A WHILE AGO, A FRIEND WAS TEACHING A LESSON AT CHURCH 2 THE TEENAGE GIRLS (THAT I ALSO TEACH), & SHE INVITED ME 2 COME WRITE ON THE CHALKBOARD (SOMETHING I CAN’T DO, & THESE GIRLS DO IT FOR ME, WHEN I TEACH). THE IDEA WAS THAT THE GIRLS WOULD SEE ME STRUGGLE, & OFFER 2 DO IT. BUT SOMETHING VERY INTERESTING OCCURRED: THEY SAT THERE, SURE THAT AFTER A LITTLE STRUGGLE, I COULD DO IT! LOL THEY WEREN’T BEING MEAN…THEY IN FACT KNOW ME TOO WELL (I KNOW I HAVE FRIENDS & FAMILY MEMBERS WHO HAVE 2 RESIST THE URGE 2 HELP ME…), & EVEN COMMENTED ON HOW THEY HAVE SEEN THINGS HAPPEN, AFTER I STRUGGLE, SO WHEN I WAS ASKED 2 USE THE CHALKBOARD, THEY KNEW I WOULD STRUGGLE, BUT FIGURED I WOULD DO IT, EVENTUALLY.

LIKEWISE, THE OTHER DAY (LAST THURSDAY) I WAS LAUGHING & LEANING 4WARD AS ANGIE WAS LEAVING THE ROOM. MOST PEOPLE WOULD RUN BACK 2 ME & HELP ME SIT BACK UP, BUT IT WAS SO COOL WHAT ANGIE DID!: SHE SAW ME CATCH MYSELF, THOUGHT, “SHE’S GOT IT…”, & SHE KEPT ON WALKING, & LEFT THE ROOM! I PROCEEDED 2 CALM MYSELF, & PUSH MYSELF BACK 2 SITTING UPRIGHT…BUT I LOVED HOW SHE REACTED LIKE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL, & HAD COMPLETE CONFIDENCE IN ME 2 NOT FALL, & INSTEAD BE ABLE 2 SIT UP AGAIN, WITHOUT HELP! (MK OFTEN REACTS THAT WAY, & SOMETIMES HAS MORE CONFIDENCE IN ME, THAN I HAVE IN MYSELF, BUT IT WAS COOL THAT SOME1 ELSE SHARED THAT CONFIDENCE IN ME!) ANGIE L8R EXPLAINED THAT SHE CAN TELL IF I’LL NEED HELP, BY THE ANGLE—BASICALLY, I HADN’T HIT THE “POINT OF NO RETURN” YET, SO ANGIE KNEW I WAS FINE, & IF NOT, I CAN HOLLER 4 HELP (IT USED 2 BE THAT I COULD ONLY SIGN IF I NEED HELP, BUT NOW I CAN SAY NAMES, OR SAY, “HELP ME!”).

ANGIE HAS A LOT OF “PRACTICE” AT WATCHING ME TRY 2 DO NEW THINGS ALONE, CUZ I TRY 2 DO STUFF ALONE WITH HER RIGHT THERE, ALL THE TIME (OFTEN SHE’S BUSY HELPING HER BABY OR WITH OTHER THINGS 4 ME, & I FIGURE I CAN EITHER BE BORED, OR TRY MYSELF WHILE I WAIT)! SO, I FIGURE THAT WHILE I WAIT 4 HELP, THERE’S NO HARM IN TRYING 2 DO IT MYSELF, ESP. WHEN SOME1 IS RIGHT THERE (SO IF I NEED 2, I CAN SAY, “HELP ME!” –THOUGH I WAIT 2 EVEN ASK 4 HELP, CUZ THERE’S ALWAYS A CHANCE I CAN DO WHAT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE). I MAY GET CREATIVE, OR EVEN FEEL PAIN, B4 I ASK 4 HELP…CALL IT STUBBORN OR PROUD, BUT I FIND A THRILL IN BEING INDEPENDENT!

HOWEVER, EVER SINCE MY FALL, I TRY 2 KEEP THE DESIRE FOR INDEPENDENCE IN FAMILIAR PLACES…LIKE MY HOUSE. SOMETIMES I WISH I HAD A VIDEO CAMERA IN MY CRAFT ROOM: SINCE THINGS IN THERE HAVE BEEN PUT IN SPECIFIC PLACES 2 INCREASE MY INDEPENDENCE, I DO SO MANY COOL THINGS WHEN I’M ALONE IN MY CRAFT ROOM, BUT THEY ARE TOUGH 2 EXPLAIN, SO I JUST SILENTLY TELL MYSELF HOW AWESOME I AM, & THEN GO ABOUT MY DAY, AS IF I DID NOTHING. LOL IF I HAD A VIDEO CAMERA, PEOPLE COULD JUST SEE WHAT I DOSOMETIMES I MAY APPEAR OVERLY CONFIDENT IN WHAT I CAN DO, & I KNOW IF U LOOK AT ME, IT SEEMS I CAN’T ACCOMPLISH MUCH, BUT AS MY DAD USED 2 ALWAYS SAY, “WHERE THERE’S A WILL, THERE’S A WAY!” & SINCE I HAVE WITNESSED HOW MUCH I CAN ACCOMPLISH ALONE IN MY CRAFT ROOM, 2 ME, IT DOESN’T APPEAR SO CRAZY!

