MY BAD…

I LEARNED SOME VERY VALUABLE LESSONS THE LAST FEW DAYS, & SINCE I PROCESS BEST BY TYPING, I AM JUST GOING 2 DOUBLE THIS & MAKE IT A POST, SO U CAN LEARN RIGHT ALONG WITH ME!

I JUST RETURNED FROM ANOTHER DISNEY CRUISE. THE CRUISE WAS GREAT! HOWEVER, WHEN I LEFT, I HAD THESE CANKER SORES THAT JUST GOT WORSE WITH TIME & MULTIPLIED (BY DAY 2, I HAD AT LEAST 4 CANKERS IN THE SAME GENERAL AREA: IN BETWEEN & AROUND MY TEETH ON THE SAME SIDE OF MY MOUTH, & 1 MORE CANKER ON THE SAME SIDE, ON MY TONGUE.) EVEN THOUGH I HAD CANKER SORE MEDS, IT HURT 2 SUCK, 2 CHEW, & EVEN 2 SWALLOW MY OWN SPIT! IT FINALLY HAD ME IN SUCH PAIN THAT I WAS TAKING TYLENOL! ALL I WANTED WAS 4 THE PAIN 2 GO AWAY! AS I PRAYED 4 THE LORD 2 HEAL ME, MY THOUGHTS WERE TURNED TO LUKE 22: 42 , WHEN CHRIST WAS IN THE GARDEN OF GETHSEMANE “SAYING, FATHER, IF THOU BE WILLING, REMOVE THIS CUP FROM ME: NEVERTHELESS NOT MY WILL, BUT THINE, BE DONE.”

I KNEW THE PAIN I FELT WAS MINISCULE COMPARED 2 WHAT CHRIST FELT, & I ADMIRED HOW CHRIST WAS ABLE 2 ADD THAT LAST PART: “NOT MY WILL, BUT THINE, BE DONE.” AT 1ST, I HAD THIS OVERWHELMING FEELING OF GRATITUDE, CUZ I AM ONLY 1 PERSON & I HAVE EXPERIENCED PAIN IN SO MANY WAYS! & IF U MULTIPLY HOW EVERY1 ELSE HAS HURT PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY…I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY CHRIST SUGGESTED 2 “REMOVE THIS CUP FROM ME”, IF JUST LITTLE CANKER SORES WERE MAKING ME SAY IT! BUT THERE WAS NO WAY I COULD ADD THAT LAST PART: “NOT MY WILL, BUT THINE, BE DONE,” CUZ THE PAIN JUST HAD 2 GO AWAY! STAYING WAS NOT AN OPTION, NO MATTER WHAT!

THAT NIGHT I TOOK ADVIL PM (CUZ THE 1ST TWO NIGHTS I WOKE IN SUCH PAIN, I COULDN’T GO BACK 2 SLEEP, SO I WAS SOOO EXHAUSTED BY THE 3RD NIGHT, THAT I WAS OVERJOYED 2 DISCOVER THAT MK HAD MEDS 2 HELP ME SLEEP!) I FULLY EXPECTED 2 WAKE & BE HEALED, SO I COULD ENJOY MY CRUISE…BUT I DIDN’T WAKE HEALED. HOWEVER, I KNEW I WASN’T LACKING THE FAITH 2 BE HEALED, CUZ I BELIEVED THAT IF GOD COULD HEAL MY FACE IN 1 WEEK FROM A BAD FALL, OR MOVE MOUNTAINS, THEN THIS WAS EASY!

B4 I COULD WONDER WHY MY PRAYERS WEREN’T ANSWERED, MY THOUGHTS AGAIN TURNED 2 CHRIST, RECALLING HOW HE ADDED, “…NEVERTHELESS NOT MY WILL, BUT THINE, BE DONE.” I REALIZED THEY WERE ANSWERED, JUST THE ANSWER WAS A “NO.” I FELT AN IMENSE LOVE 4 CHRIST—HOW MUCH COURAGE & FAITH HE HAD 2 SAY THAT! (“NOT MY WILL, BUT THINE, BE DONE.”) I DIDN’T REALIZE THEN WHAT I WAS SAYING WHEN I PRAYED: THAT I KNEW BETTER THAN GOD. I WAS LACKING IN THE FAITH THAT GOD SEES THE WHOLE PICTURE, & KNEW THAT I’D MISS A VALUABLE LESSON, IF HE DID WHAT I WANTED.

