FIA HAS BEEN LEARNING & PRACTICES WRITING HER ABC’S ON AN EASEEL IN THE RM. W/ME. WHEN SHE’S UNSURE, SHE ASKS ME, & I DRAW IT ON MY LEG. 2DAY, SHE 4GOT ‘K.’ THAT’S NOT EASY 2 EXPLAIN, SO SHE WAS SMART.

LET ME DETOUR: IN MY CRAFT RM., ON MY BULLETIN BOARD, I HUNG AN ASL STRIP I GOT BACK IN INDIANA FROM MY VISITING TEACHERS (VT-2 CHURCH WOMEN WHO VISIT ME MONTHLY). THAT WAS THE BEST THING I HAVE DONE. TWICE A MONTH, I TEACH A DIGITAL SCRAPBOOK CLASS-MOST ATTENDIES ARE LDS (MORMON)–& THOUGH I CAN TYPE 2 COMMUNICATE W/THEM, I FIGURED THAT IF I HAD THAT STRIP UP, IF THEY HAD 2, THEY COULD MATCH MY ASL LETTER 2 THE STRIP 2 FIGURE OUT A LETTER. IT HAS HELPED IF SOME1 IS STUCK ON 1 LETTER’ANYWAY, I NEVER FORESAW THIS, BUT THAT STRIP HAS AIDED MY 2 LITTLE GIRLS IN LEARNING ASL! JESS ASKS ME 2 SPELL, & USES THAT STRIP 2 CONVERT MY ASL 2 A LETTER! FIA HAS SEEN THIS & MIMICS HER-IN FACT, FIA NOW RECOGNIZES MOST ASL LETTERS-SHE JUST CAN’T SPELL! BUT SHE USUALLY RECOGNIZES IF I SPELL ‘SOPHIA.’ JESS CAN DO SHORT WORDS SOMETIMES, BUT PREFERS 2 SIT ON MY LAP WHILE I TYPE & SHE READS (SHE LOVES 2 GUESS A WORD B4 I FINISH TYPING, BUT I STILL HAVE 2 FINISH TYPING IT & CAN’T USE SHORTHAND.)

BACK 2 MY STORY’FIA USED THAT STRIP 2 FIGURE OUT WHAT ‘K’L LOOKED LIKE, BUT STILL WANTED ME 2 VERIFY IF SHE DREW IT RT.! THEN MY FAV. PART: SHE SINGS THE ABC SONG & ASKS ME 2 SING W/HER-I DO, IN ASL. SHE SINGS, POINTS 2 A LETTER, THEN LOOKS AT MY HAND. AT THE END, SHE COMMENTS, ‘THANKS 4 SINGING W/ME!’ I AM A MUSIC MINOR. WHEN I STROKED, I WAS A CHURCH CHORISTER FOR 3-12 YR. OLDS & SANG IN R CHURCH CHOIR. I HAVE ENJOYED MUSIC THERAPY MORE THAN OTHER THERAPIES. SO, IT MEANS THE WORLD 2 ME THAT I’M SINGING 2 HER!

NOW 2 BRAG-I WAS PROUD, BUT HAVEN’T SHARED! YESTERDAY, I WORE A SWEATER. WHEN I SIGNED, IT TENDED 2 COVER MY HAND (LIKE COVERING YOUR MOUTH), SO IT WAS ROLLED BACK. LAST NIGHT, R FAM. SAW A MOVIE. I WAS FREEZING COLD IN THE THEATER-MY SWEATER HELPED IMMINSCILY-BUT I KEPT IT ROLLED UP 2 EAT POPCORN. BUT WHEN I WAS DONE EATING, 4 WARMTH, I WANTED MY HAND UN MY SLEEVE; BUT HOW COULD I QUIETLY GET MARK’S ATTENTION & SIGN IN THE DARK 2 UNROLL MY SLEEVE? I DECIDED I COULDN’T, SO USING MY ARMREST & MY JOYSTICK ON MY CHAIR (WHICH I OFTEN USE 2 TURN THE 2 RINGS ON MY RT. HAND), I DID IT! I WAS IN DISBELIEF!

TUES., WE HAD FLURRIES-NOTHING STUCK, BUT JESS WAS SOOO EXCITED!

