THE SPEECH BATTLE CONTINUES…

IT HAS BEEN AWHILE! I’VE BEEN CRAZY BUSY, BUT I DECIDED TO PUT EVERYTHING ON HOLD, & TAKE A MOMENT FOR MYSELF!

MY ROUTINE CHANGED LAST MONTH, SO I WAS GETTING UP 1-2 HOURS L8R (I READ THE SCRIPTURES WHEN MK GOES 2 TEACH SEMINARY AT 6 AM, & THEN WARM-UP MY VOICE AS HE DRIVES KIDS TO SCHOOL.) BUT SEMINARY ENDED FOR THE SUMMER LAST MONTH, & SO DID MY ROUTINE…

THEN, I WAS SO VERY BUSY, & WITH ME STARTING LATER IN THE DAY, I JUST SKIPPED THE THINGS THAT WOULD PUT MY ROUTINE BACK ON TRACK, SAYING THAT I’D READ MY SCRIPTURES & PRACTICE VOCALIZING L8R IN THE DAY…WHICH WAS EASY TO DO CUZ I WAS SICK, SO I WAS TOO TIRED & CONGESTED 2 VOCALIZE, & SINCE I STARTED MY DAY L8R, I WAS “ANTSY” & WANTED 2 “CATCH UP.” SO, I SKIPPED VOCALIZING & READING MY SCRIPTURES DAILY, & I ONLY DID 1 NO SIGNING DAY A WEEK (IT WAS 2 DAYS BEFORE, BUT I PICKED THE 2ND DAY, SO I STOPPED PICKING A DAY, & ONLY STAYED WITH THE DAY THAT WAS ANTCIPATED).

BUT IF I TRIED 2 PRACTICE L8R IN THE DAY, BY THE TIME I TRIED, I WAS TOO TIRED & DID THE BARE MINIMUM! I JUST DIDN’T PRACTICE AS MUCH AS I COULD HAVE.

LATELY, I’VE FOUND MYSELF WONDERING WHY I HAD SIGNED SOME THINGS THAT I COULD’VE SAID–& I WASN’T SURE IF IT WAS A LACK OF FAITH/TRUST IN MYSELF, IF I WAS LAZY & DIDN’T WANT 2 PUT FORTH THE EFFORT THAT SPEAKING REQUIRES, OR IF I JUST WANTED 2 HURRY & NOT PLAY THE GUESSING GAME CALLED “WHAT DID SHE SAY?”! SO, WHEN I’VE PRACTICED VOCALIZING, IT CAN BE DISAPPOINTING HOW SHALLOW MY BREATHING IS NOW! THERE’LL BE DAYS I PRACTICE MORE, & MY BREATHING INCREASES, BUT IF I MISS JUST 1 DAY, IT’S LIKE FALLING DOWN A LADDER! & I HAVE GOTTEN SO BUSY, IT IS HARD TO KEEP CLIMBING BACK UP TO WHERE I WAS!

WEDNESDAY, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A NO SIGNING DAY, & I TRIED, EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS STILL MUCOS IN MY LUNGS (I WAS SICK LIKE 3 WEEKS AGO!), BUT CUZ OF THE MUCOS, NOTHING WOULD COME OUT, & I COULD ONLY MOUTH THE WORDS! THEN, FROM 9-1 I WAS SUPPOSED TO WHISPER, & SINCE I CAN’T WHISPER, I SIGNED & WROTE…I PLANNED TO SPEAK THE REST OF THE DAY, BUT FROM 1-4:30 I WAS AT 6 FLAGS, & IT WAS TOO LOUD TO HEAR ME, PLUS THE HEAT/SUN ZAPPED MY ENERGY, SO I DIDN’T HAVE THE ENERGY TO TALK! (I WAS STILL RECOVERING AT 6 PM!)

I CAN BLAME IT ON THINGS LIKE THE MUCOS & SUN/HEAT WHY I FAILED AT A NO SIGNING DAY, BUT I THINK IT REALLY IS BECUZ I HAVE NOT PUT MY FULL EFFORT TOWARDS SPEAKING, SO IT HAS WEAKENED ENOUGH WHERE MUCOS, THE SUN, & THE HEAT ARE REALLY & TRULY FACTORS THAT INHIBIT MY SPEAKING.

One comment

  1. Dont be to hard on yourself….it is a rollercoaster ride….good days/bad days and not always because of what you did/didnt do. Recovery has a mind of its own. The last therapy session I had gained almost no improvement…after 6 weeks of work I was in the same place. I felt like it was a waste of therapy, very dissapointing 😦 But I just keep going and will try again after summer. My husband does not want me to make my whole life about my stroke/recovery, so making a few mini trips this summer to just enjoy life.

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