Church

FORGIVENESS

WHEN I ATTENDED MK’S WORK CONFERENCE IN UTAH, THE THEME WAS FORGIVENESS. THERE WAS A SPEAKER THERE WHO MADE A BIG IMPRESSION ON ME. AS I PLANNED MY YW LESSON, I RAN ACROSS A MORMON MESSAGE VIDEO OF HIM, AND I WANTED TO SHARE IT W/U:

I ACTUALLY TOOK NOTES (SO COOL!), & HE MENTIONED 3 TRAPS THAT CAN PREVENT US FROM FORGIVING:
1- THINKING, “I DON’T HAVE HOLES (IN MY BOAT)”
2- THINKING, “YOUR HOLES ARE BIGGER (IN YOUR BOAT), THAN MY HOLES (IN MY BOAT)”
3- THINKING, “I’M WORSE, & YOU ARE BETTER, BECUZ THE HOLES (IN MY BOAT) ARE BIGGER (THAN IN YOUR BOAT)”
& HE MENTIONED HOW WE SHOULD FORGIVE OURSELVES, BECUZ IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW BIG YOUR HOLES ARE, OR HOW MANY HOLES YOU HAVE.

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED QUITE AWHILE, & I THINK THE LONGER U ARE MARRIED, THE MORE NATURAL IT IS TO SEE THE HOLES IN THE BOAT OF YOUR SPOUSE, & FAMILY. BUT RECENTLY, I HAVE BEEN TAKING NOTICE OF THE HOLES IN MY OWN BOAT. HAVING A STROKE HAS SURE PUT A LOT OF HOLES IN MY BOAT, BUT MK IS STILL HERE. MANY STROKE SURVIVORS CAN’T SAY THE SAME THING. I WANTED TO THX MK 4 ACCEPTING ME, EVEN WITH THE HOLES IN MY BOAT, & 4 HIS & MY kidS HELP 2 PATCH UP THE HOLES IN MY BOAT!

JUST SHARING…

IN RESEARCHING MY YOUNG WOMEN’S (YW) LESSON, I FOUND SOME GREAT STUFF I JUST WANTED 2 SHARE (REMEMBER, I PLANNED 2 LESSONS, & THIS IS STUFF I COULDN’T USE):

“In that hour I think I can see our dear Father behind the veil looking upon these dying struggles; . . . His great heart almost breaking for the love that He had for His Son. Oh, in that moment when He might have saved His Son, I thank Him and praise Him that He
did not fail us. . . . I rejoice that He did not interfere, and that His love for us made it possible for Him toendure to look upon the sufferings of His Son and give
Him finally to us, our Saviour and our Redeemer. Without Him, without His sacrifice, we would have remained, and we would never have come glorified
into His presence. And so this is what it cost, in part, for our Father in heaven to give the gift of His Son”
(in Melvin J. Ballard . . . Crusader for Righteousness [1966], 137).

“How can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not
betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1991,
117; or Ensign, May 1991, 88).

I’M HERE STILL!

IT’S BEEN AWHILE, & I HAVE 4 REASONS WHY. & SINCE THE KIDS ARE BEING ENTERTAINED BY MK’S PARENTS, I THOUGHT I’D TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THHE EXTRA TYPING TIME 2 SHARE WHAT’S BEEN GOING ON:

