED THAT 2 MY LIST. IT HAS BEEN 4 YEARS SINCE I FIRST BEGAN THIS LIST, AND I ADD TO IT ON A REGULAR BASIS. IN MAKING MY LIST, I HAVE LEARNED TO LOOK A DIFFERENT WAY ON MANY THINGS THAT MAKE MY SITUATION DIFFICULT. THINKING THIS WAY HELPS ME COPE BETTER WITH MY SITUATION, AND TO HELP ME SEE GOD’S HAND IN EVERYTHING I DO. JUST LIKE MY LIST, IT IS IMPORTANT TO DO THE SAME WITH YOUR FAMILIES, AND CLING TO THE THINGS YOU APPRECIATE AND LOVE ABOUT EACH FAMILY MEMBER.

SPEAKING OF GRATITUDE, & IN THE SPIRIT OF THANKSGIVING, I’M CURRENTLY THANKFUL 4 MY POWER WHEELCHAIR & MY VOICE. LAST WEEK MY WHEELCHAIR BROKE AGAIN (IT’S OLD), & THOUGH I’M EXTREMELY GRATEFUL 4 THIS EXTRA POWERCHAIR, I MISS MY “REGULAR” POWERCHAIR, & WILL BE GLAD 2 GET IT BACK 2DAY, AFTER BEING W/O IT FOR 6 DAYS!!

I ALSO LOST MY VOICE. (SOUNDS FUNNY COMING FROM ME, BUT I LOST WHAT LITTLE I’D REGAINED, & COULDN’T EVEN SAY MY KIDS NAMES.) IT WAS LIKE THE BEGINNING, IN 2004…I 4GOT HOW NICE IT IS 2 HAVE RE-GAINED EVEN A TINY BIT OF VOICE.

MOST RECENTLY, I AM THANKFUL BECAUSE I CAN MOVE MY BELLY VOLUNTARILY. IT IS ONLY A LITTLE, BUT IT IS SOMETHING. IF IT GETS STRONGER, I MAY BE ABLE TO BREATHE VOLUNTARILY. THEN I COULD FORCE AIR THROUGH MY VOCAL CORDS AND I COULD REGAIN THE ABILITY TO TALK. I AM GRATEFUL FOR THIS SMALL MOVEMENT AND ALL OTHERS THAT WILL COME MY WAY.

I PREVIOUSLY JOURNALLED THESE:

• 11/7 WAS A “TALKING DAY” (I HAVE DAYS WHERE IT’S EASIER 2 TALK), & WITH WORDS, & NO SIGNING, I ASKED MY GIRLS,“WHAT R U DOING?” 1 OF THE GIRLS REPEATED MY QUESTION, 2 BE SURE I WAS UNDERSTOOD, & AFTER NODDING YES, SHE ANSWERED. I THEN POINTED & ASKED, “WHAT IS THAT?,” & THE OTHER GIRL REPEATED MY QUESTION, 2 BE SURE I WAS UNDERSTOOD AGAIN, & AFTER NODDING YES, SHE ANSWERED.

• ABOUT 2 WEEKS PREVIOUS 2 THAT, I TOLD MY MUSIC THERAPIST, “NO PIANO,” AS I POINTED AT MY PIANO, & SHOOK MY HEAD. SHE TOTALLY UNDERSTOOD ME! I WAS THRILLED! IT’S 1 THING 4 MY FAMILY 2 UNDERSTAND ME, OR A SPEECH THERAPIST, BUT IT’S ANOTHER 2 HAVE “USEFUL” CONVERSATION.

• 11/9 WAS ALSO EXCITING. THE GIRLS CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL, BUT I ONLY SAW SOPH. NORMALLY, I HAVE 2 DROP WHAT I’M DOING, SO I CAN SIGN, “WHERE IS JESSICA?”, OR I KEEP WORKING & WONDERING! I CAN’T RECALL THE LAST TIME I KEPT WORKING, & SIMULTANEOUSLY ASKED A QUESTION, BUT EVERY NOW & THEN I TRY IT, JUST 4 FUN! ONLY THIS TIME, SOPH UNDERSTOOD ME, & ANSWERED! GRANTED, IT’S VERY POSSIBLE THAT SHE ONLY FIGURED OUT MY WORDS, DUE 2 THE CONTEXT, BUT IT FELT GOOD!

