Update

FIA

IN MY EDUCATION, I LEARNED HOW VITALL THE 1ST 5 YRS. OF LIFE ARE, SO ITT CAN ONLY BE IMAGINED HOW I LAMENTED4 FIIA'S CHILDHOOD, AS SHE WAS BARELY 2 YRS. WHENN I STROKED..BUT BECAUSE OF IIT, SHE'S RECIEVED MORE QUALITY TIME FROM ME (I ACTUALLY PLAY TEA PARTY & BEAUTY PARLOR, & WHEN SHE'S LEFT OUT OF THE BIGGER KIDS PLAY, SHE KNOWS SHE CAN ASK, "MOM, WILL U PLAY W/ME?") & SHE"S BEEN FORCED 2 FIGURE THINGS OUT ON HER OWN (LIKE READING), SINCE I CAN'T ANSWER OR DO THINGS. SHE'S REALLY ADAPTED & IS SO VERY BRIGHT.

I REALIZED SHE ALSO PROVIDES ME CONSTANT THERAPY THROUGH DAILY LIVING: SHE SINGS W/ME & HAS ME MIMIC HER, SO I PRAACTICE SPEECH. I'VE BEEN PRACTICING PUCKERING BY KISSING. I PRACTICE HORIZONTAL ARM MOVT. THROUGH SPANKING (FIA LOVES ME 2 SPANK HER, BECAUSE I DON'T HURT, & IS ALARMED BY ANY INCREASE IN STRENGTH). FIA HAS TOLD ME THAT MY SPANKING HAS RECENTLY GOTTEN HARDER—WHICH CORRELATES 2 MY ABILITY 2 REACH & GET STUFF FROM MY CRAFT TABLE, SINCE I USE SOME OF THE SAME MUSCLES!

SPEAKING OF FIA, SHE IS DOING SO WELL WITH HER SIGN LANGUAGE…SHE COUDN’T FIND WHAT COLOR CHURCH SHOES 2 WEAR. I KNEW FIA WOULD UNDERSTAND 1 WORD LIKE “WHITE” OR “BLACK” IN SIGN. BUT NEITHER RELALY MATCHED, & SHE KNEW HER SILVER SHOE AS A 3 LETTER WORD: “DISCO BALL SHOES.” HOW COULD I TELL HER? FIGURING I WAS WASTING TIME, BUT SHE EXPECTED AN ANSWER, SO I SIGNED/SPELLED “DISCO” (CERTAIN THE WORD WAS 2 HARD, BUT WAS SHOCKED WHEN SHE GOT IT), THEN “BALL,” THEN JUST “S.” SHE FIGURED IT OUT: DISCO BALL SHOES!

SHE'S ACTUALLY ALMOST 2 SMART—SHE LOVES 2 PLAY THE "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR SAYING" CARD (SINCE SHE CAN BECAUSE SOMETIMES IT'S TRUE), BUT WHEN I SEND HER 2 BED, SHE'S SMART ENOUGH 2 CHANGE THE WORDS 2 BENEFIT HER ("GO 2 BEAD , SOPHIA? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR SAYING!")

WED.

IT'S BEEN AWHILE SINCE I POSTED HOW I AM PHYSICALLY DOING. THERE'S BEEN NO SPECTACULAR THINGS, LIKE WALKING, BUT MY SISTER WHO ONLY SEES ME OCCASSIONALLY, AS WELL AS FRIENDS AT CHURCH & MY MUSIC THERAPIST, WHO C ME WEEKLY, C CHANGES. —THINGS LIKE “I JUST LOOK BETTER” (I’M GUESSING MORE TONE), I RAISE MY ARM HIGHER & I SEEM STRONGER, & I BREATHE BETTER & AM MORE VOCAL. WED., IN MUSIC THERAPY, I WAS ASKED A QUES., & ANSWERED "I DON'T KNOW" ("I O U") AS I SHRUGGED. I ACTUALLY SAY SEVERAL THINGS NOW, (LIKE “I DON’T KNOW.” W/ONLY VOWELS), ONLY IT JUST “POPS OUT” ON OCCASION, AS I SIGN IT. I CAN'T ALWAYS DO IT ON COMMANDD—I SEEM 2 "FREEZE UP."MY MOST COMMON 1S R "HI" ("I"), "BYE" ("IE"), “I LOVE U” (“I O U”), “YES” (“YEA”—LOVE THIS 1 BECAUSE I CAN ANSWER A QUES. IF A BACK IS 2 ME, O THEY R IN THE NEXT ROOM), & “THANK U” (“A U”). IN MUSIC THERAPY, I HELP SING "OLD MCDONALD" ("EIEIO" & "MOO"). LIKE MOST PARENTS WHO UNDERSTAND THEIR CHILD & OTHERS DON'T UNDERSTAND THE CHILD, MARK OFTEN UNDERSTANDS ME.

