Author: Jenny

In March 2004, I suffered a severe brainstem stroke, & was "locked in" for several months". I have been married to a wonderful man, Mark ever since Dec. 1994, & we have 3 kids: Zach (1997),, Jessica (2000), & Sophie (2002). I have been blessed in so many ways by God, so I wanted to keep a blog to share my recovery, life, & answer questions.

THOUGHTS

I WAS SEARCHING 4 THE ENSIGN ARTICLE (ABOUT HYMNS, BY MY FRIEND, Jack Rushton) THAT INSPIRED MY ENSIGN ARTICLE. DISCOVERED THESE WORDS OF WISDOM, IN A 2ND ENSIGN ARTICLE HE HAD PARTICIPATED IN:

Everything can be taken away from you. But no one else can control your thoughts or attitudes. I often think of a quote I once heard: ‘Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional.’ Nothing can force us to be unhappy.”

THEN, AT CHURCH SUN., THERE WAS A COMENT THAT GAVE ME A THOUGHT 2 SHARE:

IN PRES. MONSON’S TALK, “Abundantly Blessed,” HE SAID, “To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well.” THIS IS SOMETHING WWE ALL CAN DO.

NOW-A-DAYS, I CAN SIGN “I LOVE U”—FEW OF THEIR FRIENDS KNOW THE SIGN’S MEANING, & IF THEY DO, THEY DON’T KNOW “JENNY-ESE,” SO THE KIDS CAN SILENTLY KNOW THAT I LOVE THEM, & R NOT EMBARRASSED BY MY SIGN OF AFFECTION.

BUT B4 MY STROKE, I

I DID THIS 2 MY OLDER 2 KIDS (DOUBT SOPHIA REMEMBERS, AS SHE WAS BARELY 2 YRS. OLD, WHEN I HAD MY STROKE): I COULD REACH OVER, GRAB A HAND, & SQUEEZE THEIR HAND, 2 SECRETLY SAY ” I LOVE U”, SO I DIDN’T EMBARRASS THEM IN PUBLIC.

RECENTLY, SOPHIA HAS BEEN QUESTIONING MY UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, & ASKS REPEATEDLY “WOULD U LOVE ME IF I _____.” SHE REALLY SEEMS 2 BE TESTING ME, AS SHE’S RECENTLY HAD A STRING OF CHOICES THAT WERE ROUGH. BUT, AFTER HEARING PRES. MONSON’S TALK IN APRIL 2008, (“Abundantly Blessed”), COMFORT WAS SPOKEN 2 MY SOUL:

WHILE IT HAS BEEN QUITE THE STRUGGLE 4 ME 2 ACCEPT THE IDEA 2 NOT BE YOUR “TRADITIONAL” MOM, I COULD STAND PROUD AS A MOM, BECAUSE THE KIDS KNOW I LOVE THEM, & EVER SINCE I COULD SIGN “I LOVE U”, THERE ISN’T A DAY THAT I DON’T SAY IT, SINCE THERE’S NO GAURANTEE I CAN SAY IT TOMMORROW.

SPEAKING OF TOMMORROW , OUR PERCEPTION OF THE FUTURE IS A DAY, A WEEK, A MONTH, OR EVEN 20 YRS. DOWN THE ROAD. I BELIEVE THE LORD’S PERCEPTION OF THE FUTURE IS ETERNAL. SO WHEN THINGS R TOUGH, OR NOT AS WE EXPECT IT 2 BE, INSTEAD OF WONDERING, “WHY ME?”, WE SHOULD ENDURE, LEARN & GROW FROM THE HARDSHIP, & SEARCH 4 THE GOOD IN IT. U MAY NOT C THE BLESSINGS UNTIL LATER, BUT THE LORD KNEW WHEN U WERE GIVEN THE HARDSHIP. HE KNOWS WHO U ARE, & WHO U ARE TRYING 2 BECOME, & PLACES THOSE HARDSHIPS THERE, 2 GIVE US THE CHANCE 2 BECOME WHO WE SHOULD BE…

AS MY FRIEND, Jack Rushton SAID, “The Lord knows why, even though we don’t.”

