Author: Jenny

In March 2004, I suffered a severe brainstem stroke, & was "locked in" for several months". I have been married to a wonderful man, Mark ever since Dec. 1994, & we have 3 kids: Zach (1997),, Jessica (2000), & Sophie (2002). I have been blessed in so many ways by God, so I wanted to keep a blog to share my recovery, life, & answer questions.

HALLOWEEN

WE CELEBRATED HALLOWEEN SAT., AT OUR CHURCH’S TRUNK OR TREAT. THE ENTIRE FAMILY LOOKED GREAT (ZACH’S “COUCH POTATO” HAD A CHIPS BAG 2 COLLECT TREATS, JESS HAD KILLER SKELETON MAKE-UP, SOPH HAD GREAT HAIR & OUTFIT, MK WAS A HANDSOME KNIGHT, & I WAS A QUEEN IN HER THRONE)..

AS 4 ME: THERE R JUST SO MANY COSTUMES THAT R COOL & UNIQUE 2 A W/C, I’M LIKE A LITTLE KID, WHO MISSED THEIR CHILDHOOD, SO I HAVE A HARD TIME NOT DOING THEM. I WAS GOING 2 DRESS IN SOMETHING SIMPLE, BUT MERELY MENTIONED THAT I WANTED 2 BE A QUEEN IN HER THRONE (I JOKE I AM 1, SINCE I’M FED, POTTIED, SPECIAL ACCOMODATIONS R MADE 4 ME, ETC.–IT’S A LOT MORE FUN 2 THINK THAT WAY, INSTEAD OF ANY OTHER WAY!), & MK WENT OUT & MADE IT. HE BLEW ME AWAY–IT WAS WAY MORE ELABORATE & BEAUTIFUL THAN I HAD EXPECTED! I’M 1 LUCKY GIRL!

& NOTICE, MK WAS A KNIGHT, NOT A KING. VERY APPROPRIATE, SINCE KNIGHTS SERVE THE QUEEN! LOL &, IF I NEED HELP OR AM SCARED, MK COMES 2 MY RESCUE, & MY HEAD ALWAYS IS SAYING THXS 2 MY “KNIGHT IN SHING ARMOR”-I REALLY CALL HIM THAT!

I TOTALLY ALSO WANTED A RED CARPET OR ROSE PETALS ON MY RAMP, BUT NO 1 WOULD C IT, SO, I WAS SATISFIED BY THE TREATS BEING PLACED AT MY FEET, SO EVERY1 HAD 2 KNEEL B4 THE QUEEN–LOL

HERE R PICS FROM WHAT I’VE RECENTLY BEEN UP 2:

I’M ALIVE!

SORRY I HAVEN’T BEEN 2 CHATTY… I HAVE BEEN CRAZY BUSY. IN ADDITION 2 WHAT I DID IN JUNE (WENT 2 A WEDDING 4 MY YOUNGEST SIBLING, MIKE,IN UTAH & WENT 2 IDAHO), I’VE GOTTEN READY 4 MY 13 YR. OLD SON, ZACH’S, EAGLE COURT OF HONOR (& MADE ABOUT 100 SCRAPBOOK PAGES), WENT 2 MY SIS., MISSY’S WEDDING IN VERMONT, AS THE MATRON OF HONOR, WENT 2 DALLAS 4 A WEEK-END W/NO COMPUTER, & THERE’S BEEN LOTS IN BETWEEN…I’M SLOWLY GETTING BACK 2 “NORMAL,” & I NEED 2 GET BACK AMONG THE LIVING…SO I AM NOW PLAYING CATCH-UP!

2 ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT ZACH’S EAGLE COURT OF HONOR:

I DIDN’T REALIZE ANY1 COULD GET THEIR EAGLE B4 THEY WERE 14 YRS. OLD, & PRE-STROKE I MADE PLANS 2 SCRAPBOOK 4 ZACH’S EAGLE. & UNFORTUNATELY, SINCE THIS WAS THE ONLY ATTAINABLE PRE-STROKE GOAL, I WAS PRETTY DETERMINED 2 DO IT!

YACKTMAN’S CAN’T DO BIG EVENTS W/O STRESS, SO SINCE I’M 1 (THAT’S MY MAIDEN NAME), & I CAN’T BE HAPPY DOING JUST A LITTLE BIT, I HAD 2 CREATE MY OWN STRESS, BY ACCOMPLISHING THAT PRE-STROKE GOAL BY SCRAPPING 3 ALBUMS: ZACH’S CUB, BOY, & EAGLE SCOUT STUFF. MAYBE I’LL POST AT LEAST 1 CUB SCOUT, 1 BOY SCOUT, & 1 EAGLE SCOUT PG., OR I’LL POST AT LEAST SOME PICS OF THE EVENTS!

