I'VE ALSO BEEN MORE VOCAL LATELY (POOR MARK, AS HE WELL KNOWS, I'M MORE VOCAL LYING DOWN IN BED—WHERE I HAVE LESS PRESSURE ON MY STOMACH MUSCLES 2 TAKE THE REQUIRED BREATH). I ALSO HAVE A HARDER TIME SAYING SOMETHING IF I TRY 2 SAY IT, BUT THE OPPOSITE IS ALSO TRUE. (REMEMBER, I WAKE BETWEEN 4-6 AM & TRY 2 QUIETLY LAY THERE—& EVEN SOME1 WHO CAN'T SPEAK, IRONICALLY, I CAN BE LOUD–& THE QUIETER I TRY 2 B, THE LOUDER I AM!)

WHEN I SPEAK, SOMETIMES IT'S HARD 2 RECOGNIZE, SINCE I MOSTLY USE VOWELS, BUT HERE R A FEW NEW THINGS I'VE SAID THIS WEEK: AMEN (A-EN), LOTS ,ORE OF "UH-HUH'S," MOVE (OVE), ,"ETC. I OFTEN SAY I LOVE U, (THIS COMES SOMETIMES AS I SIGN IT—MY KIDS KNOW THE SLURRED "I O U" WELL), THANK U (THIS COMES SOMETIMES AS I SIGN IT), HI (I), BYE (IE), FIA (IA), MARK (MA), DONE (ONE, BUT SOUNDS LIKE A GRUNT)— I HAVE BEEN SAYING "OW" 4 A WHILE. (U'D BE SHOCKED HOW MUCH MORE THINGS HURT WHEN U CAN'T SAY "OW!")

I RECALL BEING JEALOUS OF THOSE WHO SIGN BECAUSE THEY COULD GRUNT 2 GET ATTENTION. SOMETIMES I CAN NOW DO IT, 2. IT'S WONDERFUL, SINCE MY HAND IS RARELY NOTICED. I HAVE A SPEAKING PROGRAM ON A LAPTOP, BUT HARDLY USE IT. THE KEYBOARD IS GREY W/WHITE LETTERS–HARD 2 C (NOT ENOUGH CONTRAST), I TYPE LABORIOUSLY SLOW, & HATE MOVING W/IT BECAUSE THE LAPTOP FEELS LIKE IT WILL FALL. STILL, EVEN THAT HAS 2 BE HANDED 2 U &, 4 ME, B SET UP W/A KEYGAURD (WHICH IS ESSENTIALLY A PIECE OF PLASTIC SO MY HAND CAN REST WHILE I TYPE & NOT PUSH KEYS–IT HAS HOLES DRILLED FOR KEYS. )

I KNOW IT'S OFTEN SAID THAT U'LL NEVER GET MY SPEAKING VOICE BACK IF I DIDN’T USE IT. LOOK AT NEW BABIES. WHAT ISN'T SAID IS U'UR (YOUR) VOICE IS WEIRD AND U'RE EFFORTS R UNRECOGNIZABLE (HOWEVER, IF I RARELY SPEAK, THE WORD IS RECOGNIZED BY CONTEXT CLUES, MOTIVATING ME 2 KEEP TRYING 2 SAYING IT). IT'S ALSO FRUSTRATING 2 NOT B ABLE 2 MAKE THE WORDS U WANT 2. MAYBE I'M COMFORTABLE, IN AN ODD WAY, SPELLING & KNOWING MY WORDS WILL B FIGURED OUT, BUT I DO TRY 2 SAY WORDS I'VE HAD SUCCESS WITH.

MARK TOLD ME 2 “JUST TALK” (BABBLE). BUT, NOT ONLY DO I NEED SOMETHING 2 BABBLE ABOUT, BUT IF I “JUST TALK” PEOPLE FREAK & ASK ME WHAT I NEED, & THEN I HAVE 2 DEAL W/THE HASSLE 2 EXPLAIN I'M BABBLING. I KNOW I NEED 2 DO MORE, SO I “SING” & UPLOADED SONGS 2 MY COMP. SO I CAN PRACTICE “SINGING” WHEN I’M HOME ALONE.

KNOW WHAT'S CRAZY? I LEARNED THAT SINCE I HAD A STROKE (LET'S SAY A BRAIN INJURY), I'M LACKING IN SOME SKILLS, SINCE THE STROKE WIPED OUT IN PART OF MY BRAIN. 4 INSTANCE, I HAVE TROUBLE VERBALLY (THROUGH ASL) EXPLAING THOUGHTS AT TIMES, BUT CAN TYPE IT FINE. THAT LINK IS MISSING SOMETIMES. LUCKILY, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A JOURNAL WRITER—I SO MISSED IT EARLY ON & OFTEN THINK HOW BAD IT'D BE IF I SPENT THE LAST 3 YEARS BLINK-SPELLING. (AS I DID 4 MONTHS POST STROKE).

OR I CAN C SOMETHING & GET THE OVERALL THEME, YET NOT UNDERSTAND. THAT LINK IS MISSING . I'VE ALWAYS HAD THIS PROBLEM 2 A DEGREE, SO I BLAMED IT ON MY VISION (DOUBLE VISION, HARD 2 C DARKER STUFF, MISSING STUFF BECAUSE I CAN'T STAY FOCUSED & HAVE 2 CONSTANTLY REMIND MYSELF 2 SCAN 2 THE RT., ETC.) I THINK THIS IS DEFINITELY PART OF IT, BUT AMONG THE OBVIOUS PHYSICAL NEEDS, IT CAN'T BE FORGOTTEN THAT I HAVE COGNETIVE NEEDS, WHICH CREATIVEKY NEED ATTENTION. I HUST LEARNED THAT THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA HAS FREE ONLINE HELP FOR THESE PROBLEMS. I'D ASSUME THIS IS MORE SERIOUS 4 ME THAN 4 THE AVERAGE PERSON, SINCE I CAN'T EVEN DO SIMPLE TASKS, LIKE DRESS MYSELF.

HERE'S WHAT'S CRAZY: READING EMAIKS, TYPING, C-ING THE LITTLE "CLOSE" BOX ON THE COMP., SCRAPPING, & EVEN COMPUTER GAMES (SOLITAIRE WAS MENTIONED AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA) HELP ME COGNITIVELY! I'M NOT 1 TO PLAY A COMPUTER GAME, BUT GUESS I SHOULD SOMETIMES MAKE TIME. 🙂