2DAY MARKS 3 YRS. SINCE MY STOKE. IT'S MY "STROKE-A-VERSARY." WHAT A WEIRD HOLIDAY. MAYBE U COULD TELL FROM MY POST ABOUT "CHOC. CAKE DAY, BUT I'M A KID AT HEART & LOVE HOLIDAYS. BUT, LIKE MEMORIAL DAY, IT CAN BE A DAY SET ASIDE 2 MOURN "WHAT WAS" FROM MY PERSPECTIVE, MARK'S PERSPECTIVE, OR EVEN A FRIEND'S PERSPECTIVE. BUT "A-VERSARY" SEEMS LIKE IT SHOULD BE A YEARLY CELEBRATION. LIKE "ANNIVERSARY," IT SHOULD BE HAPPY. IT'S A MATTER, AGAIN, OF PERSPECTIVE. U MAY FIND THIS FASCINATING, BUT AFTER MY STROKE, I WAS OBVIOUSLY AWARE I COULDN'T MOVE, TAALK, OR SEE, & I KNEW SOMETHING BAD HAD HAPPENED, BUT 4 MONTHS—UNTIL I WAS HOME—I DIDN'T KNOW THE CAUSE WAS A STROKE (LOOKING BACK, AFTER TALKING ABOUT THIS, I'VE HAD A SLOW RECOLLECTION & KNOW NOW WHEN I WAS TOLD; BUT I THOUGHT A STROKE WAS WRONG, BECAUSE I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO SYMPTOMS, I WAS YOUNG, & I WAS HEALTHY), BUT I NEVER NEW THE IMPLICATIONS OF IT. I CLEARLY RECALL DISCUSSING HOW REMODELLING R HOUSE IN INDY MEANT CHANGING R LAUNDRY RM. I LOVED R NEW WALLPAPER BORDER & WOULDN'T HEAR OF IT. I'LL NEVER 4GET MARK COMMENTING HOW IMPRESSED HE'D BE IF, IN UNDER A YEAR, I COULD AGAIN DO LAUNDRY. I THOUGHT, "WHY?" IN MY MIND, –IT WAS TEMPORARY. NOW, I JUST WISH ” TEMPORARY ” WAS FASTER! EVERYTHING WAS JUST OBSTACLES I WOULD OVERCOME. SO, A "STROKE-A-VERSARY" IS A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE. I CAN THINK & COMPARE & MOURN THEN & NOW, OR I CAN C ALL I'VE DONE IN JUST 3 YRS. & MOVE ON!

I 4GOT SOME STUFF, SO I'LL WRITE AN ADDITION 2 MY LAST POST, "TYPICAL WEEK.":
WED.—IF I HAVE AD, CARA'S HERE, FROM 9:15-3:15 TO HELP ME PREPARE.
SAT.—VARIES EACH WEEK
SUN.—6:30-9 AM IS COMP. TIME UNLESS THE KIDS WAKE EARLY (USUALLY, JESS DOES & WAKES FIA—SHE TRIES 2 WAKE ZACH, BUT HE'S A GOOD LITTLE SLEEPER & HARD 2 WAKE). 12:30-3:30 PM IS CHURCH.
2 SAT. & 2 SUN. A MONTH R FAMILY DINNERS AT 5 PM, BUT MARK USUALLY COOKS, SO WE LEAVE AT 4 PM.

