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SPEECH

THIS THURSDAY , I FINISH THESPEECH PROGRAM I AM DOING. MY BREATH SUPPORT IS BETTER, & I SPEAK CLEARER. IN FACT, MID-WEEK, WHILE PRACTICING, I HAVE SOME VERY VOCAL DAYS, & CAN EVEN CARRY ON CONVERSATIONS WITH SINGLE WORD OR 3-5 WORD PHRASE HERE & THERE. I HAVE EVEN TOLD MY DAUGHTER, “WHAT?” ON THE PHONE, & SHE UNDERSTOOD (PROBABLY BECAUZ SHE KNOWS WHAT THAT WORD SOUNDS LIKE)!

IT’S COOL, BUT 4 SOME REASON, IT IS WAY HARDER IF I TRY 2 SAY THINGS (INSTEAD OF IT NATURALY “POPPING” OUT), OR LEAVE MY HOME–IT’S LIKE I HAVE A MENTAL BLOCK, OR WALL, & I CAN’T STOP HOLDING MY AIR. PLUS, OUT & ABOUT, IT’S SORTA HABIT AFTER 7 YEARS, 2 JUST NOD, INSTEAD OF SAY HI, BYE, YEA, NO (WHICH I CAN DO ALL, JUST SOMETIMES THE VOCAL RESPONSE IS DELAYED). SO MY NEW THING IS 2 NOD, THEN SAY IT, EVEN IF THE PERSON HAS LEFT, OR THE CONVERSATION IS OVER. LOL THE TRICK IS 2 DO IT (SOMETIMES I EITHER 4GET, CAN’T DO IT, OR AM 2 TIRED 2 DO IT!) BUT IT IT’S A BONUS IF I SAY IT RIGHT AWAY! LOL

MY HUSBAND ‘S PARENTS HAVE BEEN VISITING US HERE. IT’S BEEN GOOD HAVING THEM HERE, BECAUZ I GET MORE OPPORTUNITIES 2 TALK, & AM ENCOURAGED 2 TALK.

I HAVE 2 SHARE MY FAVORITE THING: IF I AM FINGER SPELLING, & THEY ARE CAUGHT ON A LETTER, I LIKE 2 SAY THE LETTER, IF I CAN! I CAN’T SAY THEM ALL, BUT IT’S FUN 2 SURPRISE PEOPLE W/THE FEW I CAN SAY! LOL

ALSO, I CAN SOMETIMES NOW SAY “S” IF I TILT WAY BACK, ALMOST FLAT, IN MY CHAIR, THOUGH, IF I CAN, IT MAY TAKE QUITE A WHILE 4 IT 2 OCCUR. “SOPHIA” IS THE EASIEST S-WORD 4 ME 2 SAY LAYING DOWN, BUT I HAVEN’T MASTERED IT YET IN MY CHAIR.

LETTER “S”

OH HAPPY DAY! I CRIED TEARS OF JOY! I CAN’T DO IT SITTING OR TILTED IN MY CHAIR, BUT LAYING IN BED, I CAN SAY THE LETTER “S”, & “SOPHIA” (NOT “OPHIA”)! I THINK IT WORKS BECAUSE GRAVITY HELPS ME. I HAVEN’T MASTERED MY OTHER DAUGHTERS NAME, “JESSICA”–NOT ONLY CAN I NOT SAY LETTER “J”, BUT “S” KILLS ME IN THE CENTER OF A WORD! I’VE TRIED OTHER “S” WORDS, BUT 4 NOW, I CAN ONLY SAY “SOPHIA” & “SUN,” & ONLY IF I LAY DOWN!

JAN. 14

AGAIN, IN SPEECH PRACTICE, I HAD ANOTHER FUNNY. THE LAST THING I DO IS SAY 10 RANDOM WORDS OR SHORT PHRASES. SINCE SOPH USUALLY HELPS ME (PROBABLY WHY SHE UNDERSTANDS ME SO WELL), SOMETIMES SHE THROWS IN ANY WORD SHE WANTS ME 2 SAY. THURSDAY, THE LAST THING I WAS INSTRUCTED 2 REPEAT, WAS, “THX 4 HELPING ME.” GOOF! IT’S RATHER FUN 4 HER 2 MAKE ME SAY WHATEVER! LOL GLAD SHE’S HAVING FUN…

ALSO ON THURSDAY, JANUARY 13, SOPHIA WAS IN A SPELLING BEE. SHE WAS LEARNING 2 SPELL WORDS I CAN’T EVEN DO! (HER DAD GAVE HER SOME FABULOUS MEMORY TRICKS ON MANY WORDS, THOUGH, & SOPH RESPONDED SO WELL 2 HIM!)

