my youngest child, Sophia, got married in October, &
my middle daughter, Jessie, was married on Friday, June 3.
Here’s a picture with all my kids, their spouses, & my grand-baby, James.
Obviously, I can’t be there for them (the way I’d like to be), so one thing I’ve always hoped is that they marry into families where they feel comfortable receiving help, & feel as fortunate as I do to have married into such a family!
I’ve been so focused on my kids that I didn’t realize until now how comfortable I am with each of my kid’s MILs! It’s crazy! I feel so blessed to be so comfortable & to be friends with each of these women – women who are sharing their children & (future) grandchildren with me!
1. Sophia married Davis Wycherly in October in the Jordan River Temple (though it mostly just meant more travel – my awesome S-I-L, Margot-Mark’s “big” sister–by 1 year, was the most awesome wedding planner!)
2. I had my first primary program in October, & I have now been the primary president for a year. Being the primary president at church is crazy busy from September (when I finish writing the primary program) until January (when I’m finished organizing for the new year). But I love it! It makes me so happy to feel like I still have something to contribute!
3. We went on a cruise during thanksgiving. It was great if u are vaccinated & go w/o the kids. They have the non-vaccinated & vaccinated sections, so u can go w/o a mask sometimes. It was also very uncrowded.
4. Jessie just got engaged & will be married in June in the Timpanogus temple to Kyle Van Roosendaal. All 3 of my kids married within TWO years…crazy!
5. Zach, & his wife, Maddie, had my first grandbaby, James, in December, & they just moved to Texas! (Yes, I’m a grandma! I’m not a fan of the word “grandma” though … my mom is “grandma” & she’s really old! Haha – love u mom!)
Prior to my stroke, I was a “Pintrest mom”. I threw amazing birthday parties (I’d taken a cake decorating class so my cakes would be amazing, & I went all out, like making Superman shirts w/capes, or balloon light sabers), made file folder games (thanks to my Elementary Education background), etc.
After my stroke, I had a really hard time re-defining the word “mother”. If u know the enneagram, I’m a 3, & I define that word by what I do. All of my “best mom” identity was stripped away with my stroke. It was so tough for me, but Mark says my stroke made me a better mom…the kids didn’t care about all of that! they were happier just having me there to cover with stickers, watch a puppet show, or to play our improvised version of hide-&-go-seek!
I don’t think I learned from it though, cuz I’m facing the same issues as a grandma! I think I’m facing the “Pintrest grandma”. I seem to define that word by what I do, as well, & my OCD-personality only makes it worse, because I don’t “do” what I “think” I should do. To me, a grandma helps mom, possibly by take care of the kids, & does stuff like bake cookies. I do neither. So, I’m working on re-defining that word now. In the beginning last time, I felt so useless until I discovered unique ways to still be a mom. Hopefully I’ll learn faster this time! I’m sure it will help having him live closer!
Sorry I’ve been MIA. I’ve had a hard time setting aside time to write on my blog. In what little “free time” I have, I have been reading & learning about some stuff & I attempted to work some more on the book I wanted to write 17 years ago… but as u know, I’m the primary president (which I LOVE!) It’s so awesome to be able to serve, & I have witnessed many little miracles to make it possible!
I have two counselors & a secretary to help me (plus my “co-presidents”, Mark & my helper/friend, Angie, who serve as my arms & legs), but now the Primary program is coming up (it’s usually in the fall, & occurs once a year), & planning the program has kept me busy! (The primary program is a time for the kids to share about the things they’ve learned that year & to share their testimonies through word & song.)
That alone has kept me busy, but to add to the fun my youngest daughter (Sophie) just got married on October 9 in the South Jordan temple in Utah (shout-out to my awesome sister-in-law, Margot). But wait! The fun doesn’t stop there: my son’s wife is expecting grandbaby on Christmas. So I figure life will not be slowing down anytime soon!
So, thought I better share… about the wedding: I let Mark’s sister, Margot, & Sophie plan it – Margot had done my little brother, Mike’s, wedding, so I knew she’d know “my style,” & since it was Sophie’s day, I didn’t want to get in her way! It was supposed to rain all day, but after the sealing (which was amazing), the “heavens opened up” & I did not see even a drop of rain until they left! Amazing, right?!?! & I thought my reception was fancy, but hers blew mine out of the water! Only thing I did fancier: the dads & groomsmen wore tuxes instead of suits (Zach was best man, & bet he liked doing suits instead of tuxes! Maddie was a bridesmaid, & Jess was co-Maid of honor, & heir dresses were “less fancy” too, accommodating Maddie’s pregnant belly!)
I had a small win at Sophie’s wedding: I did my own make-up! The few times I’ve worn make-up, Sophie did it. Jessie & Maddie don’t do make-up, so at 1st, I didn’t know what to do. I knew others who would’ve done it for me if I asked, but I didn’t want them to! I am still in my toddler phase, where I want to do everything myself! So I had my eyebrows dyed, my eyelashes dyed & curled, & put on concealer, blush, & lipstick!
