Author: Jenny

In March 2004, I suffered a severe brainstem stroke, & was "locked in" for several months". I have been married to a wonderful man, Mark ever since Dec. 1994, & we have 3 kids: Zach (1997),, Jessica (2000), & Sophie (2002). I have been blessed in so many ways by God, so I wanted to keep a blog to share my recovery, life, & answer questions.

CLASS

BEEN TYPING A TON, JUST NOT HERE. A LOT GOING ON W/FAMILY, CHURCH, ETC.

TRYING 2 PREP 2 SOON TEACH THE GIRLS IN A SCRAP. CLASS—JESS ALREADY DABBLES (IT’S SO CUTE), BUT FIA ASKED 4 A SCRAPBOOK CLASS (SHE SHARES MY EXTREME LOVE 4 STICKERS, WHICH STARTED ME SCRAPBOOKING, & LOVES 2 LOOK AT ANY SCRAPBOOK ALBUM I MAKE, SO IT’S IN HER BLOOD 2!)

HAD FUN THIS AM. TURNED ON “THE LITTLE MERMAID” SOUNDTRACK, ATE GOLDFISH (I CAN FEED MYSELF, BUT IT GETS HARDER AS TIME GOES ON), & TALKED 2 THE GIRLS. WELL, MORE LISTENED REALLY, AS SONGS SPARKED MEMORIES FROM BACKSTAGE, ON THEIR RECENT NY TRIP.

NEAT THAT THEY SIGN WELL ENOUGGH THAT I CAN JUST SIT W/THEM (MY 5-YR OLD, FIA, KNOWS “JENNY-ESE,” BUT IF MK SHOWS HER TRUE ASL, SHE CAN BE CLUELESS! LOL)…I DID NO COMP. OR TV 4 AT LEAST AN HR. STRAIGHT!

THEN, AFTER THE MUSIC ENDED, WE PLAYED A GAME! I’M EXCITED NOW, 2 DO R SCRAPBOOK CLASS! IF I GET A HANCE, I’LL POST THE PG. I MADE 4 R CLASS, 2 LEARN FROM…THE GIRLS HAVE ALL THE PIECES, WHICH WE’LL IDENTIFY, LEARN HOW 2 USE, & CREATE A SIMILAR PG., B4 MAKING THEIR OWN PREPARED ALBUMS, USING WHAT THEY HAVE LEARNED…

Carlsbad Caverns

VISION

THERE’S OFTEN QUES. ABOUT MY SIGHT…IT’S ACTUALLY A LOADED QUES., INVOLVING MANY FACTORS, & CONSTANTLY CHANGINGAS I ADAPT 2 IT, BUT, ESSENTIALLY, YES, I C U. I C ALARMINGLY WELL. NOT AT ALL “NORMAL,” BUT I C W/DOUBLE VISION. I DON’T C 2 OF U, MY PUPILS JUST DON’T LINE UP. I TEND 2 C THINGS DISTORTED…IF I’M TIRED, SICK, WEAKER, ETC., MY EYE MUSCLES R WEAKER, & IT’S TOUGHER 2 C, BUT I STILL C U.

I C AS IF I’M ON A CRUISE SHIP ALL DAY: MY EYES BOUNCE…MY LEFT EYE SEES BETTER, BUT IS WAY MORE LIGHT SENSITIVE (DAYLIGHT MAKES IT CLOSE) & REALLY WIGGLES. MY RT. EYE WIGGLES 2, BUT I TRY 2 WAIT 4 THE SPLIT SEC. THEY WIGGLE 2GETHER, OR MAKE THE IMAGE THAT I C W/MY RT. EYE, BE THE MORE DOMINANT IMAGE, SINCE IT’S STEADIER—WHICH ONLY WORKS, IF I LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD.

I DON’T HAVE MUCH HORIZONTAL EYE MOVT. (VERY LITTLE IN MY RT. EYE), & MY HEAD CAN’T TURN VERY FAR 2 THE RT., SO, OFTEN, I IDENTIFY PEOPLE BY THE SOUND OF THEIR VOICE, CLOTHES I KNOW U R WEARING, OR BY HAIR (JESS WANTS SHORT HAIR, BUT HAS OPTED 2 KEEP IT LONG, SO I CAN EASILY FIND HER–THOUGH I’VE TOLD HER THAT SHE & ZACH STAND OUT, REGARDLESS OF HAIR LENGTH, SINCE THEIR HAIR IS SO LIGHT).