SATURDAY WAS A DAY OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS. I SPENT THE MORNING GOING THROUGH DOUBLE COPIES OF MY PICTURES, DECIDING WHAT 2 KEEP & SCRAPBOOK, & WHAT 2 THROW AWAY. I ACCESSED SOME ZIPLOCS FROM A CABINET, SO I COULD ORGANIZE THE REMAINING PICTURES, & ATTACH A POST-IT NOTE ON EACH ZIPLOC, W/WRITTEN INSTRUCTIONS 4 ANGIE, SO SHE KNEW WHAT 2 DO WITH THE PICTURES INSIDE EACH PARTICULAR ZIPLOC. THEN I CLEANED UP, PICKING UP SOME IMPRESSIVE THINGS W/THE HELP OF MY GRIPPER…

L8R, MK ENTERED A ROOM WHERE I HAD PUT MY LIFT ON (OK, SOPHIE LIFTED MY LEFT ARMPIT OVER A BUMP IN THE LEFT ARMREST, WHICH WASN’T NECESSARY, BUT MAKES IT TONS MORE COMFORTABLE!), & FOUND ME LIFTING MYSELF IN THE LIFT! THAT NIGHT, WHEN I NEEDED WATER, & WAS TOLD 2 WAIT, IT WAS NOT IMPATIENCE, BUT RATHER THAN SIT LIKE A BUMP ON A LOG, I OPTED 2 TRY…AFTERALL, THERE WAS A CUP IN MY LAP! I UNSCREWED THE LID (USING MY LEGS 4 MY LEFT HAND), RAISED MY CHAIR, FILLED THE CUP USING THE FRIDGE, & SCREWED ON THE LID! AS I LAUGHED & LOWERED MY CHAIR, I THOUGHT, & ALL I WAS SUPPOSED 2 DO AGAIN (AFTER MY STROKE), WAS BLINK MY EYES! SWEET!”

Cliff Cushman was a member of the 1960 U.S. Olympic team who was in the 400 metre hurdles where he won the silver medal. In 1964 Cliff Cushman hoped to compete again in the Olympics. But his hopes of winning a medal were lost when he stumbled over a hurdle at the final U.S. Olympic trial meet in Los Angeles.. He said:

“In a split second all the many years of training, pain, sweat, blisters and agony of running were simply and irrevocably wiped out.

“But I tried! I would much rather fail knowing I had put forth an honest effort than never to have tried at all. …

“Certainly I was very disappointed in falling flat on my face. However, there is nothing I can do about it now but get up, pick the cinders from my wounds, and take one more step followed by one more and one more, until the steps turn into miles and miles into success.

“I know I may never make it. The odds are against me, but I have something in my favor—desire and faith. …

“I dare you to look up at the stars, not down at the mud, and set your sights on them that, up to now, you thought were unattainable. There is plenty of room at the top, but no room for anyone to sit down.

“Who knows? You may be surprised at what you can achieve with sincere effort. So get up, pick the cinders out of your wounds, and take one more step.

“I dare you!”

I FOUND THIS POST I WROTE AFTER CHRISTMAS, BUT B4 MY CRUISE…WHOOPS!:
FOR CHRISTMAS, I RECEIVED 2 LIFE-ALTERING INVENTIONS:

CHRISTMAS WAS LIKE A MINI CELEBRATION OF MY PROGRESS, SO I GOT SOME THINGS THAT CHANGED 2 OF MY WORLDS, & I GAINED SO MUCH MORE INDEPENDENCE! IN FACT, THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS, I WAS LIKE AN ANXIOUS LITTLE KID IN BED, WHO COULDN’T WAIT 2 GET UP, & PLAY W/THE NEW CHRISTMAS TOYS! LOL