I WAS ESPECIALLY HAPPY THAT I DIDN’T NEED 2 PRONOUNCE THINGS (LUCKY ME, IF I DID MORE THAN WATCH HER PRACTICE, I COULD MAGNIFY THE WORDS, SO I COULD SEE HOW 2 SPELL/TYPE THEM, BUT MAKE MY COMPUTER SAY THE BIG WORDS!)

I AM NOT THE WORLD’S BEST SPELLER (OBVIOUSLY—THOUGH I LIKE 2 TAKE SOME CREDIT, SINCE SHE HAD 2 LEARN 2 SPELL AT A YOUNG AGE, SO I COULD TALK 2 HER…PLUS, MY BAD SPELLING IS MORE PRONOUCED BY MY KEYBOARD & DOUBLE VISION, SINCE IT DEPENDS ON HOW I HIT THE KEYS, IF A LETTER IS SKIPPED, REPEATED, ETC…BUT, SHE ISN’T A GOOD SPELLER FROM ME!) IN FACT, AFTER MY STROKE, B4 I COULD SIGN, I WAS INTRODUCED 2 “BLINK SPELLING”—THE WAY I COULD COMMUNICATE (I’LL DESCRIBE IT IN MY NEXT F.A.Q.) I REMEMBER THINKING, “U’VE GOT 2 BE KIDDING ME! SUDDENLY, I SHOULD BE THE WORLD’S BEST SPELLER?!?”—SENSE THE SARCASM?)

ANYWAY, WEDNESDAY, AFTER PRACTICE, I WAS GIVING SOPHIA SOME ADVICE…I SPELLED “TOMORROW”—ONLY WRONG–THAT WORD ALWAYS TRICKS ME, BUT SHE “DINGED” & A THIRD GRADER CORRECTED ME! LOL

BTW, I DON’T KNOW WHY, BUT B4 MY STROKE, I WAS OBSESSED WITH TAPING MY VOICE. I RECORDED 6 BOOKS (SOME 4 MY EL. ED. DEGREE, & SOME ONLY ABOUT 6 MONTHS B4, SO A PART OF ME COULD BE THERE 2 READ BEDTIME STORIES 2 MY KIDS WHEN I WENT 2 LONDON), THERE’S ALSO A VOICE LESSON, 2 TAPES WITH MY COLLEGE ACAPELLA GROUP, ME SINGING SOLOS, DUETS, QUARTETS, KARAOKE, & A GEM WITH ME ONLY ABOUT 12 YRS. OLD (WITH MY 4 YOUNGER SIBLINGS).

THIS LAST SUMMER, SOPH ASKED 2 HEAR ME SING, (B4 MY STROKE), AFTER OVERHEARING ME TRY 2 SING. ALL THE KIDS CAME, & HEARD ME SING. THEN I READ 2 SOPH BY USING THESE RECORDINGS—SHE HAS SAT TILTED IN MY LAP, & LISTENED 2 ME READ. SO COOL! THOUGH I’VE BEEN COLLECTING “EASY” BOOKS, SO I CAN AT LEAST CONTRIBUTE 2 A STORY!

WANTED 2 SHARE

BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT:

IN SPEECH THERAPY, I’M DOING A RATHER INTENSE PROGRAM 2 BUILD UP MY BREATH SUPPORT. I PRACTICE SPEECH EXERCISES 4 DAYS A WEEK, & TWICE A DAY FOR 4 WEEKS. IN THE EXERCISES, I SAY “AAAH”, DO VOCAL SLIDES, SAY SOME “FUNCTIONAL PHRASES”, SAY WORDS, & MAKE A GOAL (LIKE I DECIDE 2 SAY HI BACK 2 ANY1 WHO SAYS IT 2 ME).. I KEEP EVERYTHING ORGANIZED 4 PRACTICE IN A “SPEECH BINDER.”

