A WHILE AGO, A FRIEND WAS TEACHING A LESSON AT CHURCH 2 THE TEENAGE GIRLS (THAT I ALSO TEACH), & SHE INVITED ME 2 COME WRITE ON THE CHALKBOARD (SOMETHING I CAN’T DO, & THESE GIRLS DO IT FOR ME, WHEN I TEACH). THE IDEA WAS THAT THE GIRLS WOULD SEE ME STRUGGLE, & OFFER 2 DO IT. BUT SOMETHING VERY INTERESTING OCCURRED: THEY SAT THERE, SURE THAT AFTER A LITTLE STRUGGLE, I COULD DO IT! LOL THEY WEREN’T BEING MEAN…THEY IN FACT KNOW ME TOO WELL (I KNOW I HAVE FRIENDS & FAMILY MEMBERS WHO HAVE 2 RESIST THE URGE 2 HELP ME…), & EVEN COMMENTED ON HOW THEY HAVE SEEN THINGS HAPPEN, AFTER I STRUGGLE, SO WHEN I WAS ASKED 2 USE THE CHALKBOARD, THEY KNEW I WOULD STRUGGLE, BUT FIGURED I WOULD DO IT, EVENTUALLY.

LIKEWISE, THE OTHER DAY (LAST THURSDAY) I WAS LAUGHING & LEANING 4WARD AS ANGIE WAS LEAVING THE ROOM. MOST PEOPLE WOULD RUN BACK 2 ME & HELP ME SIT BACK UP, BUT IT WAS SO COOL WHAT ANGIE DID!: SHE SAW ME CATCH MYSELF, THOUGHT, “SHE’S GOT IT…”, & SHE KEPT ON WALKING, & LEFT THE ROOM! I PROCEEDED 2 CALM MYSELF, & PUSH MYSELF BACK 2 SITTING UPRIGHT…BUT I LOVED HOW SHE REACTED LIKE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL, & HAD COMPLETE CONFIDENCE IN ME 2 NOT FALL, & INSTEAD BE ABLE 2 SIT UP AGAIN, WITHOUT HELP! (MK OFTEN REACTS THAT WAY, & SOMETIMES HAS MORE CONFIDENCE IN ME, THAN I HAVE IN MYSELF, BUT IT WAS COOL THAT SOME1 ELSE SHARED THAT CONFIDENCE IN ME!) ANGIE L8R EXPLAINED THAT SHE CAN TELL IF I’LL NEED HELP, BY THE ANGLE—BASICALLY, I HADN’T HIT THE “POINT OF NO RETURN” YET, SO ANGIE KNEW I WAS FINE, & IF NOT, I CAN HOLLER 4 HELP (IT USED 2 BE THAT I COULD ONLY SIGN IF I NEED HELP, BUT NOW I CAN SAY NAMES, OR SAY, “HELP ME!”).

ANGIE HAS A LOT OF “PRACTICE” AT WATCHING ME TRY 2 DO NEW THINGS ALONE, CUZ I TRY 2 DO STUFF ALONE WITH HER RIGHT THERE, ALL THE TIME (OFTEN SHE’S BUSY HELPING HER BABY OR WITH OTHER THINGS 4 ME, & I FIGURE I CAN EITHER BE BORED, OR TRY MYSELF WHILE I WAIT)! SO, I FIGURE THAT WHILE I WAIT 4 HELP, THERE’S NO HARM IN TRYING 2 DO IT MYSELF, ESP. WHEN SOME1 IS RIGHT THERE (SO IF I NEED 2, I CAN SAY, “HELP ME!” –THOUGH I WAIT 2 EVEN ASK 4 HELP, CUZ THERE’S ALWAYS A CHANCE I CAN DO WHAT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE). I MAY GET CREATIVE, OR EVEN FEEL PAIN, B4 I ASK 4 HELP…CALL IT STUBBORN OR PROUD, BUT I FIND A THRILL IN BEING INDEPENDENT!

HOWEVER, EVER SINCE MY FALL, I TRY 2 KEEP THE DESIRE FOR INDEPENDENCE IN FAMILIAR PLACES…LIKE MY HOUSE. SOMETIMES I WISH I HAD A VIDEO CAMERA IN MY CRAFT ROOM: SINCE THINGS IN THERE HAVE BEEN PUT IN SPECIFIC PLACES 2 INCREASE MY INDEPENDENCE, I DO SO MANY COOL THINGS WHEN I’M ALONE IN MY CRAFT ROOM, BUT THEY ARE TOUGH 2 EXPLAIN, SO I JUST SILENTLY TELL MYSELF HOW AWESOME I AM, & THEN GO ABOUT MY DAY, AS IF I DID NOTHING. LOL IF I HAD A VIDEO CAMERA, PEOPLE COULD JUST SEE WHAT I DOSOMETIMES I MAY APPEAR OVERLY CONFIDENT IN WHAT I CAN DO, & I KNOW IF U LOOK AT ME, IT SEEMS I CAN’T ACCOMPLISH MUCH, BUT AS MY DAD USED 2 ALWAYS SAY, “WHERE THERE’S A WILL, THERE’S A WAY!” & SINCE I HAVE WITNESSED HOW MUCH I CAN ACCOMPLISH ALONE IN MY CRAFT ROOM, 2 ME, IT DOESN’T APPEAR SO CRAZY!

