Author: Jenny

In March 2004, I suffered a severe brainstem stroke, & was "locked in" for several months". I have been married to a wonderful man, Mark ever since Dec. 1994, & we have 3 kids: Zach (1997),, Jessica (2000), & Sophie (2002). I have been blessed in so many ways by God, so I wanted to keep a blog to share my recovery, life, & answer questions.

BAGEL

THERE IS AN ILLNESS THAT’S CIRCULATED MY ENTIRE FAMILY. I FEEL IT STARTING. IF I CAN FORCE MYSELF 2 REST, I MAY BEAT IT, BUT IT’S SO UNLIKE ME 2 REST! SO, I’M DETERMINED 2 POST B4 IT HITS!

NOTHING HAS REALLY SEEMED SIGNIFICANT 2 POST, BUT MAYBE U’D FIND INTEREST THAT ABOUT A WEEK AGO, I HAD MY 1ST BAGEL, IN 4 YEARS! &, EVEN BETTER, AFTER THE INTIAL TASTE, I FED IT 2 MYSELF (THE CREAM CHEESE IS IN A ROLLED-UP BAGEL, SO IT IS MESS-FREE).

FEEDING MYSELF IS NOTHING NEW: I DID IT AWHILE BACK…BUT I HATED IT—MORE FOOD WAS ON ME, THAN IN ME. THE WRIST STRENGTH & CORDINATION R , SO NOW, I LOVE FEEDING MYSELF!

HAD A BAGEL AGAIN 2DAY, BUT I GET WEAK WHEN I DON’T FEEL GREAT, SO IT WAS SOOO HARD 2 EVEN LIFT MY WRIST!

DINNER

JUST A NOTE, BECCAUSE I DID 1 OF THE COOLEST THINGS EVER, ON WED. NIGHT—USING MY ARM SUPPORT & FINGER FOODS FROM ARBY'S, I FED MYSELF DINNER! BUT WAIT! THAT'S NOT ALL! I DRANK WATER 2, USING MY NEW CUP W/A STRAW! HOW COOL IS THAT?!?

GRANTED, I HAVEN'T MASTERED THE STRAW, & CAN CHOLE IF I GET A BIG GULP, ESP. SINCE I TILT MY CHAIR, ESP. 4 FLUIDS, BUT HEY, IT'S A START!

SO EXCITED!

TALKING

IT IS SAID, U USE 10% OF YOUR BRAIN. MOST OF THAT 10% IS DEAD, IN MY BRAIN. SO, I'M JUST "RE-WIRING" THE 90% THAT'S UNUSED. THAT TAKES AWHILE, BUT THERE'S HOPE I CAN LEARN.

SO, SHOULD IT COME AS A SURPRISE, THAT THE KIDS RECENTLY EXCLAIMED, "SHE'S LIKE A BABY! (I WONDERED HOW THEY WERE JUST REALIZING THIS!) SHE'S LEARNING 2 TALK AGAIN!"

A FEW WEEKS AGO, I SAW MY BRO. AT MY PARENTS. AS I PASSED HIM, I THOUGHT "HI," & “HI” JUST POPPED OUT. MY DAD HEARD, & HE & MY BRO. WERE THRILLED.

LUCKILY, IT WAS A GOOD SPEAKING NIGHT, SO I COULD FILL REQUESTS 2 REPEAT "HI" & SAY BYE (ALTHOUGH, I'VE HEARD ME SAY "BYE" BETTER B4).

THEN, MORE RECENTLY, JESS ASKED IF APRIL WAS SPELLED W/1 OR 2 L'S—WITHOUT ANY HESITATION, I ANSWERED W/A VERY CLEAR "ONE." JESS WAS SHOCKED. I WAS SHOCKED SHE UNDERSTOOD ME! I OFTEN RESPOND W/O THINKING (THINGS LIKE "THANK U," "FIA," "YES," "NO," "I LOVE U"), BUT AM RARELY UNDERSTOOD, EXCEPT, SOMETIMES BY MK. (THE FAMILY ACTUALLY MOCK HOW I SAY "I O U." I LOVE 2 BE TOLD, "I O U 2!")