1. I TRIED OUT A NEW MEDICINE, BUT IT MADE ME SO TIRED, THAT FOR 4 DAYS I COULDN’T EVEN DO THERAPY OR TYPE! (EVEN IF I’M SICK, I CAN TYPE A LITTLE!) MY “HELPER,” ANGIE, BRINGS HER BABY/TODDLER TO WORK (WHO I LOVE 2 BITS!), & I JUST LEANED BACK & LET HIM ENTERTAIN ME, WHILE ANGIE WORKED! LOL
2. I’VE BEEN RESEARCHING & TYPING A YW LESSON INSTEAD…I TEACH THIS SUNDAY, & THERE WAS SOME CONFUSION, SO I ENDED UP PLANNING 2 LESSONS!
3. I’VE BEEN ENJOYING SOME NEW-FOUND INDEPENDENCE, SO I AM ON THE COMPUTER LESS, DOING THESE THINGS:
• I CAN NOW FEED MYSELF MOST THINGS, WITH OR W/O UTENSILS (I PREFER MY HANDS, BUT I DID PRE-STROKE TOO!)
• I CAN USUALLY MOVE MY OWN BUTT RIGHT, BACK, OR 4WARD (I “STEER” W/MY HEAD)
• I DRY DISHES, CLEAN COUNTERS & DRAWERS, CLOSE CABINETS, & MOVE LIGHT-WEIGHT FURNITURE
• I PUT IN & TAKE OUT CDS, THUMBDRIVES, & MEMORY CARDS ON MY COMPUTER
• MY WORDS ARE GETTING SO CLEAR THAT OTHERS UNDERSTAND ME!
• SOMETIMES I CAN LIFT & MOVE MY LEGS RIGHT
• I’M GETTING STRONGER: IF LAYING (THOUGH IT CAN BE DIFFICULT), I CAN RAISE MY LEFT ARM OVER MY HEAD W/THE USE OF MY RIGHT ARM
• I CAN UNWRAP CERTAIN THINGS (LIKE THINGS TWISTED CLOSED, SEALED WITH A TYPE OF LIGHTER “FOIL”, ETC.)
• I CAN LEAN 4WARD & SCRATCH MY ANKLE,, ADJUST A SOCK, OR RETRIEVE THINGS THAT FELL & LANDED ON MY FOOTREST
4. I NEED 2 FIND MY NEW BALANCE! I OPENED UP A FACEBOOK (FB) & PINTREST ACCOUNT. I WAS WORRIED ABOUT HOW I’D SPEND MY TIME ON BOTH, KNOWING I MIGHT LIKE THEM, & SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON THEM (INSTEAD OF DOING THINGS W/MY FAMILY), SO I AVOIDED JOINING FB & PINTREST. HOWEVER, IN TRYING 2 DO MY CHURCH CALLING BETTER (WHERE I TEACH TEENAGE GIRLS), & SO I COULD CONNECT BETTER W/EXTENDED FAMILY & MY TEENS, I FINALLY GAVE IN, & JOINED FB, & I DECIDED THAT IF I WAS GIVING IN TO ONE, I MIGHT AS WELL DO BOTH, & GET IT OVER WITH! LOL

THE 1ST FEW DAYS WERE BAD! LUCKILY, THOUGH, I HAD “PREPPED” BY READING A CHURCH ARTICLE, SO I WAS AWARE WHEN I WAS SPENDING WAY TOO LONG ON THERE, HAVING A BETTER RELATIONSHIP W/MY KEYBOARD. & I KNEW WHAT I NEEDED TO DO 2 FIGHT IT…THERE ARE SOME GREAT STROKE SUPPORT GROUPS ON FB, & I LOVED FEELING MORE INVOLVED IN THE LIVES OF FAMILY & FRIENDS, BUT BEING PART OF THEIR VIRTUAL LIVES, IS NOT THE SAME AS FACE-2-FACE, & I DO GET LONELY, EVEN THOUGH I’M “TALKING” 2 PEOPLE!

I REALIZED THAT AFTER I JOINED FB, I WAS HAVING A HARD TIME “SQUEEZING IN” ANYTHING SPIRITUAL INTO MY DAY, BUT I WAS MAKING ROOM 4 FB JUST FINE! SO, I MADE A NEW COMMITMENT THAT I WOULDN’T DO ANYTHING ON FB UNTIL I’VE READ THE SCRIPTURES OR THE CHURCH MAGAZINE, THE ENSIGN….& I’M JUST STUBBORN ENOUGH 2 DO IT, & 2 FORCE MYSELF 2 STAY COMMITTED! LOL

I GO THROUGH SPURTS READING MY SCRIPTURES, & AT 1ST, IT MOTIVATED ME ENOUGH 2 READ ANYTIME OF DAY (I USE READTHESCRIPTURES.COM, BECUZ THEY DAILY SEND YOUR SCRIPTURE READING FOR THE DAY, IN AN EMAIL, & I GO ONLINE, SO IT CAN BE ENLARGED, HIGHLIGHTED, & READ ALOUD). NOW, WHEN MY HUBBY TEACHES SEMINARY, I READ EVERY MORN., WHILE HE TEACHES.