MY BODY

I USE A LOT OF HUMOR 2 DEAL W/THINGS, SO HERE’S SOMETHING U MAY ENJOY:

MY KIDS & I WERE PLAYING A GAME (“APPLES 2 APPLES”) A LONG TIME AGO. IT WAS MY TURN 2 SHARE A WORD. THEIR JOB WAS 2 DEFINE THE WORD THE BEST THEY COULD, W/THE CARDS IN HAND (THE CARDS HAD WORDS), BUT THE TRICK WAS 2 DEFINE IT, SO I WOULD PICK THEIR DEFINITION. MY WORD WAS “BODY.” MOST WOULD BE HORRIFIED BY HOW MY SON CHOSE 2 DEFINE IT: “USELESS.” BUT I DOUBLED OVER LAUGHING & PICKED HIS DEFINITION!

MY STROKE IS A BLESSING & A CURSE. I THINK MANY C THE CURSE, BUT FEW C THE BLESSING. I EVEN HAD A CHOICE IN HOW I SAW IT.

IT’S LIKE WHEN U SEND A CHILD 2 COLLEGE & LOOK BACK AT YRS. GONE BY. SURE, U MISS “THE GOOD OL’ DAYS.” BUT U R GRATEFUL 4 THE EXPERIENCES U HAD IN “THE GOOD OL’ DAYS.”

LATER, THAT CHILD BLESSES U W/GRANDKIDS, & U R AGAIN GRATEFUL 4 “THE GOOD OL’ DAYS.” U R ALSO GRATEFUL 4 WHAT KNOWLEDGE U HAVE OF “THE GOOD OL’ DAYS”-IT MAKES U APPRECIATE THE CHILDREN MORE, & U HAVE LEARNED 2 TREASURE SMALL THINGS, LIKE A CHILD ON YOUR LAP 4 STORIES, & U SLOW DOWN & TRULY PLAY–U GET DRESSED UP & HAVE A TEA PARTY.

IT IS LIKE THAT: SURE, I MISS “THE GOOD OL’ DAYS.” BUT, NEVER AGAIN WILL I UNDER-APPRECIATE SIMPLE THINGS LIKE TALKING (I AM LEARNING), OR THE SIMPLE TASK OF TURNING ON A LIGHT SWITCH. MY BODY “LEFT 4 COLLEGE,” IF U WILL, & IN A SEASON, I BELIEVE IT WILL RETURN. IN THE MEANTIME, I HAVE HAD A CHANCE THAT MANY YOUNG MOM’S MAY NEVER HAVE: I CHERISH THE TIMES THEY SIT ON MY LAP & READ 2 ME, WE PLAY ON THE COMP. 2GETHER, I ROCK AT PLAYING THE GAME “RED ROVER”, RIDE BIKES (I COME FULLY EQUIPPED), GIVE WAGON RIDES, PLAY BASEBALL, DRESS UP, , HAVE “TEA” PARTIES, & MORE. NOTHING, OF COURSE, IS HOW “TRADITIONAL” MOMS DO IT, & I MAY NEED HELP (LIKE MY HUSBAND, MK, FIGURED OUT HOW 2 ATTACH A WAGON 2 ME), BUT I’VE HEARD MY KIDS SAY, DESPITE EVERYTHING, “I’M GLAD I HAVE A MOM” & “AT LEAST (U) CAN STILL DO FUN STUFF.”

MY BODY IS A GIFT. SURE, WE LAUGH ABOUT HOW I “DIDN’T NEED THAT (BODY PART) ANYWAY,” BUT MY BODY IS SLOWLY “COMING BACK FROM COLLEGE.” & JUST AS OTHERS CAN MORE FULLY APPRECIATE THEIR GRANDKIDS, I CAN MORE FULLY APPRECIATE HAVING A BODY, BEING A YOUNG MOM, & THE EFFORTS THAT GO INTO SIMPLE TASKS, LIKE TURNING ON A LIGHT SWITCH.

ALMOST 4 YRS. AGO, NOTHING OF WHAT I CURRENTLY DO SEEMED POSSIBLE. I AM THANKFUL 4 WHAT FEW THINGS THE LORD HAS SEEN FIT 2 LET ME RE-GAIN.

ENSIGN ARTICLE

I’M ONLINE! THIS IS HOW I “READ” IT, SO IT IS EXCITING 2 HEAR IT THERE. IT’S MORE “REAL”.

