Family

AFTERTHOUGHT…

RITA SAID IT RIGHT WHEN SHE WROTE:

?It always makes me think about what I am doing in my life to make things better for myself and others.?

IT IS A MAIN REASON I WRITE. PEOPLE WHO R HANDICAPPED R SEEN DIFF. THAN THEY R. -SHOULDN?T BE, BUT THEY R. IT CAN BE VERY HURTFUL, BUT U LEARN 2 EXPECT IT-ELEMENTARY-AGED KIDS R THE WORST. PARENTS SAY, ?DON?T STARE!? I THINK THEY SHOULD KNOW OF HANDICAPPED PEOPLE LONG BEFORE THAT STATEMENT!

HANDICAPPED PEOPLE ALSO TEND 2 SEE THINGS IN A NEW LIGHT, & I HOPE 2 SHARE THAT PERSPECTIVE.

LET ME BE CLEAR, I DO NOT INTEND 2 HURT ANY1 BUT MAY BY TYPING MY THOUGHTS-IE. MY GRANDMA?S CAREGIVER MEANS VERY WELL, BUT SEEING SOME THINGS MADE ME HAVE MEMORIES. MOST CAREGIVERS DIDN?T LEARRN ASL, SO COMMUNICATION WAS NOT SOMETHING I LOST. WATCHING HER JUST REMINDED ME HOW FORTUNATE I AM IN MY SITUATION. ALSO, I DO NOT KNOW ALL MY GRANDMA?S NEEDS-MAYBE SOMEDAY I 2 WILL APPRECIATE SOME1 CUTTING MY MEAT! FUNNY THING 4 ME, WHO EVEN NEEDS HER SALAD CUT BY SOME1, 2 SAY!

FAMILY REUNION

I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M SAYING THIS, BUT AT R FAMILY REUNION SEEING MY GRANDMA W/HER CARETAKER REMINDED ME WHY I HATE THEM SO MUCH! SHE FREAKIN’ CUT HER MEAT! SHE TREATED MY GRANDMA & ME LIKE BABIES & HER LIFE WAS GRANDMAS, SO GRANDMA WAS NEVER ALONE. SHE MAY LIKE IT, BUT IT BUGS ME 2 DEATH!

I USED 2 CLEAN-UP AFTER KIDS R IN BED, NOW I THINK MARK C’S WHY! IT ALSO MADE ME MAD IF I CCLEANED WHILE HE SAT & WATCHED TV-I WOULD DRIVE ME NUTS! I FEEL SOOO BBAD I CAN’T HELP!

MOVED

WE HAVE MOVED, BUT HAD NO INTERNET/CABLE FOR 1 WEEK! MARK WAS KIND ENOUGH TO LET ME VISIT MY MOM DAILY-I’M SURE A HUGE SACRIFICE 4 HIM-BUT I AM SOOOOOO BEHIND ON EMAILS, JOURNALS, ETC…THEN BEGAN MY FAM. REUNION, SO I GOT MORE BEHIND. 1 EMAIL TOOK ME 4 DAYS! IT WAS A HUGE RELIEF 2 BE DONE! THE OTHER DAY WE HAD A BIG SCARE…I THINK I FAINTED. WHEN IT WAS OVER, I WAS SUPER DIZZY & EXHAUSTED. SO WHAT HAPPENED? I WAS ON THE TILT TABLE TOO LONG. MARK WAS HELPING ME SORT MY JEWELRY AS I STOOD, & SUDDENLY I HEARD RINGING & SAW FUNNY (BAD TO COME FROM ME, SINCE I ALREADY SEE BAD!)-IT CAME TOO FAST 4 ME 2 TELL POOR MARK. HE SAYS I SHOOK & MY EYES ROLLED BACK, BUT ALL I REMEMBER IS PITCH BLACK. NOT LIKE MY STROKE, WHERE I WAS ALWAYS CONCSIENCE, BUT SUPER SCARY. ALL I REMEMBER WAS AFTER IT HAPPENED, MARK WAS ROLLING ME BACK SO I COULD LAY DOWN & COME OFF, & I WAS LEANING FORWARD W/MY TUB 2 MY LT. & HAIR IN MY FACE. I HAD TO MUSTER EVERYTHING 2 SIGN.

DO I LIKE MY HOUSE? THAT’S A TOSS-UP, HONESTLY. MOVING REMINDED ME HOW HELPLESS I AM & AT THE MERCY OF OTHERS. I ALSO LOST A LOT OF INDEPENDENCE, SO I FEEL LIKE I’M IN JAIL. I CAN’T EVEN JUST GO ON MY COMP. OR ROAM BOTH LEVELS OF MY HOUSE, BECAUSE I NEED HELP 2 BACK OUT OF MY ELVATOR. I CAN’T EXPECT MARK TO COME IMMEDIATELY & OFTEN! THE HARDEST THING IS BEING SO CLOSE, YET SO FAR! IE. I HAVE AUTO. DOORS ON MY ELAVOTOR, CANPRESS BUTTONS TO GO, BUT CAN’T GO OUT. MY FINGERS R THERE, BUT I CAN’T TOUCH! HOWEVER, THE HOUSE IS BEAUTIFUL, & SOMETHING I FEEL PROUD OF. ALSO, MARK HAS CONSIDERED ALOT 4 ME. IE. MANY LIGHTS R DOWN LOW, WHICH FIA LOVES, & R EASY SWITCHES I CAN DO. THERE R 2 CAMERAS SO I CAN SEE THE KIDS PLAY & CHECK THE FRONT DOOR. THERE IS EVEN AN AUTO FRONT DOOR SO I CAN LET PEOPLE IN. 1 OF R 2 PORCHES IS BUG-FREE. GRANTED, THERE IS STILL WIND, & I DON’T SEE HOW 2 ACCESS THE REMOTES INEED, BUT IN TIME.

MOVING

WE FINALLY HAVE A MOVING TRUCK TOMORROW-IF R BEDS R TAKEN, IT’S TOMMORROW WE MOVE! WE HAVE A LOT UNPACKED ALREADY. IF U E-MAIL ME, I MAY NOT RESPOND RT. AWAY…

IN ADDITION, R ELEVATOR WAS FINALLY INSTALLED. IT?S NOT DONE, BUT IT WAS DONE ENOUGH FOR ME! I HAD SEEN SOME OF DOWNSTAIRS BEFORE, THANKS TO MARK CARRYING ME DOWN, BUT THERE WHERE 3 ROOMS I?D SEEN ONLY 1X FROM A DOORWAY (IE. I HAD NO IDEA WHERE ZACH?S CLOSET WAS) & A BATHROOM I HAD NEVER SEEN, BUT I WASN?T 1 TO SAY SO SINCE I KNEW I WAS FORTUNATE TO SEE ANYTHING AT ALL! IT WAS GOOD TO FINALLY SEE STUFF, & BE IN MY WHEELCHAIR-NOT WORRYING ABOUT EXHAUSTING MARK OR CONCENTRATING ON STANDING.