Update

“PERSISTANCE RESULTS IN SUCCESS”

I WENT UPSTAIRS 2 GET LUNCH FRIDAY. ONLY MK WAS HOME, BUT IT APPEARED LIKE HE WAS RESTING, & I DIDN’T HAVE THE HEART 2 WAKE HIM UP, SO I OPTED 2 SEE IF I COULD GET MYSELF LUNCH…IT WASN’T TOO LOFTY OF A GOAL, BECUZ I HAD DONE THE STEPS B4:
1. A FEW WEEKS AGO, I HAD USED MY GRABBER, & GOTTEN A CUP OUT OF A CABINET, FILLED IT W/WATER, & PUT ON THE LID
2. SOPHIE HAS BEEN WORKING W/ME 2 GET A PAPER TOWEL BIB MYSELF, & I TRY 2 PUT THEM BACK ON ALL THE TIME, IF THEY FALL
3. I HAVE GONE IN OUR PANTRY, GOTTEN A GRANOLA BAR OUT, & OPENED IT UP
4. I HAVE GONE IN OUR BREAD DRAWER, TAKEN OUT MY FAVORITE WHEAT BREAD, UNTIED THE BAG, GOTTEN A PIECE OUT, & RE-TIED THE BAG

SO, I GOT MYSELF WATER, THEN A BIB, BREAD, & A BANANA (THEY WERE GETTING OLD, SO IT EASILY PULLED OFF, LEAVING AN OPENING AT THE TOP, SO I COULD PEEL THE BANANA. A STEP-STOOL BLOCKED OUR BASKET OF GRANOLA BARS, BUT I GOT SOME MORE BREAD INSTEAD! LOL WHAT AN AWESOME FEELING OF SUCCESS!

L8R, ON BYU’S SATELLITE RADIO STATION, THEY WERE DISCUSSING SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT (I THINK THE BOOK WAS CALLED, “WHY DOESN’T MY CHILD LLIKE SCHOOL?”), BUT THE THINGS THAT WERE BEING SAID TOTALLY APPLIED 2 MY SITUATION, CUZ THEY WERE DISCUSSING HOW IT IS NOT BAD 2 FAIL…U HAVE 2 TRY 2 FAIL, SO FAILLING IS NOT TRYING, & “PERSISTANCE RESULTS IN SUCCESS.”

COURSE, THE SUCCESS DOESN’T MEAN I’M FEEDING MYSELF NOW, UNLESS I WANT THE SAME FOOD FOR EVERY MEAL, & I WANT 2 SPEND 40 MIN. DOING IT EACH TIME, BUTIT’S NICE KNOWING THAT I CAN DO THAT MUCH INDEPENDENTLY!

CHANGE

EVERY JOB (OR WE SAY “CALLING”) IN MY CHURCH IS ON A VOLUNTEER BASIS, & LASTS AS LONG AS GOD WANTS U THERE. 4 AWHILE NOW, I HAVE TAUGHT THE TEENAGE GIRLS, BUT I WAS RECENTLY “RELEASED” FROM THAT CALLING—I WAS SOOO UPSET! I LOVED TEACHING THE GIRLS, CUZ I FELT CONFORTABLE & ACCEPTED THERE, & IT ALLOWED ME 2 GROW SPIRITUALLY & MENTALLY. (BESIDES, IT DIDN’T SEEM POSSIBLE THAT “SOME1 LIKE ME”: WHO CAN’T TALK & BARELY MOVES, COULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT! LOL)

SOMETIMES IT IS SO HARD 2 GO, BUT THE LORD KNOWS WHAT IS BEST 4 US, SO WE NEED 2 HAVE FAITH IN HIS PLAN 4 US, & WE’LL GROW IN WAYS WE DIDN’T KNOW WAS POSSIBLE! (I FIND THAT TRUE WITH ANY CHANGE IN MY LIFE, & U’D THINK BY NOW– AFTER SUFFERING A STROKE THAT TURNED OUR WORLD UPSIDE-DOWN, I TOLERATED CHANGE BETTER, BUT I DON’T!)

