TUES., MARCH 16 WAS MY 6 YR. STROKE-A-VERSARY. THE FIRST YEAR OR TWO AFTER IS THE HARDEST EMOTIONALLY. I’M SO GRATEFUL THOSE YEARS ARE OVVER, & THAT I’VE SURVIVED THEM, AS WELL AS BEYOND THEM! AT TIMES, RECOVERY MAY SEEM LIKE IT’S NOT HAPPENING BUT IT IS. IT CAN’T BE MEASURED IN WEEKS OR MONTHS BUT YEARS.

“But while changes happen around us and to us, what really matters is what happens inside us—the way we cherish loved ones after the loss of a family member, the way we look at life after the birth of a baby, the way we treat strangers after we’ve lived in an unfamiliar place. These are all aspects of our true identity that seem to manifest themselves most clearly after life-changing events.” “Who Are You?”, Music and the Spoken Word

THIS YEAR I WAS NOT MOPING — I’VE DECIDED THIS IS MORE A FAMILY “HOLIDAY,” & WAS FOCUSING ON HOW FAMILY LIFE CHANGED 4 US ALL 6 YRS., AGO

I 4GOT WHO SAID THIS ON MY STROKE GROUP, BUT IT RINGS SO TRUE: “Life can still be good after having a stroke. You will Never once again be as you were before as something will always remain but that does not mean give up cause there is no hope left anymore. If you want your life back YOU will have to work very hard to regain as much of it back as possible. “

AS 1 WHO LIKES 2 CELEBRATE HER HOLIDAYS, THAT MEANS I WAS HANGING OUT W/FAMILY. WE HAD PLANS 4 A ZOO, BUT IT RAINED, SO WE SAW A MOVIE, WALKED THE MALL, & JUST ENJOYED EACH OTHERS COMPANY.

TAKING INTO ACCOUNT MY RECENT POST, I’M STILL CLIMBING MY LADDER!

FRI., I ACTUALLY TOLD FIA “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” REALLY WELL. IT SEEMED 2 MAKE FIA’S DAY! I BELIEVE LAST & THIS YEAR, I TOLD JESS “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”, BUT THIS WAS 10x CLEARER, & FIA ALMOST CRIED, SHE WAS SO HAPPY!

I WAS SURPRISED BY IT 2, & TRIED SAYING IT SEVERAL TIMES, & THOUGH IT IMPRESSED OTHERS, I WAS DISAPPOINTED THAT IT WAS NEVER AS GOOD AGAIN! 4 SOME REASON, IT’S BETTER WHEN I DON’T TRY…

I CAN BE SILENT MOST THE DAY, BUT WHEN I DO THIS, EVERY TIME IT JUST “POPS OUT”, I SPEAK BETTER WHEN IT “POPS OUT” & I DON’T TRY (JUST THINK THE WORD) THAN IF I TRY 2 SAY THE SAME THING. I TEND 2 TALK MORE WHEN ALONE W/THE KIDS, AS I HATE 2 RING MY BELL 2 GET ATTENTION–IT’S A LAST RESORT, OR I’M FEELING LAZY (LIKE IF THEIR BEDROOM DOOR IS CLOSED, I ANALYZE IF I HAVE THE ENERGY NEEDED 2 RAISE MY ARM & OPEN THE DOOR…IF NOT, I RING)

THE COOL THING IS THAT I JUST DO MUSIC THERAPY–I HAVEN’T DONE SPEECH THERAPY IN LIKE 5 YRS., & WHEN I DID IT, SO LITTLE COULD BE DONE. I TEND 2 APPEAR AS HAVING “SPURTS” OF GROWTH, EVEN STILL. I HAVE ONLY MADE A LITTLE PROGRESS IN THE LAST FEW YEARS, THEN SUDDENLY HAVE MADE SOME BIG STRIDES…I CAN ONLY GUESS IT’S BECUZ WHEN I AM SEEMING 2 MAKE THOSE SMALL STRIDES, THEY FINALLY ADD UP 2 A BIG STRIDE!

NOTHING STINKS MORE AT TIMES, THAN C-ING YOUR LOVED 1 SICK, BUT STILL CARING 4 U…POTTYING & DRESSING MYSELF SEEM IMPOSSIBLE RIGHT NOW, BUT FEEDING MYSELF WAS SOMETHING I WANTED 2 TACKLE. IT SEEMED MANAGEABLE…
I TACKLED IT IN STAGES: I LEARNED 2 RAISE MY ARM HIGHER, DISCOVERED THAT I COULD SUCK ON A STRAW & PRACTICED THAT, DEVELOPED BITING SKILLS, & WORKED ON MY AIM (SO I COULD DIP FOOD, & MESSY FOODS WOULD GO IN MY MOUTH, MORE THAN ON MY FACE!)