I WAS SURPRISED BY WHAT WAS MY FAVORITE GIFT: A GRABBER…I’M CONSTANTLY CALLING THE KIDS 2 PICK UP SOMETHING STUPID (LIKE A PAPER) FROM THE FLOOR, BUT NOW, I CAN PICK STUFF UP OFF THE FLOOR! I HAVEN’T DONE THAT IN 8.5 YEARS! MK & I HAD LOOKED AT THE GRABBER B4, & THOUGH HE FOUND A GREAT 1 THAT WAS EASY 2 SQUEEZE, I COULD BARELY SQUEEZE IT, LET ALONE RAISE IT, & RETAIN THE SQUEEZE! BUT THIS YEAR IN MUSIC THERAPY, WE HAVE FOCUSED ON NOT ONLY MY VOICE, BUT MY STRENGTH & GRIP AS WELL (2 AID MY WRITING & SO I COULD LIFT HEAVIER STUFF). I HAD SOOOO MUCH FUN FOR HOURS LIFTING (SOMETIMES PURPOSELLY DROPPING WHAT I’D LIFT, SO I COULD LIFT IT). I’M SO USED 2 OPENING MY GIFTS, THEN ONLY SEEING 1 GIFT AGAIN, OR NEVER SEEING ANY GIFTS AGAIN FOR DAYS, UNLESS I REQUEST 2 C THE GIFT…IT WAS SO FUN REACHING WHATEVER I WANTED 2 REACH, THAT I GAVE IN & HAD MORE TREATS THAN USUAL ON CHRISTMAS (USUALLY I RESIST JUST BECUZ I HAVE 2 ASK 4 IT). THIS TIME, I COULD GET AT ANYTHING I WANTED 2 GET AT W/THE HELP OF MY GRABBER (& I’VE GOTTEN QUITE GOOD AT OPENING UP PACKAGES OF MANY KINDS…)! OF COURSE, IT TAKES ME MORE EFFORT TO OPEN ANYTHING, SO I LIKE 2 TRICK MYSELF BY THINKING THAT THE EXTRA EFFORT IN OPENING A PACKAGE HELPS ME BURN CALORIES! LOL (SINCE U BURN A LITTLE JUST SITTING–WHICH IS BASICALLY WHAT I DO, IT ONLY MAKES SENSE THAT I BURN MORE CALORIES IF I DO MORE! RIGHT? LOL)

A FEW DAYS AGO, SOPHIE CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL, AND IN THE DOWNSTAIRS HALL, I’D DROPPED THE TOPPER 4 MY W/C JOYSTICK, & MY WATER IN THE HALL. I WAS HOME ALONE, & HAD 2 WAIT 4 THOSE THINGS, SO WHEN I GOT THE GRABBER, I PRACTICED PICKING UP THE PART 4 THE W/C, & I HAVE ALSO PURPOSELY DROPPED A VERY FULL WATER BOTTLE, CUZ I WONDERED IF I COULD PICK IT UP! (I CAME SOOO CLOSE! IT’S SUPER HEAVY, BUT I GOT IT, & ONCE I LIFTED IT 2 A CERTAIN HEIGHT, MY GRIP LOOSENED!) SWEET SOPHIE CAME & HELPED ME PRACTICE LIFTING THE WATER BOTTLE, GIVING ME TIPS! LOL I THINK SOPH’S AS EXCITED AS I AM! ZACH SEEMS 2 LIKE IT TOO, BUT HE’S A COOL, TEENAGE BOY, WHO DOESN’T GET AS EMOTIONAL AS SOPHIE & I! LOL

BUT I’VE SINCE PICKED UP A PAPER, POST-IT NOTES, PEN, PAINT, A BATTERY, THE CASE 4 MY BELL (& RE-ASSEMBLED THE BELL), & A TRANSPERANCY OFF OF THE CRAFT ROOM FLOOR (I’M PARTICULARLY PROUD OF PICKING UP A THIN, SLIPPERY TRANSPARENCY!), & I’VE REACHED ACROSS TABLES & OPENED CABINET DOORS TO CLEAN UP–ALL BY MYSELF, WITH THE GRABBER! I’M SO PROUD OF ME, & EVERYTIME I SUCCEED, IT MEANS LESS WORK 4 MY FAMILY!!! ?

WHEN CARA WAS HERE, SHE USED 2 REALLY WORRY IF I HAD NO HELP 4 A WHILE…BUT I’VE GOTTEN SO INDEPENDENT, & BEING ALONE ENCOURAGES ME 2 USE THOSE SKILLS! SURE IT’S FASTER IF STUFF IS PICKED UP 4 ME, OR WRITTEN 4 ME, BUT IT FEELS SO LIBERATING, TO BE ABLE TO DO SOMETHING FOR MYSELF & NOT HAVE TO WAIT FOR ANYONE ELSE TO HELP ME! IT CAN BE SO FRUSTRATING 2 HAVE THINGS JUST OUT OF REACH, OR MY GRIP NOT BEING STRONG ENOUGH! BESIDES, NOW I DO JUST FINE!

