I saw Dima new years eve, which was wonderful. When I aked how he was, he understood me & answered!

Things have not worked out to see much of Dima, which is sad & unfortunate, but I’m very grateful for this previous experience, as it has made me much less anxious (worrisome) about the situation:

Sat., 12/21, I was very upset & sad. While family could ride over to the house Dima was staying at, & see Dima, I could not. So, I hadn’t seen him since the airport, thurs night, & I missed him…

when dima stayed w/us during the summer, just as my stroke was once new to my kids, things w/me were all new to dima, so, just as my kids used to do, dima cheered when i came along, & if i rang my bell he responded lightening fast! he even would guess my needs, & offer things b4 i asked 4 them.

But I realized that we connected during the “down times—like if we were hanging out at the house, & he loved playing board games (often when mk was at work). Now, we didn’t have that, & I was sad! (Maya loves helping me too, & loves playing games too, if 1 is brought forward, but she rarely asks for a game, as Dima did!—I find myself feeling bad, if she looks bored)

But what really got me down, was thinking how now dima was with a “normal” mom, and there was no way I could “compete” w/that (not that it was a competition, but more like once he was around what a “normal” mom could do, he’d forget all about me, & not need me, or something.) It didn’t help that at the airport, everyone, except me got a hug upon their arrival. I tried my best to not take it personally—my dumb chair makes it awkward to give & receive hugs—but, nonetheless, I was sad!

Sunday, 12/22, mk brought dima to our home for a few hours. Those few hours totally altered how I see things! When dima saw me, he came over quickly to hug, kiss my cheek, & say hello. L8r, he happily sat by me while we played cards (while mk prepared food), & when food was served, he was all too happy to help me! It was as though he actually missed helping & serving me! I realized, the “normal” mom fills different needs, yes, but I DO TOO, & it comforted me to realize that EVERYONE, even me, has a unique role to play.

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