WHEN I 1ST LOST THE ABILITY TO SPEAK, I BEGAN BY BLINKING IN ORDER TO SPELL WORDS, THEN “GRADUATED” TO FINGER-SPELLING WORDS, & I CAN NOW SIGN SOME WORDS. THE FIRST SIGN WORD I LEARNED, WAS FOR THE WORD “THANK YOU.” I WAS THRILLED! IT FELT SO GOOD TO BE ABLE TO SAY “THANK YOU,” WHENEVER SOMEONE HELPED ME! I BELIEVE THAT IN ORDER TO LEARN GRATITUDE, WE NEED TO SAY, “THANK YOU.” LUCKILY, WHEN I LOST MY VOICE THIS TIME, I COULD STILL MOVE & SIGN “THANK YOU.”

HOWEVER, I FINALLY GOT MY VOICE BACK A LITTLE YESTERDAY, & CAN SAY MORE AGAIN. I WAS DELIGHTED THAT WHEN ZACH ASKED ME AFTER DINNER WHERE DAD WENT, I WAS ABLE 2 SAY “MAILBOX” CLEARLY, & BE UNDERSTOOD! EVEN ZACH WAS IMPRESSED!

HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I KNOW I WILL!

I’M ALIVE!

SORRY I HAVEN’T BEEN 2 CHATTY… I HAVE BEEN CRAZY BUSY. IN ADDITION 2 WHAT I DID IN JUNE (WENT 2 A WEDDING 4 MY YOUNGEST SIBLING, MIKE,IN UTAH & WENT 2 IDAHO), I’VE GOTTEN READY 4 MY 13 YR. OLD SON, ZACH’S, EAGLE COURT OF HONOR (& MADE ABOUT 100 SCRAPBOOK PAGES), WENT 2 MY SIS., MISSY’S WEDDING IN VERMONT, AS THE MATRON OF HONOR, WENT 2 DALLAS 4 A WEEK-END W/NO COMPUTER, & THERE’S BEEN LOTS IN BETWEEN…I’M SLOWLY GETTING BACK 2 “NORMAL,” & I NEED 2 GET BACK AMONG THE LIVING…SO I AM NOW PLAYING CATCH-UP!

2 ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT ZACH’S EAGLE COURT OF HONOR:

I DIDN’T REALIZE ANY1 COULD GET THEIR EAGLE B4 THEY WERE 14 YRS. OLD, & PRE-STROKE I MADE PLANS 2 SCRAPBOOK 4 ZACH’S EAGLE. & UNFORTUNATELY, SINCE THIS WAS THE ONLY ATTAINABLE PRE-STROKE GOAL, I WAS PRETTY DETERMINED 2 DO IT!

YACKTMAN’S CAN’T DO BIG EVENTS W/O STRESS, SO SINCE I’M 1 (THAT’S MY MAIDEN NAME), & I CAN’T BE HAPPY DOING JUST A LITTLE BIT, I HAD 2 CREATE MY OWN STRESS, BY ACCOMPLISHING THAT PRE-STROKE GOAL BY SCRAPPING 3 ALBUMS: ZACH’S CUB, BOY, & EAGLE SCOUT STUFF. MAYBE I’LL POST AT LEAST 1 CUB SCOUT, 1 BOY SCOUT, & 1 EAGLE SCOUT PG., OR I’LL POST AT LEAST SOME PICS OF THE EVENTS!

