I'VE ALSO BEEN MORE VOCAL LATELY (POOR MARK, AS HE WELL KNOWS, I'M MORE VOCAL LYING DOWN IN BED—WHERE I HAVE LESS PRESSURE ON MY STOMACH MUSCLES 2 TAKE THE REQUIRED BREATH). I ALSO HAVE A HARDER TIME SAYING SOMETHING IF I TRY 2 SAY IT, BUT THE OPPOSITE IS ALSO TRUE. (REMEMBER, I WAKE BETWEEN 4-6 AM & TRY 2 QUIETLY LAY THERE—& EVEN SOME1 WHO CAN'T SPEAK, IRONICALLY, I CAN BE LOUD–& THE QUIETER I TRY 2 B, THE LOUDER I AM!)

WHEN I SPEAK, SOMETIMES IT'S HARD 2 RECOGNIZE, SINCE I MOSTLY USE VOWELS, BUT HERE R A FEW NEW THINGS I'VE SAID THIS WEEK: AMEN (A-EN), LOTS ,ORE OF "UH-HUH'S," MOVE (OVE), ,"ETC. I OFTEN SAY I LOVE U, (THIS COMES SOMETIMES AS I SIGN IT—MY KIDS KNOW THE SLURRED "I O U" WELL), THANK U (THIS COMES SOMETIMES AS I SIGN IT), HI (I), BYE (IE), FIA (IA), MARK (MA), DONE (ONE, BUT SOUNDS LIKE A GRUNT)— I HAVE BEEN SAYING "OW" 4 A WHILE. (U'D BE SHOCKED HOW MUCH MORE THINGS HURT WHEN U CAN'T SAY "OW!")

I RECALL BEING JEALOUS OF THOSE WHO SIGN BECAUSE THEY COULD GRUNT 2 GET ATTENTION. SOMETIMES I CAN NOW DO IT, 2. IT'S WONDERFUL, SINCE MY HAND IS RARELY NOTICED. I HAVE A SPEAKING PROGRAM ON A LAPTOP, BUT HARDLY USE IT. THE KEYBOARD IS GREY W/WHITE LETTERS–HARD 2 C (NOT ENOUGH CONTRAST), I TYPE LABORIOUSLY SLOW, & HATE MOVING W/IT BECAUSE THE LAPTOP FEELS LIKE IT WILL FALL. STILL, EVEN THAT HAS 2 BE HANDED 2 U &, 4 ME, B SET UP W/A KEYGAURD (WHICH IS ESSENTIALLY A PIECE OF PLASTIC SO MY HAND CAN REST WHILE I TYPE & NOT PUSH KEYS–IT HAS HOLES DRILLED FOR KEYS. )

I KNOW IT'S OFTEN SAID THAT U'LL NEVER GET MY SPEAKING VOICE BACK IF I DIDN’T USE IT. LOOK AT NEW BABIES. WHAT ISN'T SAID IS U'UR (YOUR) VOICE IS WEIRD AND U'RE EFFORTS R UNRECOGNIZABLE (HOWEVER, IF I RARELY SPEAK, THE WORD IS RECOGNIZED BY CONTEXT CLUES, MOTIVATING ME 2 KEEP TRYING 2 SAYING IT). IT'S ALSO FRUSTRATING 2 NOT B ABLE 2 MAKE THE WORDS U WANT 2. MAYBE I'M COMFORTABLE, IN AN ODD WAY, SPELLING & KNOWING MY WORDS WILL B FIGURED OUT, BUT I DO TRY 2 SAY WORDS I'VE HAD SUCCESS WITH.

MARK TOLD ME 2 “JUST TALK” (BABBLE). BUT, NOT ONLY DO I NEED SOMETHING 2 BABBLE ABOUT, BUT IF I “JUST TALK” PEOPLE FREAK & ASK ME WHAT I NEED, & THEN I HAVE 2 DEAL W/THE HASSLE 2 EXPLAIN I'M BABBLING. I KNOW I NEED 2 DO MORE, SO I “SING” & UPLOADED SONGS 2 MY COMP. SO I CAN PRACTICE “SINGING” WHEN I’M HOME ALONE.

KNOW WHAT'S CRAZY? I LEARNED THAT SINCE I HAD A STROKE (LET'S SAY A BRAIN INJURY), I'M LACKING IN SOME SKILLS, SINCE THE STROKE WIPED OUT IN PART OF MY BRAIN. 4 INSTANCE, I HAVE TROUBLE VERBALLY (THROUGH ASL) EXPLAING THOUGHTS AT TIMES, BUT CAN TYPE IT FINE. THAT LINK IS MISSING SOMETIMES. LUCKILY, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A JOURNAL WRITER—I SO MISSED IT EARLY ON & OFTEN THINK HOW BAD IT'D BE IF I SPENT THE LAST 3 YEARS BLINK-SPELLING. (AS I DID 4 MONTHS POST STROKE).