SATURDAY WAS A DAY OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS. I SPENT THE MORNING GOING THROUGH DOUBLE COPIES OF MY PICTURES, DECIDING WHAT 2 KEEP & SCRAPBOOK, & WHAT 2 THROW AWAY. I ACCESSED SOME ZIPLOCS FROM A CABINET, SO I COULD ORGANIZE THE REMAINING PICTURES, & ATTACH A POST-IT NOTE ON EACH ZIPLOC, W/WRITTEN INSTRUCTIONS 4 ANGIE, SO SHE KNEW WHAT 2 DO WITH THE PICTURES INSIDE EACH PARTICULAR ZIPLOC. THEN I CLEANED UP, PICKING UP SOME IMPRESSIVE THINGS W/THE HELP OF MY GRIPPER…

L8R, MK ENTERED A ROOM WHERE I HAD PUT MY LIFT ON (OK, SOPHIE LIFTED MY LEFT ARMPIT OVER A BUMP IN THE LEFT ARMREST, WHICH WASN’T NECESSARY, BUT MAKES IT TONS MORE COMFORTABLE!), & FOUND ME LIFTING MYSELF IN THE LIFT! THAT NIGHT, WHEN I NEEDED WATER, & WAS TOLD 2 WAIT, IT WAS NOT IMPATIENCE, BUT RATHER THAN SIT LIKE A BUMP ON A LOG, I OPTED 2 TRY…AFTERALL, THERE WAS A CUP IN MY LAP! I UNSCREWED THE LID (USING MY LEGS 4 MY LEFT HAND), RAISED MY CHAIR, FILLED THE CUP USING THE FRIDGE, & SCREWED ON THE LID! AS I LAUGHED & LOWERED MY CHAIR, I THOUGHT, & ALL I WAS SUPPOSED 2 DO AGAIN (AFTER MY STROKE), WAS BLINK MY EYES! SWEET!”

Cliff Cushman was a member of the 1960 U.S. Olympic team who was in the 400 metre hurdles where he won the silver medal. In 1964 Cliff Cushman hoped to compete again in the Olympics. But his hopes of winning a medal were lost when he stumbled over a hurdle at the final U.S. Olympic trial meet in Los Angeles.. He said:

“In a split second all the many years of training, pain, sweat, blisters and agony of running were simply and irrevocably wiped out.

“But I tried! I would much rather fail knowing I had put forth an honest effort than never to have tried at all. …

“Certainly I was very disappointed in falling flat on my face. However, there is nothing I can do about it now but get up, pick the cinders from my wounds, and take one more step followed by one more and one more, until the steps turn into miles and miles into success.

“I know I may never make it. The odds are against me, but I have something in my favor—desire and faith. …

“I dare you to look up at the stars, not down at the mud, and set your sights on them that, up to now, you thought were unattainable. There is plenty of room at the top, but no room for anyone to sit down.

“Who knows? You may be surprised at what you can achieve with sincere effort. So get up, pick the cinders out of your wounds, and take one more step.

“I dare you!”

I FOUND THIS POST I WROTE AFTER CHRISTMAS, BUT B4 MY CRUISE…WHOOPS!:
FOR CHRISTMAS, I RECEIVED 2 LIFE-ALTERING INVENTIONS:

CHRISTMAS WAS LIKE A MINI CELEBRATION OF MY PROGRESS, SO I GOT SOME THINGS THAT CHANGED 2 OF MY WORLDS, & I GAINED SO MUCH MORE INDEPENDENCE! IN FACT, THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS, I WAS LIKE AN ANXIOUS LITTLE KID IN BED, WHO COULDN’T WAIT 2 GET UP, & PLAY W/THE NEW CHRISTMAS TOYS! LOL

