TALKING WHEN UPSET

I’’M HITTING THE “PEAK” OF MY “GOOD TALKING CYCLE” RIGHT NOW, SO I AM HAVING MORE DAYS WHERE I CAN TALK. & SOMETIMES THERE ARE MIXED FEELINGS WHEN I TALK WELL.

4 EX., WHEN I GET UPSET W/MY KIDS, OBVIOUSLY, I SOMEHOW TAKE IN MORE AIR, & AM LOUDER, BUT FOR SOME REASON, I CONTROL THE RELASE OF MY AIR BETTER, SO I AM ABLE 2 BE CLEARER. FEW PEOPLE HAVE SEEN THIS OCCUR (EXCEPT MAYBE MK’S DAD, & 1 OF MY KID’S FRIENDS), BECUZ IN ORDER 4 IT 2 HAPPEN, I’M USUALLY HOME ALONE W/THE KIDS, & I AM REALLY UPSET, WISHING I COULD PHYSICALLY MOVE, SO I GUESS ALL MY ENERGY & ADRENALINE GOES INTO MY SPEECH!.

MONDAY, I HAD A CHILD DRIVING ME CRAZY…I HAD ALREADY TOLD THIS KID 3 TIMES TO DO A CHORE, THEN MK CAME HOME & ALL THE KIDS GOT TALKED TO ABOUT THE JOB, & WHEN THE KIDS WERE TOLD TO FINISH THE JOB, THIS KID CONTINUED 2 TRY TO GET OUT OF THE SAME PART OF THE JOB THAT HE/SHE HAD BEEN AVOIDING ALL DAY! I WAS FURIOUS & YELLED AT THIS KID TO “DO IT NOW!” (POINTING AT IT)

THE CHILD BRIEFLY SMILED AT ME, & ANOTHER CHILD WAS SO BLOWN AWAY BY ME, HE/SHE EXCLAIMED, “MOM,!” & HUGGED ME…IT CAN BE SUPER TOUGH SOMETIMES 2 STAY IN THE MODE OF DISCIPLINARIAN WHEN THIS OCCURS, & I THINK THE KIDS AREN’T SURE IF THEY SHOULD BE MAD AT ME, OR PROUD OF MY SPEECH! LOL I KNOW SOPH HAS POINTED THAT OUT—ABOUT HOW SHE CAN HAVE CONFLICTING FEELINGS ABOUT MY ABILITY 2 SPEAK WHEN SHE IS DISCIPLINED!

OOPS!

U ALL ARE NICE, & NO1 MENTIONED THIS (THOUGH BET SOME1 NOTICED!), BUT I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT, & HAD 2 CHECK…

I OBVIOUSLY THINK FASTER THAN I TYPE, SO I USUALLY WAIT 24 HRS. AFTER TYPING A POST, SO I CATCH TYPOS. BUT I DIDN’T THIS TIME, SO I APOLOGIZE: I MESSED UP IN DESCRIBING A KEYBOARD:

IF U R ON MIDDLE C & GO RIGHT, U LAND ON THE D KEY, THEN THE E KEY, THEN THE F KEY, THEN THE G KEY, THEN U START OVER & HAVE THE A KEY…

I’M SO EXCITED!

I FEEL GOD’S HAND IN MY LIFE AGAIN…WHEN CARA LEFT, I FOUND A NEW CAREGIVER/”HELPER.” & MY “HELPER” BRINGS HER BABY 2 WORK. I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED BABIES, BUT NOW I HAVE A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON THINGS, & UNDERSTAND THEM MORE, CUZ I HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON WITH BABIES!