THOUGH I HURRIED 2 MAKE LOTS OF SCRAPBOOK PAGES IN 2 MONTHS, ALMOST EVEY SUPPLY 4 MY SCRAPBOOKS WAS BOUGHT PRE-STROKE, WHEN I SCRAPBOOKED TRADITIONALLY, & SCANNED IN. I HAD BEEN ORGANIZING & PLANNING 4 YEARS, BUT B4 MY STROKE, I THOUGHT I HAD 2-6 MORE YRS. 2 DO IT , BUT INSTEAD HAD A FEW MONTHS 2 DO ABOUT 100 PAGES! LOL BUT SINCE ORGANIZING IS MOST OF THE BATTLE, I WAS ABLE 2 PULL IT OFF, SINCE I DID THE HARDEST PART B4!

BUT LET ME GIVE A PLUG 2 http://www.sbtoshare.com , WHO PRINTED MY PAGES IN A HURRY. I CAN’T BEGIN 2 SAY HOW AWESOME THEY ARE!

AFTER ZACH’S SCRAPBOOKS, I WAS ASKED IF THINGS EVER START TO SLOW DOWN A LITTLE…LOL HA. NEVER. I GO FROM 1 THING 2 ANOTHER. I ALWAYS FIND A WAY 2 STRESS! I’M GETTING BETTER: I USED 2 GO CRAZY W/O STUFF 2 KEEP ME BUSY! NOW, I’M BETTER AT RELAXING, TAKING A MOMENT 2 STOP, ETC. BUT IF THOSE TIMES COME, I DON’T KNOW WHAT 2 DO W/MYSELF, & IT NEVER LASTS LONG! EVEN ASW/MY PHYSICAL LIMITATIONS, I ALWAYS HAVE 2 MANY THINGS GOING ON SIMUTANEOUSLY, SO I DON’T START & FINISH, BUT AM LIKE THE ENERGIZER BUNNY, WHO KEEPS GOING & GOING…

BTW, I HAVEN’T COMPLETELY 4GOTTEN U: I RECENTLY ADDED SOME THINGS 2 MY WEBSITE:
• A BOOK
• A BOOK DESCRIPTION
• A “CONTACT ME” PAGE
• AN ASL SECTION, SO PEOPLE CAN “BRUSH UP” ON THEIR “JENNY-ESE” NOW (& MY OWN HAND DID THE ASL CHART)!

SO MY CHAIR WAS BROKEN SUN. NIGHT-WED. MORNING. AFTER 6 YEARS, A W/C BECOMES A PART OF U, SO I FELT A PART OF ME WAS MISSING. IT WAS LESS PAINFUL 2 HAVE GONE THIS TIME, BUT “U NEVER KNOW WHAT’S GONE UNTIL IT’S GONE”, THOUGH! 6 YRS. AGO, I LOST MY VOICE & THE USE OF MY BODY. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT A BLESSING THAT WAS, OR THAT I COULD LOSE THEM. ONLY IN SLOWLY AQUIRING SOME OF IT BACK, HAVE I REALIZED THE ENORMOUS BLESSING.

LONG STORY SHORT, BY A FLUKE & PROMPTING, I FOUND A TRAVEL FOLDING POWER W/C ON EBAY, DIRT CHEAP (LIKE $150) IT NEEDED LOTS OF SMALL REPAIRS & A BATTERY. BUT STILL SPENT ONLY LIKE $600 TO BUY, SHIP, & GET A HEADREST–& USED CHAIRS R $1500-2500 ON EBAY! ONLY BAD THING: IT STANK OF SMOKE & WON’T TILT (& I TILT 2 HELP ME EAT, & RELIEVE PRESSURE ON MY BUTT. I ALSO TILT WHEN I NEED 2 POTTY & HAVE 2 WAIT, WHEN I WATCH MOVIES, & WHEN I LISTEN 2 AUDIO BOOKS–IT’S VERY TAXING 2 SIT UPRIGHT ALL DAY: IN THE HOSPITAL, I COULD ONLY HANDLE A FEW HRS. AT FIRST, & I WAS TILTED, SINCE I HAD LESS CORE MUSCLES!)

