BESIDES HANDICAPPED PARKING? 🙂

LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, THERE ARE THINGS THAT PEEVE ME. JUST WHAT BOTHERS ME MAY BE UNIQUE. BUT I STARTED LISTING THINGS, & GOT VERY DEPRESSED. I REALIZED THAT ONE OF MY WAYS 2 DEAL W/FRUSTRATIONIS 2 SORT OF PUSH THEM ASIDE…NOT TO IGNORE THEM (BECUZ I SURELY DON’T—MY JOURNAL IS FILLED W/THEM!), BUT MORSO SO THEY DON’T CONSUME MY THOUGHTS. IT IS VERY DANGEROUS 4 ME 2 ALLOW MYSELF 2 THINK NEGATIVELY!

SO, I’D RATHER FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE, SHARING 10 WAYS OF HOW I DEAL W/FRUSTRATION.
1. IS OBVIOUSLY 2 THINK POSITIVE.
2. PRAYER. IF I NEED STRENGTH OR COMFORT, GOD & CHRIST KNOW WHAT I NEED.
3. FAITH IN CHRIST
4. TIME, 2 HELP ACCEPT THE THINGS I CAN’T CHANGE.
5. HUMOR—MY OWN & I ENJOY BEING AROUND OTHERS WHO MAKE ME LAUGH/SMILE!
6. TYPE IN MY JOURNAL—MY HUSBAND JOKES THAT IF I TYPE THERE, I’M EITHER REALLY HAPPY, OR SUPER MAD! TYPING HELPS ME PROCESS MY WORLD!
7. EDUCATE MYSELF—I LOVE GOOGLE, & MY STROKE GROUPS (THROUGH YAHOO) PROVIDE GREAT RESOURCES, WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT, & UNDERSTANDING/COMFORT
8. I 1ST HAD COMMON PHRASES ON A KEYRING, THAT I’D SHOW PEOPLE (LIKE “HI, MY NAME IS JENNY. I CAN’T SPEAK, BUT I CAN NOD YES/NO”, OR “PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR”). I HAVE SINCE LEARNED 2 WRITE. MY BOOGIEBOARD (FROM BROOKSTONE) IS PRICELESS! I ALSO HAVE AN APP ON MY I-PAD THAT ALLOWS ME 2 TYPE & SPEAK
9. TRY 2 DO THINGS BY MYSELF
10. MY HUSBAND IS A THERAPIST, & HELPED US 2 IDENTIFY OUR COPING SKILLS. SOME OF MINE: LISTENING 2 RELAXING MUSIC, GOING 2 A MOVIE, READING SCRIPTURES, CRYING ALONE IN MY ELEVATOR (2”LET IT OUT”)…

BUT NOW THAT I CAN DO IT, I LIKE 2 TALK 2 MYSELF,. I’VE NEVER SWORN & DON’T INTEND 2 START NOW, BUT I ENJOY THE FACT, AT TIMES, THAT PEOPLE CAN’T UNDERSTAND ME (THOUGH I HAVE 2 WATCH IT, IF SOPHIA’S AROUND–I’M AMAZED AT WHAT SHE UNDERSTANDS)! SAYING “OUCH” SOMEHOW HELPS ME RELEASE PAIN, & SAYING THINGS–EVEN IF ONLY I UNDERSTAND–SOMEHOW MAKES YOU FEEL LESS FRUSTRATED!

WHEN I HAD A FEEDING TUBE, I LOST WEIGHT. WHEN I STARTED EATING, I WANTED THE SAME PORTIONS…BUT I BARELY MOVED OR EXERCISED, & AM W/C-BOUND. I CAN’T EXERCISE W/O HELP. I WORE SWEATS & ELASTIC WAISTBANDS, SO THE EXTRA WEIGHT SNUCK UP ON ME, & I NEEDED A WAY TO TAKE CARE OF IT ON MY OWN, SO IF I GOT EXERCISE GREAT, BUT IF NOT, THAT WAS OK TOO!