SO, IF U DO NOT GET THE LDS ENSIGN, U CAN LISTEN HERE: WWW.LDS.ORG>GOSPEL LIBRARY>MEDIA FORMATS>AUDIO>ENSIGN, SEPTEMBER 2008> PRIMARY SONGS BLESSED ME. HOW ODD 2 BE ONLINE, & HOW ODD 2 HEAR IT READ…IT’S DIFFERENT, BUT BETTER, THAN HOW I READ IT IN MY OWN HEAD!

SO NEAT 2 BE IN THERE, WHEN U WRITE AS I DO, BUT THERE WAS LOTS OF HELP: MK, MIKE, MY PARENTS, & OF COURSE, GOD. EVEN OTHERS, LIKE MY PEN-PAL, LISA, & MY SISTER-IN-LAW, NICOLE, HELPED ME SEARCH 4 A TITLE (BUT MK GETS THAT, & WHEN IT WAS SUGGESTED, IT HIT LIKE A TON OF BRICKS, & I THOUGHT, “DUH! WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT!” BUT, I TRIED ALONE, & IT DIDN’T WORK.

MY CHURCH ARTICLE IN THE ENSIGN

MY CHURCH ARTICLE IN THE ENSIGN, ISN’T IN TEXAS OR IN AUDIO YET ON THE CHURCH WEBSITE, BUT MY COMPLIMENTARY COPY ARRIVED. ODD 2 C EVERY1 ILLUSTRATED, BUT I WAS MORE EXCITED 2 C MK & THE KIDS DRAWN, THAN MYSELF! THE KIDS WERE DELIGHTED 2 BE DRAWN (FIA WANTS 2 TAKE IT 2 SHOW & TELL), & ZACH RELISHES THAT HE’S THE ONLY 1 THAT I NAME IN THE ENSIGN ARTICLE!

2 ANSWER SOME QUES.:

1. OF COURSE I REMEMBER PEOPLE IN INDY, & I HOPE MY ARTICLE IS SHARED W/ALL WHO WERE IN THE PRI. WHEN I TAUGHT, AS THEY WERE SOME OF MY INSPIRATION.

2. I AM WRITING A BOOK. IT’S BEEN ALMOST 4Y EARS SINCE I STARTED, & WASN’T SURE HOW 2 END, UNTIL RECENTLY. BUT I AM NOT A GREAT WRITER, DESPITE WHAT IS BEING PUBLISHED! (MANY WERE INVOLVED HERE, & IT’S VERY HUMBLING 2BE IN THE ENSIGN, ESP. WHEN U TYPE AS I DO!). BESIDES, I LACK THE SAME DRIVE 2 WORK ON MY BOOK. I SEEM 2 GO THROUGH SPURTS IF I GIVE MYSELF A DEADLINE. BUT AT THE RATE I’M GOING, IT WILL BE YEARS, IF I EVER FINISH!

THE STORY BEHIND THE ENSIGN ARTICLE

MY GIRLS HAVE BEEN SO CUTE, WORKING ON CRAFTS FOR 2 WEEKS, 4 ME, 2 PREPARE 4 MY B-DAY. I FEEL SO LOVED, & QUESTION “IS THERE A REASON? I JUST SIT IN A CHAIR!”

BUT, I SPEND LIKE 1-2 HRS. DIRECTING THEM 2 CLEAN, THEY READ ME STORIES, SIT ON MY LAP & PLAY COMP., I COLOR W/THEM, I PLAY GAMES (IN & SOMETIMES OUTSIDE), ETC. MAYBE THAT’S WHY…OR MAYBE IT’S SIMPLY COOL THAT THEIR MOM CAN’T SPANK HARD!

THOUGHT MY B-DAY COMING UP COULD GET NO BETTER THAN FEELING SO LOVED. I WAS WRONG:

ABOUT 3 YEARS AGO, MY VISITING TEACHER, WENDY, READ AN ARTICLE 2 ME IN THE ENSIGN. I WAS MOVED 2 SHARE MY OWN STORY ABOUT WHEN I WAS AN INDY PRI. CHORISTER, B4 MY STROKE, UP 2 THE 1ST 1 ½ YEARS AFTER MY STROKE (THE PRESENT DAY, AT THE TIME I WROTE).