I RECEIVED A NEW “CALLING” AS COMPASSIONATE SERVICE LEADER, WHERE I HELP COORDINATE THE OTHER WOMAN AS THEY TRY TO SERVE ONE ANOTHER (HELPING WITH MEALS, DRIVING PEOPLE PLACES, VISITING PEOPLE, BABYSITTING AS A FRIEND MOVES, ETC.) SO, I HAVEN’T REALLY POSTED SINCE GETTING THIS NEW CALLING, BECUZ I’VE BEEN SUPER BUSY SENDING LOTS OF EMAILS, & ORGANIZING A LOT RIGHT NOW.

THIS WEEKEND IS OUR GENERAL CONFERENCE. (TWICE A YEAR, ON THE 1ST APRIL & THE 1ST OCT. WEEKENDS, THE PROPHET & APOSTLES SPEAK TO US) THERE ARE 4 SESSIONS–10-12 MDT & 2-4 MDT SAT. & SUN., EACH FILLED W 10-15 MIN. TALKS. (IF U WANT 2 CHECk IT OUT, U CAN SEE IT ONLINE:HTTP://WWW.LDS.ORG, ON DISH NETWORK #9403, DIRECTV #374, SIRIUSXM RADIO #143, & TIME WARNER CABLE #889.)

IT’S MY STROKE-AVERSARY ON SATURDAY!
PHOTO BY AIMAGE, INC: LISA SHEPARD

PHOTO BY AIMAGE, INC: LISA SHEPARD

9 YEARS AGO (ON THE 16TH), I HAD A MASSIVE BRAINSTEM STROKE – BIGGER THAN MY DOCTOR HAD EVER SEEN! A FELLOW STROKE SURVIVOR DESCRIBED A STROKE SO WELL W/THIS ANALOGY:
“… my world was 1 of those snow globes you get the airport and you shake it all up and the pieces go flying all around and eventually fall back into place they’re just not in the places they were before. “

I AM NOW 39 YRS. OLD, CONFINED 2 A W/C, BARELY MOVE, AM FINALLY LEARNING 2 SPEAK, MY LEFT SIDE IS PARALYZED, I HAVE DOUBLE VISION…NEED I GO ON? I NEVER DID DRUGS, SMOKED, DRANK ALCOHOL, ETC., & I EXERCISED: AEROBICS, BALLET & OTHER FORMS OF DANCE. BUT I NEVER FOUND OUT WHY I HAD A STROKE. THE BEST GUESSES ARE CUZ THE DOCTORS COULD TELL FROM BRAIN SCANS THAT THE ARTERIES IN MY BRAIN ARE SOMEWHAT SMALLER THAN AVERAGE (WHICH MAKES THE POSSIBILITY OF A STROKE MORE LIKELY), OR CUZ I HAD TRIED A NEW BIRTH CONTROL WEEKS EARLIER, OR CUZ I HIT MY HEAD A FEW DAYS EARLIER.

LIKE I SAID, I HAVE A VERY THIN ARTERY THAT MAY HAVE GOTTTEN BLOCKED, AND IF I’D EATEN MORE GREENS (I WASN’T A TERRIBLE EATER BEFORE MY STROKE, BUT I HAD MY FAIR SHARE OF EMPTY CALORIE FOODS, CANDY, & SODA, & REFUSED ANY BEANS & ALL FISH– IN FACT, ANYTHING GREEN & HEALTHY WAS NASTY! ), IT MAY HAVE HELPED THIN MY BLOOD. BUT I BELIEVE THAT BECUZ I EXERCISED & TOOK CARE OF MYSELF, IT MAY HAVE MADE THE STROKE OCCUR LATER IN MY LIFE (CHILDREN AS YOUNG AS 6 YEARS OLD HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO SUFFER A STROKE)! THE DOCTORS THOUGHT I WOULD ONLY BLINK THE REST OF MY LIFE, BUT I BELIEVE I’VE RECOVERED SO MUCH, CUZ I WAS HEALTHY!