IT SCARED ME AT 1ST, BUT THE BEAUTY OF THE DIET, WAS THAT I DIDN’T FEEL I WAS DIETING! REALLY I ATE ALL THE SAME STUFF, BUT I HAD SMALLER PORTIONS & WATCH MY INTAKE, ATE LOTS OF FREEZE-DRIED FRUIT, & FILLED UP ON WATER. I THINK DRIED FRUIT & DRINKING LOTS OF WATER WAS KEY— THE BEAUTY OF DRIED FRUIT IS THAT IT’S SWEET & SWELLS W/WATER, MAKING ME FEEL FULL W/LESS FOOD.

I HAD 6 SMALL MEALS, SO I WAS ALWAYS EATING (BUT IT WAS EVERYTHING LIKE NORMAL, IN SMALLER PROPORTIONS, SUPPLEMENTED BY FRUIT): 3 OF THOSE MEALS WERE “NORMAL”, BUT I CUT PORTIONS IN ½ (I DON’T RECOMMEND THIS FOR PEOPLE WHO MOVE – SINCE I DON’T MOVE, I DON’T BURN AS MANY CALORIES, SO ½ A MEAL MAY BE TOO DRASTIC 4 U)! IF THERE WAS DESSERT, I ALSO ATE 1/2. THE OTHER 3 MEALS WERE BETWEEN THOSE MEALS, & WAS THE NATURAL (NO PRESERVATIVES OR SUGAR) DRIED FRUIT. I SUGGEST 6 SMALL MEALS (LIKE AT 7, 9, 12, 3, 6, 8 PM), W/A BIG GLASS OF WATER B4 YOUR MEAL, SO U GET FULL SOONER, & FILL UP ON WATER..

I HAD VERY SMALL LUNCHES– SINCE I DO NOT BURN FOOD, IT SORTA’ BUILDS, SO AT LUNCH I WASN’T SUPER HUNGRY. I’D HAVE 1/2 OF A BIG SALA, OR SOME COTTAGE CHEESE & FRUIT. BUT THAT’S JUST ME. U TAILOR IT 2 U.

I FROZE MY TREATS, THINKING I’D GET THEM BACK LATER…BUT THEY WERE THE REASON I GAINED WEIGHT! I GAVE THEM AWAY. WHEN I FELT READY THIS IS WHERE I HAD A DISTINCT ADVANTAGE: I WAS LUCKY, BECUZ I CAN’T CHEAT. SO, WHILE I HAD DESSERTS AFTER MEALS, HAD NO FATTENING SNACKS. WHEN I CRAVED SUGAR, I GOT SUGAR FROM A FREEZE-DRIED FRUIT, & STARTED SNACKING ON DRIED FRUITS & VEGGIES (INSTEAD OF CHOCOLATE OR CHEETOS).

I STARTED DOING A 3 WEEK FRUIT & VEGGIE CLEANSE (TO GET IN A HEALTHIER EATING DIET), ONLY DRINK WATER, LOVE GREEN SMOOTHIES AS A MEAL (I CAN’T CHEW VERY WELL, SO THEY ARE A GREAT WAY TO “EAT” MY GREENS), & I AM ON A HEALTH KICK WHERE I LOVE MY VEGGIES & FRUIT, & EAT MEAT SPARINGLY–& WHEN I DO EAT IT, I PREFER CHICKEN, FISH, OR TURKEY.

I’VE FOUND THAT I EAT WHEN BORED. BUT I EAT FREEZE-DRIED BANANAS, & IT TOTALLY HELPS! “FREEZE-DRIED” IS THE KEY.

I’VE LOST ALMOST 50 POUNDS, & WEIGH LESS THAN I DID IN HIGH SCHOOL! I AM CERTAIN IT’LL HELP IF I EVER LEARN 2 WALK. IT HAS HELPED ME LIFT MY OWN WEIGHT, SO I CAN FINALLY MOVE MY OWN BUTT, & MY PARALYZED LEG! IT HAS ALSO HELPED ME MENTALLY–I AM NOT AS EMBARRASSED OF HOW I LOOK, SO I BETTER ACCEPT BATHROOM HELP.

BTW, JUST A TIP: AVACADOES, EGGS & OJ HELP U FEEL FULL LONGER.