OR I CAN C SOMETHING & GET THE OVERALL THEME, YET NOT UNDERSTAND. THAT LINK IS MISSING . I'VE ALWAYS HAD THIS PROBLEM 2 A DEGREE, SO I BLAMED IT ON MY VISION (DOUBLE VISION, HARD 2 C DARKER STUFF, MISSING STUFF BECAUSE I CAN'T STAY FOCUSED & HAVE 2 CONSTANTLY REMIND MYSELF 2 SCAN 2 THE RT., ETC.) I THINK THIS IS DEFINITELY PART OF IT, BUT AMONG THE OBVIOUS PHYSICAL NEEDS, IT CAN'T BE FORGOTTEN THAT I HAVE COGNETIVE NEEDS, WHICH CREATIVEKY NEED ATTENTION. I HUST LEARNED THAT THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA HAS FREE ONLINE HELP FOR THESE PROBLEMS. I'D ASSUME THIS IS MORE SERIOUS 4 ME THAN 4 THE AVERAGE PERSON, SINCE I CAN'T EVEN DO SIMPLE TASKS, LIKE DRESS MYSELF.

HERE'S WHAT'S CRAZY: READING EMAIKS, TYPING, C-ING THE LITTLE "CLOSE" BOX ON THE COMP., SCRAPPING, & EVEN COMPUTER GAMES (SOLITAIRE WAS MENTIONED AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA) HELP ME COGNITIVELY! I'M NOT 1 TO PLAY A COMPUTER GAME, BUT GUESS I SHOULD SOMETIMES MAKE TIME. 🙂

I'M BACK! LOL GLAD THE NEW SCRAPBOOK PGS. APPEARED WHILE I WAS GONE, SO THEE WAS SOMETHING NEW LAST WEEK! I KNOW THE 11ST GRADE PGS. HAVE PREVIOUSLY BEEN POSTED, BUT THE NEW PGS. SHOW HOW I ADAPTED 8.5X11 PGS. MADE 4 JESS’ CLASS INTO 12X12 PGS. 4 HER BOOK.ANOTHER IDEA: IF U WANT 2 USE YOUR REG.-SIZE PRINTER BUT HAVE 12X12 BE THE FINAL PRODUCT, TRY PRINTING OUT 8.5X11 PAPER & ATTACHING IT TO 12X12 TRADITIONAL CARDSTOCK PAPER.

I ALSO MADE SOME REUNION PGS. SAT. SINCE I HAD TIME. I BOUGHT SOME SCRAP. KITS AT DISNEY–I CAN’T SCAN 12X12 PGS., SSO SOME TRA-DIGITAL PGS. WILL NOT BE POSETD.

AT THE REUNION IN FLORIDA, I DIDN'T HAVE INTERNET, BUT MARK TOTED MY COMP. THERE (ALONG W/3 WHEELCHAIRS—I DON'T PACK LIGHT: 1. ME IN MY POWER CHAIR TOOK PLACE OF THE PASSENGER SEAT, 2. MY SHOWER CHAIR; INSTEAD OF THE TRAVEL 1 I HAVE THAT WORKS, BUT FREAKS ME OUT, & 3. MY MANUAL CHAIR 4 RIDES AT DISNEYWORLD). I CAN SPEND 10-11 HRS. A DAY ON MY COMP. (SINCE IT HAS EVERYTHING: MY JOURNAL, MY HOBBY, MY WAY 2 COMMUNICATE W/OTHERS, ETC.), & ALTHOUGH I HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH 2 DO W/O INTERNET, I NEVER FULLY REALIZED–UNTIL I COULDN'T DO IT—HOW A LARGE CHUNK OF THAT TIME WAS DEVOTED 2 MY CALLING AT CHURCH & MY LIMITED INTERACTION W/THE WORLD (IT WAS SOMETIMES VERY LONELY 2 RESORT 2 1-WAY COMMUNICATION—FAMILY DINNERS WERE SOMEWHAT MY RELEASE). THOUGH I HAD PLENTY 2 DO W/O INTERNET (& EVEN MADE A DOCUMENT 2 ANSWER THE TON OF SOME OF MY UNANSWERED EMAILS), AFTER A FEW HRS., ESP. SINCE I WAS "ON DISPLAY" ON A BIG SCREEN TV & HAD NO PRIVACY, SO I WWAS LIMITED EVEN FURTHER IN MY ACTIVITIES, I WAS BORED, & C-ING ME ON THE COMP. WAS MIS-LEADING 2 OTHERS & RESULTED IN LESS INTERACTION. HOWEVER, MY COMP. WAS SET-UP LUCKILY BY WED., 6/20 (I WAS OFF 6/15 & OTHERWISE I'D HAVE HAD 4 CONSECUTIVE DAYS OF WATCHING TV, & THOUGH I HAD ANTICIPATED IT & JUSTIFIED IT WAS ONLY FAIR SINCE MARK SET ASIDE 4 DAYS OF HIS LIFE 2 DRIVE ME FROM TEXAS 2 FLORIDA,I WOULD'VE GONE CRAZY JUST SITTING, NOT EVEN TALKING 2 MYSELF OR ACCOMPLISHING ANYTHING). I HAD PLENTY 2 DO, BUT IT WAS HARD 2 C W/A LOWER MONITER. & THOUGH MOST KNEW ASL, I'D RATHER INTERACT & COMMUNICATE VERBALLY, BUT I COULDN'T. EVEN IF SOME1 COULD SIGN, THOUGH IT HELPED, I WAS STILL LIMITED & OFTEN EXCLUDED (DEFINITELY NOT ON PURPOSE, BUT ONLY SO MUCH CAN BE DONE W/SOME1 LIKE ME). THE REUNION ENDED SUNDAY, BUT 4 ME, IT ENDED TUESDAY (& I WAITED 2 WATCH A FAMILY SLIDESHOW & PLAY A GAME—DAD-ISM BINGO—WHICH MARK & I MADE 4 FRI.).

