Author: Jenny

In March 2004, I suffered a severe brainstem stroke, & was "locked in" for several months". I have been married to a wonderful man, Mark ever since Dec. 1994, & we have 3 kids: Zach (1997),, Jessica (2000), & Sophie (2002). I have been blessed in so many ways by God, so I wanted to keep a blog to share my recovery, life, & answer questions.

WED.

4GIVE ME 4 NOT WRITING SOONER, BUT THE TIME I USEED B4 TO WRE HAS SUDDENLY BECCOME "GIRL TIME" W/MY GIRLS. I’M FINE W/THAT, BUT NO GAURANTEES WHEN I’LL WRITE.

SO WHAT CA THE GIRLS POSS. DO WITH ME? A FAV. IS ARGUING 2 SIT ON MY LAP AS THEY PLAY COMP. GAMES, WRITE EMAILS, OR WATTCH A MOVIE W/,E. SINCE FIA CAN READ & JESS (WHILE IMPATIENT) IS BETTER AT READING MY ASL, COMMUNICATION IS LESS A BARRIER 2!

STILL, LIFE W/1 HAND CAN BE EXHAUSTING. IN ADDITION 2 THE EXPECTED WOES (BEING ON THE RT. SIDE 2 PICK UO THINGS LIKE THE REMOTE; 2 DO ANYTHING, LIKE PUSH A BUTTON; OR 2 ACCOMPLISH ANY TASK, LIKE PLAYING THE PIANO OR TYPE-I BET I HAVE THE STRONGEST INDEX FINGER!), THERE’S ALSO STUFF LIKE THIS:

WHEN I GO SOMEWHERE I NEED 2 ACKNOWLEDGE PEOPLE, LIKE CHURCH, I HAVE A CHOICE 2 NOD A HELLO & KEEP DRIVING, OR I CAN STOP DRIVING & USE THAT HAND 2 WAVE HELLO.

IN ORDER 2 RESPOND VIA ASL, IT’S THE SAME. 4 EX., RECENTLY WHILE ON THE COMP, I WAS HIGHLIGHTING TEXT (WHICH TAKES QUITE A WHILE & REQUIRES A LOT OF INTENSE FOCUS W/DOUBLE VISION). AT THE SAME INSTANT, I WAS ASKED A QUES. THAT REQUIRED MORE THAN A YES/NO RESPONSE. I HAD 2 CHOICES: 1. I CAN APPEAR 2 BE RUDE & WAIT 2 ANSWER, SO IT SEEMS I’M IGNORING SOME1 WHO WAITS 4 A RESPONSE, BUT, MEANWHILE MY HEAD IS SHOUTING, "1 SECOND!" 2. ANSWER VIA ASL, THEN START AGAIN 2 DO WHAT I WAS TRYING 2 DO (IN THIS CASE, HIGHLIGHT TEXT).

STILL, I’M GLAD I HAVE 1 HAND (I WASN’T SUPPOSED 2) & MY RT. HAND AT THAT (DID U KNOW MY LEFT HAND, & NOT MY RT. HAND, USED 2 MOVE?). SO MUCH NEEDS MY RT. HAND (AT CHURCH & THANKFULLY, WHILE SLIGHTLY AMBIDEXTROUS, I WAS RT. HAND DOMINANT SO I DIDN’T HAVE 2 START FROM SCRATCH 2 LEARN 2 WRITE & TYPE)!

SCHOOL

NEXT MON., THE KIDS START SCHOOL. BUMMER. MORNINGS WERE MY TIME W/FIA, SO IT'LL BE VERY ODD & LONELY AS SHE IS IN ALL DAY KINDERGARTEN THIS YEAR.

BUT FIA'S VERY READY: SHE TAUGHT HERSELF 2 READ–& SHE EVEN READS W/EXPRESSION IN HER VOICE (NOT BEGINNER MONOTONE)! IT’S KILLING ME (AS A TEACHER, SINCE I DIDN'T TEACH THE "TRADITIONAL" WAY, BUT SHE SEES ME TYPE 2 TALK & DISCIPLINE THE KIDS & WAS DETERMINED 2 LEARN 2 READ VIA CONTEXT CLUES, AS I WAS SILENT IF SHE ASKED, "WHAT'S THAT WORD?"), YET I’M PROUD (AS A MOM)!