ON TUES., 3/2, I HAVE A STORY 2 SHARE…
RECENTLY, MK STARTED GIVING ME ROLLS AT DINNER, BUT I ONLY DO A MEAL IF HE HAS A TIME CRUNCH OR SOMETHING. I LOVE IT! I’VE DONE ARBY’S, A TUNA SUB (W/A FORK), ETC., BUT MY NEW THING IS LUNCHABLES (HAM & CHEESE CRACKERS)–I LISTEN 2 AN AUDIO BOOK AS I EAT, & CAN DO THE WATER. (I DISCOVERED MONTHS AGO THAT I COULD DO THE WATER BECUZ I GOT TIRED OF WAITING 4 MY WATER! LOL EVER SINCE I DISCOVERED THAT I COULD DO THE WATER, I’VE EXPERIMENTED–WHILE A FULL CUP IS POSSIBLE, IT’S TONS HARDER 2 LIFT, SQUEEZE, & SUCK, SO I TAKE 4EVER, & GIVE UP! IF THE CUP’S 1/2-FULL, IT’S MUCH LESS DAUNTING!
TUESDAY, 3/2, I HAD A CORN DOG. DIPPED IT & EVERYTHING. I HAD ZACH FILL A CUP 1/2-WAY, & PUT IT W/IN REACH. I FINISHED MY CORN DOG, & WENT 2 SWITCH MY PLATE & DRINK, BUT MK’S MOM WAS VISITING, & GOT THERE 1ST…I MOTIONED 2 GIVE ME THE WATER, & SHE SAID SOMETHING LIKE, “U KIDDING ME?” I DRANK IT, PUT THE EMPTY CUP IN THE SINK, & THREW AWAY MY BIB! TA DA! LOL
THIS IS FAIRLY NEW, BUT THIS WASN’T THE 1ST TIME.

I HEARD THIS QOUTE A LONG TIME AGO AT CHURCH:
“When you climb up a ladder, you must begin at the bottom, and ascend step by step, until you arrive at the top… —you must begin with the first, and go on…”
History of the Church, 6:306–7; from a discourse given by Joseph Smith on Apr. 7, 1844, in Nauvoo, Illinois; reported by Wilford Woodruff, Willard Richards, Thomas Bullock, and William Clayton; see also appendix, page 562, item 3.

SOMEWHERE IN THE BEGINNING, WHEN I WAS GIVEN MY ARM SUPPORT, I FED MYSELF ON OCCASION, BUT I DETESTED IT: MORE FOOD GOT ALL OVER ME & THE FLOOR, & IT TOOK SO LONG, MY FOOD GOT COLD. I WASN’T READY…I SKIPPED RUNGS ON THE LADDER, & FALLEN.

A BIT AGO, I HAD A STUFFED NOSE, & SINCE I COULD BREATH LESS THROUGH IT,SO AIR WASN’T ESCAPING THROUGH MY NOSE, I WAS “TALKING” MORE. I OFTEN SPONTANIOUSLY SAY THINGS…I CAN’T DO AS WELL IF I TRY, BUT IT HAPPENS A LOT LATELY–MORE W/MY KIDS. (4 EX., I WENT IN MY DAUGHTER’S ROOM, & SHE TRIED 2 HIDE. MY CONSANANTS AREN’T GREAT, BUT I SAID “I SEE U,” & SHE FIGURED OUT WHAT I SAID, RIGHT AWAY! & LIKE A PARENT W/A TODDLER, MK OFTEN SEEMS 2 KNOW WHAT I SAY.) I ACTUALLY HAVE SAID 3-5 WORD SENTENCES, BUT THEY R SPONTANIOUS, SLURRED, & THE WORDS SHARE THE SAME BREATH, BUT ARE DISTINGUISHABLE….