AT NIGHT:

A FRIEND, INTRODUCED ABOUT A YEAR AGO 2 ME, SAID:
"I wouldn’t wish my paralysis off onto any of you regardless of its many up sides, but what a blessing it has been to me in giving me the time to ponder, meditate, and pray. My spirit has been strengthened and my mind enriched as I have lain in bed, unable to move my body, but able to let my mind reach out to a loving and kind Heavenly Father, who through the Holy Ghost, has inspired and blessed me more than I could ever say."
I AM A NIGHT PERSON WHO ONLY NEEDS ABOUT 6-7 HRS. OF SLEEP, SO GOING 2 BED AT 9-10 PM MEANS I USUALLY LIE AWAKE THERE FOR ABOUT 2 HRS., WAITING 4 THE ALARM. I ALSO CAN'T FALL ASLEEP UNTI; ALMOST 10:30, USUALLY. IRONICALLY, EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T MOVE OR TALK & CAN LIE AWAKE 4 HOURS, THIS CAN BE HARD 4 ME. AT 1ST I WOULD OCCUPY TIME BY THINKING OF & PREPARING 4 THE UPCOMING DAY, DOING THERAPY, &/OR TRYING 2 REACH MY FACE 2 SCRATCH OR MOVE MY HAIR (BOTH ARE EASIER LYING DOWN, SO I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF IT!) SOMEDAYS WHAT HE SAID IS SO TRUE, ESP. IN THE MORNING HOURS SINCE DISTRACTIONS ARE FEW. I TRY 2 TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT. SOMETIMES, THOUGH, MY MIND WANDERS, AS MANY DO, & IT'S NOT SO TRUE, DESPITE MY LIMITATIONS.

DON'T GET USED 2 MY LENGTHY ENTRIES—I TYPE BY USING JUST MY INDEX FINGER TO SLOWLY TYPE EACH WORD. MY KEYBOARD HAS A KEYGUARD-WHICH IS ESSENTIALLY A PIECE OF PLASTIC SO MY HAND CAN REST WHILE I TYPE & NOT PUSH KEYS–IT HAS HOLES DRILLED FOR KEYS. SO, A LONG ENTRY EITHER MEANS THE ENTRY TOOK PRIORITY BECAUSE I FELT THE NEED 2 SHARE, I KEPT TAKING BREAKS & RETURNING 2 IT LATER, OR IT DOUBLES W/SOMETHING ELSE I NEED 2 DO & I CAN COPY IT (LIKE EVERY POST IS COPIED 2 MY JOURNAL) OR I COPIED SOMETHING ELSE, SO I TYPE LESS, & ADAPT IT 2 MY OWN WORDS. I'LL "COPY SOMETHING ELSE, SO I TYPE LESS, & ADAPT IT 2 MY OWN WORDS" AT LEAST 4 TIMES IN THIS ENTRY:

SO WHAT DOES A VERY LIMITED PERSON DO?

A TYPICAL WEEK 4 ME (ALTHOUGH I DON'T CARE 2 BROADCAST SOME THINGS, SO I WON'T MENTION THOSE):