THOUGH I HURRIED 2 MAKE LOTS OF SCRAPBOOK PAGES IN 2 MONTHS, ALMOST EVEY SUPPLY 4 MY SCRAPBOOKS WAS BOUGHT PRE-STROKE, WHEN I SCRAPBOOKED TRADITIONALLY, & SCANNED IN. I HAD BEEN ORGANIZING & PLANNING 4 YEARS, BUT B4 MY STROKE, I THOUGHT I HAD 2-6 MORE YRS. 2 DO IT , BUT INSTEAD HAD A FEW MONTHS 2 DO ABOUT 100 PAGES! LOL BUT SINCE ORGANIZING IS MOST OF THE BATTLE, I WAS ABLE 2 PULL IT OFF, SINCE I DID THE HARDEST PART B4!

BUT LET ME GIVE A PLUG 2 http://www.sbtoshare.com , WHO PRINTED MY PAGES IN A HURRY. I CAN’T BEGIN 2 SAY HOW AWESOME THEY ARE!

AFTER ZACH’S SCRAPBOOKS, I WAS ASKED IF THINGS EVER START TO SLOW DOWN A LITTLE…LOL HA. NEVER. I GO FROM 1 THING 2 ANOTHER. I ALWAYS FIND A WAY 2 STRESS! I’M GETTING BETTER: I USED 2 GO CRAZY W/O STUFF 2 KEEP ME BUSY! NOW, I’M BETTER AT RELAXING, TAKING A MOMENT 2 STOP, ETC. BUT IF THOSE TIMES COME, I DON’T KNOW WHAT 2 DO W/MYSELF, & IT NEVER LASTS LONG! EVEN ASW/MY PHYSICAL LIMITATIONS, I ALWAYS HAVE 2 MANY THINGS GOING ON SIMUTANEOUSLY, SO I DON’T START & FINISH, BUT AM LIKE THE ENERGIZER BUNNY, WHO KEEPS GOING & GOING…

BTW, I HAVEN’T COMPLETELY 4GOTTEN U: I RECENTLY ADDED SOME THINGS 2 MY WEBSITE:
• A BOOK
• A BOOK DESCRIPTION
• A “CONTACT ME” PAGE
• AN ASL SECTION, SO PEOPLE CAN “BRUSH UP” ON THEIR “JENNY-ESE” NOW (& MY OWN HAND DID THE ASL CHART)!

SO MY CHAIR WAS BROKEN SUN. NIGHT-WED. MORNING. AFTER 6 YEARS, A W/C BECOMES A PART OF U, SO I FELT A PART OF ME WAS MISSING. IT WAS LESS PAINFUL 2 HAVE GONE THIS TIME, BUT “U NEVER KNOW WHAT’S GONE UNTIL IT’S GONE”, THOUGH! 6 YRS. AGO, I LOST MY VOICE & THE USE OF MY BODY. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT A BLESSING THAT WAS, OR THAT I COULD LOSE THEM. ONLY IN SLOWLY AQUIRING SOME OF IT BACK, HAVE I REALIZED THE ENORMOUS BLESSING.

LONG STORY SHORT, BY A FLUKE & PROMPTING, I FOUND A TRAVEL FOLDING POWER W/C ON EBAY, DIRT CHEAP (LIKE $150) IT NEEDED LOTS OF SMALL REPAIRS & A BATTERY. BUT STILL SPENT ONLY LIKE $600 TO BUY, SHIP, & GET A HEADREST–& USED CHAIRS R $1500-2500 ON EBAY! ONLY BAD THING: IT STANK OF SMOKE & WON’T TILT (& I TILT 2 HELP ME EAT, & RELIEVE PRESSURE ON MY BUTT. I ALSO TILT WHEN I NEED 2 POTTY & HAVE 2 WAIT, WHEN I WATCH MOVIES, & WHEN I LISTEN 2 AUDIO BOOKS–IT’S VERY TAXING 2 SIT UPRIGHT ALL DAY: IN THE HOSPITAL, I COULD ONLY HANDLE A FEW HRS. AT FIRST, & I WAS TILTED, SINCE I HAD LESS CORE MUSCLES!)

I GOT THE FOLDING, TRAVEL, POWER W/C 4 VERMONT—WE WERE FLYING, & WHEN I FLY, I’M STUCK IN A MANUAL W/C (WHICH I DETEST, BCUZ I CAN’T MOVE MYSELF, & GO BACK 2 SQUARE 1, LOSING ALL INDEPENDENCE THAT I’VE GAINED). HOWEVER, IT HAS COME IN VERY, VERY HANDY AS A BACK-UP, WHILE MY CHAIR IS BEING REPAIRED. IT HAS IT’S DRAWBACKS, BUT HOW GREAT 2 NOT BE IN MY MANUAL W/C 4 DAYS!

IN MY REGULAR POWER W/C, I RAREY TILT JUST 2 TILT, YET I CRAVE IT ALL THE TIME! WHILE I THINK I USE THE TILT FUNCTION MORE THAN I REALIZE, I WANT WHAT I CAN’T HAVE! ISN’T THAT HUST HUMAN NATURE?