BUT I COULD NO LONGER RAISE MY 3 KIDS, BE A PARENT GROUP COORDINATOR, BE A ROOM MOM OR TEAM MOM, OR TEACH MY 2ND GRADE CLASS, OR TEACH MY SCRAPBOOK CLASSES, OR TEACH THE CHURCH PRIMARY MUSIC TO THE KIDS THAT WERE 18 MONTHS-12 YEARS OLD. I HAD EVERY RIGHT 2 FEEL LIKE MY YOUTH & DREAMS WERE STOLEN FROM ME! BUT INSTEAD, I FEEL LIKE I WAS ABLE TO LIVE A VERY FULL LIFE AND HAVE THE ABILITY TO GIVE BIRTH TO 3 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN BEFORE I COULD NO LONGER HAVE THAT CONTINUED BLESSING BECAUSE OF MY HEALTH. THIS MAY NOT HAVE HAPPENED IF I HAD TRIGGERED A STROKE AT A YOUNG AGE, OR HAD BEEN A SMOKER. MY COLLEGE DEGREE, WHICH I MAY NOT HAVE RECEIVED IF I HAD HAD MY STROKE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, HAS ALSO ASSISTED ME IN WAYS I DIDN’T ANTICIPATE, EVEN NOW!

A CONVERSATION FROM THE MOVIE, THE GOODBYE GIRL GOES AS FOLLOWS:
Paula McFadden asks,” What is that slop you are putting into my dishes?”
Elliot Garfield answers “Granola, wheat germ, soya, lecithin, natural honey. My body is a temple, Miss McFadden, and I am worshiping it. It’s what gives me my energy, my vitality and my natural disposition.…May I fix you a bowl? “

IF YOU CHOOSE THE PROPER FOODS, I BELIEVE YOU WILL HAVE BETTER HEALTH THAN YOU WOULD IF YOU ATE FOODS THAT ARE NOT NUTRITIOUS. I NOW LOVE MY VEGETABLES & SOME FISH & ENJOY SOME BEANS! I AM NOW ON A BIG HEALTH KICK, & IF I DO EVER WALK, I THINK IT WILL BE CUZ OF MY HEALTHY LIFESTYLE NOW, & CUZ OF MY LOW WEIGHT.

YOUR LIFE IS DEFINATELY SHAKEN UP DIFFERENTLY WITH A STROKE & IS NOT HOW U SAW IT, BUT LIKE THE SNOWGLOBE, THINGS FALL BACK IN PLACE, & CAN STILL BE BEAUTIFUL! I SHARED MY NEW FAVORITE SONG, WHERE IT SHARES HOW OUR “TRIALS OF THIS LIFE, THE RAINS, THE STORM’S OF THIS LIFE,ARE YOUR (GOD’S) MERCIES IN DISGUISE.” I CAN SEE HOW THAT IS TRUE FOR ME, & IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME, I WOULDN’T STOP MY STROKE FROM HAPPENING! I AM GRATEFUL 2 GOD 4 SEEING THE BIGGER PICTURE, & ALLOWING ME 2 SUFFER, SO I COULD GROW FROM THIS EXPIERIENCE! AS A PARENT, I KNOW IT’S NOT EASY 2 LET A CHILD SUFFER, EVEN IF WE KNOW THE GOOD THAT WILL COME FROM THAT SUFFERING!