MY HUSBAND , MARK (MK), 1ST & FOREMOST. HE SHOWERS, DRESSES, POTTIES, FEEDS, & SLEEPS W/ME (I MAY NEED HIS ASSISSTANCE TURNING IN THE NIGHT, THOUGH IT IS RARELY NEEDED NOW). HE ALSO HELPS ME W/THE LESS OBVIOUS, LIKE SHAVING, CLEANING OUT MY EARS, BRUSHING MY TEETH, ETC. THINK OF HOW A MOTHER HELPS HER BABY…

ON THE OCCASSIONS WHEN MK WORKS, LEAVES TOWN, OR TAKES THE KIDS SOMEWHERE W/O ME (SAY, THE WATERPARK), MY “HELPER”/CAREGIVER/PERSONAL ASSTISSTANT (CURRENTLY ANGIE) HELPS ME., MY KIDS DO A LOT — SOPHIE HAS THE HONARARY NICKNAME OF “ANGIE #2”! I ALSO HAVE MY PARENTS, 5 OF THE 6 OF MY SIBLINGS, & A NETWORK OF FRIENDS CLOSE-BY, WHO I CAN ASK 4 HELP — AS WELL AS OTHER EXTENDED FAMILY (WHO ARE FARTHER, BUT JUST AS WILLING 2 HELP OUT),

NO CAUSE WAS FOUND–THE BEST GUESS WAS A BIRTH CONTROL PILL I HAD STARTED A FEW WEEKS B4, OR BECUZ I HAD HIT MY HEAD A FEW DAYS B4, CAUSING BLEEDING, & I HAVE A SMALL BLOOD VESSEL IN MY BRAIN. THE DOCTORS DIDN’T THINK I WAS HAVING A STROKE, BUT I HAD A MASSIVE BRAINSTEM STROKE IN THE PONS AREA (WORST THE DOCTOR HAD SEEN), & HE GAVE ME 24 HRS. TO LIVE!

WHEN I WAS TOLD THAT I’D ONLY BLINK & NEVER SPEAK OR MOVE, I DIDN’T BELIEVE THE DOCTORS, & I EXPECTED 2 BE UP, DOING LAUNDRY & CARING FOR MY KIDS, W/IN THE YEAR. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS IN FOR, BUT THERE WAS A SMALL FIRE BURNING IN ME, & “ The starting point of all achievement is DESIRE. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desire brings weak results, just as a small fire makes a small amount of heat.” (Napoleon Hill)

WHEN I ACCEPTED THINGS, IT REALLY SHOOK MY FAITH… I BEGAN FEELING LIKE JOB (IN THE BIBLE), AS I SAW SATAN TAKE AWAY THINGS, & GOD LETTING IT HAPPEN, SO JOB COULD PROVE THAT EVEN WITH IT ALL GONE, HE COULD STILL PRAISE GOD. SADLY, I CAN’T SAY I DID THAT. MY 1ST JOURNAL ENTRY SAID THAT I WANTED TO DIE! I FELT ABANDONED, & IT WAS HARD 2 PRAY. I FELT OTHER PEOPLE’S PRAYERS WERE ANSWERED, BUT NOT MINE. IN THE SCRIPTURES, WE ARE TOLD 2 ASK, SEEK, & KNOCK, & I FELT LIKE I WAS POUNDING ON A DOOR, BUT NOT GETTING AN ANSWER!

AT THE TIME, IT SEEMED UNFAIR –I WAS STRIPPED OF SO MANY OF MY TALENTS, SO I COULDN’T DO WHAT I LOVED (LIKE SING OR DANCE), OR USE MY TALENTS (IN ARTS & CRAFTS) 2 BUILD UP GOD’S KINGDOM. I FELT I HAD BEEN BLESSED WITH SO MANY TALENTS THAT COULD ONLY BENEFIT THE CHURCH. WHY TAKE IT ALL AWAY? HAD I DONE SOMETHING WRONG? 2 MAKE MATTERS WORSE, I’D ALWAYS HATED BLOOD WORK, NEEDLES, EXERCISE, & GREEN FOODS, BUT THAT WAS ALL MY LIFE CONSISTED OF NOW! I WONDERED WHY HE WOULD DO THAT TO ME? I WAS A GOOD PERSON!

