IT'S AMAZING WHAT I CAN DO WHEN NO1 IS THERE 2 FALL BACK ON! OFTEN I FAIL, BUT W/EACH DAY, I GET STRONGER, SMARTER ABOUT MY CAPABILITIES, & MORE CREATIVE!

LAST WED., I WAS TRYING 2 REACH REAL FAR 2 GET A REMOTE, 4 THE TV, OFF MY BED. I GOT IT, BUT TILTED SO FAR TO THE RT., I WAS FALLING, YET STUCK THERE. THIS ISN'T NEW. ONCE, I TRIED 2 THROW TRASH AWAY (MARK WAS UPSTAIRS & I WAS DOWNSTAIRS) & I TILTED LIKE THIS (USUALLY, I FEEL IT HAPPENING & STOP, BUT I WAS PUSHING MY LUCK THIS TIME)—I HAD 2 FINALLY STOP TRYING 2 SIT MYSELF UPRIGHT & RESIGN 2 SOMEHOW REACH MY WIRELESS DOORBELL 2 RING MARK 4 HELP. BUT WED. I PUT THE REMOTE ON MY LAP & SAT MYSELF BACK UPRIGHT! THIS WAS ESP. AMAZING BECAUSE I WAS SITTING 2 FAR 2 THE LT. BUT FOUGHT THE NATURAL INCLINATION THAT CAUSES ME 2 FALL 2 MY RT.!

AFTER THAT, I HAD A PERSONAL VICTORY! I'M CONSTANTLY BENDING OVER 2 GET STUFF FROM THE FLOOR, EVEN THOUGH IT'S ABSURD—I'VE NEVER BEEN FLEXIBLE ENOUGH 2 REACH MUCH PAST MY FEET! BESIDES, IF I REACH IT, CAN I LIFT IT, WHEN A 1 POUND WEIGHT IS TOUGH?!? WED., MY REMOTE DROPPED ONTO MY FOOTREST. I COULD REACH SINCE I HAVE NEW TRICKS 2 BEND OVER (SOME WOULD ARGUE I "CHEAT"), BUT I WONDERED IF I WAS I STRONG ENOUGH 2 PICK IT UP? I WAS!

THURS., DESPITE DISLIKING OUTDOORS,I WAS DESPERATELY TRYING 2 C JESS PLAY SOFTBALL (REME,BER ABOUT MY EYES:I HAVE NO CLUE WHY, BUT IT'S HARD 2 DIFFERENTIATE GROUPS. 4 EX., ZACH LOVES LUBY'S (CAFETERIA STYLE FOOD). I CAN ONLY PICK OUT WHAT I WANT IF I'M TOLD WHAT'S THERE/) FIA WAS ON MY LAP, & BUMPED MY SUNGLASSES. IN TRYING 2 FIX THEM, THEY FELL OFF, BUT R VITAL 2 OPENING MY EYES IN NATURAL LIGHT. I TRIED SEVERAL TIMES W/NO LUCK—CHEAP SUNGLASSES DON'T STAY OPEN. I SUCCOMENDED 4 HELP, BUT HELP WAS BUSY, SO I TRIED SEVERAL MORE TIMES, & FINALLY GOT MY SUNGLASSES ON ALONE!

HUMAN NATURE IS 2 HELP SOME1 LIKE ME. OTHERWISE WE MAY MAKE AWFUL SOUNDS & FACES TRYING. BUT IT'S VITAL 2 TRY, EVEN IF WE R SLOW &/OR FAIL. RATHER THAN JUST GIVE HELP OR DO IT BECAUSE U R OBVIOUSLY FASTER, I KNOW I SOMETIMES LIKE 2 TRY & THEN HAVE AN OFFER &/OR BE ASKEDIF I WANT 2 HAVE HAVE HELP.

13 IS 1 OF MY FAV. #'S BECAUSE, ALTHOUGH MANY FEAR 13 AS "BAD LUCK," MY BEST DAYS R USUALLY FRI. THE 13TH!

SO GUESS WHAT HAPPENED? I FED MYSELF BACON, & FIA (SOPHIA) FED ME SCRAMBLED EGGS! FIA WAS SO PLEASED 2 FEED ME—SHE OFTEN TRIES 2 WITH SMALL FINGER FOODS I CAN SWALLOW, BUT THIS WAS A 1ST W/A UTENSIL & A PAPER TOWEL "BIB." & I HAVE FED MYSELF W/MY ARM SUPPORT OR SOMETIMES, LATELY, I CAN RAISE MY ARM 4 A FEW BITES, BUT 2 CONSISTENTLY DO IT W/O LONG PAUSES 2 BUILD UP STRENGTH, IS A BIG DEAL. I ADMIT THAT SINCE I NEED 2 TILT BACK 2 SWALLOW, IT HELPED ME CHEAT 2 RAISE MY ARM. LOL

