HAPPY EASTER! IT'S TRADITION IN R FAMILY2 FILL SOMETHING THE KIDS NEED/WANT INSTEAD OF A BASKET (SO, 4 EX., JESS, SINCE SHE'S IN SOFTBALL, SHE HAD A BAG 4 HER EQUIPMENT). SEVERAL YEARS AGO, ON THE CHRISTMAS RT. AFTER MY STROKE, JJSS REQUESTED AN AMERICAAN GIRL DOLL W/A WHEELCHAIR (W/C). FIA HAS STARTED WANTING A W/C, SO HER EASTER "BASKET" WAS A BUILD-A-BEAR W/C! SHE WAS SO EXCITED 2 HAVE A "MRS. JENNY" BUILD-A-BEAR! NOW, THE GIRLS CAN SHARE THEIR W/C!

LAST WEEKEND, IF U R LDS, U KNOW IT WAS GENERAL CONFERENCE (R CHURCH LEADERS SPEND MANY HOURS TEACHING US VIA SATELLITE/CABLE).
JUST WATCHING IT WOULDN’T HELP MY PBA . NEITHER WOULD IT HELP 2 SIT SO I CAN'T C & JUST LISTEN–I NEED A DISTRACTION, SO I HEAR THE WORDS, BUT SPLIT MY FOCUS W/A DISTRACTION.
SO I'VE DISCOVERED THE JOY OF DOING MINDLESS ACTIVITIES (WHICH PILE UP, SINCE THEY NEED 2 BE DONE, BUT I HATE 2 USE MY "PRECIOUS TIME" 2 DO IT) & LISTEN ON THE INTERNET. IT WORKS SO GREAT! THE ONLY BUMMER IS, I DON'T KNOW WHO'S TALKING & I HAVE 2 BE AT HOME, SEPERATED FROM MY FAM. THE MAJOR POSITIVE IS, THAT TWICE A YEAR WE DO THIS, & I'D SAY MY SPIRITUAL SIDE HAS SERIOUSLY LACKED FOR 3 YEARS BECAUSE OF HOW I HAVE 2 DISTANCE MYSELF & PUT UP A WALL 2 FIGHT PBA. 4 INSTANCE,, I FAITHFULLY GO 2 CHURCH WEEKLY, BUT IT CAN BE A PBA-BATTLE & I CAN GET LITTLE OUT OF IT UNTIL I COME HOME & CAN BE ALONE 2 VERY LOUDLY CRY (& NO1 NEEDS 2 HEAR ABOVE ME) WHILE IT "SIMMERS."

THERE'S CLINICAL TRIALS ON A DRUG 4 PBA. HOW I'D LOVE 2 BE A PART! IF IT'D WORK, MY LIFE WOULD DRASTICALLY CHANGE!

THE PREVIOUS WEEKEND I HAD SOME INTERESTING EXPERIENCES:

I REALLY HATE 2 BE OUTSIDE (WHY:
BUGS LOVE 2 LAND ON ME,
LOW CIRCULATION MAKES ME COLDER SOONER,
RAIN—NEED I SAY MORE?,
SUNLIGHT, SINCE MY EYES R SENSATIVE 2 NATURAL LIGHT,
WIND—I GET STRAY HAIRS I MY FACE & MOUTH WHICH I'M NOT GAURANTEED 2 REACH & SINCE I'M DARK BLONDE, THEY R UNSEEN—THOUGH, MARK IS LOADS BETTER AT SPOTTING STRAY HAIRS THAN HE DID 3 YRS. AGO, WHICH CAN BE AMAZING, REALLY,
BUMPY GROUND—)

I ALSO HATE SPORTS. SO IMAGINE HOW THRILLED I WAS AT HEARING JESS, MY 7 YR. OLD, ANNOUNCE SHE WAS GOING 2 PLAY SOFTBALL! I HAD BEEN "TEAM MOM" 4 ZACH AT AGE 6, SO I KNEW IIT INVOLVED GAMES OUTSIDE, COLD OR HOT, SUNNY & WINDY. 2 WEEKS AGO WAS HER 1ST GAME. I WENT & TOOK PICS. AT JESS' SOFTBALL GAME. THE FUNNY THING WAS I COULD SEE NOTHING IN MY LCD, THANKS 2 SUNLIGHT & SUNGLASSES. BUT MY CAMERA WAS MOUNTED, SO I AIMED & SHOT. USUALLY, I CAN HEAR IT SNAP A PIC. THIS TIME, THOUGH, I HEARD NOTHING! I HAD NO IDEA IF I'D TAKEN PICS. & WHAT THEY'D LOOKED LIKE! BUT, ONCE I CROPPED, THEY WERE ALARMINGLY GOOD!