I HAVE A CARETAKER, CARA. SHE & I ARE VERY SIMILAR, BUT ONLY COMES 2-3 TIMES A WEEK. MY HUSBAND, MARK, MOSTLY CARES 4 ME. THIS INCLUDES THAT HE ROLLS ME ONCE AT NIGHT.
MON.—DAILY, I WAKE BETWEEN 4-6:30 AM (POOR MARK!). CARA'S HERE, FROM 9:15-3:15. DINNER AROUND 5 DAILY. IF U R LDS, U KNOW OF FAMILY HOME EVENING (FHE). BASICALLY, IT'S FAMILY TIME.
TUES.—MORNINGS, LIKE 7:50/8-9, I DO SWIM THERAPY AT HOME.
WED.—AT 10:30-11:30ISH, I HAVE MUSIC THERAPY. 2 TIMES A MONTH, I DO MY CALLING A CHURCH AS ASSISSTANT ACTIVITY DAY (AD) LEADER (ACTIVITIES FOR ABOUT 10 GIRLS, 8-9 YRS. OLD) FROM 6-7 AT CHURCH. SOMETIMES, ON A WEEK OF NO AD, I ATTEND A SCOUT PACK MEETING AT 6-7 FOR ZACH.
THURS.— MORNINGS, LIKE 7:50/8-9, I DO SWIM THERAPY AT HOME. 2 TIMES A MONTH, ON ALTERNATING WEEKS W/AD, I TEACH A DIGI SCRAP CLASS.
FRI.– CARA'S HERE, FROM 9:15-3:15.
AFTERNOONS TEND 2 BE "FREE." IN MY "FREE TIME," I DO:
• CONVERSE W/ANY1, LIKE A PEN-PAL/LETTER, THROUGH EMAIL OR IM
• PRACTICE THERAPY
• DIGITAL SCRAPBOOKING
• AUDIO BOOKS ON A CD PLAYER W/REMOTE
• PLAY PIANO -ALL U NEED IS A RT. HAND! I USE A SYNTHESIZER BECAUSE MY WHEELCHAIR'S 2 TALL 4 A PIANO.
• JOURNAL THROUGH TYPE
• TYPE A BOOK
• SELL/BUY ON EBAY—I RARELY DO THIS
• COMPUTER GAMES-I LIKE SOLITAIRE, SPIDER FREECELL, YAHOO'S SUPER TEXT TWIST, HEARTS, & SODUKO ( http://www.websudoku.com/?level=1 ) —I RARELY DO THIS
• TV SHOW
• READ/TYPE ON WEBSITES/BLOGS
• GAMES W/FAMILY &/OR FRIENDS–I DO SIGNO (ASL ALPHA & #’S BINGO, WHICH I MADE 4 MY CALLING–IT HELPS U LEARN/REVIEW ASL A FUN WAY), CARD GAMES–SOME USE A CARD HOLDER, OR I JUST SET THE CARDS IN MY LAP, RT.-SIDE UP (LIKE REG. CARDS, SKIP-BO, PHASE 10, UNO, SKIP-BO), PHASE 10 DICE, MANCALA (2-4 PLAYERS), RUMMIKUB (4 PLAYERS), APPLES 2 APPLES, DISNEY SCENE IT!, IMAGINIFF, MOUNTAIN CLIMBER (2 OR 4 PLAYERS), TRAVEL BLOKUS (2 PLAYERS), & A FEW OTHERS OCCASIONALLY, LIKE CONNECT 4 (2 PLAYERS) & TWISTER (I DO THE SPINNER, OBVIOUSLY).
• PAINT-I'VE WATERCOLORED
• MOVIE W/FRIENDS
• SHOP ONLINE
• MY CALLING 4 CHURCH IS HUGE –PLANNING-COMPLETE W/MAKING LESSON PLANS (I STILL CAN THINK! LOL), USE MY DIGITAL SCRAPBOOKING 2 MAKE STUFF 4 THE ACTIVITY (LIKE CHORE COUPONS), PROVIDE STUFF 4 A SONG (B4 MY STROKE, I WAS A CHURCH PRI. CHORISTER, & HAD A DEGREE IN EL. ED. & MUSIC), EMAIL COMMUNICATIONS.
P.S. 2DAY I UNWRAPPED A CD-ROM, SO I COULD USE THE CD–USING THE LITTLE FINGERNAIL I HAVE 2 POKE A HOLE. BUT THE PLASTIC & THE CD CASE HAS 2 BE "JUST RT." I TRIED AGAIN, & COULDN'T DO IT—

JUST A NOTE: I AGAIN TOLD FIA 2DAY 2 "C-L-E-A-N" & SHE KNEW WHAT IT WAS! I'M SO PROUD!