ANYWAY, IT’S NOT THAT I CAN’T READ SMALL FONT, IT’S THAT IT’S EXTREMELY HARDER (ESP. IF IT’S LONG) & TAKES TONS LONGER, BECAUSE MY EYES JUMP ALL OVER, SO I HAVE 2 KEEP FINDING MY PLACE…W/A LARGER LETTER, MY EYES JUMP, & I STAY SORTA’ IN PLACE. AFTER READING A FEW LETTERS, I GUESS THE WORD (AS MOST DO WHEN I FINGERSPELL, I GUESS THE WORD I’M READING).

TYPING CAN BE ROUGH, AS I’VE NEEDED 2 MEMORIZE THE KEYBOARD SOMEWHAT, & REALLY CONCENTRATE ON THE KEYS, SINCE I CAN’T GLANCE AT A KEY.

HOWEVER, UNLESS IT IS LARGE&/OR CLOSE, OFTEN I CAN’T C FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, UNLESS I KNOW U WELL ENOUGH 4 MY VISUAL MEMORY 2 “FILL IN” A GUESSED FACIAL EXPRESSION. IF I’M AT THE LAST PEW, IN THE CHAPEL AT CHURCH, I CAN C MY PEW. FARTHER AHEAD, THE PULPIT, I C SOME1 IS THERE. IF I KNOW THEM, CHANCES R THAT I CAN IDENTIFY THEM BY THEIR VOICE, CLOTHES, &/OR HAIR. THEN, AMAZING THINGS CAN HAPPEN…MY VISUAL MEMORY RECALLS THEM, & I CAN BE “TRICKED” 2 C THEM!

OBVIOUSLY, THIS VISUAL MEMORY HELPS ME ALSO READ, NAVIGATE THE INTERNET, & FILL IN ANY GAPS W/THINGS THAT I C UP CLOSE. THIS MAKES FAMILY FASTER 2 C, BECAUSE OF VISUAL MEMORY…ALSO EXPLAINS WHY I COULD C SOMETHING A MILLION TIMES IN A CROWD, BUT HAVE NO CLUE IT’S THERE, IF I HAVEN’T SEEN IT CLOSE, & MADE A VISUAL MEMORY OF IT.

THE ONLY TIME I”M UNSURE WHAT I C, DEPENDS ON LIGHTING…LIKE A CAMERA, IF LIGHT IS BEHIND U, U GET DARK. MORE LIGHT, MAKES U DARKER. I C U THERE–U R JUST DARK!

IT’S ME!

HAD INTERNET TROUBLE FOR 3 WEEKS, & ABSOLUTELY NO INTERNET FOR ALMOST 2 WEEKS…SEEMS SOMEWHAT BETTER NOW, BUT AM SLOWLY ANSWERING ALMOST 200 MESSAGES! GOT RID OF THE EASY 1’S, & AM PROUD 2 BE AT ABOUT 100 NOW! FROM HERE ON OUT, IT’S A SLOW PROCESS, AS I TYPE W/1 FINGER.

I’M TAKING MUSIC THERAPY THOUGH, & WOULD U BELIEVE THAT AS I PLAY PIANO FASTER (MY TEMPO STARTED AROUND 55, & IS NOW 72), IT TRANSLATES 2 TYPING FASTER?!?

MEANWHILE, I’D USE THE COMP. SET UP 4 ME, AT MY PARENTS HOUSE, 2 GET INTERNET, ON OCCASSION…BUT EVEN THAT’S BEEN IF-Y, SINCE MOM’S ALSO HAVING INTERNET TROUBLE!

BEEN NICE IN WAYS—RECONNECTING W/FAM., & CAN’T BEGIN 2 MENTION HOW STRESSED I FEEL, BY MY HALF-WRITTEN, SAVED, UNSENT EMAI’S. I GOT STRESSED JUST SORTING THEM! BUT, IN SOME WAYS I WANT 2 DRASTICALLY CHANGE. THERE WERE TIMES I WAS ACTUALLY HAPPIER. SO, BEAR W/ME, AS I ATTEMPT 2 CHANNEL THINGS DIFF.