2 SUN. AGO, I WAS HEADED DOWNSTAIRS 2 MY COMP. (KIDS'ROOMS R CLOSE BY) AT 6:30 AM (NOTHING UNUSUAL, & I LIKE THE QUIET TIME W/O KIDS). EVER SINCE MY STROKE, I'M JUMPIER THAN U CAN IMAGINE—MY NERVES R ALWAYS ON THE EDGE. LIKE, WALKING IN MY ROOM, EVEN IF I KNOW SOME1 IS COMING, I JUMP & FREAK OUT. ANOTHER IS, I SWEAR I HAVE ARACNOPHOBIA, SO ZACH LIKES 2 PUT FAKE SPIDERS ON ME, WHICH IS WORSE W/DOUBLE VISION! & IT NEVER GETS OLD 2 SAY, "BOO!" AS I COME OUT THE ELEVATOR BACKWARDS! THE GREATEST FUN 4 MY FAM. IS MAKING ME JUMP & FREAK OUT.

SO I COME DOWNSTAIRS, DRIVING SLOWLY & ONLY LOOKING IMMEDIATELY IN FRONT OF ME, SINCE IT'S MOSTLY DARK. I'M ABOUT 2 TURN (REMEMBER, IT'S DARK, QUIET, & I THINK I'M ALONE), & C A SMILING JESS (MY EARLY RISER) JUST QUIETLY SITTING CRISS-CROSS IN MY PATH. 4 THE 1ST TIME SINCE MOVING HERE, I WAS TRULY SCARED ENOUGH 2 NOT ONLY JUMP, BUT SCREAM MY "CHHEWBACCA" SCREAM!

REMEMBER HOW I FINGERSPELLED “CLEAN” & FIA GOT IT? I RESERVED EXCITEMENT FIGURING SHE GOT IT BECAUSE WE WERE CLEANING & SEVARAL TIMES I HAD SIGNED “CLEAN” 2 ZACH. MON., SHE WAS THRILLED 2 HAVE DAD HELP HER READ AT FHE (FAMILY HOME EVENING). WELL, GUESS WHAT? I WAS TYPING 4 JESS 2 READ, & FIA READ SOME! IT HAS BEEN 3 YRS. SINCE I TALKED 2 MY BABY! SHE WAS EXCITED, BUT I’M MORE SO–THOUGH U’D NEVER GUESS IT SINCE I’M BAWLING!

SUN., I EXPERIENCED SOMETHING AMAZING. UNFORTUNATELY, IT INVOLVED FIA GETTING HURT. WE WERE AT MY PARENTS' HOUSE, & FIA REALLY SMACKED HER HEAD GOOD (THERE WAS A GOLF-BALL SIZE BUMP, SO SHE NOW SAYS SHE HAS "GOLF-HEAD"). ANYWAY, HERE SHE WAS PHYSICALLY & EMOTIONALLY BADLY INJURED, & SHE SCREAMED, "I WANT MAMA!" & SHE REACHED 4 ME. SHE KNOWS, LIKE MY OTHER KIDS, I CAN'T HELP PHYSICALLY, BUT I CAN HUG. SHE HAS COME 4 HUGS WHEN SHE WAS HURT B4 (WHILE THE OTHER KIDS REFUSE ME), BUT IT'S BEEN 3 YRS. SINCE A HURT KID BEGGED 4 ME!