I GOT THE FOLDING, TRAVEL, POWER W/C 4 VERMONT—WE WERE FLYING, & WHEN I FLY, I’M STUCK IN A MANUAL W/C (WHICH I DETEST, BCUZ I CAN’T MOVE MYSELF, & GO BACK 2 SQUARE 1, LOSING ALL INDEPENDENCE THAT I’VE GAINED). HOWEVER, IT HAS COME IN VERY, VERY HANDY AS A BACK-UP, WHILE MY CHAIR IS BEING REPAIRED. IT HAS IT’S DRAWBACKS, BUT HOW GREAT 2 NOT BE IN MY MANUAL W/C 4 DAYS!

IN MY REGULAR POWER W/C, I RAREY TILT JUST 2 TILT, YET I CRAVE IT ALL THE TIME! WHILE I THINK I USE THE TILT FUNCTION MORE THAN I REALIZE, I WANT WHAT I CAN’T HAVE! ISN’T THAT HUST HUMAN NATURE?

Do you feel you could consider yourself lucky

RECENTLY, MY BROTHER ASKED ME, “Do you feel you could consider yourself lucky?” IT WAS A BAD DAY WHEN I WROTE, BUT I THOUGHT I SHOULD SHARE MY RESPONSE (IN ITALICS–KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS WAS WRITTEN W/A LDS “MORMON” PERSPECTIVE):

OVERALL I GUESS YES, I FEEL LUCKY, THOUGH LUCK IS NOT THE WORD I’D USE. WITHOUT MY STROKE, MY TESTIMONY PROBABLY WOULDN’T HAVE GROWN NEAR WHAT IT HAS, & I WOULDN’T HAVE NEARLY THE SAME RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST. I HAVE MY SHARE OF ROUGH DAYS, BUT SO MUCH CHANGES WHEN U FIND YOURSELF RELYING ON THE SPIRIT 2 TELL OTHERS ABOUT YOUR BASIC NEEDS & WHEN U SPEND HOURS EACH MORNING LAYING IN BED, PRAYING, PONDERING, & SEEKING INSPIRATION. I GAURANTEE THESE WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF I COULD WALK & TALK!

A GOSPEL PERSPECTIVE MAKES ME REALLY LUCKY. IT CHANGES SO MUCH, & STRENGTHENS ME. I WAS SEVERELY CHALLENGED THAT 1ST YEAR, & I COULDN’T HAVE PULLED THROUGH W/O MK. I NEEDED 2 HEAR WHAT HE SAID. (U KNOW, “BEHIND EVERY GREAT (WOMAN) IS A GREATER (MAN).) 2 THIS DAY, HE HELPS ME KEEP THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE. I’M LUCKY 2 HAVE THAT.

I WAS PREPARED 4 THIS IN SO MANY WAYS. I HAD “SPIRITUAL FUEL” BUILT UP, LIKE THE FIVE WISE VIRGINS WHO HAD SUFFICIENT SPIRITUAL FUEL WHEN THEY NEEDED IT AND THE BRIDEGROOM CAME. (THERE IS A PARABLE IN THE BIBLE THAT MOST OF YOU ARE PROBABLY FAMILIAR WITH WHERE 10 VIRGINS ARE GIVEN THE HONOR TO ATTEND A WEDDING & ARE TOLD TO KEEP THEIR LAMPS FULL OF OIL SO THEY WILL BE PREPARED WHEN THE BRIDEGROOM COMES. SOME OF THEM ARE FOOLISH AND DON’T HAVE ENOUGH OIL & MISS OUT ON THE OPPORTUNITY. SOME ARE WISE AND HAVE ENOUGH OIL)

WHEN I HAD MY STROKE, I NEEDED ENOUGH SPIRITUAL FUEL TO GET THROUGH IT. I COULDN’T HAVE DONE IT ALONE THESE LAST 6 YEARS. THERE WERE DAYS IT FELT WAY TO HEAVY TO BEAR THINGS ALONE. LUCKILY, I WASN’T EMPTY-HANDED AND HAD “SPIRITUAL FUEL.” THERE WERE MANY WAYS THAT MY “LAMP WAS FILLED:”