BUT, I FELT GUILTY IF I READ MY SCRIPTURES FOR 15 MIN., & THEN SAID THAT I’M FREE TO SPEND HOURS ON FB! SO, I WANTED 2 TRY TO BE FAIR, & READ SOMETHING SPIRITUAL EVERYTIME, BEFORE I EVER GET ON FB. IT WAS EXHAUSTING, BUT WORKED WELL!

HOWEVER, I STILL CAN’T SEEM 2 FIND A GOOD BALANCE W/FB OR PINTREST—EITHER I’M ON TOO MUCH, OR I AVOID IT, SO I WILL ACCOMPLISH OTHER THINGS, & AM HARDLY EVER ON. LATELY, I PREFER 2 NOT BE ON, BECUZ I ACCOMPLISH LESS WHEN I’M ON, & I DID FINE W/O FB B4! PINTREST IS A BIT STICKIER, BECUZ I DO NOT BROWSE—JUST THE INITIAL SET-UP IS TIME-CONSUMING, BUT BOTH FB & PINTREST CAN EAT UP YOUR TIME!

I THINK THE KEY IS TO JUST DO THESE AS A “REWARD” OR SOMETHING, ALLOTTING THE TIME 4 OTHER THINGS THAT KEEP U BALANCED (& FOR ME, I NEED TO WORK ON MY SPIRITUAL SIDE, AS MUCH AS MY EMOTIONAL SIDE!)

MY NEW PBA MEDS

THIS SUMMER I SHARED HOW IN THE 1ST WEEKEND OF JUNE, I WAS ON A FAMILY VACATION IN PADRE ISLAND, TEXAS. DUE TO MY PBA (EMOTIONAL LIABILITY, WHICH MAKES IT DIFFICULT TO CONTROL MY EMOTIONS), I DECIDED TO LEAVE A STORE ALONE. UNFORTUNATELY, I WENT OFF THE CURB & FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR, LANDING ON MY KNEES & FACE, IN THE PARKING LOT…I SAID THE FOLLOWING:

“IT IS A MIRACLE THAT SOMETHING THAT COULD’VE KILLED ME, ONLY ENDED UP W/A BROKEN NOSE (WHICH GAVE ME 2 BLACK EYES), & SOME CUTS ON MY FACE, KNEES, & 3 FINGERS ON MY RIGHT HAND! ONLY GOD COULD’VE PROTECTED ME SO WELL! SIMPLY AMAZING THAT MY TEETH ARE FINE, MY RIGHT HAND ISN’T BROKEN, I GOT NO STITCHES, & MY SKULL WASN’T CRUSHED! WHAT MERCY & LOVE I FEEL! “

IT WAS FOLLOWED BY THE MOST MIRACULOUS WEEK OF HEALING! (I WILL POST A SCRAPBOOK PAGE, CALLED “MY RECOVERY,” SHOWING THE HEALING PROCESS.) THE KNUCKLES ON MY RIGHT HAND ARE STILL HEALING & RED, & MAY BE THAT WAY FOR YEARS, BUT MY FACE LOOKS FINE. MY NOSE HASN’T QUITE HEALED, BUT THAT ALSO FEELS LIKE AN ODD BLESSING, BECAUSE THE WAY THE NOSE IS CROOKED, IS HELPING MY SPEECH!