BAD DAYS

A FEW DAYS AGO, I’D SAY I WAS GREAT. NOW IT’S GETTING HARDER, & ALL THE KIDS’ ACTIVITIES ARE DONE. IN JUNE WE WENT 2 IDAHO & UTAH, & HAD FUN. I HAD A MINOR OUTPATIENT SURGERY IN JULY.THE LAST FEW DAYS HAVE BEEN SUPER ROUGH. I’M EITHER FIGHTING A PITY PARTY, OR NEEDING 2 WITHDRAW & BE UTTERLY ALONE (HARD 2 DO IN MY SHOES!), ETC.

WE ALL HAVE BAD DAYS, ME INCLUDED!

I ISOLATE MYSELF ON BAD DAYS, & REFUSE 2 POST, BECAUSE I DON’T TRUST WHAT I TYPE–I TEND 2 REGRET IT L8R… I DON’T TRUST ME! I HAVE POSTED THAT ROUGH DAYS EXIST, BUT NEVER EXPAND ON IT…

HOWEVER, I RECENTLY READ A Change in the Weather by Mark McEwen, & TOTALLY RELATED 2 A STATEMENT HE MADE. IT HAS THIS QUOTE ABOUT HOW Mark McEwen FELT, IMMEDIATELY AFTER A STROKE

“Emotionally, I was a little all over the place. Don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled to be alive, given the events that had played out in my brain, and blessed to be surrounded by such supportive friends and family. I understood that, even though everything else was a muddle. I also understood that I was determined to work my way back to how I was. But underneath all that, I was also scared and stubborn and tentative and confused. And probably a little angry too. It was a strange mix of emotions, and what was particularly unsettling was that I was unable to articulate what I was feeling. I can’t stress this enough; there was no place to deposit all those runaway emotions, because my body wasn’t working good enough to put them into words and download them onto someone else. So there was a kind of bubbling frustration going on inside my head. It felt like I was about to burst. Typically, Denise and I would talk about everything; whatever we were facing, whatever we were worried about, we’d deal with it together. But here I couldn’t even manage to tell her what was on my mind. It was a maddening thing; to be so plugged in at certain moments to what was happening; and yet at the same time, to be so hopelessly unable to express myself. It’s like I was watching my life play out behind a 2-way mirror from a sound-proof room; like I was there and not there all at the same time. I was a participant and an observer all at once. I could see and hear and understand everything that was going on around me, but it was hard to get anyone else to see or hear or understand me. This was a huge handicap, let me tell you, and I wasn’t at all prepared for it!”

THOUGH IT’S BEEN 6 YEARS, I CAN STILL FEEL THAT WAY SOMEDAYS, BUT ON THOSE DAYS, I’M SO VERY GRATEFUL 4 THE GOSPEL KNOWLEDGE I HAVE, & MY BELIEF IN CHRIST. I BELIEVE THAT CHRIST UNDERSTANDS HOW I FEEL, EVEN IF I CAN’T EXPRESS MYSELF. THIS GIVES ME A GLIMMER OF HOPE, EVEN ON THE WORST OF DAYS.

IN ADDITION, I WAS “SUPERMOM” B4 MY STROKE, & DID SO MUCH. IT KILLED ME 2 SIT STILL–I EVEN HAD A BAG 2 KEEP ME BUSY IF I WATCHED TV, & LAUNDRY WAS DONE. BUT THE STROKE ALSO FORCED ME 2 STOP…U CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW BAD I WAS THE 1ST FEW DAYS, AS I SAT THERE WANTING 2 DO STUFF, BUT COULDN’T!

BUT IT FORCED ME 2 C WHAT WAS IMPORTANT. ALL I DID WAS GREAT & ALL, BUT WE SURVIVED W/O IT. IT STILL HAD MEANING–LIKE KEEPING A JOURNAL, SOMETHING I VALUE–BUT IT LOST IMPORTANCE. MOST IMPORTANT WAS MY FAMILY. IF NOTHING ELSE REMAINED, MY FAMILY MATTERED.

EVERY NOW & THEN, AS I GAIN INDEPENDENCE, I NEED THAT REMINDER, & THINK, “AH, THE GOOD OL’ DAYS!” THEN I AM REMINDED, HOW BAD CAN IT BE 2 BE REDUCED TO A LIFE OF READING, WRITING, PONDERING, AND MEDITATION. AS A FRIEND SAID,”SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT! “

P.S. ZACH’S HOME 2NIGHT FROM THE 100TH ANN. BOY SCOUT JAMBOREE IN VIRGINIA. HE’S AN EAGLE SCOUT NOW, BUT HIS CEREMONY IS IN SEPT.

MUSICAL THEATER CAMPS

THE GIRLS RECENTLY WERE IN MUSICAL THEATER CAMPS, FOR 1-2 WEEKS, & FINISHED BY HAVING PERFORMANCES. THE PROUD MAMA WANTS 2 SHARE! LOL
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Sophia & her cousins, Sky, and Thalia in “Annie”