THROUGH MY PREVIOUS CALLING AS PRIMARY CHORISTER, I HAD REALLY BUILT UP MY TESTIMONY. IN A WAY, IT WAS A “SPIRITUAL HIGH,” SO WHEN MY STROKE HIT SO SUDDENLY, WITHOUT ANY REASON OR WARNING, I WONDERED WHY BAD THINGS CAN HAPPEN WHEN WE FEEL WE ARE DOING SO WELL.

BUT NOW I UNDERSTAND THAT I NEEDED A “FULL LAMP OF OIL,” AND SINCE I WAS OBEDIENT TO THE CALLING I HAD (JUST PRIOR TO MY STROKE), MY “LAMP” WAS OVERFLOWING WITH SPIRITUAL FUEL. IF IT EVER RAN LOW, I COULD JUST LISTEN TO MY KIDS SING THE TESTIMONY WE SHARED AND THAT I HAD TAUGHT THEM AND THAT WOULD REFILL MY LAMP.

• JUST TWO DAYS BEFORE MY STROKE, I HAD ACCEPTED AN ADDITIONAL CALLING TO BE THE GIRLS’ CAMP DIRECTOR. I WAS ALSO PREPARING AN EASTER SOLO FOR THE WARD CHOIR. AT THE TIME, I QUESTIONED WHY I NEEDED TO DO THESE THINGS IF THE LORD HAD KNOWN WHAT WAS IN STORE FOR ME. BUT THE STRENGTH I RECEIVED FROM MY TWO CALLINGS AND MY PARTICIPATION IN THE CHOIR WAS AMAZING. IT GAVE ME A WILL TO LIVE AND STRENGTH TO GET BETTER FOR ALL WHO COUNTED ON ME.

• IN ADDITION, MY FAMILY HAS ALWAYS DONE WELL TO IMPLEMENT FHE’S (FAMILY HOME EVENINGS–SOMETHING THAT WE DO EVERY MONDAY NIGHT AS A FAMILY WHERE WE HAVE A LESSON, SING SONGS & PRAY TOGETHER, HAVE AN ACTIVITY, ETC. IT ALLOWS US TO SHARE GOSPEL PRINCIPLES WE FEEL ARE IMPORTANT TO TEACH OUR CHILDREN IN A MORE CASUAL SETTING THAN CHURCH OR SUNDAY SCHOOL) AND WITH ME FEELING WELL OR NOT, THEY CARRIED ON. HOW MY LAMP WAS FILLED WHEN THE GOSPEL WAS BROUGHT TO ME IN THE HOSPITAL WHILE I WASN’T ABLE TO ATTEND CHURCH MYSELF. IT WAS AN ADDITIONAL STRENGTH TO HEAR OTHERS TESTIMONIES (WE SHARE OUR TESTIMONIES ON THE FIRST MONDAY OF THE MONTH IN OUR FHE) AND TO FOCUS ON SOMETHING BESIDE MYSELF.

• THE HABITS WE FORM ARE ALSO IMPORTANT. WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS UNEXPECTEDLY, WE SORT OF KICK INTO “AUTOMATIC MODE.” FHE WAS THAT WAY: IT WASN’T SOMETHING TO REMEMBER TO DO – WE JUST DID IT! ALSO, I DID ALL IN MY POWER TO RETURN TO CHURCH BECAUSE I HAD FAITHFULLY ATTENDED BEFORE, SO I JUST BELONGED THERE! SO DURING TIMES OF TRIAL, WHAT CAN WE DO TO SHOW THAT WE HAVE FAITH IN GOD?” KEEP OUR “LAMPS FILLED WITH OIL” BY CONTINUING TO PRAY, KEEP READING OUR SCRIPTURES, FAST, ATTEND THE TEMPLE, ETC. WE NEED TO BE LIKE THE FIVE WISE VIRGINS AND HAVE SUFFICIENT SPIRITUAL FUEL WHEN WE NEED IT BY “FILLING OUR LAMPS” NOW.