BUT, IT STANK 2 HAVE NO “PHONE” & WAY 2 CONTACT OTHERS (I HAD TIMES WHEN I JUST NEEDED 2 TALK 2 A FRIEND, BUT WAS COMPLETELY ISOLATED—IT WAS SO PAINFUL 2 HAVE NO WAY 2 REACH OUT 2 ANY1).

IF I NEEDED 2, I WROTE AN EMAIL AT HOME ON A WORD DOCUMENT, ALSO LISTING THE EMAIL ADDRESS & SUBJECT, BURNED IT 2 A CD, WHICH MY MOM OR I COULD COPY & PASTE, 2 SEND AN EMAIL.

NOW, MK BUILT ME A NEW COMP., WHICH ARRIVED THURSDAY…NOT SURE WHEN I I’LL BE AVAILABLE 4 ANYTHING RT. NOW!

SO, SOME FOOD 4 THOUGHT:

• “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It
ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as
patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. All that we suffer and all that we
endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our
characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and
charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God. . . .and it
is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the
education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like
our Father and Mother in heaven. . . “–Orson F. Whitney in Faith Proceeds the Miracle by Spencer W. Kimball.L,
p. 98.
• WE SHOULD NOT COMPARE R SUFFERINGS W/THE SUFFERINGS OF ANOTHER.—MY YAHOO STROKE GROUP
• Focus on your abilities, not your disability. When I am so self absorbed and worried about me, my life falls apart, but when I am focusing on helping another I don’t have time to worry about me. .—MY YAHOO STROKE GROUP

COMPUTER PROBLEMS

HAVING SERIOUS COMP. ISSUES… SO HOPE THIS WORKS! CAN’T POST UNLESS THIS IS FIXED, & I’M TELLING U ONLY SO I CAN RELIEVE THE PRESSURE OF NOT POSTING!

I’VE TRIED EVERYTHING! ALL THE OTHER COMPUTERS IN R HOUSE R FINE…LAST WEEK, A DIFF. COMP. HAD TROUBLE, BUT IT’S FINE THIS WEEK. SO, I HOPED FOR 1 WEEK OF TROUBLE, BUT THE 2ND WEEK HAS STARTED, & IT’S JUST GETTTING WORSE! THERE’S TIME’S I NEED 2 JUST LOG ON & SEND AN EMAIL, & I CAN’T.…SO, I’M HOPING 2 POST THIS!

IT’S SERIOUSLY CRAMPING MY STLYE…I’VE GOT OVER 100 EMAILS 2 ANSWER, OVER-DUE PAYMENTS, ETC., BUT CAN’T DO ANYTHING BECAUSE I CAN’T VIEW WEBSITES, SEND ATTACHMENTS OR SEND PICS., &, AT TIMES, EVEN READ OR SEND BASIC EMAIL…WHICH IS A BIG ISSUE, WHEN EMAIL IS YOUR PHONE, & HOW U TALK—YOUR ENTIRE WORLD!!!

I’M GOING NUTS! I GET SO FRUSTRATED THAT I CRY & WISH I COULD SCREAM & HIT SOMETHING…NOT THAT IT’D DO ANYTHING IF I COULD…BUT IT’S LIKE HAVING MY TONGUE TIED TWICE, & I’M STRUGGLING 2 BE CREATIVE—LIKE I FOUND THAT I CAN’T SEND PICS. OR ATTACHMENTS, BUT I CAN FWD AN EMAIL W/PICS. IN IT OR IF THEY’RE ATTACHED 2 A FWDED EMAIL…WEIRD!

AFTER A WHILE, I CAN NO LONGER HANDLE IT, & LEAVE. THIS IS INSANE!!! HOW SAD 2 BE SO DEPENDENT—NOT JUST ON COMP., BUT ON THE INTERNET! WHAT DID PEOPLE LIKE ME DO B4 THE INTERNET?

ON ANOTHER NOTE: COOL STORY: A WEEK AGO, ON FRI., I WAS LAYING ON MY BED. MK WAS IN R CLOSET, WHICH IS A FAIR DISTANCE AWAY…THE ALARM WENT OFF–WE’D WOKEN EARLY & WERE GETTING READY…W/O A THOUGHT OR HESITATION, I LOUDLY SAID (I HAD GREAT VOLUME, DUE 2 LAYING FLAT), “WAKE UP! (WA U).”

