SORRY—I HAVE BEEN TO BUSY TO WRITE! IN 1 OF MY LAST POSTS, I MENTIONED HOW I HAVE BEEN BLESSED BY PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. I TRULY HAVE—PAST & PRESENT. FAMILY, FRIENDS, DOCTORS, CAREGIVERS, TEACHERS, ETC. I WANT 2 SHARE ONE FOR NOW:

THE 1ST YEAR OF MY STROKE (WHEN I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL & 1ST BACK AT HOME), EVERY WEEK, I GOT A CARD FROM “NOVA.” NOVA HAD NEVER MET ME, BUT SHE KNEW MK. SHE SUFFERED A STROKE WHILE MK WAS SERVING A MISSION 4 OUR CHURCH, & MK HAD VISITED HER IN THE HOSPITAL. HER STROKE WAS NO WHERE AS SEVERE, BUT I WAS TOUCHED BY HER SIMPLE GESTURE…IT MEANT A LOT 2 HAVE ANOTHER STROKE SURVIVOR THINK OF ME, & MAKE SUCH AN EFFORT EVERY WEEK, WHEN SHE HADN’T EVEN MET ME!

AS I HAVE RE-LEARNED 2 WRITE, MY GRATITUDE HAS GROWN 4 HER. I CAN RELATE 2 THE EFFORT IN JUST WRITING “LOVE, NOVA,” & THOUGH SHE HAS SINCE PASSED AWAY, I WAS BLESSED 2 MEET HER IN DALLAS SEVERAL YEARS AGO, B4 SHE PASSED!

I KNOW HOW I WAS TOUCHED BY THAT, & I’M GRATEFUL THAT I NOW CAN SHARE THAT FEELING BY SIGNING MY NAME! SO WHEN I READ A POST (“THE CHRISTMAS GIFT, BY TARA” AT HTTP://WWW.MAKECHANGETODAY.BLOGSPOT.COM/ ), IT BROUGHT TEARS 2 MY EYES, BECUZ I COULD RELATE! SINCE I AM STILL FRIENDS W/SO MANY PEOPLE WHO KNEW ME WHEN I HAD MY STROKE, & HAVEN’T SEEN ME SINCE I MOVED. I THINK THEY’D LOVE 2 HEAR FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF SOME1 WHO HAS ONLY KNOWN ME POST-STROKE.

I HAVE ALSO SHARED B4 HOW GOD DIRECTED ME TOWARDS THE DOCTOR WHO GAVE ME THE PBA MEDS, & I HAVE HAD THAT TESTIMONY STRENGTHENED

4 A WHILE NOW, I’VE WONDERED IF MY BODY WAS “GETTING USED TO” MY PBA MEDS (NUEDEXTA), BECUZ IT DIDN’T SEEM 2 BE DOING AS WELL AT CONTROLLING MY LAUGHTER & TEARS–IN THE BEGINNING, I COULD ALMOST CONTROL MY TEARS & LAUGHTER, SO I ATTENDED THINGS (LIKE A FUNERAL) THAT I WOULD NORMALLY SHY AWAY FROM.

BUT WHEN MY PBA MEDS RAN OUT RECENTLY(I THINK THE DOCTOR KEPT 4GETTING ABOUT SIGNING 4 NEW ONES), IT DEFINITELY HAD TIME 2 GET OUT OF MY SYSTEM, & THOSE DAYS WERE A NIGHTMARE! I WAS AMAZED BY THE MANY YEARS THAT MY FAMILY (& I) HAVE TOLERATED IT! I DEFINITELY GOT MORE DEPRESSED W/O MY PBA MEDS–IT’S NO WONDER PBA IS OFTEN MIS-DIAGNOSED AS DEPRESSION! & MY SPEECH (WHICH GREATLY IMPROVED WITH THE MEDS) ALSO DRASTICALLY DECLINED IN A STRANGE WAY–MORESO THAT I’M JUST NOT AS CLEAR, BUT I ALSO HAVE MOMENTS WHEN I CAN BARELY TALK. & I MISSED BEING ABLE 2 TALK (EVEN W/WHAT LITTLE I HAD)! I BECAME EXTREMELY GRATEFUL 4 THOSE MEDS!

WHEN I FINALLY GOT MY PBA PILLS, AFTER MK GAVE ME 1, HE HUGGED ME & WELCOMED ME BACK. LOL BUT I CAN’T EVEN BEGIN 2 EXPLAIN HOW HAPPY I WAS! IT MAKES SUCH A HUGE CHANGE W/NOT ONLY MY EMOTIONS, BUT ALSO W/MY MIND & SPEECH & ENERGY LEVEL!

WHEN I ASKED ANGIE, “HOW DID MY FAMLY & I DEAL W/PBA FOR ALMOST 9 YEARS, BUT 4 DAYS ALMOST KILLED SOME OF US?”, ANGIE POINTED OUT HOW B4 WE DIDN’T KNOW HOW AWESOME IT COULD BE, & HOW IT’S HARDER WHEN U KNOW U ARE MISSING OUT ON SOMETHING THAT COULD MAKE SUCH A BIG DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE! ANGIE IS SOOO RIGHT, & I’M SO GRATEFUL GOD HAS GIVEN US THIS LIFE-CHANGING MED!

