Author: Jenny

In March 2004, I suffered a severe brainstem stroke, & was "locked in" for several months". I have been married to a wonderful man, Mark ever since Dec. 1994, & we have 3 kids: Zach (1997),, Jessica (2000), & Sophie (2002). I have been blessed in so many ways by God, so I wanted to keep a blog to share my recovery, life, & answer questions.

FOOD

OH HAPPY DAY! IT'S CLOSE TO 4 YEARS SINCE HAD THE FREEDOM 2 THINK, "I'M HUNGRY," & JUST GO GET A SNACK. SO, I DON'T SNACK—IT'S JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE OF FINDING & TELLING SOME1 2 FEED ME, GETTING A PAPER TOWEL BIB, TILTING MY CHAIR 2 ASSIT SWALLOWING, ETC—ALL 4 A SMALL SQUARE OF CHOCOLATE OR SOMETHING.

LUCKILY, I RARELY FEEL HUNGER, SO THIS, AT TIMES, ISN'T AN ISSUE. IN FACT, IT DOESN'T EVEN PHASE ME 2 SKIP LUNCH, BEING THAT I CAN'T BURN CALORIES AS FAST, & GAIN WEIGHT INCREDIBALLY FAST, IF I EAT "LIKE NORMAL."

BUT 2DAY A MACHINE WAS SET UP THAT I CAN ACCESS, CRANK TREATS OUT INTO A BOWL, & FEED MYSELF! COURSE, I NEEDED 2 GET STRONG ENOUGH 2 CRANK IT, & LIFT MY ARM 2 MY MOUTH, ALL WHILE HOLDING FOOD, & PLACE THE FOOD IN MY MOUTH. BUT I CAN! HOW INGENIOUS & CREATIVE OF MK 2 FIND A THING LIKE THIS EXISTED & USE IT IN A WAY THAT IT IMPRROVES MY LIFE! (NOT 2 MENTION, THE GREAT THERAPY IT OFFERS!)

THE NEW TRICK, SINCE IT'S FILLED W/TREATS & POPCORN AT THE KIDS EYE LEVEL, IS 2 TEACH THEM 2 NOT TOUCH MY FOOD! (BTW, POPCORN 'S GREAT 4 A TIRED ARM,, SINCE I CAN STTICK OUT MY TONGUE 2 GRAB IT, & IT STICKS 2 MY TONGUE!)

SORRY I'VE BEEN "OUT OF COMMISSION" SO LONG—I'VE BEEN TERRIBLY SICK & UNABLE 2 TYPE, THEN AT FAMILY FUNCTIONS—THEN MY KIDS WENT 2 MY SISTER'S (A SHOUT OUT 2 THEM), & TIGER TERRIBLY MISSES THHEM PLAYING, & GIVING HIM ATTENTION (SO, IF I'M TYPING & HE WANTS ATTENTION, HE WALKS ON MY KEYBOARD, & I SPEND MORE TIME DELETING, THAN TYPING! HIS NEW FAV. THING IS SO CUTE: HE SITS ON MY LAP, W/HIS FRONT PAWS ON MY UN-MOVING LEFT ARM, & WATCHES ME USE THE COMP.!)

THE WILL

I’VE NOTICED A WAY TIGER, R CAT, & I ARE SOMEWHAT THE SAME:

TIGER'S ROOM & "KITTY TIME OUT" R IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM. TIGER CAN SOMETIMES LET HIMSELF OUT OF THE LAUNDRY ROOM–LIKE IF HE HEARS US & WANTS 2 GET OUT, SUPER BAD…IT MOTIVATES HIM, & SINCE HE WANTS OUT REALLY BAD, & NO1 LETS HIM OUT, HE HAS LEARNED 2 DO IT HIMSELF.

I CAN TOTALLY RELATE. SO MANY THINGS, I’VE LEARNED OUT OF NECESSITY, BECAUSE, LIKE TIGER, I CAN BE ALONE RIGHHT WHEN I NEED HELP, &, LIKE TIGER MAY “MEOW” AT THE DOOR, I’M NOT UNDERSTOOD, BY MY GRUNTS AS 2 WHAT I NEED!