THAT MORNING, I FELT LIKE I SHOULD’VE OPENED MY SCRIPTURES, & READ THE NEXT VERSE SO I COULD LET GOD SPEAK 2 ME…BUT I AM ASHAMED AT WHAT I DID NEXT: I LET THE CANKER SORES & LACK OF SLEEP MAKE ME GRUMPY & MISERABLE, SO I WASN’T REALLY THINKING CLEARLY UNTIL SATURDAY (THE DAY THE CRUISE ENDED), WHEN THE CANKER SORES BECAME MORE MANAGEABLE. SADLY, I FELT READY 2 START ENJOYING THE CRUISE, ONCE IT ENDED! 😦 I HAVE A FEELING THAT IF I’D READ LUKE 22: 43, THINGS ON THE CRUISE WOULD’VE BEEN MUCH DIFFERENT.

I HAVE NEVER REALLY CONSIDERED LUKE 22: 43 BEFORE, BUT THE NEXT VERSE IN LUKE HAS THE ANSWER OF WHAT 2 DO WHEN GOD TELLS U “NO” IN ANSWER TO A PRAYER: “AND THERE APPEARED AN ANGEL UNTO HIM FROM HEAVEN, STRENGTHENING HIM.” I SHOULD HAVE ASKED FOR STRENGTH TO ENDURE THE TRIAL I’D BEEN GIVEN! I KNOW THIS! I HAVE WITNESSED THIS, & PRAY 4 STRENGTH 2 OVERCOME MANY OTHER OBSTACLES I HAVE FACED, BUT THIS TIME I FAILED!

ON THE DRIVE HOME FROM THE CRUISE, WE FINISHED LISTENING 2 THE AUDIO BOOK “FALLING TO HEAVEN” (BY JAMES FERRELL). IN CHAPTER 23 HE SAID, “THE LORD DID NOT RUSH IN TO RESCUE THESE PEOPLE FROM THEIR STRUGGLES. HIS LOVE FOR THEM, AND FOR US, DICTATED THAT HE DIDN’T – AND DOESN’T. FAITH IS FORGED WHEN ONE’S BACK IS AGAINST THE WALL. WHEN WE FINALLY REALIZE THAT NO STRENGTH OF THIS WORLD- OUR OWN, MOST OF ALL – CAN RESCUE US FROM OUR FATE, THEN WE FEEL KEENLY BOTH OUR PREDICAMENT AND THE LORD’S REDEEMING GRACE…” SO, PART OF THE LORD’S LOVE IS NOT RESCUEING US, & I WANTED 2 BE RESCUED FROM MY CANKER SORES! THE SAME BOOK ALSO SAID, “HE [THE LORD] LOVES US SO MUCH THAT IF WE DON’T HEED THE WHISPERINGS, HE WILL FIND WAYS TO SHOUT TO US – SOME WAY TO REACH OUR HARDENED SOULS.” & HE DID. IT WAS GOD WHO PUT THE THOUGHT IN MY MIND 2 TAKE THE ADVIL PM, WHEN IT WAS OBVIOUS THAT I WASN’T GOING 2 READ THE SCRIPTURES HE PUT IN MY MIND. GOD HAD A REASON HE PUT THAT SCRIPTURE IN MY MIND, & I L8R FOUND OUT WHY…

NOW THE CANKERS ARE HEALING. I DON’T WANT THE INTENSE PAIN BACK, BUT I DON’T WANT IT COMPLETELY HEALED EITHER! WHAT AN ODD THING 2 SAY, HUH? BUT I KINDA WOULD LIKE THE CONSTANT REMINDER 2 ASK GOD 4 HELP, & 2 FOLLOW CHRIST’S EXAMPLE.

ON THE CRUISE, I WAS READING A BOOK CALLED “TAKE BRAVE STEPS FOR STROKE SURVIVORS.” (I HAVEN’T FINISHED IT YET, BUT SO FAR, I COMPLETELY AGREE W/HIM, AS HE SUGGESTS THINGS I DO, & I THINK HIS WORDS COULD BE APPLIED 2 ANY TRIAL.) ANYWAY, HE MENTIONS HOW IF HE COULD PRESS A BUTTON & ERASE HIS STROKE, HE WOULDN’T DO IT, CUZ HIS STROKE HAS TAUGHT HIM SO MUCH. I AGREE. & THAT’S WHY IT’S HARD 2 SEE THOSE CANKERS HEAL! LOL

I DID ENJOY THE CRUISE, THOUGH! (IT SAYS A LOT WHEN I CAN STILL SAY THAT I ENJOYED IT, & THAT NOT ONCE DID I MISS MY COMPUTER!) CRUISING IS ACTUALLY 1 OF THE FEW TIMES WHERE I TRULY LEAVE ALL MY STRESSES BEHIND, & RELAX!

One comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s