I’M EASILY MADE HAPPY THESE DAYS! I’M SO EXCITED! TUESDAY, AS I WATCHED FIA AT TRACK & FIELD DAY, I FED MYSELF BREAKFAST (I’M RARELY THE NEATEST EATER, BUT THIS WAS FINGER FOODSM WHICH ARE EASIER 2 EAT).

THE BEST PART: I DRANK WATER FROM A REAL CUP, W/A CHICK-FELL-A STRAW! IT’S A THIN STRAW, SO I WASN’T SURE I COULD DO IT–ESP. SINCE I OFTEN CAN’T PUCKER W/OTHERS THERE–I OFTEN SMILE! BUT I KNEW WATER WAS MY BAST SHOT, SINCE IT’S THE THINNEST LIQUID, SO I FIGURED IT MAY BE THE EASIEST 2 SUCK UP.

PLUS, IT’S CLEAR, SO IF I DROOLED W/NO BIB, IT WAS OK. BUT I DIDN’T DROOL! & I ATE LIKE ANY1 ELSE…I WAS JUST A MOM AT TRACK & FIELD DAY, SITTING IN THE BEST SEAT IN THE HOUSE & EATING. NO BIB. NO TILTED CHAIR. IT FELT SO GOOD 2 FEEL SOME RESEMBLANCE 2 NORMAL!

WHEN WE GOT HOME, I DECIDED 2 AGAIN C THE MOVIE “CATCH ME IF U CAN”. THERE’S A STORY USED SEVERAL TIMES THAT SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
“THERE WERE 2 MICE THAT FELL IN A BUCKET OF CREAM. 1 IMMEDIATELY GAVE UP & DROWNED. THE OTHER STRUGGLED SO MUCH & 4 SO LONG, IT TURNED THE CREAM INTO BUTTER & CRAWLED OUT.”

AT TIMES, I BELIEVE I DO THINGS LIKE THE 2ND MOUSE, & TUESDAY EVERYTHING I’VE WORKED ON FINALLY ADDED UP, & I FINALLY CRAWLED OUT OF MY “BUCKET OF CREAM.” IT’S A SMALL THING, BUT I BET THE MOUSE WAS EASILY EXCITED, THOUGH NO1 CHEERED 4 HIM!

GRANTED, I PROBABLY HAVE “BUCKETS OF CREAM LINED UP, SO I GET OUT OF 1 & CLIMB INTO ANOTHER, BUT I PREFER 2 THINK OF MYSELF LIKE A CHILDREN’S BOOK JESS LOVES 2 READ 2 ME (I LOVE CHILDREN’S BOOKS—THEY R SHORT & SWEET & 2 THE POINT, OFTEN W/A GREAT MORAL 2 THE STORY—LIKE “I THINK I CAN!”): JESS READ “THE MISSING PIECE MEETS THE BIG O”. THE MISSING PIECE IS A TRIANGLE THAT MEETS THE BIG O (A CIRCLE), & THE BIG O ENCOURAGES THE MISSING PIECE 2 ROUND OUT its POINTY SIDES, & ROLL.

MY NEW THING IS 2 “ROUND OUT MY POINTY SIDES” MORE BY TRYING MY HAND AT FEEDING MYSELF THINGS. I OFTEN C THINGS THINKING “THERE’S NO WAY I CAN DO THAT!” BUT AS SOON AS I THINK THAT, A LITTLE “DEVIL” SAYS, “I WONDER…JUST TRY!” UTENSILS CAN BE TRICKY…IN MUSIC THERAPY, I’M WORKING ON MY GRIP BY HOLDING A LARGE, FLAT PICK, BUT I ALSO NEED 2 BALANCE THE FOOD ON THE UTENSIL, BY KEEPING THE UTENSIL STRAIGHT. I OFTEN FAIL THE 1ST TIME, BUT THEN I C WHAT WAS WRONG, SO I CAN FIX IT, & I FEEL A SMALL VICTORY W/EACH NEW FOOD I FEED MYSELF!