THIS IS R ONLY YEAR W/ALL 3 IN THE SAME SCHOOL (JEALOUS? LOL): ZACH–5TH, JESS–2ND, FIA–K. ZACH & JESS CAN READ MY ASL, THOUGH AT DIFF. LEVELS. I BET FIA DOES BY THE END OF THE YEAR, AS SHE KNOWS MY LETTERS BEST (SHE OFTEN HAS ME SPELL A WORD 4 HER), SHE HAS THE IDEA AS SHE SOUNDS OUT LETTERS, & SHE CAN SOMETIMES DO IT.

PBA WEEK

THE OTHER WEEK WAS A PBA WEEK. I WAS ON THIN ICE ALREADY, AFTER MY COMP. VIRUS & FROM FIGHTING A "PITY PARTY," THEN HAVING 2 WAIT 4 OTHERS, WHICH ONLY I SAW THE URGENT-NESS & EVERY PASSING MINUTE COULD RESULT IN A LOST STUFF VALUABLE 2 ME!

USUALLY, I DO PRETTY WELL CONTROLLING IT, BUT THIS LAST WEEK, I WAS BOMBARDED BY STRONG ENOTIONS, & ANY EMOTION, BIG OE SMALL, CAUSES LAUGHTER OR TEARS. MY WORLD CAN APPEAR SHATTERED, & I'M FINE, PROUD, OR SHOWING RELIEF. IF I'M SOOTHED, IT CAN ME CAN MAKE IT WORSE, AS TEARS OF EMBARRASSMENT R SHED. MARK KNOWS THIS ALL 2 WELL, & PROB. APPEARS HEARTLESS AT TIMES, AS HE SEEMS 2 LET ME WORK IT OUT ALONE, THOUGH I ACTUALLY APPRECIATE IT. BY GOING AGAINST HUMAN NATURE 2 SOOTHE UNCONTROLLED LAUGHTER OR TEARS, HE'S ACTUALLY HELPING ME!

BUT SOMETIMES THE OUTCOME DOESN'T PORTRAY HOW I FEEL. (LIKE, I CAN BE FURIOUS, BUT C A SMILE THAT TRIGGERS A LAUGH, WHICH CAN BE VERY FRUSTRATING!) I SEEN AN EASY EMOTIONAL TARGET 2 READ, UNTIL THIS HAPPENS!

I THINK THE FACT I CAN VISUALIZE SOMETHING, EVEN IF IT HASN'T HAPPENED, CAN MAKE MY PBA WORSE. IT ALSO HELPS 2 "PREP" 4 IT.

SO, HERE'S A VERY SMALL AMOUNT OF TRIGGERS, RECENTLY:

1. I HAD A CLUE IT WOULD HAPPEN—IT'S BEEN SO LONG—BUT NO IDEA WHEN IT'D HAPPEN: I WAS FINALLY RELEASED FROM MY CALLING AT CHURCH! FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS, I HAVE BEEN AN ASST. ACTIVITY DAY LEADER (I PLANNED & DID A MID-WEEK ACTIVITY 2X/MONTH 4 GIRLS WHO R 8 & 9 YEARS OLD, IN MY CASE–THOUGH IT STARTED 8-12 YEARS OLD). NOW, I’M WARD HISTORIAN, WHATEVER THAT MEANS! THEY EXPLAINED STUFF, BUT THE CALLING IS NEW 2 ME…I KNOW THE GIST (TAKE A BUNCH OF PICTURES, USE SCRAPBOOKING (MAYBE), USE R WARD WEBSITE, KEEP A RECORD OF LOTS—..), BUT HOW? I PREFER NOT 2 ATTEND ACTIVITIES (I CAN’T BE SOCIAL OR PARTICIPATE & JUST SIT IF THEY EAT), & I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE WHO’S EVEN IN R WARD, LET ALONE CHANGES IN CALLINGS!…

THE GOOD THING IS I NOW HAVE SOMETHING 2 DO AT ACTIVITIES (TAKE PICS, BUT I NEED A HORN OR SOMETHING IF STOOD IN FRONT OF) & MARK IS WARD CLERK, SO HE KNOWS STUFF I’M CLUELESS ABOUT.