4 EX.: MY TABLE WAS BECOMING A MESS, UNTIL IT OCCURED 2 ME THAT I COULD NOW REACH TRASH, & PUT AWAY ITEMS WITH MY GRABBER…& IF I GOT STUFF I NEEDED HELP WITH, I MADE A PIIE OF THOSE THINGS, & EITHER TYPED ABOUT IT ON LIST 4 HELP FROM SOME1, OR I WROTE ON A POST-IT, & STUCK IT 2 THE ITEM…THE TABLE WAS STILL A MESS, BUT WAS AN ORGANIZED, EASY 2 CLEAN MESS! LOL

FRIDAY, 2/15, MY MUSIC THERAPIST WAS NOTICING HOW MY OVERALL RIGHT ARM STRENGTH & GRIP ARE MUCH STRONGER, & I PUT 2 & 2 TOGETHER, & REALIZED IT IS FROM MY CHRISTMAS GIFT, THE GRIPPER!

THE 2ND THING I GOT WAS AN IPAD MINI, I HAVE DAYS WHERE IT IS ALMOST TOO SMALL 4 MY EYES, BUT MY EYES HAVE GOTTEN CONSIDERABLY BETTER THIS YEAR–I STILL C DOUBLE, BUT I THINK THE EYE MUSCLES ARE STRONGER, & WIGGLE LESS. IT IS AS THOUGH GOD IMPROVED MY VISION JUST ENOUGH, SO I COULD USE THE IPAD MINI! CRAZY!

I HAVE BEEN WANTING 2 BE ABLE 2 TEXT 4 SO LONG, BUT MY VISION WAS ALWAYS A BIG PROBLEM! BUT, IRONICALLY, THE IPAD MINI MAKES A GREAT TEXTING PHONE-& I CAN SEE THE TYPE, & I TYPE OK ON IT! -NOW I CAN ALWAYS TEXT & EMAIL WHENEVER, & WITHOUT HELP FROM ANY1! PEOPLE CAN REACH ME, & I CAN REACH THEM! I ALSO HAVE AN APP WHERE I CAN ACCESS MY COMPUTER FROM ANYWHERE, SO I CAN BE WITH MY FAMILY MORE! (I CAN’T DO THINGS AS EASILY ON THE IPAD, BUT IT’S A NICE OPTION!) I ALSO PUT SOME MUSIC/SPEECH THERAPY APPS ON IT, SO I CAN PRACTICE WHENEVER & WHEREVER I WANT—I CAN EVEN PLAY PIANO WHILE I’M OUT & ABOUT! & I PUT GAMES MOVIES, BOOKS…, WHICH IS GREAT CUZ THEN I CAN USE MY IPAD IN DOCTOR OFFICE WAITING ROOMS, OR WHEN I WAIT 4 WHOEVER I’M WITH, & NO1 NEEDS 2 GET MY IPAD!

HOWEVER, I’M WORKING 2 FIND A BALANCE, CUZ B4 I GOT THE IPAD MINI, LI USED 2 SPEND A LOT OF TIME W/MY THOUGHTS, STARING INTO SPACE, & THAT ALLOWED ME MORE TIME 2 PONDER, 2 FEEL SPIRITUAL THINGS, ETC. BUT NOW I DON’T HAVE THAT, & THAT’S A BIG FLAW IN OUR SOCIETY TODAY…WE TEND 2 SACRIFICE HUMAN INTERACTION 4 DIGITAL DISTRACTIONS (TRY SITTING IN A WAITING ROOM, & NOTICE THAT EVERY1 AROUND U IS LOOKING AT A SCREEN–WHAT HAPPENED 2 TALKING 2 EACH OTHER?) NOW, I CAN CHOOSE 2 JOIN IN, & STARE AT A SCREEN, OR TRY 2 START A CONVERSATION W/A FAMILY MEMBER. IT CAN BE A CHALLENGE, & I SOMETIMES FAIL MISERABLY 2 NOT DO IT! THIS IS DEFINITELY AN INVENTION THAT HAS IT’S GOOD & BAD, SO I’M WORKING ON FINDING OUT HOW 2 ONLY USE IT AS AN ASSET (I.E. IT HAS HELPED WITH BEING A BETTER MOTHER, 2 BE MORE INVOLVED SOCIALLY, IT HAS INCREASED MY TIME SPENT W/FAMILY, & INCREASED MY TIME SPENT DOING THERAPY…)

P.S. A NOTE 4 STROKE SURVIVORS: MY PARENTS GAVE ME THESE AWESOME SPEECH THERAPY DVDS, THAT HAVE SPEECH THERAPY EXERCISES ON THEM:
http://www.speech-therapy-on-video.com/speechlanguagetherapy.html

I LEARNED SOME VERY VALUABLE LESSONS THE LAST FEW DAYS, & SINCE I PROCESS BEST BY TYPING, I AM JUST GOING 2 DOUBLE THIS & MAKE IT A POST, SO U CAN LEARN RIGHT ALONG WITH ME!