I’M ALSO TALKING MORE. I REALIZED IT’S HABIT 2 NOT TALK, SO I’M TRYING 2 SAY WORDS I SIGN GESTURE, OR NOD (THINGS LIKE ‘YES,’ ‘NO’, ‘I DON’T KNOW’, ‘HI’, ‘BYE’, THX U’) & SOMETIMES I SAY WHATEVER I THINK, IF IT’S A SHORT SENTENCE, EVEN IF I AM THE ONLY 1 WHO UNDERSTANDS ME! (IT’S RATHER FUN, & FIA UNDERSTANDS A LOT, SO IT’S JOKED THAT WE HAVE A “SECRET LANGUAGE) LOL WHAT SHE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND, SHE OFTEN UNDERSTANDS IT THROUGH MY BODY LANGUAGE

IT HAS BEEN AGES SINCE I’VE POSTED! IT DIDN’T HELP THAT MY COMP. WAS BEING REPAIRED 4 OVER A WEEK! LOL

SINCE I WANTED 2 TYPE THIS 4 A JOURNAL, & MAYBE 4 A SCRAPBOOK PAGE (THAT I STARTED ALMOST A YEAR AGO ), I THOUGHT IT COULD ALSO SERVE AS A BLOG ENTRY:

APRIL 25, 2910
JESS WANTED HER SUNDAY BREAKFAST “LIKE MOM.” FIA WILLINGLY PLAYED CARA, HER CAREGIVER. JESS SAT IN MOM’S MANUAL W/C W/HER EGGS IN FRONT OF HER, WAITING AS FIA GOT HER A PAPER TOWEL BIB. THEN CAME MOM’S FAVORITE PART: FIA TOOK A BITE 1ST, & JESS REACTED W/A LOUD, “HEY!” (EDITOR’S NOTE:
MK & CARA NEVER DO THIS, UNLESS MOM NEEDS 2 WAIT 4 HER FOOD 2 COOL, & EVEN THEN, MK GIVES HER A DRINK OR BREAD. KEEP IN MIND THAT MOM’S FED BY MANY PEOPLE, THOUGH MOST R SENSATIVE 2 THIS.) IT DIDN’T TAKE LONG 4 JESS 2 GET FED UP WAITING, & DECIDE 2 FEED HERSELF! WHAT FOLLOWED WAS GREAT FUN 2. JESS WOULD PURPOSELY DROP FOOD, & FIA REQUESTED THAT WHEN SHE DRANK, SHE NEEDED 2 MIMIC MOM COMPLETELY…EVEN DROOL/SPIT AS SHE DRANK! IT WAS A “YOU HAD TO BE THERE” MOMENT, BUT IT WAS PRICELESS!

THEN AT CHURCH, MY ALMOST 5 MO. OLD NEICE, ELIZABETH, WAS BEING WATCHED BY MY DAD & I, AS WE WERE A ROW BEHIND HER. I KNOW THAT SINCE I CAN’T LEAVE, I NEED 2 QUICKLY REACT 2 ANY SIGNS OF STRESS, B4 IT’S A CRY…

SO, IF SHE SEEMED AT ALL STRESSED, I USED MY RIGHT HAND ON HER BENCH, 2 HELP PULL ME FWD, SO I COULD GIVE HER HER PACIFIER. BUT EVERYTIME I TRIED, SHE’D C ME & SMILE. W/MY PBA, I’DHAVE FITS OF LAUGHTER, SO MY DAD WOULD GIVE HER THE PACIFIER.

EVEN NOW, THINKING ABOUT IT, I LAUGH! I C IT FROM ELIZABETH;S PERSPECTIVE…& THIS BIG FACE WOULD SUDDENLY APPEAR! I’M SURE SHE WAS JUST HAPPY 2 C A FACE, EVEN IF I WAS JUST PLAYING “PEEK-A-BOO!” IT WAS FUNNY, THOUGH!

MON. MORN., I WAS ESTATIC ABOUT WHAT I DID WITH 1 HAND THEN. IT’S NOTHING BIG REALLY, BUT FOR 1 WHO CAN BARELY MOVE, IT WAS EXCITING!

MONDAY WAS A GOOD DAY–I WAS MORE VERBAL & STRONG, SO I PUSHED UP W/MY 1 GOOD (RIGHT) HAND ON THE ARMREST OF MY W/C, & ON MY RIGHT FOOT PEDAL JUST ENOUGH 2 MOVE MY OWN BUTT! I CONFESS THAT I STARTED DOING THAT ON OCCASION ON MY OWN, THOUGH I CAN’T ALWAYS DO IT, & IF I DO, IT’S IN THE PRIVACY OF MY HOME ELEVATOR, BECUZ IF MY LEFT LEG TRIES 2 STRAIGHTEN & STRAY FROM MY FOOTREST, IT’S STOPPED B4 IT CAN START, BY A WALL OF THE ELEVATOR.