I’VE ACTUALLY BEEN QUITE VOCAL THIS WEEK, IF IT IS ALLOWED 2 JUST “POP OUT.” ESP. FINISHING SONG LYRICS: SUN. WAS MY BEST–MY HUBBY SAID “GOODNESS GRACIOUS,” & W/O MISSING A BEAT, I SAID “GREAT BALLS OF FIRE (JENNY-STYLE, OF COURSE)!”

MOM

I WAS RT. ABOUT GETTING SICK—I WAS “OUT OF COMMISION” THE NEXT DAY. & AFTER SEVERAL DAYS, I THINK I’M BETTER, ONLY 2 HAVE THE FEVER RETURN & FEEL AWFUL. MY KIDS HAVE ALL HAD IT, & FELT BETTER & WENT 2 SCHOOL A FEW DAYS, ONLY TO GET ANOTHER FEVER & STAY HOME. THIS CYCLE LASTS ABOUT 2 WEEKS. I HIT 2 WEEKS ON WED. I’M EXPECTING 2+ WEEKS OF “FUN.” (IF U CAN’T TELL, I’M BEING SARCASTIC.)

I RECENTLY HAD A FRUSTRATING DAY. LUCKILY, I WAS REMINDED HOW MUCH I WAS LOVED BY MY GIRLS…TWICE, OUT OF NO WHERE, FIA JUST NEEDED HUGS FROM ME, & SEVERAL TIMES, SHE THOUGHT OF WAYS 2 JUST SIT IN MY LAP & CUDDLE. (IT OFTEN INVOLVES FOOD! SHE LOVES 2 EAT!) JESS LOVES 2 TELL ME STUFF, & BOTH GIRLS 2GETHER, MADE A “WE LOVE MOM” PIC & MOTHER’S DAY STUFF 4 ME. HOW AM I SO LUCKY? I CAN’T BE YOUR ” NORMAL MOM.” THERE’S TONS I CAN’T DO. BUT, APPARENTLY, WHAT MATTERS IS WHAT I WILL & CAN DO! (LIKE, AS I WROTE THIS POST, & DIDN’T WANT TO INTERRUPT MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT, I SET IT ASIDE ANYWAY, 4 AN HOUR, 2 DEAL W/A SIBLING ARGUMENT! & WOULD U BELIEVE THAT THE DAY I WAS GETTING SICK, I PLAYED SOFTBALL W/JESS: SHE HIT & RETRIVED THE BALL, WHICH SHE PLACED IN MY LAP, & WE RAN THE BASES…MY GOAL WAS 2 TAG HER, B4 SHE MADE IT HOME.) WHAT WAS NEAT WAS THAT I COULD DO THIS, EVEN W/STARTING 2 FEEL SICK, & A HURT FOOT, THAT WOULD/VE MADE ME LIMP…BUT, IT WAS WARM OUTSIDE, & SINCE I EXPEND THE SAME ENERGY 2 SIT IN MY W/C INSIDE OR OUTSIDE, IT MADE NO DIFFERENCE WHERE I WAS ROLLING!

IN THE FOREIGN FILM, “THE DIVING BELL & THE BUTTERFLY” (ABOUT A MAN WHO WAS LOCKED-IN, & I DON’T NECESSARILY RECOMMEND IT, AS SOME1 WHO’S SUPER MODEST & THERE IS NUDITY 3X’S, UNESSECERILY, I THINK, BUT IT WAS “CENSORED” 4 ME, SO I KNEW WHEN 2 CLOSE MY EYES & WAS DUBBED IN ENGLISH, SINCE I CAN’T READ SUBTITLES), HE MENTIONS HOW THOUGH HE HAD LOST THE RIGHT 2 TOUSSLE HIS KIDS’ HAIR & SUCH, THE KIDS WERE HAPPY 2 HAVE ANY INKLING THAT THEIR PARENT WAS THERE. HOW TRUE THAT IS…WHEN EVERYTHING IS TAKEN AWAY, KIDS R JUST SATISFIED 2 BE W/U, SPENDING TIME W/THEM!