BLESSINGS FROM A STROKE

I'M A LIST-MAKER. EVEN MORSO NOW, BECAUSE A LIST SPEAKS 4 ME, IS MY EYES INTO A CONTAINER, & PROVIDES CLEARER ASSISSTANCE 4 ME.

BUT, I HAVE AVOIDED TYPING THIS SUGGESTED LIST, SINCE EVERY PRO HAS 1 OR MORE CONS, & I DIDN'T WANT A REMINDER OF THE CONS. BUT I HAVE LEARNED, AS A JOURNAL WRITER, THAT THE ONES THAT STICK, ARE THE 1'S THAT I TAKE TIME 2 TYPE, & I PREFER THE PROS 2 STICK , SO I LEARN THE PROS & KEEP THE PROS MENTALITY.

NOTICE THE LIST SHOWS WHY A STROJE WAS BENEFICIAL 2 ME—IT'D BE A WHOLE DIFFERENT LIST IF I SAID THE BLESSINGS I'VE RECEIVED EVER SINCE MY DIAGNOSIS 2 "JUST BLINK."

I USUALLY AVOID POSTING ON A TEARFUL DAY, SO I GUESS, THIS LIST IS MORE 4 ME 2 REVIEW THE LIST ON THOSE DAYS. BUT SINCE I AM OVER-DUE 2 POST, RATHER THAN TYPE A POST IN ADDITION 2 MY EVER-GROWING LIST (STARTED 12/26/07), THIS'LL NEED 2 SUFFICE (HERE'S A VERY SMALL TASTE):

    BLESSINGS FROM A STROKE

"When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears." – Anthony Robbins
1. HANDICAPPED PARKING IN A BUSY LOT, ALLOWS MY ENTIRE FAM. 2 PARK UP FRONT
2. U R TREATED LIKE ROYALTY (U R FED, POTTIED, SHOWERED, ETC.)
3. GREAT DIET: U R FORCED 2 NOT SNACK. & IF U R LUCKY, U DON'T FEEL HUNGER & CAN SKIP OR DELAY MEALS EASIER
4. I CAN TALK W/A FULL MOUTH
5. I GET BIG CREEN TVS & A BIG SCREEN COMP. MONITER
6. WHAT MOM CAN PULL 3 ELEMENTARY-AGED KIDS IN A WAGON, AT ONCE, & NOT GET TIRED?
7. IT'S GREAT IF I CAN REACH 2 PICK MY NOSE
8. DON'T I STAY 30 YRS. OLD, SINCE I HAVEN'T BLOWN OUT B-DAY CANDLES, EVER SINCE I WAS 30?
9. I AM HILARIOUS, ACCORDING 2 ME & MY HEAD
10. I USED 2 FIGHT FOR AN HR. OR 2, TO BE ALONE IN MY DAY—EVEN COORDINATED NAPS & 2 ALLOW 4 IT & HAD QUIET TIME WHEN THEY R 2 OLD 4 NAPS–NOW I CAN HAVE THOSE 1-2 HRS. ALONE EASILY!
11. THERE IS A BEAUTY IN COMMUNICATING STRICTLY W/EMAIL—UNLIKE PHONE CALLS, U R NEVER INTERRUPTED & CAN RETURN THE MESSAGE WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT 4 ME!
12. DIGITAL SCRAPBOOKING BECAME BIG AROUND THE SAME TIME, & RATHER THAN DABLE, I WAS FORCED INTO IT, & LOVE IT!