MY “HELPER’S” BABY, & I “TALK”—SOPH GETS A KICK OUT OF SEEING US HAVE A CONVERSATION, CUZ WE BOTH SAY THINGS NO1 ELSE UNDERSTANDS, BUT WE ACT LIKE WE TOTALLY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER! LOL I ALSO DO A LOT OF COPYING HIM (LIKE WATCHING & TRYING 2 COPY HOW HE MAKES MOTORCYCLE NOISES OR PRETENDS 2 COUGH) OR I’LL TRY 2 SCREAM LOUDER THAN HIM! ANGIE PUTS UP W/IT SO WELL! LOL IT’S A MIRACLE HOW WELL SHE PUTS UP W/IT! LOL

BETWEEN ANGIE’S BABY, & THIS E-STIM AB BELT THAT MK FOUND 4 ME, I HAVE REALLY BEEN STRENGTHENING MY ABS, WHICH SHOULD HELP NOT ONLY W/MY SPEECH, BUT HOPEFULLY 2 BUILD MY CORE, SO I CAN EVENTUALLY WALK!

YESTERDAY, I WAS SO EXCITED! U’LL NEED 2 BE MUSICAL 2 TRULY GET THIS, BUT I’LL DO MY BEST 2 EXPLAIN IT. MAYBE THIS’LL HELP: THE NOTES ON A KEYBOARD ARE NAMED IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER, FROM A 2 G. SO IF U START ON C, THEN TO THE RIGHT IS THE F KEY, THEN THE G KEY, & THEN IT STARTS OVER AS THE A KEY. TO THE LEFT IS THE D KEY, THEN THE C KEY, THEN ANOTHER A KEY. ARE U FOLLOWING, OR DID I ALREADY LOSE U? LOL.

MONDAY WAS A GREAT VOCAL DAY, SO I WAS PRACTICING MY MUSIC THERAPY (MATCHING PITCHES I HEARD ON THE KEYBOARD W/MY VOICE, DOING AN OCTAVE SLIDE FROM ONE B KEY, UP TO THE NEXT B KEY, & PRACTICING THE PLAYING & SINGING A SONG)

AFTER RESTING, I WENT BACK 2 MATCHING PITCHES, & NOTICED THAT I WAS DOING VERY LITTLE SLIDING (LIKE NORMAL) 2 REACH A PITCH, SO I DECIDED 2 SEE HOW HIGH I COULD GO…I WENT TO THE HIGH A (LIKE OVER AN OCTAVE ABOVE MIDDLE C)–! IN OTHER WORDS, SUPER HIGH! I HAVEN’T REACHED THAT PITCH SINCE MY STROKE! AFTER E, THERE COULDBE NO SLIDING–I HAD 2 PUNCH IT HARD, & HIT THE NOTE. I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT, SO I DID IT AGAIN! LIKE THE 3RD OR 4TH TIME, I WAS TIRED (I PRACTICED LIKE 30 MIN.), STARTED SLIDING 2 MATCH PITCHES, & COULDN’T GET ABOVE E–BUT, STILL! I WAS SO EXCITED!

L8R THAT DAY, I DID “CANDLE THERAPY” W/ANGIE, & BLEW THE CANDLE OUT 25 TIMES IN 2 MIN., INSTEAD OF 20-30 MIN.! MY AB MUSCLES JUST WERE PULLING IN QUICK & SHARP… THEN L8R, I SHOWED MY MOM THE SONG I’M PLAYING AS I SING (IT WASN’T GREAT, BUT THX 2 MY NEW PBA DRUGS I COULD GET THROUGH IT OK!), & THE INCREDIBLE RANGE I HAD YESTERDAY… MY MOM CRIED…I DON’T KNOW IF IT WAS CUZ I CAN DO IT, OR CUZ I SHOWED HER (LOL–AS A KID, I WAS SHY, & WOULDN’T SING IN FRONT OF HER!) I DIDN’T THINK I COULD DO IT AGAIN, BUT I COULD, & EVEN THOUGH I SLID WHEN I SHOWED MY MOM, IT WAS A SHORT SLIDE, & IT WAS EASIER! GO FIGURE!

I CAN’T DO IT 2DAY (MY AB MUSCLES ARE SORE THOUGH, SO MAYBE THAT HAS SOMETHING 2 DO WITH IT!), BUT I’M SINGING VERY WELL-MORE ON PITCH & I’M HAVING AN EASIER TIME HITTING THE HIGH NOTES IN SONGS EASIER!

What frustrates you, and how do you deal with the frustration?