A GREAT EXAMPLE: A WHILE BACK, I WAS TRYING 2 C SEVERAL PHOTO CDS THAT WERE SENT 2 ME. I WAITED SEVERAL DAYS 4 SOME1 2 HAVE A HUGE CHUNK OF TIME THAT WAS NEEDED 2 HELP ME. I FINALLY DECIDED 2 WAIT UNTIL THE DAY MY CAREGIVER, CARA, CAME. SHE PUT A CD IN, & LEFT 2 WORK ON LAUNDRY 4 MY KIDS—SHE HAD TONS OF LAUNDRY —SO MUCH, I FELT GUILTY RINGING MY BELL 2 GET HER ATTENTION. SO, I CHOSE 2 WAIT 4 HER. AFTER LIKE 20 MIN., I GOT TIRED OF WAITING. I COULD'VE RANG, BUT KNEW SHE WAS BUSY. IT WAS SUCH A SMALL TASK, I DECIDED 2 TRY IT MYSELF B4 I RANG. LIKE TIGER'S "MEOWS,"I'M SURE I GRUNTED AS I TRIED 2 FIND THE STRENGTH 2 LIFT MY ARM 2 CHANGE CDS (4 SOME REASON, NOISE/GRRUNTS MAKE ME STRONGER). I KNOW CARA HEARD & CAME. SHE OFFERED 2 DO IT, BUT LET ME DO IT WHEN I REFUSED. (I WAS SO CLOSE!) LIKE TIGER'S WILL 2 GET OUT OF A ROOM, I FOUND THE STRENGTH 2 LIFT MY ARM 2 CHANGE CDS!

ALSO LIKE TIGER, THERE R TIMES I CAN'T DO IT, & RESORT 2 JST SITTING BY SOMETHING, & BUILDINGGGUP THE STRENGTH 2 DO WHAT I NEED 2 DO. I ADMIT, MY STUBBORNNESS SHOWS: I KNOW I HAVE DONE IT ONCE, SO EVEN IF I'D APPRECIATE A BREAK & HAVE HELP, I REFUSE 2 ASK 4 HELP. BUT, LIKE TIGER, WHEN PUSH COMES 2 SHOVE, SOMETHING I COULDN'T DO A MINUTE AGO, SUDDENLY IS POSSIBLE, & LIKE TIGER, I OPEN A DOOR 2 FREEDOM.

I SUCK!

WHEN I DISCOVERED I COULD SUCK, I STATED THAT THIS "opens worlds for me.” 2 EXPAND ON THAT THOUGHT:

I USE A SPECIAL SQUEEZE BOTTLE 2 DRINK. IT'S ACTUALLY MEANT 4 FOOTBALL PLAYERS WHEN THEIR HELMETS R ON. I NEED IT 2 HAVE ANY LIQUIDS, BECAUSE THEN LIQUIDS R SQUEEZED IN MY MOUTH, WHICH I SWALLOW. I BEGAN W/DROPS OF LIQUID, SO THESE GULPS SEEM HUGE.

ANYWAY, WHY I SAID THIS "opens worlds for me”:

• IT GIVES MY FAMILY FREEDOM. IF WE R ASKED SPONTANEOUSLY BY SOME1 2 GO 2 DINNER, WE CAN GO & NOT CHECK 1ST IF I HAVE MY CUP, & IF IT'S NOT THERE, I DON'T HAVE 2 BE THE "BAD GUY" WHO SAYS NO BECAUSE I NEED 2 DRINK IF THE FOOD IS DRY & IF THE FOOD IS STICKING 2 THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH.
• I CAN GO PLACS & NOT WORRY IF MY CUP IS THERE. I CAN TAKE SM. SIPS WHENEVER & WHEREVER–FAST DURING A MEAL, IF I'M AT CHURCH, MOVIE THEATER (CAN'T WAUT 2 TRY W/POPCORN).
• I CAN HAVE SODA POP, IF I DESIRE IT.

I’M NOT GREAT–1 SIP IS SMALL, HARD 2 DO, & TAKES A WHILE. I DOUBT IT'S STRONG ENOUGH 4 A MILKSHAKE (WHO CARES—COLD STUFF GIVES ME A BRAIN FREEZE ANYWAY!) BUT THAT IS HOW IT ALWAYS STARTS: SMALL. THEN I PRACTICE. I JUST NEED THE ABILITY…AFTER ALL, EVERYTHINNG I DO, STARTED W/JUST MOVING ATHUMB!

I JUST GOT A A CUP W/A STRAW THAT HOOKS 2 MY W/C, SO I CAN PRACTICE SUCKING. (IT'S NOW A COMPLIMEMT 2 SAY, :I SUCK!") I THINK I'll BECOME A BIGGER MOVIE FAN NOW, SINCE I CAN PRACTICE FOR 2 HRS. STRAIGHT! COINCIDENTLY,WE MADE THE STRAW REQUIRE ME 2 ALSO PRACTICE TURNING MY HEAD THE DIRECTION THAT'S HARDER 4 ME, & PROB. ALSO STRENGTHENS MY NECK!

BEING BUSY

SORRY. WAS TYPING 2 MUCH 2 FIND TIME 2 TYPE A POST.