HOWEVER, I SEEM 2 SUFFER FROM SOME “STAGE FRIGHT”, SO IT’S EXTRA HARD 2 SAY THINGS I KNOW I CAN SAY WHEN I’M OUT & ABOUT. BUT AT HOME, I HAVE “TALKING” DAYS. I STICK MOSTLY TO SINGLE WORDS (LIKE YES, NO, HI, BYE, OR MY FAVORITE: WHATEVER!). OCCASIONALLY I DO SHORT PHRASES (3-5 WORDS), BUT IT’S SO FUN 2 TRY LONGER, TOO! I’M NOT CLEAR, BUT IF MY FAMILY UNDERSTANDS, I’M TICKLED WHEN THEY DO UNDERSTAND & RESPOND. (I’M EASY 2 AMUSE! LOL)

MY PHILOSOPHY IS 2 SAY ANYTHING I’D SIGN (W/IN REASON!). I MAY LUCK OUT, BE UNDERSTOOD, & NOT NEED 2 SIGN! THOUGH MY FAVORITE IS WHEN I THROW OUT SOMETHING I THINK, BUT NEVER SIGN, AM UNDERSTOOD, & ANSWERED (LIKE IF I OVER HEAR SOMETHING, & DON’T UNDERSTAND, I MAY THINK , “WHAT?”, BUT IT’S 2 CONFUSING 2 ASK, & I DON’T REALLY NEED 2 KNOW, SO I LEAVE THE QUESTION IN MY HEAD. OR I DON’T BOTHER SHARING COMMENTS LIKE “YES U COULD” OR SHARING COMMENTS WHERE I’M JUST BEING SILLY –THE FUNNY MOMENT IS OVER B4 I FINISH SIGNING IT, SO WHY BOTHER SIGNING IT? BUT SOMETIMES NOW, I THROW IT OUT, & IF I’M HEARD & UNDERSTOOD, VERSUS BEING IGNORED, OR KEEPING IT IN MY HEAD, IT’S A BONUS, & EXCITING!).

ANYWAY, IN PRACTICE, MY LONGEST FUNCTIONAL PHRASE HAS 6 WORDS (“PUT LEFT FOOT ON FOOT REST”), & I USUALLY NEED 2 BREATHS 2 SAY IT. MY GOAL WAS TO USE 1 BREATH TO SAY IT, & TUESDAY MORNING I DID IT!

I ALSO HAD A GOOD LAUGH: A FUNCTIONAL PHRASE WAS ADDED 2 THE KEYRING I USE 4 SPEECH PRACTICE. IT READ: “JESS ROCKS”. (GUESS WHO ADDED THAT 2 MY LIST OF FUNCTIONAL PHRASES 2 SAY?) I LAUGHED SO HARD WHEN I FOUND IT–IT WAS LAMINATED & EVERYTHING, 2 LOOK LIKE THE OTHERS! U’D NEVER KNOW IT WAS ADDED, IF THE KEYRING WAS NEW 2 U!

THE BEST PART WAS HOW UNEXPECTED & QUIET IT WAS! & I BET IT’S BEEN THERE A WHILE, BECAUSE JESS HELPED ME PRACTICE THURS. NIGHT (& REQUESTED THAT PHRASE EXACTLY WHEN WE GOT 2 THE PLACE WHERE THE NEW “JESS ROCKS” CARD IS NOW), THEN I TOOK THE WEEKEND “OFF”, & I DID MY MONDAY PRACTICES W/O MY SPEECH BINDER , SO TUESDAY MORNING WASMY 1ST CHANCE 2 C IT, SINCE THURSDAY NIGHT, WHEN SHE HELPED ME! LOL

GRATITUDE

IN OCT. 2010, THE LDS PROPHET, PRES. MONSON SAID, “My brothers and sisters, do we remember to give thanks for the blessings we receive? Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, but it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God’s love.”