BESIDES HANDICAPPED PARKING? 🙂

LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, THERE ARE THINGS THAT PEEVE ME. JUST WHAT BOTHERS ME MAY BE UNIQUE. BUT I STARTED LISTING THINGS, & GOT VERY DEPRESSED. I REALIZED THAT ONE OF MY WAYS 2 DEAL W/FRUSTRATIONIS 2 SORT OF PUSH THEM ASIDE…NOT TO IGNORE THEM (BECUZ I SURELY DON’T—MY JOURNAL IS FILLED W/THEM!), BUT MORSO SO THEY DON’T CONSUME MY THOUGHTS. IT IS VERY DANGEROUS 4 ME 2 ALLOW MYSELF 2 THINK NEGATIVELY!

SO, I’D RATHER FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE, SHARING 10 WAYS OF HOW I DEAL W/FRUSTRATION.
1. IS OBVIOUSLY 2 THINK POSITIVE.
2. PRAYER. IF I NEED STRENGTH OR COMFORT, GOD & CHRIST KNOW WHAT I NEED.
3. FAITH IN CHRIST
4. TIME, 2 HELP ACCEPT THE THINGS I CAN’T CHANGE.
5. HUMOR—MY OWN & I ENJOY BEING AROUND OTHERS WHO MAKE ME LAUGH/SMILE!
6. TYPE IN MY JOURNAL—MY HUSBAND JOKES THAT IF I TYPE THERE, I’M EITHER REALLY HAPPY, OR SUPER MAD! TYPING HELPS ME PROCESS MY WORLD!
7. EDUCATE MYSELF—I LOVE GOOGLE, & MY STROKE GROUPS (THROUGH YAHOO) PROVIDE GREAT RESOURCES, WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT, & UNDERSTANDING/COMFORT
8. I 1ST HAD COMMON PHRASES ON A KEYRING, THAT I’D SHOW PEOPLE (LIKE “HI, MY NAME IS JENNY. I CAN’T SPEAK, BUT I CAN NOD YES/NO”, OR “PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR”). I HAVE SINCE LEARNED 2 WRITE. MY BOOGIEBOARD (FROM BROOKSTONE) IS PRICELESS! I ALSO HAVE AN APP ON MY I-PAD THAT ALLOWS ME 2 TYPE & SPEAK
9. TRY 2 DO THINGS BY MYSELF
10. MY HUSBAND IS A THERAPIST, & HELPED US 2 IDENTIFY OUR COPING SKILLS. SOME OF MINE: LISTENING 2 RELAXING MUSIC, GOING 2 A MOVIE, READING SCRIPTURES, CRYING ALONE IN MY ELEVATOR (2”LET IT OUT”)…

BUT NOW THAT I CAN DO IT, I LIKE 2 TALK 2 MYSELF,. I’VE NEVER SWORN & DON’T INTEND 2 START NOW, BUT I ENJOY THE FACT, AT TIMES, THAT PEOPLE CAN’T UNDERSTAND ME (THOUGH I HAVE 2 WATCH IT, IF SOPHIA’S AROUND–I’M AMAZED AT WHAT SHE UNDERSTANDS)! SAYING “OUCH” SOMEHOW HELPS ME RELEASE PAIN, & SAYING THINGS–EVEN IF ONLY I UNDERSTAND–SOMEHOW MAKES YOU FEEL LESS FRUSTRATED!

How did you lose weight, and how will it affect your recovery?

WHEN I HAD A FEEDING TUBE, I LOST WEIGHT. WHEN I STARTED EATING, I WANTED THE SAME PORTIONS…BUT I BARELY MOVED OR EXERCISED, & AM W/C-BOUND. I CAN’T EXERCISE W/O HELP. I WORE SWEATS & ELASTIC WAISTBANDS, SO THE EXTRA WEIGHT SNUCK UP ON ME, & I NEEDED A WAY TO TAKE CARE OF IT ON MY OWN, SO IF I GOT EXERCISE GREAT, BUT IF NOT, THAT WAS OK TOO!