I JUST RETURNED FROM ANOTHER DISNEY CRUISE. THE CRUISE WAS GREAT! HOWEVER, WHEN I LEFT, I HAD THESE CANKER SORES THAT JUST GOT WORSE WITH TIME & MULTIPLIED (BY DAY 2, I HAD AT LEAST 4 CANKERS IN THE SAME GENERAL AREA: IN BETWEEN & AROUND MY TEETH ON THE SAME SIDE OF MY MOUTH, & 1 MORE CANKER ON THE SAME SIDE, ON MY TONGUE.) EVEN THOUGH I HAD CANKER SORE MEDS, IT HURT 2 SUCK, 2 CHEW, & EVEN 2 SWALLOW MY OWN SPIT! IT FINALLY HAD ME IN SUCH PAIN THAT I WAS TAKING TYLENOL! ALL I WANTED WAS 4 THE PAIN 2 GO AWAY! AS I PRAYED 4 THE LORD 2 HEAL ME, MY THOUGHTS WERE TURNED TO LUKE 22: 42 , WHEN CHRIST WAS IN THE GARDEN OF GETHSEMANE “SAYING, FATHER, IF THOU BE WILLING, REMOVE THIS CUP FROM ME: NEVERTHELESS NOT MY WILL, BUT THINE, BE DONE.”

I KNEW THE PAIN I FELT WAS MINISCULE COMPARED 2 WHAT CHRIST FELT, & I ADMIRED HOW CHRIST WAS ABLE 2 ADD THAT LAST PART: “NOT MY WILL, BUT THINE, BE DONE.” AT 1ST, I HAD THIS OVERWHELMING FEELING OF GRATITUDE, CUZ I AM ONLY 1 PERSON & I HAVE EXPERIENCED PAIN IN SO MANY WAYS! & IF U MULTIPLY HOW EVERY1 ELSE HAS HURT PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY…I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY CHRIST SUGGESTED 2 “REMOVE THIS CUP FROM ME”, IF JUST LITTLE CANKER SORES WERE MAKING ME SAY IT! BUT THERE WAS NO WAY I COULD ADD THAT LAST PART: “NOT MY WILL, BUT THINE, BE DONE,” CUZ THE PAIN JUST HAD 2 GO AWAY! STAYING WAS NOT AN OPTION, NO MATTER WHAT!

THAT NIGHT I TOOK ADVIL PM (CUZ THE 1ST TWO NIGHTS I WOKE IN SUCH PAIN, I COULDN’T GO BACK 2 SLEEP, SO I WAS SOOO EXHAUSTED BY THE 3RD NIGHT, THAT I WAS OVERJOYED 2 DISCOVER THAT MK HAD MEDS 2 HELP ME SLEEP!) I FULLY EXPECTED 2 WAKE & BE HEALED, SO I COULD ENJOY MY CRUISE…BUT I DIDN’T WAKE HEALED. HOWEVER, I KNEW I WASN’T LACKING THE FAITH 2 BE HEALED, CUZ I BELIEVED THAT IF GOD COULD HEAL MY FACE IN 1 WEEK FROM A BAD FALL, OR MOVE MOUNTAINS, THEN THIS WAS EASY!

B4 I COULD WONDER WHY MY PRAYERS WEREN’T ANSWERED, MY THOUGHTS AGAIN TURNED 2 CHRIST, RECALLING HOW HE ADDED, “…NEVERTHELESS NOT MY WILL, BUT THINE, BE DONE.” I REALIZED THEY WERE ANSWERED, JUST THE ANSWER WAS A “NO.” I FELT AN IMENSE LOVE 4 CHRIST—HOW MUCH COURAGE & FAITH HE HAD 2 SAY THAT! (“NOT MY WILL, BUT THINE, BE DONE.”) I DIDN’T REALIZE THEN WHAT I WAS SAYING WHEN I PRAYED: THAT I KNEW BETTER THAN GOD. I WAS LACKING IN THE FAITH THAT GOD SEES THE WHOLE PICTURE, & KNEW THAT I’D MISS A VALUABLE LESSON, IF HE DID WHAT I WANTED.

THAT MORNING, I FELT LIKE I SHOULD’VE OPENED MY SCRIPTURES, & READ THE NEXT VERSE SO I COULD LET GOD SPEAK 2 ME…BUT I AM ASHAMED AT WHAT I DID NEXT: I LET THE CANKER SORES & LACK OF SLEEP MAKE ME GRUMPY & MISERABLE, SO I WASN’T REALLY THINKING CLEARLY UNTIL SATURDAY (THE DAY THE CRUISE ENDED), WHEN THE CANKER SORES BECAME MORE MANAGEABLE. SADLY, I FELT READY 2 START ENJOYING THE CRUISE, ONCE IT ENDED! 😦 I HAVE A FEELING THAT IF I’D READ LUKE 22: 43, THINGS ON THE CRUISE WOULD’VE BEEN MUCH DIFFERENT.