SO, I TYPED A LONG POST (OF MISC. THOUGHTS) WHILE I WAS ALONE, 4 WHEN I RETURNED:

FUNNY STORY:
THURS. NIGHT I’D PREVIOUSLY ASKED SOMETHING (WHILE MY FAM. RESTED FROM THE PARK ) 4 MISSY 2 GET. SOMETHING 4 ME. I HAD TRIED ALL DAY, BUT IT ENDED UP SHE COULDN’T DO ANYTHING UNTIL RT. B4 THE PARK WAS CLOSING. B4 SHE LEFT, SHE CHECKED ON ME–I WAS W/O POWER 2 CONTROL MY CHAIR & SHE HADN’T LEARNED HOW 2 TURN OFF THE BACK CONTRO;. I WAS JUST WATCHINNG TV, WAS STUCCK TILTED BACK, & WASN’T GOING ANYWHERE. I REALLY WANTED HER HELP AT A STORE THAT’D SOON CLOSE & KNEW I’D BE 2 SLOW 2 FINGERSPELL HOW 2 TURN OFF THHE BACK CONTROLLER 2 RETURN POWER 2 ME. I SHOULD’VE TOLD MISSY 2 GIVE MOM THE KEY & DO IT—SHE WAS THERE & KNEW HOW, BUTTT THEN THERE’D BE NO FUNNY STORY! I TOLD MISSY 2 GO. SHHE COMMENTED SHE DIDN’T WANT 2 LEEAVE ME, UNABLE 2 MOVE. I LAUGHED SOOOOOOOOO HARD! REALLY, I COULDN'T MOVE ANYWAY & WHERE WAS I GOING ANYWAY? AS LICK WOULD HAVE IT, W/IN 5 MIN., (ENOUGH TIME 4 HER 2 LEAVE THE HOTEL), AN ALARM WAS TRIGGERED IN THE HOTEL! I FIGURED IT WAS DONE BY A PUNK KID, BUT HAD VISIONS HOW FUNNY IT’D BE IF WE HAD 2 LEAVE ROOMS & AMIDST CHECKING IF ALL HAD LEFT, I WAS FOUND, UNABLE 2 MOVE OR TALK! HOWEVER,, I KNEW MY MOM WAS FREAKING OUT NEARBY 4 BOTH OF US (SO I COULD C THE HUMOR), & IF IT WAS REAL, SHE’D DO ALL IN HER POWER 2 GET 2 ME! HOWEVER. IT WAS A FALSE ALARM, AS I’D GUESSED. MISSY’S COMMENT GAINED CREDIT, BUT STILL MADE ME LAUGH!