IT SCARED ME AT 1ST, BUT THE BEAUTY OF THE DIET, WAS THAT I DIDN’T FEEL I WAS DIETING! REALLY I ATE ALL THE SAME STUFF, BUT I HAD SMALLER PORTIONS & WATCH MY INTAKE, ATE LOTS OF FREEZE-DRIED FRUIT, & FILLED UP ON WATER. I THINK DRIED FRUIT & DRINKING LOTS OF WATER WAS KEY— THE BEAUTY OF DRIED FRUIT IS THAT IT’S SWEET & SWELLS W/WATER, MAKING ME FEEL FULL W/LESS FOOD.

I HAD 6 SMALL MEALS, SO I WAS ALWAYS EATING (BUT IT WAS EVERYTHING LIKE NORMAL, IN SMALLER PROPORTIONS, SUPPLEMENTED BY FRUIT): 3 OF THOSE MEALS WERE “NORMAL”, BUT I CUT PORTIONS IN ½ (I DON’T RECOMMEND THIS FOR PEOPLE WHO MOVE – SINCE I DON’T MOVE, I DON’T BURN AS MANY CALORIES, SO ½ A MEAL MAY BE TOO DRASTIC 4 U)! IF THERE WAS DESSERT, I ALSO ATE 1/2. THE OTHER 3 MEALS WERE BETWEEN THOSE MEALS, & WAS THE NATURAL (NO PRESERVATIVES OR SUGAR) DRIED FRUIT. I SUGGEST 6 SMALL MEALS (LIKE AT 7, 9, 12, 3, 6, 8 PM), W/A BIG GLASS OF WATER B4 YOUR MEAL, SO U GET FULL SOONER, & FILL UP ON WATER..

I HAD VERY SMALL LUNCHES– SINCE I DO NOT BURN FOOD, IT SORTA’ BUILDS, SO AT LUNCH I WASN’T SUPER HUNGRY. I’D HAVE 1/2 OF A BIG SALA, OR SOME COTTAGE CHEESE & FRUIT. BUT THAT’S JUST ME. U TAILOR IT 2 U.

I FROZE MY TREATS, THINKING I’D GET THEM BACK LATER…BUT THEY WERE THE REASON I GAINED WEIGHT! I GAVE THEM AWAY. WHEN I FELT READY THIS IS WHERE I HAD A DISTINCT ADVANTAGE: I WAS LUCKY, BECUZ I CAN’T CHEAT. SO, WHILE I HAD DESSERTS AFTER MEALS, HAD NO FATTENING SNACKS. WHEN I CRAVED SUGAR, I GOT SUGAR FROM A FREEZE-DRIED FRUIT, & STARTED SNACKING ON DRIED FRUITS & VEGGIES (INSTEAD OF CHOCOLATE OR CHEETOS).

I STARTED DOING A 3 WEEK FRUIT & VEGGIE CLEANSE (TO GET IN A HEALTHIER EATING DIET), ONLY DRINK WATER, LOVE GREEN SMOOTHIES AS A MEAL (I CAN’T CHEW VERY WELL, SO THEY ARE A GREAT WAY TO “EAT” MY GREENS), & I AM ON A HEALTH KICK WHERE I LOVE MY VEGGIES & FRUIT, & EAT MEAT SPARINGLY–& WHEN I DO EAT IT, I PREFER CHICKEN, FISH, OR TURKEY.

I’VE FOUND THAT I EAT WHEN BORED. BUT I EAT FREEZE-DRIED BANANAS, & IT TOTALLY HELPS! “FREEZE-DRIED” IS THE KEY.

I’VE LOST ALMOST 50 POUNDS, & WEIGH LESS THAN I DID IN HIGH SCHOOL! I AM CERTAIN IT’LL HELP IF I EVER LEARN 2 WALK. IT HAS HELPED ME LIFT MY OWN WEIGHT, SO I CAN FINALLY MOVE MY OWN BUTT, & MY PARALYZED LEG! IT HAS ALSO HELPED ME MENTALLY–I AM NOT AS EMBARRASSED OF HOW I LOOK, SO I BETTER ACCEPT BATHROOM HELP.

BTW, JUST A TIP: AVACADOES, EGGS & OJ HELP U FEEL FULL LONGER.