I HAVE NEVER REALLY CONSIDERED LUKE 22: 43 BEFORE, BUT THE NEXT VERSE IN LUKE HAS THE ANSWER OF WHAT 2 DO WHEN GOD TELLS U “NO” IN ANSWER TO A PRAYER: “AND THERE APPEARED AN ANGEL UNTO HIM FROM HEAVEN, STRENGTHENING HIM.” I SHOULD HAVE ASKED FOR STRENGTH TO ENDURE THE TRIAL I’D BEEN GIVEN! I KNOW THIS! I HAVE WITNESSED THIS, & PRAY 4 STRENGTH 2 OVERCOME MANY OTHER OBSTACLES I HAVE FACED, BUT THIS TIME I FAILED!

ON THE DRIVE HOME FROM THE CRUISE, WE FINISHED LISTENING 2 THE AUDIO BOOK “FALLING TO HEAVEN” (BY JAMES FERRELL). IN CHAPTER 23 HE SAID, “THE LORD DID NOT RUSH IN TO RESCUE THESE PEOPLE FROM THEIR STRUGGLES. HIS LOVE FOR THEM, AND FOR US, DICTATED THAT HE DIDN’T – AND DOESN’T. FAITH IS FORGED WHEN ONE’S BACK IS AGAINST THE WALL. WHEN WE FINALLY REALIZE THAT NO STRENGTH OF THIS WORLD- OUR OWN, MOST OF ALL – CAN RESCUE US FROM OUR FATE, THEN WE FEEL KEENLY BOTH OUR PREDICAMENT AND THE LORD’S REDEEMING GRACE…” SO, PART OF THE LORD’S LOVE IS NOT RESCUEING US, & I WANTED 2 BE RESCUED FROM MY CANKER SORES! THE SAME BOOK ALSO SAID, “HE [THE LORD] LOVES US SO MUCH THAT IF WE DON’T HEED THE WHISPERINGS, HE WILL FIND WAYS TO SHOUT TO US – SOME WAY TO REACH OUR HARDENED SOULS.” & HE DID. IT WAS GOD WHO PUT THE THOUGHT IN MY MIND 2 TAKE THE ADVIL PM, WHEN IT WAS OBVIOUS THAT I WASN’T GOING 2 READ THE SCRIPTURES HE PUT IN MY MIND. GOD HAD A REASON HE PUT THAT SCRIPTURE IN MY MIND, & I L8R FOUND OUT WHY…

NOW THE CANKERS ARE HEALING. I DON’T WANT THE INTENSE PAIN BACK, BUT I DON’T WANT IT COMPLETELY HEALED EITHER! WHAT AN ODD THING 2 SAY, HUH? BUT I KINDA WOULD LIKE THE CONSTANT REMINDER 2 ASK GOD 4 HELP, & 2 FOLLOW CHRIST’S EXAMPLE.

ON THE CRUISE, I WAS READING A BOOK CALLED “TAKE BRAVE STEPS FOR STROKE SURVIVORS.” (I HAVEN’T FINISHED IT YET, BUT SO FAR, I COMPLETELY AGREE W/HIM, AS HE SUGGESTS THINGS I DO, & I THINK HIS WORDS COULD BE APPLIED 2 ANY TRIAL.) ANYWAY, HE MENTIONS HOW IF HE COULD PRESS A BUTTON & ERASE HIS STROKE, HE WOULDN’T DO IT, CUZ HIS STROKE HAS TAUGHT HIM SO MUCH. I AGREE. & THAT’S WHY IT’S HARD 2 SEE THOSE CANKERS HEAL! LOL

I DID ENJOY THE CRUISE, THOUGH! (IT SAYS A LOT WHEN I CAN STILL SAY THAT I ENJOYED IT, & THAT NOT ONCE DID I MISS MY COMPUTER!) CRUISING IS ACTUALLY 1 OF THE FEW TIMES WHERE I TRULY LEAVE ALL MY STRESSES BEHIND, & RELAX!