SO, JESS REQUESTED I SAY "ONE" AGAIN. IT WAS TWICE AS HARD, & DEFINITELY LESS RECOGNIZABLE WHEN I THOUGHT ABOUT SAYING THE WORD—SO, I TRIED AGAIN. STILL NOT AS GOOD, BUT BETTER ENOUGH 2 SATISFY HER.

STROKE-AVERSARY

IT'S MY 4TH STROKE-AVERSARY: IN OTHER WORDS, IT'S BEEN 4 YRS. SINCE I STROKED. I WAS RECENTLY REMINDED OF THE 1ST YEAR AFTER I STROKED— BY FAR, THAT 1ST YEAR IS REALLY A STRUGGLE, 4 EVERY1—NOT JUST ME. GLAD IT IS FAR PAST, & THAT I'VE SURVIVED LONG ENOUGH 2 OUTLIVE THE NIGHTMARE I WAS DAILY LIVING—

AFTER MY STROKE, I REALIZED THAT, .LIKE IT OR NOT, I WAS HERE THIS WAY, & MADE THE CHOICE 2 TRY 2 MOVE FWD & MAKE THE BEST OF IT. EVEN NOW, THERE R TOUGH DAYS, BUT NOW MY LIFE SEEMS WORTHWHILE & IT GIVES ME A WILL 2 KEEP LIVING (MOST LOCKED-IN DIE W/IN A YEAR OR 2—I BELIEVE FROM THE LACK OF FEELING THEIR LIFE IS WORTHWHILE. AS A WIFE & YOUNG MOTHER, & DUE 2 MY RELIGIOUS BELIEFS, I WAS CONSTANTLY REMINDED OF MY WORTH. NOW, I’M 4 YEARS POST-STROKE, SO I'VE HAD A CHANCE 2 CHANGE MY VIEWPOINT!)

MY FAITH HELPED TONS 2 CHANGE MY VIEWPOINT, SINCE FAMILIES R CONSIDERED SO IMPORTANT, & I BELIEVE THAT SOMEDAY THERE WILL BE A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL, & MY BODY WILL AGAIN WORK. I MAY HAVE 2 DIE B4 THAT HAPPENS, & MY BODY WILL AGAIN WORK, BUT LIFE IS SHORT & I BELEIVE IT’S POSSIBLE, THROUGH CHRIST…THAT MAKES ME KEEP CHUGGING ALONG.

IN OCT., I “SPOKE" AT AN INTERNATIONAL DRS. CONFERENCE. A BIG QUES. WAS IF THEY SHOULD PULL THE PLUG 4 OTHERS LIKE ME…TOUGH 2 ANSWER, BECAUSE EVERY SITUATION IS SO DIFFERENT. I’VE NEVER EVER WANTED LIFE SUPPORT, BUT WHEN I STROKED, I WANTED THEM 2 DO ALL THEY COULD, AT THAT MOMENT.

THE 1ST 3 MONTHS, I COULD MOVE NOTHING, BUT MY EYELIDS, & LAID IN A BED. MY HUSBAND REALLY WAS A STRONG ADVOCATE & FOUGHT 4 ME & KNEW ME WELL ENOUGH 2 THINK, “JENNY WOULDN’T STAND 4 THAT!”

STILL, I HAD DAYS. IT CAN BE TOUGH PHYSICALLY & EMOTIONALLY. THOSE WHO CARE 4 ME, HAD 2 MAKE THE CHOICE WHETHER OR NOT I LIVED, BECAUSE IT ALSO MUST BE WEIGHED HOW MUCH U R WILLING 2 GIVE UP 4 THAT PERSON, IF THEY LIVE. NO DOCTOR CAN MAKE THAT CHOICE. THE STROKEE CAN'T MAKE THAT CHOICE. (BESIDES, THE ROAD IS SO ROCKY, I’M GLAD I DIDN’T DECIDE, OR, DEPENDING ON THE DAY, I WOULD’VE ANSWERED DIFFERENT!) I TOLD THE DOCTOR’S 2 LET FAMILY DECIDE, SINCE THEY NEED 2 WEIGH HOW THEIR LIVES WILL SERIOUSLY CHANGE.