ACCOMPLISHMENTS

A WHILE AGO, A FRIEND WAS TEACHING A LESSON AT CHURCH 2 THE TEENAGE GIRLS (THAT I ALSO TEACH), & SHE INVITED ME 2 COME WRITE ON THE CHALKBOARD (SOMETHING I CAN’T DO, & THESE GIRLS DO IT FOR ME, WHEN I TEACH). THE IDEA WAS THAT THE GIRLS WOULD SEE ME STRUGGLE, & OFFER 2 DO IT. BUT SOMETHING VERY INTERESTING OCCURRED: THEY SAT THERE, SURE THAT AFTER A LITTLE STRUGGLE, I COULD DO IT! LOL THEY WEREN’T BEING MEAN…THEY IN FACT KNOW ME TOO WELL (I KNOW I HAVE FRIENDS & FAMILY MEMBERS WHO HAVE 2 RESIST THE URGE 2 HELP ME…), & EVEN COMMENTED ON HOW THEY HAVE SEEN THINGS HAPPEN, AFTER I STRUGGLE, SO WHEN I WAS ASKED 2 USE THE CHALKBOARD, THEY KNEW I WOULD STRUGGLE, BUT FIGURED I WOULD DO IT, EVENTUALLY.

LIKEWISE, THE OTHER DAY (LAST THURSDAY) I WAS LAUGHING & LEANING 4WARD AS ANGIE WAS LEAVING THE ROOM. MOST PEOPLE WOULD RUN BACK 2 ME & HELP ME SIT BACK UP, BUT IT WAS SO COOL WHAT ANGIE DID!: SHE SAW ME CATCH MYSELF, THOUGHT, “SHE’S GOT IT…”, & SHE KEPT ON WALKING, & LEFT THE ROOM! I PROCEEDED 2 CALM MYSELF, & PUSH MYSELF BACK 2 SITTING UPRIGHT…BUT I LOVED HOW SHE REACTED LIKE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL, & HAD COMPLETE CONFIDENCE IN ME 2 NOT FALL, & INSTEAD BE ABLE 2 SIT UP AGAIN, WITHOUT HELP! (MK OFTEN REACTS THAT WAY, & SOMETIMES HAS MORE CONFIDENCE IN ME, THAN I HAVE IN MYSELF, BUT IT WAS COOL THAT SOME1 ELSE SHARED THAT CONFIDENCE IN ME!) ANGIE L8R EXPLAINED THAT SHE CAN TELL IF I’LL NEED HELP, BY THE ANGLE—BASICALLY, I HADN’T HIT THE “POINT OF NO RETURN” YET, SO ANGIE KNEW I WAS FINE, & IF NOT, I CAN HOLLER 4 HELP (IT USED 2 BE THAT I COULD ONLY SIGN IF I NEED HELP, BUT NOW I CAN SAY NAMES, OR SAY, “HELP ME!”).

ANGIE HAS A LOT OF “PRACTICE” AT WATCHING ME TRY 2 DO NEW THINGS ALONE, CUZ I TRY 2 DO STUFF ALONE WITH HER RIGHT THERE, ALL THE TIME (OFTEN SHE’S BUSY HELPING HER BABY OR WITH OTHER THINGS 4 ME, & I FIGURE I CAN EITHER BE BORED, OR TRY MYSELF WHILE I WAIT)! SO, I FIGURE THAT WHILE I WAIT 4 HELP, THERE’S NO HARM IN TRYING 2 DO IT MYSELF, ESP. WHEN SOME1 IS RIGHT THERE (SO IF I NEED 2, I CAN SAY, “HELP ME!” –THOUGH I WAIT 2 EVEN ASK 4 HELP, CUZ THERE’S ALWAYS A CHANCE I CAN DO WHAT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE). I MAY GET CREATIVE, OR EVEN FEEL PAIN, B4 I ASK 4 HELP…CALL IT STUBBORN OR PROUD, BUT I FIND A THRILL IN BEING INDEPENDENT!