I HAVE NOTIICED, OVER THE YRS., SOME COMMON MIS-CONCEPTIONS:

• U NEED 2 KNOW ASL 2 TALK 2 ME. BUT IF U KNOW ASL, DON’T SIGN 2 ME-I CAN HEAR & HAVE DOUBLE VISION, SO IT’S HARD 2 C! IF U DO NOT KNOW ASL, II CAN NOD YES/NO, SHRUG MY’ SHOULDER 4 ‘MAYBE,’ WAVE MY HAND 4 ‘SORTA’ OR ‘KINDA.’
• CING MY HAND MOVE, DOESN’T ALWAYS MEAN I’M TALKING-WHAT IF I ITCH?
• IF U ASK A # QUES., EXPECT A # ANSWER. #1-5 R EASY. THEY LOOK IT. I HATE SHOWING ‘4’ WHEN A # QUES. IS ASKED, HAVE SOME1 GUESS AN ASL ‘B,’ I SAY NO, SO ANOTHER LETTER IS GUESSED, SO SINCE A LETTER IS EXPECTED, I SPELL ‘FOUR.’
• I AM INCAPABLE OF MANY THINGS. U’D BE SURPRISED WHAT I CAN DO, & AS MY KIDS GROW UP, I CAN DO MORE. IT CAN BE A NICE BREAK WHEN MY CAREGIVER WAITS ON ME HAND & FOOT. HOWEVER, MARK HAS A LIFE–& SO I CAN BE ALONE. THAT CAUSEES ME 2 CHALLLENGE MYSELF & BE CREATIVE. 4 EX., MARK WAS HERE, BUT THOUGH I COULD QUICKLY GET MARK’S ATTENTION & HAVE AN EASIER TIME, I DECIDED 2 TAKE ADVANTAGE OF BEING ALONE: I WAS TIRED OF WAITING 2 C SOME CDS, SO I LEARNED 2 DO IT MYSELF! ANOTHER TIME, I LEARNED 2 USE MY KEYBOARD AS A WEIGHT, 2 GET KLEENEX OUT 2 WIPE MY NOSE. IT’S TONS FASTER 2 CLOSE A CD DRAWER ON MY COMP., SWITCH A LT. SWITCH, OR OPEN MY ELEVATOR DOOR IF SOME1 ELSE DOES IT-SOMETIMES MARK DOES. BUT I LIKE 2 TRY SOMETIMES -THESE R THINGS I CAN DO & OTHER THINGS I ONLY LEARN I CAN DO BY CHALLENGING MYSELF.
• I CAN’T BE MOM. AS THE KIDS GET OLDER, THIS CHANGES. ZACH READS MY ASL REAL WELL (EVEN FIA CAN READ HER NAME OR WORDS LIKE ‘STOP’ OR ‘SORRY’), JESS CAN READ (SO I TYPE), & FIA GUESSES MY DISCIPLINE AMAZINGLY WELL, SO I CAN ANSWER YES/NO. WE WATCH SHOWS, PLAY GAMES, ETC. FIA WAS YOUNG ENOUGH WHEN I STROKED, SHE DOESN’T KNOW ANY BETTER THAN HOW I COMFORT. IF MARK HAS A SPONTANEOUS REASON 2 LEAVE, WE HAVE A PHONE SYSTEM & I CAN REACH A PHONE ON BOTH FLOORS OF THE HOUSE. YES, SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD SAY OR DO MORE 4 THE KIDS, BUT I WANT 2 RAISE THEM! I’M STILL MOM! I CAN’T READ A BOOK, BUT THEY CAN SHOW ME PICTURES! I CAN LET OTHERS DO WHAT I CAN NOT.
• MY HOUSE IS MESSY. MY CAREGIVER HELPS (BUT ONLYY 2X/WK.-LITTLE KIDS REQUIRE DAILY ATTENTION), EVERY 2 WEEKS WE HAVE A CLEANER; BUT A HUGE PART IS I HAVE 2 BE SUPER ORGANIZED (LUCKILY, THAT’S ALWAYS BEEN A QUALITY OF MINE), MARK INSISTS MY KIDS RESPECT ME (MY FAV. PHRASE IS THAT THEY NEED 2 LISTEN 2 ME MORE THAN DAD; & THEY KNOW THE REPURCUSHION IS WORSE THAN IF THEY DIDN’T LISTEN 2 DAD), & MY KIDS R WELL-BEHAVED & MORE SELF-SUFFFICIENT & RESPONSIBLE THAN OTHER KIDS THEIR AGE.
• I ENJOY SOLUTUDE. UNFORTUNATELY, IT’S A NATURE OF THE CONDITION. I USE THE COMP. 2 COMMUNICATE, DO MY CHURCH CALLING, VISIT TEACH (CHURCH), READ/EDUCATE MYSELF, JOURNAL, SCRAPBOOK, ETC.-BASICALLY EVERYTHING! I DO OCCASIONALLY PREFER PRIVACY 2 DO SOME OF THE STUFF–SOME JOURNAL ENTRIES REQUIRE PRIVACY, & LIKEWISE EMAILS (SO I’M NOT INTERRUPTED B4 I FINISH A THOUGHT) & I TYPE SLOW (1 KEY AT A TIME). BESIDES, I PREFER NOT 2 SIT & DO NOTHING OR WATCH MINDLESS TV! ALSO, I CAN HAVE TONS OF HELP FROM OTHERS & STILL GET LONELY (IT’S NOT LIKE I EVER HAVE DEEP CONVERSATIONS-I CAN’T TYPE OR SIGN IT ALL) OR SAY SMALL SIDE-REMARKS (ESP. IF IT NEEDS PUNCTUATION OR VOICE INFLECTION). ALSO, I RARELY ENJOY GROUP (2 OR MORE) CONVERSATION, BECAUSE I AM OFTEN NOT SEEN SIGNING OR HEARD MAKING NOISE 4 ATTENTION (I REMEMBER BEING JEALOUS MY DEAF FRIENDS COULD GET ATTENTION BY MAKING NOISE). IN ADDITION, I CAN’T SAY A GREAT MAJORITY OF WHAT I THINK. IT INCREASES FRUSTRATION-OOFTEN IT’S NOT PLEASURABLE!
  
