Update

LAST WEEK

CHRISTMAS HAS FINALLY BEGUN! I HAVE HEARD TONS OF CHRISTMAS STUFF ALREADY, BUT CHRISTMAS NEVER “STARTS”’ UNTIL I LISTEN 2 MICHAEL McCLEAN’S FORGOTTEN CAROLS, & I TURNED THEM ON AS I WRITE THIS POST:

I HAVE BEEN REMINDED HOW GOD CARES ABOUT & PROTECTS ME…I JUST HAVE 2 LISTEN! IN THE BOOK CALLED Hearing The Voice of the Lord, Elder Boyd K. Packer (of the LDS church) said: “The Spirit does not get our attention by shouting or shaking us with a heavy hand. Rather it whispers. It caresses so gently that if we are preoccupied we may not feel it at all. . . . Occasionally it will press just firmly enough for us to pay heed..”

LONG STORY SHORT, I HAVE HAD COMPUTER TROUBLES THIS LAST WEEK, & HAVE HAD 2 RESTORE A LOT. AS I HAVE DONE THINGS, I KEEP GETTING THESE THOUGHTS (WHICH ARE MORE LIKE REMINDERS) OF THINGS I WAS PROMPTED 2 DO DURING THE PREVIOUS WEEKS. THESE THINGS HAVE ASSISTED ME IN MY RESTORATION PROCESS.

4 EX., I HAVE BEEN DABBLING FOR YEARS IN WRITING A BOOK. THEN, I JUST STOPPED, NOT SURE OF THE DIRECTION 2 TAKE IT…UNTIL RECENTLY, WHEN I’VE HAD SOME IDEAS THROWN MY WAY, THAT RESULTED IN SOME PRETTY BIG CHANGES, GIVING ME THE DIRECTION I NEEDED, SO I COULD RETURN TO WORKING ON IT! I WOULD’VE BEEN SICK IF I HAD LOST THAT WHEN I HAD MY COMPUTER TROUBLES THIS WEEK! BUT A WHILE AGO, FOR NO REASON AT ALL, I PUT A COPY OF IT ON MY LAPTOP. SO, WHEN MY COMPUTER HAD TROUBLE, I WAS REMINDED OF THAT COPY, & THAT I WAS FINE!

THIS IS JUST 1 EX. OF MANY. BUT SOME THINGS WERE NOT RESTORED, & I CAN SEE HOW EVEN THOSE ARE A BLESSING!

HERE’S AN EX. OF 1 OF THOSE: I KEEP A SORT OF “TO DO” LIST FOR MY CAREGIVER/“HELPER”/PERSONAL ASSISSTANT. ACTUALLY, I HAVE 2 LISTS. THEY SEE 1 LIST—THE LIST OF CURRENT JOBS & THERAPY I WANT 2 DO THAT WEEK.
THE JOBS ON THE 2ND LIST, THEY NEVER SEE UNTIL THE JOBS GET DONE ON THE 1ST LIST. I ADD JOB TO THE 2ND LIST ALL THE TIME, BUT OFTEN IT IS THINGS I’D LIKE 2 DO AT THE MOMENT, BUT OTHER JOBS “TRUMP” IT—IN FACT, I HAVE HAD SOME JOBS STAY ON THE 2ND LIST FOR YEARS. (I USED 2 BE BOTHERED BY IT, BUT NOW I AM OK W/IT—IT’S JUST HOW IT IS). ANYWAY, RIGHT B4 MY OLD CAREGIVER/“HELPER”/PERSONAL ASSISSTANT, CARA, LEFT, I WAS GETTING SO BAD AT DOING THE NEEDED THERAPY, BECUZ I PUT MORE STOCK INTO FINISHING MY LISTS THAN DOING MY THERAPY.