ON 1/27, I ASKED FIA 2 CLEAN A ROOM…SHE WASN’T INTERESTED, BUT I SAID, “DO IT NOW!” ( NO LETTER “T”). THAT GOT HER ATTENTION! SHE ASKED IF I SAID “DO IT NOW,” & WHEN I CONFIRMED IT, SHE HAPPILY AGREED 2 CLEAN, BUT ONLY BECUZ I SPOKE! (I DON’T TRY TO SPEAK AS MUCH AS I SHOULD AT HOME, BECAUSEIT OFTEN INCLUDES AN UNFAVORABLE SOUND & FACE, AMIDST THE EFFORT, IF I PUT FORTH STRAIN, & EFFORT.) TTHIS INFLUENCED THE NEXT THINGl

1/28 WAS MY 1ST “SPEECH THERAPY CLASS.” SHE WAS GREAT& VERY ENCOURAGING, THOUGH I NEED 2 TELL MY FAV. THING: OUR FAMILY HAS A DISAGREEMENT HOW 2 SAY A WORD, & I BELIEVE THAT SINCE I GREW UP IN CHICAGO, IT WAS DUE 2 MY CHICAGOAN ACCENT.

ZACH LEARNED 2 TALK FROM ME, SO HE SAYS IT “MY WAY” (THE RT. WAY—J/K) FIA LEARNED FROM MK, SO SHE SAYS IT “HIS WAY.”

IN CLASS, SHE SAID A WORD/LETTER, & I REPEATED. THAT WORD WAS ON HER LIST, & AFTER SAYING IT, ADDED THAT THIS WAS MY CHANCE 2 LEARN IT RT.! LOL I SAID IT “MY WAY!” (P.S. THE WORD IS “CRAYON.”)

WHEN CLASS ENDED, I WAS ENCOURAGED 2 TALK, BECUZ SHE HAD HEARD HOW I SAY STUFF, & WILL RECOGNIZE MY WORDS. IT REALLY DOES APPEAR 2 HELP!

BTW, MY NEW FAVORITE WORD IS “WHATEVER!” I LOVE THAT WORD—SO LITTLE IS SAID, BUT IT CAN MEAN SO MUCH, IN A VARIETY OF SITUATIONS!

IN OTHER NEWS, MY CORE IS GETTING STRONGER. I WAS BASICALLY TOUCHING MY TOES, & LIFTED MY UPER BODY UP & STRAIGHT BACK! NO SIDE 2 SIDE OR ANYTHING! I WAS SOOOOO PROUD! & I DID IT AGAIN, L8R, 2 MAKE SURE IT WAS REAL, & NOT A FLUKE!

I’M SO GLAD I’M WHERE IT’S WARMER! NOT ONLY IS MY INTERNAL BODYTEMP. NEUROLOGICALY MESSED UP, BUT NOT MOVING DOESN’T HELP! SO, GLAD I’M WHERE IT’S WARMER—MY BODY CAN’T TOLERATE THE COLD (IN FACT, HOT TEXAS SUMMERS DON’T BOTHER ME—I LIKE THEM!)

IN OCT, WE WENT 2 SEA WORLD IN S.A. IT WAS 55 DEGREES, BUT I SURVIVED BECAUSE I HAD A LONG SLEEVE T-SHIRT W/A JACKET, THE “LONG JOHNS”, GLOVES (TALK ABOUT MUFFLING MY MOUTH!), EARMUFFS, & A SNUGGIE, FOLDED AS A LAP BLANKET.

GRANTED, IT IS HARD 2 GET IN THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT WHEN IT’S 50/60 DEGREES, BUT WHEN IT GOT IN THE 30’S, IT WAS 2 COLD 2 LEAVE MY HOUSE! IN FACT, 1 MORNING, IT WAS IN THE 30’S…I FELT THE COLD AIR, THOUGHT “R U KIDDING ME?”, & IMMEDIATELY DID A 180 TURN, BACK INTO MY WARM BEDROOM.

RECENTLY, IT WAS IN THE 70S…MK GOT A SUNBURN, & A KID WAS IN SHORTS, SO I THOUGHT I COULD GO OUT W/LONG SLEEVES& NO COAT…A MINUTE L8R, I WAS REEZING DESPITE HAVING A SHAWL, A VERY THICK BLANKET, & WAS TRYING 2 HIDE FROM THE WIND, ON OUR COVERED FRONT PORCH!

HOW DID I EVER SURVIVE INDIANA, & WHAT HAPPENED 2 THE 1ST BIT AFTER MY STROKE, WHERE I WAS SO HOT, I REFUSED BED SHEETS, HAD AN INDUSTRIAL FAN POINTED AT MY BED, & SWEAT SO BAD THAT I WAS CHANGED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?