ANYWAY, I VELCRO MY LEFT ARM, BECUZ IT’S VERY DISOBEDIENT, ANNOYING, & DOESN’T LISTEN 2 ME (LOL), SO EVERY LAUGH, CRY, SNEEZE, ETC. MAKES MY LEFT ARM SWING INTO MY BELLY, OR COMPLETELY OFF THE ARMREST. AS I MOVED MY BUTT ON MON., MY LEFT ARM HYPER-EXTENDED, & POPPED OFF MY VELCRO. WITH 1 HAND, I MANAGED 2 RE-WRAP IT AROUND MY HAND, & RE-FASTEN IT. NOT LIKE I HAVEN’T DONE THAT EITHER IN THE LAST 6 YRS., BUT IT’S HIT & MISS IF I CAN, & ALWAYS TOUGH! MONDAY IT WAS EASY & FAST! I’M JUST ENJOYING MY NEW-FOUND INDEPENDENCE LATELY! I FEEL I OWE GOD A BIG THANKS 4 MY RECENT SPURT OF INDEPEDENCE!

TUES., MARCH 16 WAS MY 6 YR. STROKE-A-VERSARY. THE FIRST YEAR OR TWO AFTER IS THE HARDEST EMOTIONALLY. I’M SO GRATEFUL THOSE YEARS ARE OVVER, & THAT I’VE SURVIVED THEM, AS WELL AS BEYOND THEM! AT TIMES, RECOVERY MAY SEEM LIKE IT’S NOT HAPPENING BUT IT IS. IT CAN’T BE MEASURED IN WEEKS OR MONTHS BUT YEARS.

“But while changes happen around us and to us, what really matters is what happens inside us—the way we cherish loved ones after the loss of a family member, the way we look at life after the birth of a baby, the way we treat strangers after we’ve lived in an unfamiliar place. These are all aspects of our true identity that seem to manifest themselves most clearly after life-changing events.” “Who Are You?”, Music and the Spoken Word

THIS YEAR I WAS NOT MOPING — I’VE DECIDED THIS IS MORE A FAMILY “HOLIDAY,” & WAS FOCUSING ON HOW FAMILY LIFE CHANGED 4 US ALL 6 YRS., AGO

I 4GOT WHO SAID THIS ON MY STROKE GROUP, BUT IT RINGS SO TRUE: “Life can still be good after having a stroke. You will Never once again be as you were before as something will always remain but that does not mean give up cause there is no hope left anymore. If you want your life back YOU will have to work very hard to regain as much of it back as possible. “

AS 1 WHO LIKES 2 CELEBRATE HER HOLIDAYS, THAT MEANS I WAS HANGING OUT W/FAMILY. WE HAD PLANS 4 A ZOO, BUT IT RAINED, SO WE SAW A MOVIE, WALKED THE MALL, & JUST ENJOYED EACH OTHERS COMPANY.

TAKING INTO ACCOUNT MY RECENT POST, I’M STILL CLIMBING MY LADDER!

FRI., I ACTUALLY TOLD FIA “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” REALLY WELL. IT SEEMED 2 MAKE FIA’S DAY! I BELIEVE LAST & THIS YEAR, I TOLD JESS “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”, BUT THIS WAS 10x CLEARER, & FIA ALMOST CRIED, SHE WAS SO HAPPY!

I WAS SURPRISED BY IT 2, & TRIED SAYING IT SEVERAL TIMES, & THOUGH IT IMPRESSED OTHERS, I WAS DISAPPOINTED THAT IT WAS NEVER AS GOOD AGAIN! 4 SOME REASON, IT’S BETTER WHEN I DON’T TRY…

I CAN BE SILENT MOST THE DAY, BUT WHEN I DO THIS, EVERY TIME IT JUST “POPS OUT”, I SPEAK BETTER WHEN IT “POPS OUT” & I DON’T TRY (JUST THINK THE WORD) THAN IF I TRY 2 SAY THE SAME THING. I TEND 2 TALK MORE WHEN ALONE W/THE KIDS, AS I HATE 2 RING MY BELL 2 GET ATTENTION–IT’S A LAST RESORT, OR I’M FEELING LAZY (LIKE IF THEIR BEDROOM DOOR IS CLOSED, I ANALYZE IF I HAVE THE ENERGY NEEDED 2 RAISE MY ARM & OPEN THE DOOR…IF NOT, I RING)