LUCKILY, AS A YOUNG CHILD, I LEARNED THAT “I AM A CHILD OF GOD,” & AS A YOUNG WOMAN (YW), EVERY WEEK, I RECITED THE YW THEME, REMINDING ME THAT I WAS A DAUGHTER OF GOD, & THAT GOD LOVED ME. THE SEED OF FAITH HAD BEEN PLANTED IN MY YOUTH, BUT COULD IT GROW? COULD I PUT THOSE THINGS THAT I HAD BEEN TAUGHT INTO PRACTICE? I HAD MY HUSBAND TO PULL ME THROUGH! UNLIKE JOB, I HAVE HAD THE SUPPORT OF MY FAMILY THROUGH IT ALL. I CAN DO NOTHING W/O GOD & MY FAMILY.

I LEARNED THAT I HAD 2 CHOICES: BASICALLY, SULK & BE MISERABLE, OR CHANGE MY ATTITUDE, MY SITUATION, & SEE THE GOOD & THE BLESSINGS. SO, I KEPT PRAYING & GOING 2 CHURCH, EVEN THOUGH AT TIMES, IT WAS ONLY SO I COULD SET AN EXAMPLE 4 MY KIDS. I KNEW THAT IF I CONTINUED 2 EXERCISE MY SPIRITUAL MUSCLES, MY FAITH & TESTIMONY WOULD GROW, & I’D SEE THAT I WASN’T ABANDONED, EVENTUALLY, I SAW HOW GOD WAS THERE MORE THAN EVER, & I REALIZED THAT DYING WOULDN’T MAKE IT ALL BETTER. I HAD BEEN GIVEN A CHALLENGING SITUATION, BY A GOD WHO LOVED ME, & KNEW I COULD HANDLE IT, & IT WOULD MOLD ME & MY FAMILY INTO WHO WE SHOULD BE, SO WE COULD BE AN ETERNAL FAMILY.

I HAVE COME A LONG WAY, FAR SURPASSED THE DOCTOR’S PREDICTIONS, & IN A WAY, I HAVE ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISHED MORE THAN IF IT HAD NOT HAPPENED (LIKE I’VE PUBLISHED AN ARTICLE & SCRAPBOOK PAGE, ETC.)

WHENEVER I FEEL ALONE, I KNOW GOD IS THERE & LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT. GOD DOESN’T CARE WHAT I LOOK LIKE. GOD DOESN’T CARE IF I CAN’T WALK. WHEN I CAN’T SPEAK, GOD KNOWS THE THOUGHTS I CAN’T SAY. & ANYTIME I HURT PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY, I AM REMINDED THAT CHRIST ATONED FOR ME TOO, & HAS FELT MY PAIN.

I AM SOOO GRATEFUL FOR MY MUSICAL BACKGROUND, BECUZ I DID IT THROUGH MUSIC THERAPY:
1. I SLOWED DOWN MY BREATHING 2 SLOW, RELAXING MUSIC (I TRIED TO ONLY INHALE FOR 2 COUNTS, THEN EXHALE FOR TWO COUNTS), THEN
2. I STARTED TRYING TO TAKE VOLUNTARY BREATHS IN RHYTHM W/THE MUSIC (I WOULD INHALE ON CERTAIN BEATS IN A MEASURE)
3. THEN I TRIED 2 INCREASE MY BREATHE SUPPORT, HOLDING MY AIR & CONTROLLING THE RELEASE OF AIR (I STILL INHALED FOR 2 COUNTS, BUT I TRIED TO EXHALE FOR 3, THEN 4 COUNTS, ON A REALLY SLOW SONG)—I NEEDED MORE AIR TO SUPPORT A WORD!
4. I STARTED SINGING “AH” ON A SCALE, MATCHING PITCHES ON THE PIANO KEYBOARD
5. I HOLD OUT THE “AAH’S,” & THEN CHANGE THE “AAH’S” TO WORDS
6. AS MY BREATH SUPPORT INCREASES, I CAN START PUTTING WORDS TOGETHER, UNTIL THE WORDS BECOME SENTENCES
I THINK I STARTED MUSIC THERAPY IN 2005 OR 2006, & SINCE ABOUT 2011, I’M FINALLY SEEING PROGRESS/RESULTS.