I'M SURE THIS SEEMS LIKE A SMALL ACCOMPLISHMENT 2 ANY1 ELSE, BUT IT WAS HUGE 2 ME! SUN., I GOT A PENCIL OFF A BENCH SUN.—I'VE BEEN DYING 2 SHARE! LET ME EXPLAIN: AT CHURCH, WE SIT IN THE LAST PEW, SO THERE'S THE CHAPEL'S WALKWAY BEHIND US & THUS THERE'S ROOM 4 ME 2 MOVE BEHIND THE PEW. AFTER SACRAMENT, MARK WAS HEADED 2 CLASS IN ANOTHER RM. (THIS WAS AFTER 1 HR. OF 3 HRS. OF CHURCH—WE MEET 12:30-3:30 PM), SO THE KIDS PILED STUFF ON MY LAP, BUT 4GOT A PENCIL ON R PEW, TOWARDS THE BACK OF THE PEW. AS THERE WAS LESS PEOPLE AFTER A WHILE, & NO1 HAD SEEN THE PENCIL, AS R NEXT CLASS STARTED IN THE CHAPEL, I SIDELED ALONG-SIDE THE PEW, AS CLOSE AS I COULD GET, LIFTED MY RT. ARM OVER THE PEW, & LEANED RT. AS MUCH AS I COULD. I DID THIS A FEW TIMES, AS I INCHED MY CHAIR FORWARD TEENY BITS 2 REACH. I FINALLY GOT IT, & ADDED IT 2 THE HUGE PILE THAT WAS STILL THERE! (WHICH AMUSED ME BECAUSE, REALLY, MANY PEOPLE SAW OR SAID HI 2 ME ME, BUT NO1 OFFERED 2 HELP ME—DID THEY EXPECT ME 2 REACH THE BAG BEHIND ME & PUT IT AWAY?) I FINALLY COULD STATE THE OBVIOUS (HELP ME!) WHEN A FRIEND SAT BY ME AT AROUND 2:30.

HOWEVER, THIS DIDN'T BOTHER ME. I ACCOMPLISH THINGS BY BEING INDEPENDENT. I MAY BE PAINFULLY SLOW THE 1ST TIME, BUT THAT'S PART OF LEARNING. BEING ALONE, OR IN THIS INSTANCE, IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM, PEOPLE DON'T HAVE THE INSTINCT 2 HELP ME & I DON'T GIVE UP AS EASILY & WANT HELP. HAVE U SEEN THIS POST? IT SHOWS THE SAME NEED 4 INDEPENDENCE:

NOW 2 BRAG-I WAS PROUD, BUT HAVEN'T SHARED! YESTERDAY, I WORE A SWEATER. WHEN I SIGNED, IT TENDED 2 COVER MY HAND (LIKE COVERING YOUR MOUTH), SO IT WAS ROLLED BACK. LAST NIGHT, R FAM. SAW A MOVIE. I WAS FREEZING COLD IN THE THEATER-MY SWEATER HELPED IMMINSCILY-BUT I KEPT IT ROLLED UP 2 EAT POPCORN. BUT WHEN I WAS DONE EATING, 4 WARMTH, I WANTED MY HAND IN MY SLEEVE; BUT HOW COULD I QUIETLY GET MARK'S ATTENTION & SIGN IN THE DARK 2 UNROLL MY SLEEVE? I DECIDED I COULDN'T, SO USING MY ARMREST & MY JOYSTICK ON MY CHAIR (WHICH I OFTEN USE 2 TURN THE 2 RINGS ON MY RT. HAND), I DID IT! I WAS IN DISBELIEF!
I AM INCAPABLE OF MANY THINGS. U'D BE SURPRISED WHAT I CAN DO, & AS MY KIDS GROW UP, I CAN DO MORE. IT CAN BE A NICE BREAK WHEN MY CAREGIVER WAITS ON ME HAND & FOOT. HOWEVER, MARK HAS A LIFE–& SO I CAN BE ALONE. THAT CAUSEES ME 2 CHALLLENGE MYSELF & BE CREATIVE. 4 EX., MARK WAS HERE, BUT THOUGH I COULD QUICKLY GET MARK'S ATTENTION & HAVE AN EASIER TIME, I DECIDED 2 TAKE ADVANTAGE OF BEING ALONE: I WAS TIRED OF WAITING 2 C SOME CDS ON MY COMP., SO I LEARNED 2 DO IT MYSELF! ANOTHER TIME, I LEARNED 2 USE MY KEYBOARD AS A WEIGHT, 2 GET KLEENEX OUT 2 WIPE MY NOSE. IT'S TONS FASTER 2 CLOSE A CD DRAWER ON MY COMP., SWITCH A LT. SWITCH, OR OPEN MY ELEVATOR DOOR IF SOME1 ELSE DOES IT-SOMETIMES MARK DOES. BUT I LIKE 2 TRY
SOMETIMES -THESE R THINGS I CAN DO & OTHER THINGS I ONLY LEARN I CAN DO BY CHALLENGING MYSELF.