LATELY, I’VE THOUGHT A LOT ABOUT HOW MUCH MY LIFE HAS BEEN AFFECTED BY “INVENTIONS” & PEOPLE (1 was a man named Jack Rushton, who I admire cuz he helped me so much in the beginning, & was so pivotal in the attitude i have now! I wrote about him here: http://www.jenannlynn.org/files/way-out-way-through.pdf )

WHEN I HAD MY STROKE, I SAW MY LIFE PLANS SHATTERED…I CERTAINLY NEVER SAW MYSELF BEING FILMED BY MORMON MESSAGES, BEING IN 3 MAGAZINES, OR BEING IN A BRITSH MEDICAL JOURNAL, & THAT I’D STILL TEACH! 8.5 YRS AGO, IF I HAD BEEN TOLD THAT MY FUTURE HELD THOSE KINDS OF THINGS 4 ME, I WOULD’VE LAUGHED, & ASKED HOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE! ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE A MOM—I NEVER DREAMED I’D BE AS ACTIVE IN MY KIDS LIVES AS I AM, & ALL OF THOSE THINGS HAVE HELPED ME, AS WELL!

C.S. Lewis wrote, “Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace.”

AS A STROKE SURVIVOR, I HAVE UNIQUE NEEDS. BUT THERE ARE NOT MANY BRAINSTEM STROKE SURVIVORS, & EVERY SURVIVOR IS DIFFERENT, SO THERE IS NOT A LOT OF DEMAND FOR THOSE NEEDS 2 BE TAKEN CARE OF. STILL, I OCCASIONALLY COME ACROSS A WONDERFUL “INVENTION” THAT SEEMS 2 BE BUILT JUST 4 ME! I KNOW IT’S NOT, & SERVES A PURPOSE 4 MANY OTHER PEOPLE AS WELL, BUT IN DIFFERENT WAYS, SO MAYBE ANOTHER FEATURE SEEMS MADE 4 SOMEONE ELSE! BUT THERE SEEMS 2 BE A PARTINCLUDED THAT WASN’T NECESSARY 4 MANY OTHER PEOPLE, BUT IT IS ESSENTIAL 4 ME…IT RE-AFFIRMS MY BELIEF THAT GOD KNOWS ME PERSONALLY, & HENOT ONLY HAS A PLAN FOR ME, BUT HAS HAD AN ACTIVE PART IN MY LIFE, SO THAT PLAN IS EXECUTED.

BUT SO THIS ISN’T THE WORLD’S LONGEST POST, I WILL WRITE SEVERAL POSTS ABOUT THESE “INVENTIONS” & PEOPLE, & HOW THEY’VE AFFECTED ME…

I’VE BEEN TRYING NOT 2 POST, SO EVERY1 WOULD SEE OUR CHRISTMAS VIDEO, BUT SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THEN, THAT I DON’T KNOW WHERE 2 START!
I’VE BEEN KEEPING TABS ON THE THINGS I’VE TYPED SINCE MY LAST POST (ESSENTIALLY POSTING 2 MYSELF! LOL, SO I MAY WRITE ANOTHER VERY LONG POST! BUT 4 NOW, I’LL BE SOMEWHAT BRIEF.

4 QUITE AWHILE, I’VE BEEN TRYING 2 WORK UP THE NERVE 2 TALK, & NOT SIGN, ALL DAY. I’VE DONE IT 4 BRIEF PERIODS…& I DON’T CARE 2 DISCUSS THEM. BUT I KEEP CHICKENING OUT OF DOING IT 4 A LONGER PERIOD. HOWEVER, I WANT MY 1ST TRY 2 HAVE A BETTER CHANCE AT BEING A POSITIVE EXPIERIENCE, & I FEEL LIKE I’M NEAR A “PEAK” IN MY “SPEAKING CYCLE.” HOWEVER, I’M AFRAID OF IT NOT STAYING MUCH LONGER THIS MONTH…I COULD BE WRONG, BUT I CAN’T CHICKEN OUT OF DOING IT IF I POST IT—SO I’M TRYING IT SUNDAY (2MORROW).

I USUALLY STRUGGLE THE FIRST TIME I TRY SOMETHING, BUT I KNOW IT GETS BETTER THE NEXT TIME I DO IT. COME SPEAK WITH ME IF YOU SEE ME, HOWEVER PEOPLE NEED TO GIVE ME A CHANCE 2 RESPOND, BE PATIENT WITH ME, & TRY NOT TO FINISH MY WORDS. I MAY NOT GET TO SAY MORE THAN A COUPLE WORDS, BUT THAT IS OKAY. JUST DON’T GATHER IN A LARGE GROUP AND GIVE ME PERFORMANCE ANXIETY., OR TRY TO COMFORT ME IF YOU THINK I AM ANXIOUS! (MK DOES THIS WELL. HE MIGHT LOOK INSENSATIVE,BUT IT HELPS KEEP MY PBA IN CHECK.) PLEASE TRY TO ENCOURAGE ME TO TALK RATHER THAN RELYING ON ASL. ALSO, LIE TO ME A TELL ME HOW GOOD I SOUND. YOU ARE EACH ALLOWED 1 TIME TO SAY MY “WOOKIE’ LANGUAGE IS GETTING BETTER.

SO MUCH FOR BEING BRIEF!