I MENTIONED HOW THERE HAVE BEEN INVENTIONS MADE, THAT HELP MANY PEOPLE, BUT SOMEHOW IT SEEMS TWEAKED, OR HAS 1 FEATURE THAT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT SEEMS LIKE A FEATURE THAT IS NEEDED FOR EVERYONE, BUT IT HELPS ME TREMENDOUSLY! FOR INSTANCE, I HAVE AN APP CALLED “VAST SONGS” THAT MODELS HOW TO SING FAMILIAR SONGS (MY FAVORITE SONG TO SING W/IT IS “HAPPY BIRTHDAY.”) CONSIDERING HOW WELL I SPEAK, & THAT IT’S DIFFICULT FOR ME 2 ACHIEVE DIFFERENT PITCHES, I ACTUALLY DO OK SINGING W/IT (I MADE SOME VIDEOS 4 MY THERAPIST, SO I HAVE SOME VIDEOS OF ME “SINGING” ON MY YOU TUBE CHANNEL…THOUGH I DON’T THINK IT’S PRETTY 2 HEAR—W/MY MUSICAL BACKGROUND, I’M PRETTY PICKY, I GUESS…BUT IT IS A SOUND ON PITCH, WHICH MAKES IT COOL!)

I’VE LEARNED IN MUSIC THERAPY HOW FAMILIAR SONGS SORT OF “DRAW OUT” YOUR VOICE (A “CLASSIC”SONG, LIKE “OLD MAC DONALD,” “TWINKLE TWINKLE,” “HAPPY BIRTHDAY,” & SEVERAL OTHER CHILDHOOD SONGS, OR CHRISTMAS SONGS). IN ADDITION, FOR ME, DISNEY SONGS, THE PRIMARY SONGS FROM CHURCH (I FIGURE BECUZ I SANG THEM AS A KID, & TAUGHT THEM RIGHT B4 MY STROKE, SO I KNOW THEM SUPER WELL!), SEVERAL MUSICALS (“THE SOUND OF MUSIC,” “ANNIE,” OR “MY FAIR LADY” ARE AS FAMILIAR 2 ME AS THE PRESCHOOL CLASSICS), & “THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER” (WHICH I SANG ALL THE TIME, CUZ IF I EVER JUST FELT LIKE SINGING, I SANG THAT!), ALSO HELP ME.

12/4, I ATTENDED A DOUBLE BIRTHDAY PARTY (SO THERE WAS A LARGE CROWD), AT A PLACE FILLED W/BOUNCE HOUSES (SO IT WAS LOUD). I HAD BEEN PRACTICING SINGING ALONG 2 “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” SO MUCH, THAT WHEN THEY SANG “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”, W/O EVEN THINKING, THE SONG “POPPED OUT,” & I JOINED IN—W/MY VOICE! & IT WAS SO LOUD, I NOTICED THAT I COULDN’T BE HEARD (& PART OF ME WAS SO EXCITED!), SO I DID MORE (THOUGH THEY SING TOO FAST 4 ME!)

EVER SINCE THEN, I TRY, BUT USUALLY NOTHING HAPPENS (SOMETIMES, I GET OUT A LINE IN A HYMN ATCHURCH, IF I KNOW THE HYMN REALLY WELL)! I SWEAR MY BRAIN GETS IN THE WAY–IF I THINK ABOUT IT (LIKE WHEN MK OR SOME1 TELLS ME 2 SING), I CAN’T DO IT! BUT IF I’M AT HOME, & THE MUSIC IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND, I CAN SUDDENLY SING (ANGIE HEARS ME ALL THE TIME)! IT’S STRANGE, BUT WHEN I STARTED TALKING, IT WAS THIS WAY TOO, SO I HOPE THAT BY NEXT CHRISTMAS, I CAN SING ALONG 2 ALL THE FAMILIAR CHRISTMAS CAROLS!

WHEN I SING, MY BIGGEST PROBLEM IS THAT I CAN’T ALWAYS TAKE VOLUNTARY BREATHES, SO SOMETIMES THERE’S A LONG, AWKWARD PAUSE AS I WAIT TO TAKE A BREATH (LIKE THE DISABLED BOY W/ASTHMA ON THE TV SHOW “MALCOM IN THE MIDDLE”) SO I LOVE THAT I CAN NOW PLAY A SONG ON THE PIANO, & SING ALONG, SINCE THAT MEANS THAT I CAN MAKE THE PIANO PAUSE W/MY VOICE!

THEY JUST MADE “VAST APPS 2,” & AN UPGRADE FOR THE 1ST APP, & THEY ARE WORKING ON SOMETHING WITH CHRISTMAS CAROLS, SUPPOSEDLY. IRONICALLY, THE NEW APP HAS SEVERAL FEATURES THAT WILL ASSISST ME IN ACHIEVING THAT GOAL, 2 SING ALONG NEXT CHRISTMAS.