THE COOL THING IS THAT I JUST DO MUSIC THERAPY–I HAVEN’T DONE SPEECH THERAPY IN LIKE 5 YRS., & WHEN I DID IT, SO LITTLE COULD BE DONE. I TEND 2 APPEAR AS HAVING “SPURTS” OF GROWTH, EVEN STILL. I HAVE ONLY MADE A LITTLE PROGRESS IN THE LAST FEW YEARS, THEN SUDDENLY HAVE MADE SOME BIG STRIDES…I CAN ONLY GUESS IT’S BECUZ WHEN I AM SEEMING 2 MAKE THOSE SMALL STRIDES, THEY FINALLY ADD UP 2 A BIG STRIDE!

NOTHING STINKS MORE AT TIMES, THAN C-ING YOUR LOVED 1 SICK, BUT STILL CARING 4 U…POTTYING & DRESSING MYSELF SEEM IMPOSSIBLE RIGHT NOW, BUT FEEDING MYSELF WAS SOMETHING I WANTED 2 TACKLE. IT SEEMED MANAGEABLE…
I TACKLED IT IN STAGES: I LEARNED 2 RAISE MY ARM HIGHER, DISCOVERED THAT I COULD SUCK ON A STRAW & PRACTICED THAT, DEVELOPED BITING SKILLS, & WORKED ON MY AIM (SO I COULD DIP FOOD, & MESSY FOODS WOULD GO IN MY MOUTH, MORE THAN ON MY FACE!)

ON TUES., 3/2, I HAVE A STORY 2 SHARE…
RECENTLY, MK STARTED GIVING ME ROLLS AT DINNER, BUT I ONLY DO A MEAL IF HE HAS A TIME CRUNCH OR SOMETHING. I LOVE IT! I’VE DONE ARBY’S, A TUNA SUB (W/A FORK), ETC., BUT MY NEW THING IS LUNCHABLES (HAM & CHEESE CRACKERS)–I LISTEN 2 AN AUDIO BOOK AS I EAT, & CAN DO THE WATER. (I DISCOVERED MONTHS AGO THAT I COULD DO THE WATER BECUZ I GOT TIRED OF WAITING 4 MY WATER! LOL EVER SINCE I DISCOVERED THAT I COULD DO THE WATER, I’VE EXPERIMENTED–WHILE A FULL CUP IS POSSIBLE, IT’S TONS HARDER 2 LIFT, SQUEEZE, & SUCK, SO I TAKE 4EVER, & GIVE UP! IF THE CUP’S 1/2-FULL, IT’S MUCH LESS DAUNTING!
TUESDAY, 3/2, I HAD A CORN DOG. DIPPED IT & EVERYTHING. I HAD ZACH FILL A CUP 1/2-WAY, & PUT IT W/IN REACH. I FINISHED MY CORN DOG, & WENT 2 SWITCH MY PLATE & DRINK, BUT MK’S MOM WAS VISITING, & GOT THERE 1ST…I MOTIONED 2 GIVE ME THE WATER, & SHE SAID SOMETHING LIKE, “U KIDDING ME?” I DRANK IT, PUT THE EMPTY CUP IN THE SINK, & THREW AWAY MY BIB! TA DA! LOL
THIS IS FAIRLY NEW, BUT THIS WASN’T THE 1ST TIME.

I HEARD THIS QOUTE A LONG TIME AGO AT CHURCH:
“When you climb up a ladder, you must begin at the bottom, and ascend step by step, until you arrive at the top… —you must begin with the first, and go on…”
History of the Church, 6:306–7; from a discourse given by Joseph Smith on Apr. 7, 1844, in Nauvoo, Illinois; reported by Wilford Woodruff, Willard Richards, Thomas Bullock, and William Clayton; see also appendix, page 562, item 3.

SOMEWHERE IN THE BEGINNING, WHEN I WAS GIVEN MY ARM SUPPORT, I FED MYSELF ON OCCASION, BUT I DETESTED IT: MORE FOOD GOT ALL OVER ME & THE FLOOR, & IT TOOK SO LONG, MY FOOD GOT COLD. I WASN’T READY…I SKIPPED RUNGS ON THE LADDER, & FALLEN.