• I’M EASY 2 READ (W/MY EMOTIONS). HOWEVER, WHEN I THINK I’M SMILING MY BIGGEST, I APPEAR AS MAD AS CAN BE! WHEN I TRY HARD, I APPEAR MAD IT’S NOT DONE 4 ME-OTHERWISE, I TURN & LOOK LEFT, & PEOPLE THINK I C SOMETHING. OR, IF I’M HOWLING & CRYING, IT COULD BE A SIMPLE FRUSTRATION, WHICH EVERY1 EXPERIENCES, BUT IT APPEARS A HUGE DEAL!
• I HAVEN’T CHANGED FROM THE ‘JENNY’ I WAS PRE-STROKE. I AM STUCK IN A MOLD. MY SISTER, MISSY, HAD THIS HARDEST, AS SHE WAS THERE WHEN I 1^ST CAME HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL, BUT I’VE ADAPTED SINCE THEN & HAVE HAD AMAZING AMOUNTS OF PATIENCE THRUST UPON ME! THE ‘JENNY’ I WAS PRE-STROKE IS BUILDING BLOCKS 2 THE ‘JENNY’ I AM NOW!
  
• I’M MENTALLY CHALLENGED. I’M SUPER SLOW (THE OTHER DAY I WAS PLAYING A GAME & IMMEDIATLY RECOGNIZED THE SONG THEY WANTED THE LAST WORDS 2, SO I BEGAN SINGING IT IN MY HEAD, BUT B4 I REACHED THE END, R TURN WAS OVER-I’M STILL KICKING MYSELF!) & HAD A BRAIN INJURY, BUT I HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE & TAUGHT EL. ED.
  

SORRY I HAVEN’T WRITTEN! I HAVE BEEN SUPER BUSY & HAD A HEADACHE THAT WOULDN’T GO AWAY FOR 2 STRAIGHT DAYS. I DON’T KNOW IF HEADACHES R MORE COMMON POST STROKE–AS A LITTLE GIRL, I HAD THEM ALOT. THEY LESSENED W/AGE, BUT NOW I HAVE A LOT AGAIN. MAKES SENSE THAT BRAIN INJURY WOULD CAUSE HEADACHES, BUT I DON’T KNOW.
WANT 2 HEAR THE DOWNER? MY HUSBAND WAS SO EXCITED I WALKED, HE WANTED ME 2 SHOW FAMILY ON DRY LAND. DESPITE DISAPPOINTMENT, I REFUSED–I KNEW IT WAS 2 NEW & WOULD BE A HUGE DOWNER IF I COULDN’T WALK ON DRY LAND. LUCKILY, MY HUSBAND RESPECTED MY DECISION, & WE TRIED WALKING ON DRY LAND PRIVATELY. I WAS RT., SO NOW I HAVE 2 START BENDING MY KNEES WILLINLY & STRENGTHENING MY UPPER THIGHS SO I CAN LIFT MY LEGS. NOW THAT IT’S PROVEN A POSSIBILITY, MY HUSBAND ‘S HELPING ME TRANSFER IT 2 DRY LAND BY MAKING ME TRY OCCASSIONALY, WHEN I’D NORMALLY BE CARRIED! WHEN I CAN DO THAT, I’LL GLADLY SHARE!

I HEAR THAT PEOPLE R learning all about MY accomplishments A LOT, BUT IT’S JUST A REG. DAY 2 ME, & OFTEN NO BIG DEAL! WALKING WAS DIFFERENT!