2DAY MARKS 3 YRS. SINCE MY STOKE. IT'S MY "STROKE-A-VERSARY." WHAT A WEIRD HOLIDAY. MAYBE U COULD TELL FROM MY POST ABOUT "CHOC. CAKE DAY, BUT I'M A KID AT HEART & LOVE HOLIDAYS. BUT, LIKE MEMORIAL DAY, IT CAN BE A DAY SET ASIDE 2 MOURN "WHAT WAS" FROM MY PERSPECTIVE, MARK'S PERSPECTIVE, OR EVEN A FRIEND'S PERSPECTIVE. BUT "A-VERSARY" SEEMS LIKE IT SHOULD BE A YEARLY CELEBRATION. LIKE "ANNIVERSARY," IT SHOULD BE HAPPY. IT'S A MATTER, AGAIN, OF PERSPECTIVE. U MAY FIND THIS FASCINATING, BUT AFTER MY STROKE, I WAS OBVIOUSLY AWARE I COULDN'T MOVE, TAALK, OR SEE, & I KNEW SOMETHING BAD HAD HAPPENED, BUT 4 MONTHS—UNTIL I WAS HOME—I DIDN'T KNOW THE CAUSE WAS A STROKE (LOOKING BACK, AFTER TALKING ABOUT THIS, I'VE HAD A SLOW RECOLLECTION & KNOW NOW WHEN I WAS TOLD; BUT I THOUGHT A STROKE WAS WRONG, BECAUSE I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO SYMPTOMS, I WAS YOUNG, & I WAS HEALTHY), BUT I NEVER NEW THE IMPLICATIONS OF IT. I CLEARLY RECALL DISCUSSING HOW REMODELLING R HOUSE IN INDY MEANT CHANGING R LAUNDRY RM. I LOVED R NEW WALLPAPER BORDER & WOULDN'T HEAR OF IT. I'LL NEVER 4GET MARK COMMENTING HOW IMPRESSED HE'D BE IF, IN UNDER A YEAR, I COULD AGAIN DO LAUNDRY. I THOUGHT, "WHY?" IN MY MIND, –IT WAS TEMPORARY. NOW, I JUST WISH ” TEMPORARY ” WAS FASTER! EVERYTHING WAS JUST OBSTACLES I WOULD OVERCOME. SO, A "STROKE-A-VERSARY" IS A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE. I CAN THINK & COMPARE & MOURN THEN & NOW, OR I CAN C ALL I'VE DONE IN JUST 3 YRS. & MOVE ON!

I 4GOT SOME STUFF, SO I'LL WRITE AN ADDITION 2 MY LAST POST, "TYPICAL WEEK.":
WED.—IF I HAVE AD, CARA'S HERE, FROM 9:15-3:15 TO HELP ME PREPARE.
SAT.—VARIES EACH WEEK
SUN.—6:30-9 AM IS COMP. TIME UNLESS THE KIDS WAKE EARLY (USUALLY, JESS DOES & WAKES FIA—SHE TRIES 2 WAKE ZACH, BUT HE'S A GOOD LITTLE SLEEPER & HARD 2 WAKE). 12:30-3:30 PM IS CHURCH.
2 SAT. & 2 SUN. A MONTH R FAMILY DINNERS AT 5 PM, BUT MARK USUALLY COOKS, SO WE LEAVE AT 4 PM.

AT NIGHT:

A FRIEND, INTRODUCED ABOUT A YEAR AGO 2 ME, SAID:
"I wouldn’t wish my paralysis off onto any of you regardless of its many up sides, but what a blessing it has been to me in giving me the time to ponder, meditate, and pray. My spirit has been strengthened and my mind enriched as I have lain in bed, unable to move my body, but able to let my mind reach out to a loving and kind Heavenly Father, who through the Holy Ghost, has inspired and blessed me more than I could ever say."
I AM A NIGHT PERSON WHO ONLY NEEDS ABOUT 6-7 HRS. OF SLEEP, SO GOING 2 BED AT 9-10 PM MEANS I USUALLY LIE AWAKE THERE FOR ABOUT 2 HRS., WAITING 4 THE ALARM. I ALSO CAN'T FALL ASLEEP UNTI; ALMOST 10:30, USUALLY. IRONICALLY, EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T MOVE OR TALK & CAN LIE AWAKE 4 HOURS, THIS CAN BE HARD 4 ME. AT 1ST I WOULD OCCUPY TIME BY THINKING OF & PREPARING 4 THE UPCOMING DAY, DOING THERAPY, &/OR TRYING 2 REACH MY FACE 2 SCRATCH OR MOVE MY HAIR (BOTH ARE EASIER LYING DOWN, SO I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF IT!) SOMEDAYS WHAT HE SAID IS SO TRUE, ESP. IN THE MORNING HOURS SINCE DISTRACTIONS ARE FEW. I TRY 2 TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT. SOMETIMES, THOUGH, MY MIND WANDERS, AS MANY DO, & IT'S NOT SO TRUE, DESPITE MY LIMITATIONS.