WHEN I GOT MY NEW CAREGIVER/“HELPER”/PERSONAL ASSISSTANT, ANGIE, I SEEMED 2 GET A NEW DESIRE 2 DO MORE THERAPY, BUT AS THE 2ND LIST HAS GROWN, I HAVE STARTED DOING LESS THERAPY. HOWEVER, THIS WEEK, I HAVE BEEN TRYING 2 FIGURE OUT HOW 2 PUT MORE THERAPY BACK INTO MY SCHEDULE. WHEN I LOST A MORE RECENT COPY OF THE 2ND LIST, AT 1ST, I WAS FRUSTRATED, BECUZ THERE WAS NO REASON THE RECENT LIST COULDN’T BE RESTORED…IT SHOULD’VE BEEN BACKED-UP! BUT, NOT HAVING IT HAS TURNED MY FOCUS BACK 2 THERAPY…& SUDDENLY I SAW A DOOR OPEN! THIS IS WHERE I THINK THE LORD WANTS ME 2 FOCUS RT. NOW, BECUZ I’VE HAD SO MANY SMALL MIRACLES IN MY LIFE SINCE MY FALL (THIS SUMMER), LEADING ME 2 SITUATIONS & DOCTORS THAT HAVE INVITED MORE PHYSICAL THERAPY INTO MY LIFE! SO LOSING IT APPEARS UNFORTUNATE, BUT IS ACTUALLY A SMALL BLESSING! HOW DOES GOD DO THAT: HE KEEPS MANAGING 2 TURN THE BAD INTO GOOD! I HAVE WITNESSED THIS SO MUCH RECENTLY, I CAN’T RECORD IT EVERYTIME! BUT 2 DO IT W/SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS MY LIST, REMINDS ME HOW GOD KNOWS & CARES ABOUT ME PERSONALLY.

TALKING WHEN UPSET

I’’M HITTING THE “PEAK” OF MY “GOOD TALKING CYCLE” RIGHT NOW, SO I AM HAVING MORE DAYS WHERE I CAN TALK. & SOMETIMES THERE ARE MIXED FEELINGS WHEN I TALK WELL.

4 EX., WHEN I GET UPSET W/MY KIDS, OBVIOUSLY, I SOMEHOW TAKE IN MORE AIR, & AM LOUDER, BUT FOR SOME REASON, I CONTROL THE RELASE OF MY AIR BETTER, SO I AM ABLE 2 BE CLEARER. FEW PEOPLE HAVE SEEN THIS OCCUR (EXCEPT MAYBE MK’S DAD, & 1 OF MY KID’S FRIENDS), BECUZ IN ORDER 4 IT 2 HAPPEN, I’M USUALLY HOME ALONE W/THE KIDS, & I AM REALLY UPSET, WISHING I COULD PHYSICALLY MOVE, SO I GUESS ALL MY ENERGY & ADRENALINE GOES INTO MY SPEECH!.

MONDAY, I HAD A CHILD DRIVING ME CRAZY…I HAD ALREADY TOLD THIS KID 3 TIMES TO DO A CHORE, THEN MK CAME HOME & ALL THE KIDS GOT TALKED TO ABOUT THE JOB, & WHEN THE KIDS WERE TOLD TO FINISH THE JOB, THIS KID CONTINUED 2 TRY TO GET OUT OF THE SAME PART OF THE JOB THAT HE/SHE HAD BEEN AVOIDING ALL DAY! I WAS FURIOUS & YELLED AT THIS KID TO “DO IT NOW!” (POINTING AT IT)

THE CHILD BRIEFLY SMILED AT ME, & ANOTHER CHILD WAS SO BLOWN AWAY BY ME, HE/SHE EXCLAIMED, “MOM,!” & HUGGED ME…IT CAN BE SUPER TOUGH SOMETIMES 2 STAY IN THE MODE OF DISCIPLINARIAN WHEN THIS OCCURS, & I THINK THE KIDS AREN’T SURE IF THEY SHOULD BE MAD AT ME, OR PROUD OF MY SPEECH! LOL I KNOW SOPH HAS POINTED THAT OUT—ABOUT HOW SHE CAN HAVE CONFLICTING FEELINGS ABOUT MY ABILITY 2 SPEAK WHEN SHE IS DISCIPLINED!