I OFTEN STRESS ABOUT HOW BUSY I AM. I CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW BUSY I CAN GET BUT MY WORKLOAD SEEMS 2 DOUBLE, DUE 2 TYPING W/1 FINGER & DOUBLE VISION. I DO NOT SIT DOWN & WRITE A POST—BBESIDES ALWAYS SITTING (HA! HA! I AM EITHER "BAD"—YOUR FAULT, DAD–OR HILARIOUS!), I TAKE DAYS 2 TYPE STUFF:

I BEGIN W/CHOPPY THOUGHTS. NOTES, REALLY, 2 LATER SPARK MY MEMORY. I ADD A LITTLE EVERYTIME I READ IT, ESP. ADDING WORDS I CONSIDERED UN-IMPORTANT, AT 1ST.

BUT I'VE DECIDED 2 TURN OVER A NEW LEAF, & STRESS LESS & RECALL LESS 2 STRESS ABOUT TYPING. I STARTED 2 RECENTLY RECALL LESS, & I WAS DELIGHTED 2 C HOW A STRESSFUL, BUSY DAY, BECAME A DAY W/FREE TIME 2 SCRAP A PG. IN MY MIND!

THING IS, I REALIZED THAT NOT 2 LONG AGO, I WASN'T BUSY, & OH, HOW POINTLESS IT FELT 2 BE ALIVE, WHEN I COULDN'T EVEN WATCH TV WELL, DUE 2 MY VISION. BUSINESS IS A BLESSING, & I FELT I SHOULD ENJOY, INSTEAD OF STRESS, THAT I HAVE REGAINED ENOUGH 2 ACTUALLY FEEL BUSY AGAIN! & THOUGH I'M GREATLY LIMITED NOW, I FEEL MY LIFE ISN'T POINTLESS. I WOULD PREFER FEELING BUSY, SO I'VE DECIDED 2 ENJOY THAT FEELING.

FIA

IN MY EDUCATION, I LEARNED HOW VITALL THE 1ST 5 YRS. OF LIFE ARE, SO ITT CAN ONLY BE IMAGINED HOW I LAMENTED4 FIIA'S CHILDHOOD, AS SHE WAS BARELY 2 YRS. WHENN I STROKED..BUT BECAUSE OF IIT, SHE'S RECIEVED MORE QUALITY TIME FROM ME (I ACTUALLY PLAY TEA PARTY & BEAUTY PARLOR, & WHEN SHE'S LEFT OUT OF THE BIGGER KIDS PLAY, SHE KNOWS SHE CAN ASK, "MOM, WILL U PLAY W/ME?") & SHE"S BEEN FORCED 2 FIGURE THINGS OUT ON HER OWN (LIKE READING), SINCE I CAN'T ANSWER OR DO THINGS. SHE'S REALLY ADAPTED & IS SO VERY BRIGHT.

I REALIZED SHE ALSO PROVIDES ME CONSTANT THERAPY THROUGH DAILY LIVING: SHE SINGS W/ME & HAS ME MIMIC HER, SO I PRAACTICE SPEECH. I'VE BEEN PRACTICING PUCKERING BY KISSING. I PRACTICE HORIZONTAL ARM MOVT. THROUGH SPANKING (FIA LOVES ME 2 SPANK HER, BECAUSE I DON'T HURT, & IS ALARMED BY ANY INCREASE IN STRENGTH). FIA HAS TOLD ME THAT MY SPANKING HAS RECENTLY GOTTEN HARDER—WHICH CORRELATES 2 MY ABILITY 2 REACH & GET STUFF FROM MY CRAFT TABLE, SINCE I USE SOME OF THE SAME MUSCLES!

SPEAKING OF FIA, SHE IS DOING SO WELL WITH HER SIGN LANGUAGE…SHE COUDN’T FIND WHAT COLOR CHURCH SHOES 2 WEAR. I KNEW FIA WOULD UNDERSTAND 1 WORD LIKE “WHITE” OR “BLACK” IN SIGN. BUT NEITHER RELALY MATCHED, & SHE KNEW HER SILVER SHOE AS A 3 LETTER WORD: “DISCO BALL SHOES.” HOW COULD I TELL HER? FIGURING I WAS WASTING TIME, BUT SHE EXPECTED AN ANSWER, SO I SIGNED/SPELLED “DISCO” (CERTAIN THE WORD WAS 2 HARD, BUT WAS SHOCKED WHEN SHE GOT IT), THEN “BALL,” THEN JUST “S.” SHE FIGURED IT OUT: DISCO BALL SHOES!

SHE'S ACTUALLY ALMOST 2 SMART—SHE LOVES 2 PLAY THE "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR SAYING" CARD (SINCE SHE CAN BECAUSE SOMETIMES IT'S TRUE), BUT WHEN I SEND HER 2 BED, SHE'S SMART ENOUGH 2 CHANGE THE WORDS 2 BENEFIT HER ("GO 2 BEAD , SOPHIA? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR SAYING!")