2. 8/8 WAS MY B-DAY. B4 MY STROKE I WAS A CAKE DECORATOR. MARK HAS KEPT THAT ALIVE & REALLY DEVELOPED THAT TALENT. EVEN IF I WAS WELL, I'LL ADMIT I COULDN'T MAKE THAT CAKE, AS IT USED A WOOD STAND (SO HE HAD 2 USE HIS WOODWORKING TALENT, WHICH I NEVER HAD!)

I LOVE DR. SEUESS, SO THERE WAS A DR. SEUESS THEME. EVER READ THE CAT IN THE HAT? ALL THESE CRAZY "THINGS" COME OUT THE HAT. I WAS THE CAT. THANKS 2 SHIRTS BOUGHT AT R REUNION, ALL NIECES & NEPHEWS WERE "THINGS."

3. 8/9—MY FRIENDS GAVE ME A SURPRISE B-DAY PARTY. I WAS REALLY SURPRISED! TURNED , SINCE I'D HAD COMPUTER PROBLEMS & HAVE ISOLATED MYSELF (WHICH I STILL SHOULD, BUT CAN’T HANDLE MORE). I WAS WAITING 4 A BACK-UP THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE AT 6 PM, BUT TOOK ALL NITE. PLUS, I NEEDED IT–I WAS GRUMPY ON MY B-DAY.

cake

things

SORRY

SORRY. MY LIFE'S "ON HOLD." MY COMP. IS SOOO FULL. I’M WORKING ON IT, BUT AM STRESSED SINCE 2 ATTEMPT 2 TAKE CARE OF IT MEANS NO TALKING BY ANSWERING EMAILS OR POSTING ON MY WEBSITE, ETC. I ONLY HAVE 1 FINGER & MUST FOCUS ON WHAT IS MOST PRESSING! SO, I CAN APPEAR IMPATIENT, GRUMPY, STUCK UP, ETC. DEFINATELY DOES NOT HELP ME SLEEP (WED. I WOKE AT 3:00 & THURS. I WOKE AT 1:50) & MY PBA (I’M A MESS, BUT DOESN'T HELP W/AN EMOTIONAL WEEK & NO SLEEP)!

LIKE ANY MOM I KEEP PUTTING MY STUFF ASIDE. “REGUKAR” MOMS CAN DO THIS, BUT SINCE I ONLY HAVE HELP 2X/WEEK, 4 ABOUT 6-8 HOURS & SINCE I’M TWICE AS SLOW & CAN’T DO MY STUFF LATER, THIS TRANSLATES 2 NEEVER DOING MY STUFF, SO MY COMP., MY LIFE, IS BURSTING & IS HAVING TROUBLE CONTAINING STUFF. HAVE 2 FOCUS & TRY 2 CONTAIN IT—

THURS.

IN JR. HIGH, WE WERE ASKED 2 RUN A MILE AT THE BEG. & END OF THE YEAR. R GRADE WAS BASED OFF R IMPROVEMENT. GYM WAS NOT MY FORTE, BUT I WANTED STRAIGHT A'S. SO 2 ENSURE AN "A", THE 1ST 1 I WALKED (& JOGGED IF I SAW THE TEACHER). THE 2ND I REALLY RAN. REMEMBER THIS: "MY KIDS PUSH ME—I WON'T LIE—THERE R DAYS I FEEL DONE TRYING, BUT THEN I REMEMBER THINGS LIKE A CARD FROM ZACH 2 KEEP EXERCISING, OR A WISH 2 SANTA THAT I CAN WALK". NOW, EVERYTIME I TRY 2 "WALK," MY “PERSONAL TRAINER” (MARK) WON’T LET ME! I THINK MY 1ST 30 YRS. OF LIFE, I "WALKED," SO I BETTER "RUN" NOW!