OOPS!

U ALL ARE NICE, & NO1 MENTIONED THIS (THOUGH BET SOME1 NOTICED!), BUT I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT, & HAD 2 CHECK…

I OBVIOUSLY THINK FASTER THAN I TYPE, SO I USUALLY WAIT 24 HRS. AFTER TYPING A POST, SO I CATCH TYPOS. BUT I DIDN’T THIS TIME, SO I APOLOGIZE: I MESSED UP IN DESCRIBING A KEYBOARD:

IF U R ON MIDDLE C & GO RIGHT, U LAND ON THE D KEY, THEN THE E KEY, THEN THE F KEY, THEN THE G KEY, THEN U START OVER & HAVE THE A KEY…

I’M SO EXCITED!

I FEEL GOD’S HAND IN MY LIFE AGAIN…WHEN CARA LEFT, I FOUND A NEW CAREGIVER/”HELPER.” & MY “HELPER” BRINGS HER BABY 2 WORK. I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED BABIES, BUT NOW I HAVE A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON THINGS, & UNDERSTAND THEM MORE, CUZ I HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON WITH BABIES!

MY “HELPER’S” BABY, & I “TALK”—SOPH GETS A KICK OUT OF SEEING US HAVE A CONVERSATION, CUZ WE BOTH SAY THINGS NO1 ELSE UNDERSTANDS, BUT WE ACT LIKE WE TOTALLY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER! LOL I ALSO DO A LOT OF COPYING HIM (LIKE WATCHING & TRYING 2 COPY HOW HE MAKES MOTORCYCLE NOISES OR PRETENDS 2 COUGH) OR I’LL TRY 2 SCREAM LOUDER THAN HIM! ANGIE PUTS UP W/IT SO WELL! LOL IT’S A MIRACLE HOW WELL SHE PUTS UP W/IT! LOL

BETWEEN ANGIE’S BABY, & THIS E-STIM AB BELT THAT MK FOUND 4 ME, I HAVE REALLY BEEN STRENGTHENING MY ABS, WHICH SHOULD HELP NOT ONLY W/MY SPEECH, BUT HOPEFULLY 2 BUILD MY CORE, SO I CAN EVENTUALLY WALK!

YESTERDAY, I WAS SO EXCITED! U’LL NEED 2 BE MUSICAL 2 TRULY GET THIS, BUT I’LL DO MY BEST 2 EXPLAIN IT. MAYBE THIS’LL HELP: THE NOTES ON A KEYBOARD ARE NAMED IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER, FROM A 2 G. SO IF U START ON C, THEN TO THE RIGHT IS THE F KEY, THEN THE G KEY, & THEN IT STARTS OVER AS THE A KEY. TO THE LEFT IS THE D KEY, THEN THE C KEY, THEN ANOTHER A KEY. ARE U FOLLOWING, OR DID I ALREADY LOSE U? LOL.

MONDAY WAS A GREAT VOCAL DAY, SO I WAS PRACTICING MY MUSIC THERAPY (MATCHING PITCHES I HEARD ON THE KEYBOARD W/MY VOICE, DOING AN OCTAVE SLIDE FROM ONE B KEY, UP TO THE NEXT B KEY, & PRACTICING THE PLAYING & SINGING A SONG)

AFTER RESTING, I WENT BACK 2 MATCHING PITCHES, & NOTICED THAT I WAS DOING VERY LITTLE SLIDING (LIKE NORMAL) 2 REACH A PITCH, SO I DECIDED 2 SEE HOW HIGH I COULD GO…I WENT TO THE HIGH A (LIKE OVER AN OCTAVE ABOVE MIDDLE C)–! IN OTHER WORDS, SUPER HIGH! I HAVEN’T REACHED THAT PITCH SINCE MY STROKE! AFTER E, THERE COULDBE NO SLIDING–I HAD 2 PUNCH IT HARD, & HIT THE NOTE. I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT, SO I DID IT AGAIN! LIKE THE 3RD OR 4TH TIME, I WAS TIRED (I PRACTICED LIKE 30 MIN.), STARTED SLIDING 2 MATCH PITCHES, & COULDN’T GET ABOVE E–BUT, STILL! I WAS SO EXCITED!

