MY NEW PBA MEDS

THIS SUMMER I SHARED HOW IN THE 1ST WEEKEND OF JUNE, I WAS ON A FAMILY VACATION IN PADRE ISLAND, TEXAS. DUE TO MY PBA (EMOTIONAL LIABILITY, WHICH MAKES IT DIFFICULT TO CONTROL MY EMOTIONS), I DECIDED TO LEAVE A STORE ALONE. UNFORTUNATELY, I WENT OFF THE CURB & FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR, LANDING ON MY KNEES & FACE, IN THE PARKING LOT…I SAID THE FOLLOWING:

“IT IS A MIRACLE THAT SOMETHING THAT COULD’VE KILLED ME, ONLY ENDED UP W/A BROKEN NOSE (WHICH GAVE ME 2 BLACK EYES), & SOME CUTS ON MY FACE, KNEES, & 3 FINGERS ON MY RIGHT HAND! ONLY GOD COULD’VE PROTECTED ME SO WELL! SIMPLY AMAZING THAT MY TEETH ARE FINE, MY RIGHT HAND ISN’T BROKEN, I GOT NO STITCHES, & MY SKULL WASN’T CRUSHED! WHAT MERCY & LOVE I FEEL! “

IT WAS FOLLOWED BY THE MOST MIRACULOUS WEEK OF HEALING! (I WILL POST A SCRAPBOOK PAGE, CALLED “MY RECOVERY,” SHOWING THE HEALING PROCESS.) THE KNUCKLES ON MY RIGHT HAND ARE STILL HEALING & RED, & MAY BE THAT WAY FOR YEARS, BUT MY FACE LOOKS FINE. MY NOSE HASN’T QUITE HEALED, BUT THAT ALSO FEELS LIKE AN ODD BLESSING, BECAUSE THE WAY THE NOSE IS CROOKED, IS HELPING MY SPEECH!

AS I SAID LAST JUNE, “I’M AMAZED HOW GOD FINDS WAYS 2 TURN BAD SITUATIONS INTO GOOD. I KNOW HUNDREDS OF WAYS THAT MY STROKE HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A BLESSING. THIS WAS NO DIFFERENT: I HAVE WANTED A NEUROLGIST 4 QUITE SOMETIME (ODDLY, MOSTLY SO I MAY TRY THE NEW MEDS 4 PBA!), & THE HOSPITAL WE WENT TO WAS ONE OF THE FEW THAT SPECIALIZE IN STROKE NEUROLOGY. MY DR. WAS A HUGE PART IN SETTING UP THE STROKE UNIT. SHE GAVE ME A REFERRAL TO SEE A GUY NEARBY TO ADDRESS SOME THINGS THAT MAY BENEFIT ME IN THE LONG RUN.”

IN THE PAST I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO ATTEND MANY THINGS THAT ARE TOO EMOTIONAL. MY CHILDREN ANTICIPATE THAT I WILL CRY & EMBARRASS THEM AT ANY CHURCH OR SCHOOL FUNCTION WHERE I FEEL PRIDE, OR ANY OTHER EMOTION. SPIRITUAL THINGS, LIKE ATTENDING A BAPTISM, A FUNERAL, SHARING MY TESTIMONY AT CHURCH, OR GOING TO THE TEMPLE ARE EXTREMELY HARD. IN FACT, THERE ARE TIMES THE LOAD I HAVE TO BEAR FEELS TOO BIG, BUT AFTER A HEART-FELT PRAYER IT SOMEHOW BECOMES BEARABLE

LITTLE DID I KNOW WHAT A HUGE BLESSING THE NEUROLOGIST WOULD BE! HE GAVE ME MEDICINE FOR MY PBA (EMOTIONAL LIABILITY), WHICH IS ONE OF MY BIGGEST STRUGGLES! THE MEDICINE HAS CHANGED MY LIFE!
WITH THE HELP OF THE MEDICINE, I HAVE FELT HAPPIER, MORE RELAXED, & IT HAS HELPED MY MARRIAGE & FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS. & I HAVE NOT SHYED AWAY FROM ATTENDING EVENTS THAT ARE TOO EMOTIONAL—IN FACT, I RECENTLY ATTENDED THE LATTER-DAY SAINT (LDS/MORMON) TEMPLE 2 SUPPORT A MEMBER OF THE WARD (CONGREGATION). IT WAS SCARY ENOUGH THAT IT WAS IN THE TEMPLE, & 2 SUPPORT SOMEONE I KNEW, BUT I ALSO WAS ABLE TO DO MORE, THAT I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO DO IN THE 8+ YEARS SINCE MY STROKE!

ONCE A YEAR, THE PRIMARY (3-12 YEARS OLD) SHARE WHAT THEY HAVE LEARNED THROUGH WORDS & SONG. IT IS CALLED THE PRIMARY PROGRAM. SINCE I WAS THE PRIMARY CHORISTER AT THE TIME OF MY STROKE, THE PRIMARY SONGS HELPED ME THROUGH MY FIRST YEAR POST-STROKE, & THE PRIMARY PROGRAM HOLDS A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART. CONSEQUENTLY, I HAVE A SUPER HARD TIME ATTENDING THE PRIMARY PROGRAM EACH YEAR, SO I ATTEND THE PRACTICES IN ORDER TO “GET OUT” MY TEARS, & “NUMB” MYSELF. HOWEVER, THIS YEAR, SINCE I AM ON THE PBA MEDS, I DIDN’T GO TO THE PRACTICES.

THE PROGRAM WAS SUNDAY, & MY TISSUE STAYED DRY–THE CLOSEST I GOT 2 TEARS WAS WHEN THE PRIMARY PRESIDENT/LEADER SPOKE, & WHEN THEY SANG MY FAV. PRIMARY SONG (“I’M TRYING 2 BE LIKE JESUS”)…SO I DISTRACTED MYSELF, TRYING 2 REMEMBER THE ASL FOR THE SONG! I MADE IT THROUGH THE PROGRAM, THOUGH, W/O A TEAR!

2 comments

  1. You brought a tear to me….very emotional, knowing you since the beginning of your jouney. Seeing you reach the goal I had hoped for when I gave that hope to you family 8 year ago. So proud of how far you have come.

  2. Jenny, you are amazing in every way! I am working on the primary program this year and I think of you and how much I learned from you while you were the chorister!!! Every time I hear I’m trying to be like Jesus…I think of you…and how much you already are so much like him. Hugs friend – I miss you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s