I WAS SURPRISED BY WHAT WAS MY FAVORITE GIFT: A GRABBER…I’M CONSTANTLY CALLING THE KIDS 2 PICK UP SOMETHING STUPID (LIKE A PAPER) FROM THE FLOOR, BUT NOW, I CAN PICK STUFF UP OFF THE FLOOR! I HAVEN’T DONE THAT IN 8.5 YEARS! MK & I HAD LOOKED AT THE GRABBER B4, & THOUGH HE FOUND A GREAT 1 THAT WAS EASY 2 SQUEEZE, I COULD BARELY SQUEEZE IT, LET ALONE RAISE IT, & RETAIN THE SQUEEZE! BUT THIS YEAR IN MUSIC THERAPY, WE HAVE FOCUSED ON NOT ONLY MY VOICE, BUT MY STRENGTH & GRIP AS WELL (2 AID MY WRITING & SO I COULD LIFT HEAVIER STUFF). I HAD SOOOO MUCH FUN FOR HOURS LIFTING (SOMETIMES PURPOSELLY DROPPING WHAT I’D LIFT, SO I COULD LIFT IT). I’M SO USED 2 OPENING MY GIFTS, THEN ONLY SEEING 1 GIFT AGAIN, OR NEVER SEEING ANY GIFTS AGAIN FOR DAYS, UNLESS I REQUEST 2 C THE GIFT…IT WAS SO FUN REACHING WHATEVER I WANTED 2 REACH, THAT I GAVE IN & HAD MORE TREATS THAN USUAL ON CHRISTMAS (USUALLY I RESIST JUST BECUZ I HAVE 2 ASK 4 IT). THIS TIME, I COULD GET AT ANYTHING I WANTED 2 GET AT W/THE HELP OF MY GRABBER (& I’VE GOTTEN QUITE GOOD AT OPENING UP PACKAGES OF MANY KINDS…)! OF COURSE, IT TAKES ME MORE EFFORT TO OPEN ANYTHING, SO I LIKE 2 TRICK MYSELF BY THINKING THAT THE EXTRA EFFORT IN OPENING A PACKAGE HELPS ME BURN CALORIES! LOL (SINCE U BURN A LITTLE JUST SITTING–WHICH IS BASICALLY WHAT I DO, IT ONLY MAKES SENSE THAT I BURN MORE CALORIES IF I DO MORE! RIGHT? LOL)

A FEW DAYS AGO, SOPHIE CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL, AND IN THE DOWNSTAIRS HALL, I’D DROPPED THE TOPPER 4 MY W/C JOYSTICK, & MY WATER IN THE HALL. I WAS HOME ALONE, & HAD 2 WAIT 4 THOSE THINGS, SO WHEN I GOT THE GRABBER, I PRACTICED PICKING UP THE PART 4 THE W/C, & I HAVE ALSO PURPOSELY DROPPED A VERY FULL WATER BOTTLE, CUZ I WONDERED IF I COULD PICK IT UP! (I CAME SOOO CLOSE! IT’S SUPER HEAVY, BUT I GOT IT, & ONCE I LIFTED IT 2 A CERTAIN HEIGHT, MY GRIP LOOSENED!) SWEET SOPHIE CAME & HELPED ME PRACTICE LIFTING THE WATER BOTTLE, GIVING ME TIPS! LOL I THINK SOPH’S AS EXCITED AS I AM! ZACH SEEMS 2 LIKE IT TOO, BUT HE’S A COOL, TEENAGE BOY, WHO DOESN’T GET AS EMOTIONAL AS SOPHIE & I! LOL

BUT I’VE SINCE PICKED UP A PAPER, POST-IT NOTES, PEN, PAINT, A BATTERY, THE CASE 4 MY BELL (& RE-ASSEMBLED THE BELL), & A TRANSPERANCY OFF OF THE CRAFT ROOM FLOOR (I’M PARTICULARLY PROUD OF PICKING UP A THIN, SLIPPERY TRANSPARENCY!), & I’VE REACHED ACROSS TABLES & OPENED CABINET DOORS TO CLEAN UP–ALL BY MYSELF, WITH THE GRABBER! I’M SO PROUD OF ME, & EVERYTIME I SUCCEED, IT MEANS LESS WORK 4 MY FAMILY!!! ?

WHEN CARA WAS HERE, SHE USED 2 REALLY WORRY IF I HAD NO HELP 4 A WHILE…BUT I’VE GOTTEN SO INDEPENDENT, & BEING ALONE ENCOURAGES ME 2 USE THOSE SKILLS! SURE IT’S FASTER IF STUFF IS PICKED UP 4 ME, OR WRITTEN 4 ME, BUT IT FEELS SO LIBERATING, TO BE ABLE TO DO SOMETHING FOR MYSELF & NOT HAVE TO WAIT FOR ANYONE ELSE TO HELP ME! IT CAN BE SO FRUSTRATING 2 HAVE THINGS JUST OUT OF REACH, OR MY GRIP NOT BEING STRONG ENOUGH! BESIDES, NOW I DO JUST FINE!