I RECENTLY TOLD THE TEENAGE GIRLS AT CHURCH THAT SHORTLY AFTER REGAINING THE ABILITY TO JOURNAL ON MY COMPUTER, MY FIRST FEW ENTRIES WERE MOSTLY NEGATIVE AND FOCUSED ON WHAT I COULD NOT DO AND ALL THE THINGS THAT MADE MY LIFE SO TERRIBLE. NEEDLESS TO SAY, THOSE ENTRIES WERE NOT EXAMPLES OF OPTIMISM AND GRATITUDE. AFTER LETTING MY HUSBAND READ THESE JOURNAL ENTRIES, HE SUGGESTED SOMETHING I HAVE MENTIONED B4: THAT I COMPILE A LIST OF THE THINGS I WAS GRATEFUL FOR. WHEN ALMOST EVERYTHING THAT I HAD WAS TAKEN AWAY, IT WAS HARD TO THINK THAT THERE WAS ANYTHING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR.
IT WAS A VERY DIFFICULT CHALLENGE FOR ME. IT WAS SO HARD TO THINK OF THE GOOD, AND NOT ABOUT THE BAD. I HAD TO START SMALL. VERY SMALL. AT FIRST IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT TO THINK ONLY ABOUT THE GOOD, AND DIS-REGARD THE NEGATIVE. HOWEVER, I RECOGNIZED THE BLESSINGS OF THE LDS PRIESTHOOD AND A LOVING FAMILY. ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS THAT WAS NOT AFFECTED WAS MY HEARING, SO I WAS BLESSED TO BE ABLE TO STILL ENJOY LISTENING TO MUSIC AND HEARING MY CHILDREN SING. I WAS WRITING THIS LIST ON MY OWN, SO I RECOGNIZED THAT I HAD REGAINED INDEPENDENCE THAT I WAS TOLD THAT I WOULD NEVER REGAIN. I GET GREAT PARKING NOW. I FEEL LIKE A QUEEN SINCE PEOPLE DO ALL THE MUNDANE TASKS FOR ME- LIKE FEEDING ME. IF I GET RUNS IN THE BACK OF MY NYLONS, PEOPLE CANNOT TELL SINCE THE WHEELCHAIR HIDES IT. I WAS GRATEFUL THAT I COULD USE SIGN LANGUAGE AND NOT HAVE TO BLINK TO COMMUNICATE ANYMORE (BUT I WAS THANKFUL FOR THE ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE BY BLINKING WHEN THAT WAS MY ONLY OPTION). I COULD STILL HELP MY KIDS WITH HOMEWORK. I GIVE THE BEST HUGS WHEN SOPHIA GETS HURT. PEOPLE TELL ME COOL SECRETS BECAUSE THEY THINK I WILL NOT AND CANNOT TELL ANYONE. I WAS GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE.
MY LIST GREW AS I BECAME MORE AWARE OF THE MANY, MANY BLESSINGS THAT EVEN A PERSON IN MY SITUATION HAD, AND I WAS SURPRISED TO FIND THAT I EASILY WROTE ABOUT 20 BLESSINGS THE FIRST ATTEMPT. IN TIME, IF THERE WAS SOMETHING I HATED, I SEARCHED FOR WHY THAT WAS A BLESSING, AND ADDED THAT 2 MY LIST. IT HAS BEEN 4 YEARS SINCE I FIRST BEGAN THIS LIST, AND I ADD TO IT ON A REGULAR BASIS. IN MAKING MY LIST, I HAVE LEARNED TO LOOK A DIFFERENT WAY ON MANY THINGS THAT MAKE MY SITUATION DIFFICULT. THINKING THIS WAY HELPS ME COPE BETTER WITH MY SITUATION, AND TO HELP ME SEE GOD’S HAND IN EVERYTHING I DO. JUST LIKE MY LIST, IT IS IMPORTANT TO DO THE SAME WITH YOUR FAMILIES, AND CLING TO THE THINGS YOU APPRECIATE AND LOVE ABOUT EACH FAMILY MEMBER.

SPEAKING OF GRATITUDE, & IN THE SPIRIT OF THANKSGIVING, I’M CURRENTLY THANKFUL 4 MY POWER WHEELCHAIR & MY VOICE. LAST WEEK MY WHEELCHAIR BROKE AGAIN (IT’S OLD), & THOUGH I’M EXTREMELY GRATEFUL 4 THIS EXTRA POWERCHAIR, I MISS MY “REGULAR” POWERCHAIR, & WILL BE GLAD 2 GET IT BACK 2DAY, AFTER BEING W/O IT FOR 6 DAYS!!