With all the stuff going on, I tend to push aside caring for myself, so I’m grateful hippotherapy (horse therapy) has started up again! It forces me to take care of me too, & now it is at the new covered arena, so I can go rain or shine! It makes me so happy when I go (still the best part of my week), & not only is the new arena AMAZING, but the windy road to get to it is therapy in itself! Ha!
I have a new horse, & new therapist who I LOVE! I have loved every horse therapist, because they all have a different focus so new muscles get targeted This therapist is making muscles tired that haven’t been tired in awhile – which is always a good sign! (Luckily, the arena is by a restaurant that sells a yummy spinach salad, so I can “get my Popeye on” – I get super tired, but eating spinach helps me regain enough strength to at least pick up my iPad & turn on an audio book! Haha)
I used to stand daily on a tilt-table for 30 min – 1 hour. When I got my standing w/c, I stood like 1-2 hours after every meal. This new standing chair, it’s dwindled to like 10-20 minutes a day (I can’t do as much when I stand now, & as I pointed out previously, when I’m busy, the 1st thing I “let go off” is me!). I keep trying to self-motivate to do more, but it wasn’t working. Then my new horse therapist brought it up…it has been brought up before (by my old therapist), but this time I gave myself “homework” 👏🏻. Yay – it’s the push I needed!
Anyway, I’d love to have u join us at the primary program! It just so happens that our primary program is the same weekend of my daughter’s wedding reception in Texas (the primary program is on the 31st – probably because I could guarantee I’d be home then-haha)
It occurred to me that I may have had a small win on Thursday:
Movies like to play with your emotions. This is bad when u have PBA (PseudoBulbar Affect Disorder) & can’t control your emotions cuz u may laugh uncontrollably at something that deserved a chuckle (& u keep laughing after everyone is done laughing); or u cry when u want to laugh (or vice versa). But the hardest one for me, since music greatly affects my mood, is when they use music to evoke feelings, esp. sadness. Now that’s just mean, cuz I don’t just cry quietly or whimper (like most people). I HOWL! (When Sirius Black or Dumbledore died on Harry Potter, it was humiliating how loud I was!)
I have found a solution that works great if I’m watching alone. Then I watch movies in about 20-30 segments – this works well since my emotions can’t build. Shorter segments are needed for more emotional movies, or I have to employ other techniques, like distraction…(I will get really interested with my controller on my wheelchair, with what’s going on around me, or get really itchy! Ha!)
Thursday I was watching Frozen 2 while doing therapy. It was at an emotional point in the movie, & I was doing over 30 minutes of exercise, but I held my tears back (well, until the show was off) – so, by not crying, did I control my emotions? I did use distraction… Does it still count as “controlling” my emotions?
I’m usually a pretty healthy eater, but I had developed some bad habits over the holidays that I wanted to eliminate before they got bad. I’ve tried on my own to occasionally go without sugar, but It always backfires because my thinking hasn’t changed. Consequently when I’m done, I go crazy eating tons of sugar! So, I decided to get educated & signed up for a 21 day no sugar challenge. I didn’t think much of it.
As the starting date neared, we were counselled to clean out our drawers/pantries of anything tempting. At 1st, I didn’t think I had much, but when I finally resolved to clean out the few things I had, I started to see how much more had to go than I realized (like all my dried fruit, including snacks that were a nut/dried fruit combo). I started to wonder if I was crazy for signing up to do this (& I’m sure that many of u reading this are thinking, “yes, u are!”) It was very tempting to pull out, & I had too remind myself why I had wanted to do this in the 1st place!
As a result, I went ahead with my initial plans. The 1st week was not easy. I went through sugar withdrawal, & got headaches & so, so moody! (I recall getting mad about stupid stuff, & crying, because I didn’t see results I was hoping for right away.) At times I craved sugar soooo bad, & while my husband supported me in so many ways (making meals I could eat, buying food I could eat, not making it an issue when I ate w/others), he wasn’t doing the challenge, so occasionally, I saw him eat stuff I “couldn’t” eat, & I wanted it! & I got so moody
But with work & as time went on, I started to see positive results (more than the obvious weight loss!) Some of those results I’d desired, & other results were “a nice bonus.” & by the end, I wasn’t even tempted to eat sugary snacks!
The challenge is over. I can eat sugar now, & sometimes I do. But I really like the results that came so I continue to try to minimize my sugar intake. & when I do have sugar, I have to be careful, because that “sugar monster” pops up & wants more. Then I have to remind myself of the results I’ve seen, & why I have CHOSEN to keep doing this!
I realized that much of my life has required this kind of determination. I know when I had my stroke, I could’ve gone home & laid in bed & watched TV. I don’t think many people would have argued (my husband would have, but that is for another post! haha) I had to push myself on to a rehab hospital, or to try other therapies, or to continue working on a skill.
I’m not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but I think we all have our own challenges to keep pushing through & overcome, & then to keep pushing. I hope u will consider yours, & “keep pushing!”