4 EX.: MY TABLE WAS BECOMING A MESS, UNTIL IT OCCURED 2 ME THAT I COULD NOW REACH TRASH, & PUT AWAY ITEMS WITH MY GRABBER…& IF I GOT STUFF I NEEDED HELP WITH, I MADE A PIIE OF THOSE THINGS, & EITHER TYPED ABOUT IT ON LIST 4 HELP FROM SOME1, OR I WROTE ON A POST-IT, & STUCK IT 2 THE ITEM…THE TABLE WAS STILL A MESS, BUT WAS AN ORGANIZED, EASY 2 CLEAN MESS! LOL

FRIDAY, 2/15, MY MUSIC THERAPIST WAS NOTICING HOW MY OVERALL RIGHT ARM STRENGTH & GRIP ARE MUCH STRONGER, & I PUT 2 & 2 TOGETHER, & REALIZED IT IS FROM MY CHRISTMAS GIFT, THE GRIPPER!

THE 2ND THING I GOT WAS AN IPAD MINI, I HAVE DAYS WHERE IT IS ALMOST TOO SMALL 4 MY EYES, BUT MY EYES HAVE GOTTEN CONSIDERABLY BETTER THIS YEAR–I STILL C DOUBLE, BUT I THINK THE EYE MUSCLES ARE STRONGER, & WIGGLE LESS. IT IS AS THOUGH GOD IMPROVED MY VISION JUST ENOUGH, SO I COULD USE THE IPAD MINI! CRAZY!

I HAVE BEEN WANTING 2 BE ABLE 2 TEXT 4 SO LONG, BUT MY VISION WAS ALWAYS A BIG PROBLEM! BUT, IRONICALLY, THE IPAD MINI MAKES A GREAT TEXTING PHONE-& I CAN SEE THE TYPE, & I TYPE OK ON IT! -NOW I CAN ALWAYS TEXT & EMAIL WHENEVER, & WITHOUT HELP FROM ANY1! PEOPLE CAN REACH ME, & I CAN REACH THEM! I ALSO HAVE AN APP WHERE I CAN ACCESS MY COMPUTER FROM ANYWHERE, SO I CAN BE WITH MY FAMILY MORE! (I CAN’T DO THINGS AS EASILY ON THE IPAD, BUT IT’S A NICE OPTION!) I ALSO PUT SOME MUSIC/SPEECH THERAPY APPS ON IT, SO I CAN PRACTICE WHENEVER & WHEREVER I WANT—I CAN EVEN PLAY PIANO WHILE I’M OUT & ABOUT! & I PUT GAMES MOVIES, BOOKS…, WHICH IS GREAT CUZ THEN I CAN USE MY IPAD IN DOCTOR OFFICE WAITING ROOMS, OR WHEN I WAIT 4 WHOEVER I’M WITH, & NO1 NEEDS 2 GET MY IPAD!

HOWEVER, I’M WORKING 2 FIND A BALANCE, CUZ B4 I GOT THE IPAD MINI, LI USED 2 SPEND A LOT OF TIME W/MY THOUGHTS, STARING INTO SPACE, & THAT ALLOWED ME MORE TIME 2 PONDER, 2 FEEL SPIRITUAL THINGS, ETC. BUT NOW I DON’T HAVE THAT, & THAT’S A BIG FLAW IN OUR SOCIETY TODAY…WE TEND 2 SACRIFICE HUMAN INTERACTION 4 DIGITAL DISTRACTIONS (TRY SITTING IN A WAITING ROOM, & NOTICE THAT EVERY1 AROUND U IS LOOKING AT A SCREEN–WHAT HAPPENED 2 TALKING 2 EACH OTHER?) NOW, I CAN CHOOSE 2 JOIN IN, & STARE AT A SCREEN, OR TRY 2 START A CONVERSATION W/A FAMILY MEMBER. IT CAN BE A CHALLENGE, & I SOMETIMES FAIL MISERABLY 2 NOT DO IT! THIS IS DEFINITELY AN INVENTION THAT HAS IT’S GOOD & BAD, SO I’M WORKING ON FINDING OUT HOW 2 ONLY USE IT AS AN ASSET (I.E. IT HAS HELPED WITH BEING A BETTER MOTHER, 2 BE MORE INVOLVED SOCIALLY, IT HAS INCREASED MY TIME SPENT W/FAMILY, & INCREASED MY TIME SPENT DOING THERAPY…)

P.S. A NOTE 4 STROKE SURVIVORS: MY PARENTS GAVE ME THESE AWESOME SPEECH THERAPY DVDS, THAT HAVE SPEECH THERAPY EXERCISES ON THEM:
http://www.speech-therapy-on-video.com/speechlanguagetherapy.html