I ALSO LOST MY VOICE. (SOUNDS FUNNY COMING FROM ME, BUT I LOST WHAT LITTLE I’D REGAINED, & COULDN’T EVEN SAY MY KIDS NAMES.) IT WAS LIKE THE BEGINNING, IN 2004…I 4GOT HOW NICE IT IS 2 HAVE RE-GAINED EVEN A TINY BIT OF VOICE.

MOST RECENTLY, I AM THANKFUL BECAUSE I CAN MOVE MY BELLY VOLUNTARILY. IT IS ONLY A LITTLE, BUT IT IS SOMETHING. IF IT GETS STRONGER, I MAY BE ABLE TO BREATHE VOLUNTARILY. THEN I COULD FORCE AIR THROUGH MY VOCAL CORDS AND I COULD REGAIN THE ABILITY TO TALK. I AM GRATEFUL FOR THIS SMALL MOVEMENT AND ALL OTHERS THAT WILL COME MY WAY.

I PREVIOUSLY JOURNALLED THESE:

• 11/7 WAS A “TALKING DAY” (I HAVE DAYS WHERE IT’S EASIER 2 TALK), & WITH WORDS, & NO SIGNING, I ASKED MY GIRLS,“WHAT R U DOING?” 1 OF THE GIRLS REPEATED MY QUESTION, 2 BE SURE I WAS UNDERSTOOD, & AFTER NODDING YES, SHE ANSWERED. I THEN POINTED & ASKED, “WHAT IS THAT?,” & THE OTHER GIRL REPEATED MY QUESTION, 2 BE SURE I WAS UNDERSTOOD AGAIN, & AFTER NODDING YES, SHE ANSWERED.

• ABOUT 2 WEEKS PREVIOUS 2 THAT, I TOLD MY MUSIC THERAPIST, “NO PIANO,” AS I POINTED AT MY PIANO, & SHOOK MY HEAD. SHE TOTALLY UNDERSTOOD ME! I WAS THRILLED! IT’S 1 THING 4 MY FAMILY 2 UNDERSTAND ME, OR A SPEECH THERAPIST, BUT IT’S ANOTHER 2 HAVE “USEFUL” CONVERSATION.

• 11/9 WAS ALSO EXCITING. THE GIRLS CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL, BUT I ONLY SAW SOPH. NORMALLY, I HAVE 2 DROP WHAT I’M DOING, SO I CAN SIGN, “WHERE IS JESSICA?”, OR I KEEP WORKING & WONDERING! I CAN’T RECALL THE LAST TIME I KEPT WORKING, & SIMULTANEOUSLY ASKED A QUESTION, BUT EVERY NOW & THEN I TRY IT, JUST 4 FUN! ONLY THIS TIME, SOPH UNDERSTOOD ME, & ANSWERED! GRANTED, IT’S VERY POSSIBLE THAT SHE ONLY FIGURED OUT MY WORDS, DUE 2 THE CONTEXT, BUT IT FELT GOOD!

WHEN I 1ST LOST THE ABILITY TO SPEAK, I BEGAN BY BLINKING IN ORDER TO SPELL WORDS, THEN “GRADUATED” TO FINGER-SPELLING WORDS, & I CAN NOW SIGN SOME WORDS. THE FIRST SIGN WORD I LEARNED, WAS FOR THE WORD “THANK YOU.” I WAS THRILLED! IT FELT SO GOOD TO BE ABLE TO SAY “THANK YOU,” WHENEVER SOMEONE HELPED ME! I BELIEVE THAT IN ORDER TO LEARN GRATITUDE, WE NEED TO SAY, “THANK YOU.” LUCKILY, WHEN I LOST MY VOICE THIS TIME, I COULD STILL MOVE & SIGN “THANK YOU.”

HOWEVER, I FINALLY GOT MY VOICE BACK A LITTLE YESTERDAY, & CAN SAY MORE AGAIN. I WAS DELIGHTED THAT WHEN ZACH ASKED ME AFTER DINNER WHERE DAD WENT, I WAS ABLE 2 SAY “MAILBOX” CLEARLY, & BE UNDERSTOOD! EVEN ZACH WAS IMPRESSED!

HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I KNOW I WILL!