AT 1ST, I WAS TURNED DOWN BY THE ENSIGN. THERE WAS STUFF THAT I KNEW SHOULD BE CHANGED IN MY ARTICLE, BUT I WASN’T SURE HOW 2 DO IT,. HOWEVER, I WAS STRONGLY IMPRESSED 2 LEAVE IT THERE, SOMEHOW… IT HAD SEEMED SO CERTAIN THAT, THOUGH THE TYPE WASN’T THE BEST, THE MESSAGE WAS GOOD ENOUGH 2 SHARE. I COULDN’T SHAKE THE NAGGING FEELING THAT I STILL NEEDED 2 SHARE MY MESSAGE…

MY PARENTS NUDGED ME 2 TRY AGAIN. MY WHOLE LIFE I’VE BEEN INITIALLY REJECTED—THEN, MY PARENTS ENCOURAGE ME 2 TRY AGAIN, & GOOD STUFF HAPPENS!

ANYWAY, MY YOUNGEST BRO., MIKE, TOOK MY MESSAGE (THE “MEAT”) & ADDED ALL THE “FILLER” STUFF. MK ASSITED W/SOME MONUMENTAL EDITING CHOICES. IT WAS HARD SEARCHING 4 A TITLE. MK SUGGESTED ONE THAT SEEMED 2 SIMPLE & OBVIOUS, BUT ABSOLUTELY PERFECT! I TRIED AGAIN . I WAS ACCEPTED BY THE ENSIGN, & TOLD JAN. 2008 IT’D BE PUBLISHED. I WAS THRILLED, BUT 4DECIDED 2 KEEP IT UNDER WRAPS. FEW KNEW.

INCREDIBLY, IT WAS MOVED 2 SEPT.–I HAD NO IDEA WHY, BUT WAS TOLD 2 CHECK IN AUG…. I DID, & WAS TOLD THIS:

It’s good to hear from you. Your article titled “Primary Songs Blessed Me,” is, in fact, scheduled for September. In fact, I believe it’s at press right now. My notes show that it will be on p. 55 of the magazine.

The reason for the shift in scheduling was that the Liahona decided to run the article as well. Their publication timeline requires a little bit of extra time for translation and production, so that’s why we moved it to September.

SO, I’LL BE IN THE LIAHONA & ENSIGN–NOT ONE, BUT TWO MAGAZINES. & THE LIAHONA IS AN INTERNATIONAL CHURCH MAGAZINE! I’M THRILLED AGAIN, & 2 FIND OUT THAT I’LL BE TRANSLATED INTO OTHER LANGUAGES & PUBLISHED AGAIN! CRAZY! OVER THE LAST YEAR, THEY’VE EDITED & TOTALLY SHORTENED IT, BUT THE MESSAGE I NEEDED 2 SHARE REMAINS—EVEN WHAT DIDN’T SEEM 2 INITIALLY WORK!

SO, DO U GET THE LDS ENSIGN? IF U R NOT LDS, & DON’T GET IT, COME SEPT., U CAN LISTEN HERE: WWW.LDS.ORG >GOSPEL LIBRARY>MEDIA FORMATS>AUDIO>ENSIGN, SEPTEMBER 2008.

MANY WHO R LEARNING ASL, ARE FAMILIAR W/”SIGNING TIME.” THOSE WHO R LDS, MAY BE FAMILIAR W/A NAME OF A WELL-KNOWN LDS MUSICIAN WHOSE SISTER DOES “SIGNING TIME”—LEX De AZEVEDO. SHE OBVIOUSLY GREW UP IN A MUSICAL HOME. I DID 2, & DESPITE EVERYTHING, I REALLY WANT 2 SHARE MUSIC W/MY KIDS. HAVING A DEAF CHILD COULD HAVE BEEN REALLY, REALLY TOUGH 2 ACCEPT, BUT I’VE ALWAYS ADMIRED HOW THEY MADE GOOD OF SOMETHING BAD, BY MAKING SIGN VIDEOS, USING THE STREGNTH THAT MUSIC PROVIDES 2 TEACH. I KNOW IT HAS HELPED ME LEARN THE PRIMARY LANGUAGE I NOW SPEAK.

THANKS 2 GOD I HAD EXPERIENCES WORTH SHARING, & HAD THE ABILITY 2 SHARE THOSE EXPERIENCES. IT WAS CERTAINLY NOT INTENDED, BUT MAYBE I’VE FOLLOWED IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THOSE WHO’VE IMPRESSED ME, & MADE GOOD OF SOMETHING THAT APPEARS BAD. THAT’S THE MOST THRILLING THOUGHT!