PBA

I REALIZED THESE TRIGGERS 2 MY PBA RECENTLY:

I'VE LEARNED MANY TRICKS 2 STOP MY TEARS, WHEN I''M SIGNALED A WARNING SIGN THAT TEARS R COMING, BUT I HAVE 2 BE VERY CAUTIOUS & NOT ALLOW ME 2 BE EMOTIONAL, RT. B4 I GO SOMEWHERE EMOTIONAL, LIKE, SAY, CHURCH—OTHERWISE, MY EMOTIONS WILL BE OUT OF WHACK, & LAUGHTER/TEARS THAT I NORMALLY COULD CONTROL, I CAN'T CONTROL, AS WELL.

I HAVE ALSO DISCOVERED THAT I LAUGH HARDER AT TIMES BECAUSE I HEAR SOME1 EXPRESS PRECISELY WHAT I'D THOUGHT, BUT WASN'T GOING 2 BOTHER 2 FINGERSPELL IT. (SOMETIMES, THOUGH, IT ISN'T SAID, SO I LAUGH 2 MYSELF, AS I "THINK SOMETHING FUNNY IN MY HEAD.")

MY HUMOR

"Words come more readily to girls. Even as adults, men use fewer words than women. Studies have shown that, on average, women speak about 20,000 words in a day. Depending on the study, men use 7,000 to 10,000."I FOUND THIS EXTREMELY INTERESTING. BEING GENOROUS, I BET I TYPE LESS THAN 2,000 WORDS, &, ACCORDING 2 THIS STUDY, I THINK 20,000. YET, 2 MEN, WHO USE ½ OR LESS THAN ½ OF WHAT'S IN MY HEAD, I APPEAR WORDY, EVEN THOUGH I'M VERY BRIEF 4 A WOMAN. & IF I SIGN, I'M EVEN BRIEFER—OFTEN, ACTIONS ALONE HAVE 2 SUFFICE, OR 1 WORD NEEDS 2 BE TRANSLATED INTO A COMPLETE SENTENCE. I'M GENEROUS IF I SIGN A FULL SENTENCE, BUT I'M LIMITED TO 3 SENTENCES 4 THOSE LISTENING (IMAGINE HOW TIRED U'D BE MENTALLY, IF I SIGNED OUT EVERY LETTER OF THIS POST—SOMETIMES IT'S BETTER IF THOSE LETTERS R TYPED INDIVIDUALLY, BUT U CAN READ AT YOUR OWN PACE). I'VE ALSO FOUND THAT IF I'M THINKING 2 CONTRASICTORY THINGS (LIKE "WHAT A NEAT THING?" & "BUT "HOW DO I TURN IT ON?"), I HAVE 2 FORGO THE POSITIVE STATEMENT ("FLUFF," REALLY) , & ASK THE QUES. ("HOW DO I TURN IT ON?"), 2 EASE MY MIND.

IF I WERE 2 SIGN A FUNNY STORY, I MAY SIGN, "I DROPPED A JUNIOR MINT, & A FRIEND ATE IT!"

BUT MY HEAD THINKS THIS (LIMITED BY TYPING):
"AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE, I PUT A JUNIOR MINT IN MY MOUTH & TRIED 2 MOVE IT 4WARD 2 BITE IT W/MY FRONT TEETH. IT SHOT OUT OF MY MOUTH, WHERE A FRIEND HAD A PILE OF JUNIOR MINTS ON THE FLOOR!
I DIED LAUGHING, PRECISELY WHEN A BABY TOOTED, SO AT FIRST, SHE THOUGHT I TOOTED 2! BY THE TIME SHE FIGURED OUT WHY I WAS REALLY LAUGHING, IT WAS EATEN! THE REST OF THE NIGHT, IF I LOOKED AT HER, OR A JUNIOR MINT, I DIED LAUGHING!" (TRUE STORY)IT TAKES SOOO LONG 2 TYPE OR FINGERSPELL STUFF, SO IT’S FUNNY INITIALLY, BUT BY THE TIME I SAY IT, THE MOMENT HAS LONG SINCE PAST, SO I JUST GET A “COURTESY CHUCKLE.” MUCH I’VE RESORTED 2 JUST THINKING & APPRECIATING MY OWN HUMOR, & HAVING A “PERSONAL LAUGHING MOMENT.” WHEN I DO, & SUDDENLY LAUGH, MY CAREGIVER, CARA REPEATS A “FIA PHRASE”: "I’M THINKING SOMETHING FUNNY IN MY HEAD."