L8R THAT DAY, I DID “CANDLE THERAPY” W/ANGIE, & BLEW THE CANDLE OUT 25 TIMES IN 2 MIN., INSTEAD OF 20-30 MIN.! MY AB MUSCLES JUST WERE PULLING IN QUICK & SHARP… THEN L8R, I SHOWED MY MOM THE SONG I’M PLAYING AS I SING (IT WASN’T GREAT, BUT THX 2 MY NEW PBA DRUGS I COULD GET THROUGH IT OK!), & THE INCREDIBLE RANGE I HAD YESTERDAY… MY MOM CRIED…I DON’T KNOW IF IT WAS CUZ I CAN DO IT, OR CUZ I SHOWED HER (LOL–AS A KID, I WAS SHY, & WOULDN’T SING IN FRONT OF HER!) I DIDN’T THINK I COULD DO IT AGAIN, BUT I COULD, & EVEN THOUGH I SLID WHEN I SHOWED MY MOM, IT WAS A SHORT SLIDE, & IT WAS EASIER! GO FIGURE!

I CAN’T DO IT 2DAY (MY AB MUSCLES ARE SORE THOUGH, SO MAYBE THAT HAS SOMETHING 2 DO WITH IT!), BUT I’M SINGING VERY WELL-MORE ON PITCH & I’M HAVING AN EASIER TIME HITTING THE HIGH NOTES IN SONGS EASIER!

FORGIVENESS

WHEN I ATTENDED MK’S WORK CONFERENCE IN UTAH, THE THEME WAS FORGIVENESS. THERE WAS A SPEAKER THERE WHO MADE A BIG IMPRESSION ON ME. AS I PLANNED MY YW LESSON, I RAN ACROSS A MORMON MESSAGE VIDEO OF HIM, AND I WANTED TO SHARE IT W/U:

I ACTUALLY TOOK NOTES (SO COOL!), & HE MENTIONED 3 TRAPS THAT CAN PREVENT US FROM FORGIVING:
1- THINKING, “I DON’T HAVE HOLES (IN MY BOAT)”
2- THINKING, “YOUR HOLES ARE BIGGER (IN YOUR BOAT), THAN MY HOLES (IN MY BOAT)”
3- THINKING, “I’M WORSE, & YOU ARE BETTER, BECUZ THE HOLES (IN MY BOAT) ARE BIGGER (THAN IN YOUR BOAT)”
& HE MENTIONED HOW WE SHOULD FORGIVE OURSELVES, BECUZ IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW BIG YOUR HOLES ARE, OR HOW MANY HOLES YOU HAVE.

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED QUITE AWHILE, & I THINK THE LONGER U ARE MARRIED, THE MORE NATURAL IT IS TO SEE THE HOLES IN THE BOAT OF YOUR SPOUSE, & FAMILY. BUT RECENTLY, I HAVE BEEN TAKING NOTICE OF THE HOLES IN MY OWN BOAT. HAVING A STROKE HAS SURE PUT A LOT OF HOLES IN MY BOAT, BUT MK IS STILL HERE. MANY STROKE SURVIVORS CAN’T SAY THE SAME THING. I WANTED TO THX MK 4 ACCEPTING ME, EVEN WITH THE HOLES IN MY BOAT, & 4 HIS & MY kidS HELP 2 PATCH UP THE HOLES IN MY BOAT!