THE OTHER WEEK WAS A PBA WEEK. I WAS ON THIN ICE ALREADY, AFTER MY COMP. VIRUS & FROM FIGHTING A "PITY PARTY," THEN HAVING 2 WAIT 4 OTHERS, WHICH ONLY I SAW THE URGENT-NESS & EVERY PASSING MINUTE COULD RESULT IN A LOST STUFF VALUABLE 2 ME!

USUALLY, I DO PRETTY WELL CONTROLLING IT, BUT THIS LAST WEEK, I WAS BOMBARDED BY STRONG ENOTIONS, & ANY EMOTION, BIG OE SMALL, CAUSES LAUGHTER OR TEARS. MY WORLD CAN APPEAR SHATTERED, & I'M FINE, PROUD, OR SHOWING RELIEF. IF I'M SOOTHED, IT CAN ME CAN MAKE IT WORSE, AS TEARS OF EMBARRASSMENT R SHED. MARK KNOWS THIS ALL 2 WELL, & PROB. APPEARS HEARTLESS AT TIMES, AS HE SEEMS 2 LET ME WORK IT OUT ALONE, THOUGH I ACTUALLY APPRECIATE IT. BY GOING AGAINST HUMAN NATURE 2 SOOTHE UNCONTROLLED LAUGHTER OR TEARS, HE'S ACTUALLY HELPING ME!

BUT SOMETIMES THE OUTCOME DOESN'T PORTRAY HOW I FEEL. (LIKE, I CAN BE FURIOUS, BUT C A SMILE THAT TRIGGERS A LAUGH, WHICH CAN BE VERY FRUSTRATING!) I SEEN AN EASY EMOTIONAL TARGET 2 READ, UNTIL THIS HAPPENS!

I THINK THE FACT I CAN VISUALIZE SOMETHING, EVEN IF IT HASN'T HAPPENED, CAN MAKE MY PBA WORSE. IT ALSO HELPS 2 "PREP" 4 IT.

SO, HERE'S A VERY SMALL AMOUNT OF TRIGGERS, RECENTLY:

1. I HAD A CLUE IT WOULD HAPPEN—IT'S BEEN SO LONG—BUT NO IDEA WHEN IT'D HAPPEN: I WAS FINALLY RELEASED FROM MY CALLING AT CHURCH! FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS, I HAVE BEEN AN ASST. ACTIVITY DAY LEADER (I PLANNED & DID A MID-WEEK ACTIVITY 2X/MONTH 4 GIRLS WHO R 8 & 9 YEARS OLD, IN MY CASE–THOUGH IT STARTED 8-12 YEARS OLD). NOW, I’M WARD HISTORIAN, WHATEVER THAT MEANS! THEY EXPLAINED STUFF, BUT THE CALLING IS NEW 2 ME…I KNOW THE GIST (TAKE A BUNCH OF PICTURES, USE SCRAPBOOKING (MAYBE), USE R WARD WEBSITE, KEEP A RECORD OF LOTS—..), BUT HOW? I PREFER NOT 2 ATTEND ACTIVITIES (I CAN’T BE SOCIAL OR PARTICIPATE & JUST SIT IF THEY EAT), & I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE WHO’S EVEN IN R WARD, LET ALONE CHANGES IN CALLINGS!…

THE GOOD THING IS I NOW HAVE SOMETHING 2 DO AT ACTIVITIES (TAKE PICS, BUT I NEED A HORN OR SOMETHING IF STOOD IN FRONT OF) & MARK IS WARD CLERK, SO HE KNOWS STUFF I’M CLUELESS ABOUT.

2. 8/8 WAS MY B-DAY. B4 MY STROKE I WAS A CAKE DECORATOR. MARK HAS KEPT THAT ALIVE & REALLY DEVELOPED THAT TALENT. EVEN IF I WAS WELL, I'LL ADMIT I COULDN'T MAKE THAT CAKE, AS IT USED A WOOD STAND (SO HE HAD 2 USE HIS WOODWORKING TALENT, WHICH I NEVER HAD!)

I LOVE DR. SEUESS, SO THERE WAS A DR. SEUESS THEME. EVER READ THE CAT IN THE HAT? ALL THESE CRAZY "THINGS" COME OUT THE HAT. I WAS THE CAT. THANKS 2 SHIRTS BOUGHT AT R REUNION, ALL NIECES & NEPHEWS WERE "THINGS."

3. 8/9—MY FRIENDS GAVE ME A SURPRISE B-DAY PARTY. I WAS REALLY SURPRISED! TURNED , SINCE I'D HAD COMPUTER PROBLEMS & HAVE ISOLATED MYSELF (WHICH I STILL SHOULD, BUT CAN’T HANDLE MORE). I WAS WAITING 4 A BACK-UP THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE AT 6 PM, BUT TOOK ALL NITE. PLUS, I NEEDED IT–I WAS GRUMPY ON MY B-DAY.