AS I SAID LAST JUNE, “I’M AMAZED HOW GOD FINDS WAYS 2 TURN BAD SITUATIONS INTO GOOD. I KNOW HUNDREDS OF WAYS THAT MY STROKE HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A BLESSING. THIS WAS NO DIFFERENT: I HAVE WANTED A NEUROLGIST 4 QUITE SOMETIME (ODDLY, MOSTLY SO I MAY TRY THE NEW MEDS 4 PBA!), & THE HOSPITAL WE WENT TO WAS ONE OF THE FEW THAT SPECIALIZE IN STROKE NEUROLOGY. MY DR. WAS A HUGE PART IN SETTING UP THE STROKE UNIT. SHE GAVE ME A REFERRAL TO SEE A GUY NEARBY TO ADDRESS SOME THINGS THAT MAY BENEFIT ME IN THE LONG RUN.”

IN THE PAST I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO ATTEND MANY THINGS THAT ARE TOO EMOTIONAL. MY CHILDREN ANTICIPATE THAT I WILL CRY & EMBARRASS THEM AT ANY CHURCH OR SCHOOL FUNCTION WHERE I FEEL PRIDE, OR ANY OTHER EMOTION. SPIRITUAL THINGS, LIKE ATTENDING A BAPTISM, A FUNERAL, SHARING MY TESTIMONY AT CHURCH, OR GOING TO THE TEMPLE ARE EXTREMELY HARD. IN FACT, THERE ARE TIMES THE LOAD I HAVE TO BEAR FEELS TOO BIG, BUT AFTER A HEART-FELT PRAYER IT SOMEHOW BECOMES BEARABLE

LITTLE DID I KNOW WHAT A HUGE BLESSING THE NEUROLOGIST WOULD BE! HE GAVE ME MEDICINE FOR MY PBA (EMOTIONAL LIABILITY), WHICH IS ONE OF MY BIGGEST STRUGGLES! THE MEDICINE HAS CHANGED MY LIFE!
WITH THE HELP OF THE MEDICINE, I HAVE FELT HAPPIER, MORE RELAXED, & IT HAS HELPED MY MARRIAGE & FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS. & I HAVE NOT SHYED AWAY FROM ATTENDING EVENTS THAT ARE TOO EMOTIONAL—IN FACT, I RECENTLY ATTENDED THE LATTER-DAY SAINT (LDS/MORMON) TEMPLE 2 SUPPORT A MEMBER OF THE WARD (CONGREGATION). IT WAS SCARY ENOUGH THAT IT WAS IN THE TEMPLE, & 2 SUPPORT SOMEONE I KNEW, BUT I ALSO WAS ABLE TO DO MORE, THAT I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO DO IN THE 8+ YEARS SINCE MY STROKE!

ONCE A YEAR, THE PRIMARY (3-12 YEARS OLD) SHARE WHAT THEY HAVE LEARNED THROUGH WORDS & SONG. IT IS CALLED THE PRIMARY PROGRAM. SINCE I WAS THE PRIMARY CHORISTER AT THE TIME OF MY STROKE, THE PRIMARY SONGS HELPED ME THROUGH MY FIRST YEAR POST-STROKE, & THE PRIMARY PROGRAM HOLDS A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART. CONSEQUENTLY, I HAVE A SUPER HARD TIME ATTENDING THE PRIMARY PROGRAM EACH YEAR, SO I ATTEND THE PRACTICES IN ORDER TO “GET OUT” MY TEARS, & “NUMB” MYSELF. HOWEVER, THIS YEAR, SINCE I AM ON THE PBA MEDS, I DIDN’T GO TO THE PRACTICES.

THE PROGRAM WAS SUNDAY, & MY TISSUE STAYED DRY–THE CLOSEST I GOT 2 TEARS WAS WHEN THE PRIMARY PRESIDENT/LEADER SPOKE, & WHEN THEY SANG MY FAV. PRIMARY SONG (“I’M TRYING 2 BE LIKE JESUS”)…SO I DISTRACTED MYSELF, TRYING 2 REMEMBER THE ASL FOR THE SONG! I MADE IT THROUGH THE PROGRAM, THOUGH, W/O A TEAR!