MY KIDS HAVE REALLY ADJUSTED WELL 2 ME AFTER MY STROKE, BUT IT'S INTERESTING 2 C THEIR DIFFERENCES:

ZACH LOVES 2 BE MY MOUTH & HELP DISCIPLINE THE GIRLS. I'LL NEVER 4GET THE TOUCHING MOMENT AS I HEARD HIM, IN INDY, LEARNING ASL AT BREAKFAST. WE WERE ALWAYS CLOSE, SO IT MEANT A LOT HE WANTED 2 COMMUNICATE. WHEN I'VE JUST SAT AS THE KIDS HAVE PLAYED GAMES, HE COMMENTS HOW "IT'S LIKE THE OLD DAYS." HE COMMENTS ABOUT A B-DAY CAKE I MADE PRE-STROKKE THAT'S BECOME IMMORTALIZED OR HOW FUN IT WAS WHEN I WAS HIS CHURCH PRIMARY CHORISTER IN INDY. BUT HE WON'T FEED ME. THE ONLY EXCEPTION WAS 1 SACRAMENT, & I COULD TELL HE FELT AWKWARD. IT MUST SEEM 2 WEIRD 4 HIM 2 FEED AN ADULT!

NEXT IS JESS. SHE'S INTERESTING. LIKE ZACH, SHE RECALLS & COMMENTS ON STUFF PRE-STROKE, BUT MORE ACCEPTING OF THINGS NOW. SHE'S FED ME. SHE LOVES COMMUNICATING IN TYPE OR TRIES VIA ASL. JESS IS HIT OR MISS ON LOTS OF THINGS, BUT SHE IS ADJUSTING & PICKING UP ON MORE THINGS 4 ME NOW. I KNOW WHEN I WAS 1ST HOME, SHE SPENT HOURS W/ME W/O ME TALKING.

THEN THERE'S FIA. SHE'S COMPLETELY ACCEPTING OF THINGS NOW. IN FACT, SHE LONGS 2 BE IN HER DAD'S ROLE, SINCE SHE DOESN'T RECALL ME PRE-STROKE, &, LIKE ALL KIDS WHO IDOLIZE A PARENT, WANTS 2 DO WHAT DAD DOES! FEEDING ME, SHE COMMENTED ABOUT FEEDING ME LOTS WHEN SHE'S OLDER. FIA IS MY BIGGEST CHEERLEADER—SHE GETS EXCITED ABOUT EVERY NEW LITTLE THING I DO. SHE WANTS ME 2 BE HER HERO—I PLAY WITH HER 4 HOURS, COMFORT HER, & MY BELL RINGING (HOW I SPEAK & DISCIPLINE) TRUELY SCARES HER. SHE KNOWS HOW 2 INTERACT W/ME W/O ME TALKING & GUESSES MY WORDS. SHE NOTICES SMALL THINGS, LIKE MY LEFT FOOT OFF OF THE FOOTREST.

IN COLLEGE, I LEARNED THE 1ST 5 YRS. R VITAL 4 A CHILD. IT CAN HURT FIA REMEMBERS NOTHING I DID, BUT THAT CLEAN SLATE HELPS HER UNDERSTAND ME NOW. LIKE THE OTHERS, SHE HAD "ME" THERE 4 THE 1ST 2 YEARS. ZACH 7 JESS R GREAT KIDS WHO PROVIDE A MALE & FEMALE PERSPECTIVE & WHO CAN CARRY ON THINGS I TAUGHT THEM FOR 6 ½ YRS. I HAVE ALSO HAD IT POINTED OUT THAT THE QUANITY OF TIME I SPEND W/FIA DIFFERS W/THAT OF ZACH & JESS. I SIT THERE WHILE SHE PLAYS ON MY COMPUTER, INSTEAD OF LEAVING. I AM HER PLAY COMPANION—2DAY I GOT "MADE UP" COMPLETE W/ REAL LIP GLOSS! USUALLY "PLAY TIME" INVOLVES EATING FAKE FOOD.

1 THING IN COMMON: I'M MAY NOT BE A TRADITIONAL MOM, BUT STILL AM MOM. MY KIDS PUSH ME—I WON'T LIE—THERE R DAYS I FEEL DONE TRYING, BUT THEN I REMEMBER THINGS LIKE A CARD FROM ZACH 2 KEEP EXERCISING, OR A WISH 2 SANTA THAT I CAN WALK. I LOVE 2 HEAR ANY 3 CALL ME "MOM." I LOVE THAT I HEAR "GOOD" IN RESPONSE 2 A "YES," WHEN THE KIDS HEAD OUT 2 A SPORT'S GAME OR SCHOOL FUNCTION & ASK, "IS MOM COMING?"