I DOUBT THE INDEPENDENCE I DO HAVE IS KNOWN FULLY (EXCEPT BY MARK, WHO CREATED IT), SO IT'S NOT KNOWN WHAT ALL I GIVE UP WHEN I LEAVE:
1. MY ELEVATOR BUTTON IS ON THE CORRECT SIDE SO I CAN ACCESS IT & THE DOORS SELF-OPEN, SO I HAVE FREE ACCESS 2 BOTH FLOORS OF MY HOUSE.
2. MY BEDROOM DOOR (& THE FRONT DOOR, WHICH'S BROKEN, BUT I CAN OPEN SINCE WE ENSURED I COULD DO THE HANDLE) HAS A REMOTE 2 OPEN/CLOSE, WHICH'S VELCROED 2 MY CHAIR.
3. THERE IS A CAMERA IN R TOY ROOM, FACING R SPA, & FRONT DOOR, WHICH I CAN C FROM R UPSTAIRS TV.
4. I CAN ACCESS R PHONE, WHICH PLAYS A SPECIAL SONG IF MARK CALLS, &, ON SPEAKERPHONE, I HAVE A "CODE" 2 ANSWER YES/NO W/BEEPS.
5. R HOUSE LTS. R LOWER & WHERE I CAN ACCESS FROM THE RT.
6. WE HAVE WIDER DOORWAYS & HALLS.
7. REMOTES R MEANT 2 BE IN A DRAWER IN MY ROOM THAT I CAN ACCESS, BUT THE KIDS OFTEN LEAVE THEM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BED. BUT, OCCASIONALLY, I CAN MOVE THE COMFORTER & GET IT FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE BED. (I'M SO PROUD IF I DO!)
8. I HAVE A COMP. TABLE SO I CAN GO ON THE COMP. ANYTIME I WANT W/O THE HELP OF NEEDING MY COMP. TRAY. MY MOUSE & KEYBOARD R ALSO WIRELESS, SO I'M NOT :CHAINED: 2 THE WALL.
9. LUCKILY, I CAN TAKE THIS W/ME: ONCE, I MENTIONED THE POCKETS OF MY WHEELCHAIR. I OFTEN HAVE KLEENEX 4 MY CRYING & DROOLING EPISODES. ONCE I EVEN HAD CANDY IN IT I COULD ACCESS, BUT IT'S AN AWFUL TEMPTOR.
10. I CAN WEAR A PORTABLE ARM REST & FEED MYSELF. I HATE IT 4 MEALS, BUT LOVE IT 4 SNACKS, LIKE POPCORN OR CANDY (A RARE INDULGENCE) 4 A MOVIE.

AT THE REUNION, WE HAD AN ACCESSIBLE HOUSE, SO I HAPPILY FOUND ACCESS 2 THE ROOMS I NEED OR WANTED, & ENJOYED WIDER DOORWAYS & HALLS. BUT I BET IT'D NEVER BE GUESSED WHAT MADE ME HAPPIEST: THE POTTY GRAB BAR 4 THE TOILET WAS ON THE CORRECT SIDE SO I COULD USE IT! I ALSO NEVER REALIZED THIS INDEPENDENCE AT HOME: HAVING MY BEDROOM TV DOWN LOW & VIRTUALLY UNOBSTRUCTED, SO EVEN IF I CAN'T CHANGE CHANNELS, I CAN TURN IT ON. WHILE I LOVED THAT THEY MOUNTED A TV ON THE BEDROOM WALL (SO I COULD C EVEN ON MY BACK ON THE BED, ALTHOUGH I'VE BECOME FANTASTIC AT RECOGNIZING VOICES & PICTURING MY OWN ACTING), IT WAS HORRIBLE IF ALL ASL-SPEAKING PEOPLE LEFT THE HOUSE W/O A TV TURNED ON OR MY COMP. TRAY ON! (I CHALENGE ANY1 TO SIT IN A ROOOM W/PEOPLE U CAN'T TALK 2 & HAS NO COMP. OR TV–JUST SIT & NOT TALK).

FINDING A FAM. BATHROOM SO MARK CAN HELP ME, IS AN EXPERIENCE. I'VE LEARNED 2 ALLOW 4 "SEARCHING TIME." SO, I WAS IMPRSSED W/ MARK'S STROKE OF GENIOUS 2 FIND A BATHROOM (WHILE DRIVING THROUGH LOUISIANNA) AT A HOSPITAL. BUT THE SEARCH WAS IRONICALLY HARDER THAN A STOP AT A JC PENNEY STORE ON THE PREVIOUS TRIP 2 OKLAHOMA!

MY CHAIR CAN BE PUT IN PLACE OF THE PASSENGER SEAT, BUT I NEED ENORMOUS AMOUNTS OF TRUST 2 LEAVE, WHICH I LUCKILY I LEARNED THE BEGININGS OF THROUGH LIFTS IN DANCE.

GREETINGS CAN BE AS HARD AS GOODBYES W/PBA. OFTEN, I JUST AVOID THEM OR, IF I DO THEM, I DISTANCE MYSELF 2 AVOID CRYING. I KNEW I'D C ¾ OF MY FAMILY AGAIN W/IN THE WEEK—NOT SOMETHING 2 CRY OVER—YET, IHAD 2 FIGHT TEARS! & I WASN'T SAD 2 BE LEAVING!