• I WAS ALSO FORTUNATE TO HAVE MY “LAMP FILLED” TIME AND TIME AGAIN BY MY ETERNAL COMPANION, MARK, AND BY THE PROMPTINGS OF THE HOLY GHOST. THERE WERE TIMES IT WAS DANGEROUSLY LOW AND MY “LAMP” WAS FILLED FOR ME. WHETHER MARRIED OR SINGLE, NO ONE IS EVER FORGOTTEN! EVEN IF THE PEOPLE IN THE CHURCH MESS UP, THERE IS NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT GOD PERSONALLY KNOW US AND OUR TRIALS AND LEADS, PROTECTS, AND WATCHES OVER US.

ALSO, SEVERAL YEARS PRIOR 2 MY STROKE (SINCE I COULDN’T SIT STILL & JUST WATCH TV), DURING GENERAL CONFERENCE, I WOULD COLOR, CUT, & LAMINATE THINGS 4 MY PRIMARY CHORISTER CALLING, & 4 ME, AS A MOTHER. 1 THING WAS 4 “THE TEACHER IN ME”: I MADE TONS OF FILE FOLDER ACTIVTIES. SOME I KNEW WERE 2 TOUGH 4 THEM, BUT I HAD THE TIME THEN 2 MAKE THEM, & KNEW THEY’D GROW INTO THEM…THEY STILL HAVE THOSE FILES 2DAY! HOW FUN IT IS 2 POINT 2 MYSELF, WHEN FIA ASKS WHO MADE IT! I AM LUCKY THAT I WAS PROMPTED 2 DO MANY SMALL THINGS LIKE THAT!

LAST CHRISTMAS, MK MADE ME A “GREATEST HITS” CD OF SOLOS, PERFORMANCES, ETC. EVEN W/MISSING A FEW THINGS, I COULDN’T HELP BUT NOTICE HOW FULL MY LIFE WAS IN JUST A FEW SHORT YEARS…MOST PEOPLE COULDN’T ACCOMPLISH THAT MUCH IN ALIFETIME! SO, I WASN’T “SHAFTED.”

BASICALLY, I FEEL “LUCKY” ENOUGH TO HAVE HAD MY LAMP FULL BY THE EXPERIENCES THAT I HAD PRIOR 2 MY STROKE – AND THAT BY DOING MY WORK IN MY CALLINGS AND BY PREPARING THINGS AHEAD OF TIME FOR MY CHILDREN, I HAD BOTH THE SPIRITUAL STAMINA 2 GET THROUGH THAT DIFFICULT TIME AS WELL AS BE ABLE 2 ENJOY SEEING MY CHILDREN NOW USE THINGS THAT I CREATED FOR THEM (LIKE THE FILE FOLDERS).

AFTER THEN READING SOMETHING JACK RUSHTON (AN LDS MAN, PARALYZED FROM THE NECK DOWN) TYPED. AFTER I READ IT, THE COMMENT I MOST APPRECIATED WAS, “Lying in bed I truly feel handicapped, but in my chair, sitting upright, just think of what I can do. “ HOW TRUE THAT STATEMENT IS! IF U LOOK AT ME, I’M EXTREMELY INCAPABLE OF SO MUCH, BUT THOSE WHO KNOW ME ARE SHOCKED BY ALL THE “I CAN’S.” MANY OF THOSE IN MY CONDITION ARE LIMITED 2 A LIFETIME OF BLINKING, YET THEY “WRITE” BOOKS & DO OTHER FEATS THAT SEEM ALARMING. I AM INDEED LUCKY, BECUZ ALL I HAVE WAS GOD’S 2 TAKE AWAY, YET I WAS CHOSEN 2 HAVE JUST ENOUGH GIVEN BACK 2 DO SO MUCH MORE!