FRI. THE 13TH

13 IS 1 OF MY FAV. #'S BECAUSE, ALTHOUGH MANY FEAR 13 AS "BAD LUCK," MY BEST DAYS R USUALLY FRI. THE 13TH!

SO GUESS WHAT HAPPENED? I FED MYSELF BACON, & FIA (SOPHIA) FED ME SCRAMBLED EGGS! FIA WAS SO PLEASED 2 FEED ME—SHE OFTEN TRIES 2 WITH SMALL FINGER FOODS I CAN SWALLOW, BUT THIS WAS A 1ST W/A UTENSIL & A PAPER TOWEL "BIB." & I HAVE FED MYSELF W/MY ARM SUPPORT OR SOMETIMES, LATELY, I CAN RAISE MY ARM 4 A FEW BITES, BUT 2 CONSISTENTLY DO IT W/O LONG PAUSES 2 BUILD UP STRENGTH, IS A BIG DEAL. I ADMIT THAT SINCE I NEED 2 TILT BACK 2 SWALLOW, IT HELPED ME CHEAT 2 RAISE MY ARM. LOL

MY KIDS HAVE REALLY ADJUSTED WELL 2 ME AFTER MY STROKE, BUT IT'S INTERESTING 2 C THEIR DIFFERENCES:

ZACH LOVES 2 BE MY MOUTH & HELP DISCIPLINE THE GIRLS. I'LL NEVER 4GET THE TOUCHING MOMENT AS I HEARD HIM, IN INDY, LEARNING ASL AT BREAKFAST. WE WERE ALWAYS CLOSE, SO IT MEANT A LOT HE WANTED 2 COMMUNICATE. WHEN I'VE JUST SAT AS THE KIDS HAVE PLAYED GAMES, HE COMMENTS HOW "IT'S LIKE THE OLD DAYS." HE COMMENTS ABOUT A B-DAY CAKE I MADE PRE-STROKKE THAT'S BECOME IMMORTALIZED OR HOW FUN IT WAS WHEN I WAS HIS CHURCH PRIMARY CHORISTER IN INDY. BUT HE WON'T FEED ME. THE ONLY EXCEPTION WAS 1 SACRAMENT, & I COULD TELL HE FELT AWKWARD. IT MUST SEEM 2 WEIRD 4 HIM 2 FEED AN ADULT!

NEXT IS JESS. SHE'S INTERESTING. LIKE ZACH, SHE RECALLS & COMMENTS ON STUFF PRE-STROKE, BUT MORE ACCEPTING OF THINGS NOW. SHE'S FED ME. SHE LOVES COMMUNICATING IN TYPE OR TRIES VIA ASL. JESS IS HIT OR MISS ON LOTS OF THINGS, BUT SHE IS ADJUSTING & PICKING UP ON MORE THINGS 4 ME NOW. I KNOW WHEN I WAS 1ST HOME, SHE SPENT HOURS W/ME W/O ME TALKING.

THEN THERE'S FIA. SHE'S COMPLETELY ACCEPTING OF THINGS NOW. IN FACT, SHE LONGS 2 BE IN HER DAD'S ROLE, SINCE SHE DOESN'T RECALL ME PRE-STROKE, &, LIKE ALL KIDS WHO IDOLIZE A PARENT, WANTS 2 DO WHAT DAD DOES! FEEDING ME, SHE COMMENTED ABOUT FEEDING ME LOTS WHEN SHE'S OLDER. FIA IS MY BIGGEST CHEERLEADER—SHE GETS EXCITED ABOUT EVERY NEW LITTLE THING I DO. SHE WANTS ME 2 BE HER HERO—I PLAY WITH HER 4 HOURS, COMFORT HER, & MY BELL RINGING (HOW I SPEAK & DISCIPLINE) TRUELY SCARES HER. SHE KNOWS HOW 2 INTERACT W/ME W/O ME TALKING & GUESSES MY WORDS. SHE NOTICES SMALL THINGS, LIKE MY LEFT FOOT OFF OF THE FOOTREST.

IN COLLEGE, I LEARNED THE 1ST 5 YRS. R VITAL 4 A CHILD. IT CAN HURT FIA REMEMBERS NOTHING I DID, BUT THAT CLEAN SLATE HELPS HER UNDERSTAND ME NOW. LIKE THE OTHERS, SHE HAD "ME" THERE 4 THE 1ST 2 YEARS. ZACH 7 JESS R GREAT KIDS WHO PROVIDE A MALE & FEMALE PERSPECTIVE & WHO CAN CARRY ON THINGS I TAUGHT THEM FOR 6 ½ YRS. I HAVE ALSO HAD IT POINTED OUT THAT THE QUANITY OF TIME I SPEND W/FIA DIFFERS W/THAT OF ZACH & JESS. I SIT THERE WHILE SHE PLAYS ON MY COMPUTER, INSTEAD OF LEAVING. I AM HER PLAY COMPANION—2DAY I GOT "MADE UP" COMPLETE W/ REAL LIP GLOSS! USUALLY "PLAY TIME" INVOLVES EATING FAKE FOOD.

1 THING IN COMMON: I'M MAY NOT BE A TRADITIONAL MOM, BUT STILL AM MOM. MY KIDS PUSH ME—I WON'T LIE—THERE R DAYS I FEEL DONE TRYING, BUT THEN I REMEMBER THINGS LIKE A CARD FROM ZACH 2 KEEP EXERCISING, OR A WISH 2 SANTA THAT I CAN WALK. I LOVE 2 HEAR ANY 3 CALL ME "MOM." I LOVE THAT I HEAR "GOOD" IN RESPONSE 2 A "YES," WHEN THE KIDS HEAD OUT 2 A SPORT'S GAME OR SCHOOL FUNCTION & ASK, "IS MOM COMING?"

One comment

  1. Jenny, your writing touches me many times, as I realize the difference your stroke has made for you, and how little I understand until you tell us. This time, however, I realized how much you are the same as most other mothers. It doesn’t matter why you have concerns or regrets over what could have been or see differences in what we did for one child that we didn’t for another. We all do that. I think that is part of why many mothers aren’t comfortable when Mother’s Day comes around. In your case, though, you’ve chosen to look and write about the positives of the things that are different and you’ve also looked at the positive things that have happened with each child since your stroke. I’ve never done that in all my looking back. I’ve only looked at the regrets. Thanks for teaching me a great lesson today!!! And just in time for Mother’s Day!!!! Love, Aunt Lois Ann

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