IT’S SUCH A BUMMER THAT MY HUMOR & WIT HAVE BEEN SOMETHING THAT HAVE BEEN KINDA HIDDEN WITH EVERYONE (EXCEPT VIA EMAIL—BUT, EVEN THEN, I HAVE 2 BE CATIUOUS—ESP. IF I FEEL SARCASTIC, SINCE THERE'S NO TONE IN EMAIL, OR EVEN W/ASL, & A JOKE CAN BE READ AS JUST PLAIN MEAN). IT’S DIFFICULT CAUSE SO MUCH OF HUMOR IS IN TIMING & VOCAL INFLECTION, SO SOME OF IT IS KINDA LOST WHEN YOU HAVE TO FINGERSPELL IT OUT, LIKE, AS MY SISTER PUT IT SO WELL (& I FOUND IT ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!),: “F-S – OH WAIT, NOT S – A – R – T. LET’S SEE, F-A-R-T…. UMMM. OHH! FART! OH, THAT’S FUNNY. HAHA.” INSTEAD OF JUST HEARING AND LAUGHING.

PLUS, A LOT OF TIMES OTHERS EVENTUALLY OFTEN SAY A VARIATION OF THE FUNNY THOUGHT I ALREADY HAD, BUT DON'T SAY IT, BECAUSE I KNOW OTHERS GET BURNED OUT ON SPELLING (EVEN I DO), SO IF IT’S NOT SOMETHING I PHYSICALLY NEED, THEY WANT 2 MOVE ON. WHICH IS 2 BAD, REALLY, CAUSE THEY'RE MISSING "ME" THEN. BUT I CAN ALSO "HIDE" "ME," ESP. IF SIGNING IS 2 HARD, DUE 2 A "WEAK" DAY. UNFORTUNATELY, MOST DON’T TAKE (OR HAVE) THE TIME/ENERGY FOR EMOTIONAL NEEDS. LUCKILY I GET "FRESH BLOOD" (MY CAREGIVER) 2-3 TIMES A WEEK, WHO CAN DEVOTE TIME 2 MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS, & IT'S AMAZING, REALLY, HOW WELL SHE'S GOTTEN 2 KNOW THE ME INSIDE, YET NEVER KNEW ME B4 MY STROKE! BUT I KNOW IT'S A DIFFICULT BALANCING TASK – 2 FIND A PLACE WHERE I AM BOTH SATISFIED WITH PHYSICAL & EMOTIONAL NEEDS, SO 3 CHEERS 4 "FRESH BLOOD!" LOL

HOWEVER, IF OTHERS R THERE, I CAN SAY MORE W/MARK’S HELP…W/ HIM I USUALLY ONLY NEED 2 SAY A FEW SHORT WORDS, SOMETIMES JUST A LETTER OR 2, & HE FIGURES IT OUT, & SHARES IT (WAY BETTER THAN I COULD, SINCE I GIVE THE ABBREVIATED VERSION, & LAUGH ALONE 4 EVERY LETTER, AS THE LISTNER ATTEMPTS 2 FIGURE OUT WHAT’S SO FUNNY!) MARK KNOWS MY STORIES & MIND SO WELL (ESP. AFTER SPENDING SO MUCH TIME WITH ME, SPELLING OUT MY THOUGHTS) & HE KNOWS MY HUMOR, SO IF THERE'S A CHANCE 2 CATCH ON, MARK OFTEN CATCHES ON SOONER & DOESN’T ALWAYS NEED ME 2 SPELL IT ALL OUT 4 HIM. THIS CAN ALLOW THE BIGGER LAUGH I SOMETIMES WANT/NEED.