“VAST 2” ALSO HAS THE ALPHABET SONG IN A GOOD TEMPO, & PITCH 4 ME (WHICH IS SO IMPORTANT—I CAN’T SING IF IT’S TOO FAST, TOO HIGH, OR TOO LOW). I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING 4 THAT VERY SONG (THE ALPHABET SONG)—BUT IT IS ALWAYS TOO FAST OR TOO HIGH OR TOO LOW 4 ME!
YET ANOTHER WAY GOD HAS SEEMED 2 INSPIRE OTHERS 2 DEVELOP SOMETHING THAT CAN HELP ME & OTHERS 2 BECOME WHO WE SHOULD BE:

AS U KNOW, I TAKE MUSIC THERAPY…WHICH HAS BEEN A BIG PART OF MY RECOVERY! I AM NOT SUPPOSED 2 BE ABLE 2 SPEAK, BUT I CAN, & MY MANY YEARS OF VOICE LESSONS (10?) HAVE MADE A HUGE DIFFERENCE, SINCE IT TRAINED MY BREATHING, VOICE PLACEMENT, ETC. IT IS SAID THATT MUSICAL PEOPLE ARE “WIRED” A LITTLE DIFFERENT, SO MUSIC THERAPY SEEMS 2 AWAKEN PARTS OF MY BRAIN THAT SHOULDN’T WORK!

WHEN MY KIDS FACE ADVERSITY & THE CONSEQUENCES LIFE (INSTEAD OF PARENTS) BRING INTO OUR LIVES, MY HUSBAND LIKES TO SING A SONG ABOUT “LIFE LESSONS” TO OUR KIDS (HTTP://WWW.SELFGROWTH.COM/ARTICLES/DEFINITION_LIFE_LESSONS.HTML HAS A GREAT DEFINITION OF “LIFE LESSONS.”) HOWEVER, THE SONG DOESN’T REALLY EXIST, SO, HE REQUESTED THE KIDS WRITE THE SONG 4 HIM, 4 CHRISTMAS. (OUR FAMILY HAS A WONDERFUL TRADITION AT CHRISTMAS-TIME, WHERE WE MAKE EACH OTHER GIFTS.

MY YOUNGEST CHILD HAS ALWAYS ENJOYED WRITING LYRICS & COMPOSING SONGS, SO IT WAS ONLY NATURAL THAT SHE SHOULD JUMP AT THAT GIFT IDEA! THERE WAS A SLIGHT PROBLEM THOUGH—SHE DIDN’T HAVE THE MUSICAL BACKGROUND NEEDED 2 WRITE THE SONG DOWN, AND WITH MY LIMITATIONS, I WASN’T SURE IF I COULD HELP…IN THE PAST, MY VERY MUSICAL FAMILY HAS HELPED, BUT I WENT ON A SEARCH 4 A COMPUTER PROGRAM THAT WOULD LET ME HELP HER.

I FOUND THE MOST AMAZING PROGRAM: “SONGWORKS 3.” I AM SURE IT IS A WONDERFUL PROGRAM FOR MANY PEOPLE, BUT IT HAS SEVERAL FEATURES & I HAVE BEEN BLESSED W/TALENTS, THAT MAKE IT IDEAL 4 ME–INCLUDING THE THE WAY U CAN ENLARGE TEXT, & THE VARIETY OF WAYS U CAN ADD THE NOTES (SHE SANG THE SONG, THE COMPUTER GUESSED THE NOTES, & I MADE SURE THE NOTES WERE IN THE RIGHT PLACE—I HAVE BEEN BLESSED W/A MUSICAL EAR, & AM ABLE 2 RECALL MELODIES QUITE WELL, BUT IF I HAD TROUBLE, MY DAUGHTER COULD SING 2 MY I-PAD, & USING THE “PITCHBOT” APP, WE COULD FIND THE NOTE!).MY SON—WHO HAS ALSO BEEN BLESSED W/A MUSICAL EAR–ADDED A BASE LINE. I COULDN’T BELIEVE HOW THE LYRICS & MELODY SEEMED 2 FLOW FROM MY DAUGHTER, & HOW IT SEEMED 2ND NATURE FOR MY SON TO ADD THE ACCOMPANIMENT!

I HAVE NEVER CONSIDERED MYSELF AS A COMPOSER (I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE SINGER/PERFORMER!), BUT THIS SURE WAS FUN, AND I LOVED HAVING A WAY 2 AGAIN EXPRESS MYSELF MUSICALLY! & THE PROGRAM’S CUSTOMER SERVICE WAS AMAZING: AS WE WORKED ON IT, IF I HAD ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE PROGRAM, I’D EMAIL MY QUESTION, & GOT A HELPFUL RESPONSE USUALLY WITHIN THE HOUR! (THAT’S A BIG DEAL 2 ME—WAITING THE USUAL 24 HRS. OR MORE, CAN SEEM LIKE FOREVER 2 SOME1 WHO’S OFTEN ON THEIR COMPUTER!)

I AM SO GRATEFUL 2 GOD 4 REMEMBERING MY NEEDS, AS HE INSPIRES OTHER PEOPLE 2 CREATE NEW THINGS!