HOWEVER, EVER SINCE MY FALL, I TRY 2 KEEP THE DESIRE FOR INDEPENDENCE IN FAMILIAR PLACES…LIKE MY HOUSE. SOMETIMES I WISH I HAD A VIDEO CAMERA IN MY CRAFT ROOM: SINCE THINGS IN THERE HAVE BEEN PUT IN SPECIFIC PLACES 2 INCREASE MY INDEPENDENCE, I DO SO MANY COOL THINGS WHEN I’M ALONE IN MY CRAFT ROOM, BUT THEY ARE TOUGH 2 EXPLAIN, SO I JUST SILENTLY TELL MYSELF HOW AWESOME I AM, & THEN GO ABOUT MY DAY, AS IF I DID NOTHING. LOL IF I HAD A VIDEO CAMERA, PEOPLE COULD JUST SEE WHAT I DOSOMETIMES I MAY APPEAR OVERLY CONFIDENT IN WHAT I CAN DO, & I KNOW IF U LOOK AT ME, IT SEEMS I CAN’T ACCOMPLISH MUCH, BUT AS MY DAD USED 2 ALWAYS SAY, “WHERE THERE’S A WILL, THERE’S A WAY!” & SINCE I HAVE WITNESSED HOW MUCH I CAN ACCOMPLISH ALONE IN MY CRAFT ROOM, 2 ME, IT DOESN’T APPEAR SO CRAZY!

SATURDAY WAS A DAY OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS. I SPENT THE MORNING GOING THROUGH DOUBLE COPIES OF MY PICTURES, DECIDING WHAT 2 KEEP & SCRAPBOOK, & WHAT 2 THROW AWAY. I ACCESSED SOME ZIPLOCS FROM A CABINET, SO I COULD ORGANIZE THE REMAINING PICTURES, & ATTACH A POST-IT NOTE ON EACH ZIPLOC, W/WRITTEN INSTRUCTIONS 4 ANGIE, SO SHE KNEW WHAT 2 DO WITH THE PICTURES INSIDE EACH PARTICULAR ZIPLOC. THEN I CLEANED UP, PICKING UP SOME IMPRESSIVE THINGS W/THE HELP OF MY GRIPPER…

L8R, MK ENTERED A ROOM WHERE I HAD PUT MY LIFT ON (OK, SOPHIE LIFTED MY LEFT ARMPIT OVER A BUMP IN THE LEFT ARMREST, WHICH WASN’T NECESSARY, BUT MAKES IT TONS MORE COMFORTABLE!), & FOUND ME LIFTING MYSELF IN THE LIFT! THAT NIGHT, WHEN I NEEDED WATER, & WAS TOLD 2 WAIT, IT WAS NOT IMPATIENCE, BUT RATHER THAN SIT LIKE A BUMP ON A LOG, I OPTED 2 TRY…AFTERALL, THERE WAS A CUP IN MY LAP! I UNSCREWED THE LID (USING MY LEGS 4 MY LEFT HAND), RAISED MY CHAIR, FILLED THE CUP USING THE FRIDGE, & SCREWED ON THE LID! AS I LAUGHED & LOWERED MY CHAIR, I THOUGHT, & ALL I WAS SUPPOSED 2 DO AGAIN (AFTER MY STROKE), WAS BLINK MY EYES! SWEET!”

Cliff Cushman was a member of the 1960 U.S. Olympic team who was in the 400 metre hurdles where he won the silver medal. In 1964 Cliff Cushman hoped to compete again in the Olympics. But his hopes of winning a medal were lost when he stumbled over a hurdle at the final U.S. Olympic trial meet in Los Angeles.. He said:

“In a split second all the many years of training, pain, sweat, blisters and agony of running were simply and irrevocably wiped out.

“But I tried! I would much rather fail knowing I had put forth an honest effort than never to have tried at all. …

“Certainly I was very disappointed in falling flat on my face. However, there is nothing I can do about it now but get up, pick the cinders from my wounds, and take one more step followed by one more and one more, until the steps turn into miles and miles into success.

“I know I may never make it. The odds are against me, but I have something in my favor—desire and faith. …

“I dare you to look up at the stars, not down at the mud, and set your sights on them that, up to now, you thought were unattainable. There is plenty of room at the top, but no room for anyone to sit down.

“Who knows? You may be surprised at what you can achieve with sincere effort. So get up, pick the cinders out of your wounds, and take one more step.

“I dare you!”