SOMETIMES THIS IS A HEALTHY DESIRE—WHEN NOTHING ELSE IS AFFECTED (LIKE LEANING OVER 2 PICK UP SOMETHING OR FIX MY CLOTHING, OR RAISING MY CHAIR 2 C IF I CAN C SOMETHING B4 I ASK 4 HELP), BUT SOMETIMES I NEED 2 SWALLOW MY PRIDE & ASK 4 HELP, SO I DON'T BREAK SOMETHING. IT'S A FINE LINE, & I'LL BET MY INDEPENDENCE CAN DRIVE MARK BONKERS SOME DAYS!

ON TUES., I HEARD A BILL WAS BEING DISCUSSED 2 LET LATE PREGNANCY & EARLY RECOVERY WOMEN USE DISABLED PARKING. I HAVE BEEN PREGNANT. I'M NOW DISABLED, AND THOUGH IT'S NOT PASSED, I WAS FURIOUS IT WAS EVEN BEING DISCUSSED! REMEMBER WHEN I WENT 2 A SCHOOL RECITAL & SOME1 PARKED ILLEGALLY IN THE LAST HANDICAPPED PARKING, SO WE HAD 2 GO HOME? THIS MAY SOUND HARSH, BUT I'M SORRY:

IF U CAN WALK, NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS, UNLESS U R IN PAIN &/OR USING A WALKER,WALK!

IT IS NOT FAIR 2 THOSE OF US WHO NEED THOSE SPACES. THERE R NOT THAT MANY & 2 SHARE THEM?!? IT DOESN'T WORK 2 SAY "IF ONLY 1 SPOT IS LEFT, DON'T USE IT"—WHAT IF 2 DISABLED PEOPLE SUDDENLY APPEAR? SHOULD 1 GO HOME BECAUSE A WALKING PREGNANT WOMAN TOOK THE SPOT SHE WAS ENTITLED 2? SOMETIMES, EVEN CLOSER SPOTS ARE CLOSER THAN HANDICAPPED PARKING!

BACK IN INDY, THERE WAS A MARSH GROCERY STORE THAT SECTIONED HANDICAPPED PARKING AT THE FRONT, BY 1 ENTRANCE. BY THE OTHER ENTRANCE, IN PINK & BLUE, PARKING WAS SECTIONED OFF 4 "PREGNANT & NEW MOTHERS." THERE WAS NO FINE 4 PARKING THERE, YET IT USUALLY WAS RESPECTED. THAT'S WHAT SHOULD BE DONE. I ADMIT, I NEVER HAD A C-SECTION, SO I MAY NOT BE FULLY AWARE OF EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE, BUT THOUGH I THOUGHT THE NEW MOM SPACES ROCKED, I ONLY USED THEM ONCE BECAUSE IT WAS HARD WITH 3 SMALL KIDS! BUT I CAN C A MOM WITH 1 NEW BABY USING HANDICAPPED PARKING, NOT BECAUSE SHE NEEDS 2, BUT BECAUSE SHE'S ENTITLED 2 IT! & THEY WON'T CARE IF THEY PARK A LITTLE ON THE HASH MARKS—THEY DON'T USE THEM, & R UNAWARE OF THE COMMON COMPLAINT THAT THEY R ALREADY 2 THIN—